Okay, this Tom Cruise Katie Holmes thing.... Look, I've worked with more than a few scientologists. I'm not going to piss on their shit, and you know what, the female scientologists, I mean their thing has nothing against freaky deaky sex shit. So that's something. I met a cute Baptist chick in LA, and she was like "God's against anal" and I'm all like "Then God's against you working in this town, and God's name is Jerry Bruckheimer."
And you know what, I've hung out with Cruise cause me and Spielberg are tight these days, since I've did The Island for him, and my next picture is at the SKG house. I wasn't stoked on The Transformers until I did some research on my cut of possible ancilary benefits, and there really is more than meets the eye. But Tom's a good guy, and I would never imply that he's gay and has lovers. Or that Katie Holmes is doing this because she thinks it will break her out of television, and she and her people haven't even come up with how she and Tom met story because everyone in town knows it's a big lie, and Tom Cruise's performance on Oprah was worse than the one he gave in Interview with a Vampire, which was surely not his coded way of saying to world "Look, I'm kinda gay!" I would never in a million years say that.
What I will say is this: I fucked Katie Holmes. It was after The Gift, and as I was casting Bad Boys II. I told her I might give her the Peter Stormarre role (and she believed me!) Oh man, I fucked her so many different ways and her favorite was what I like to call the "Brownhammer," when I was plugging her brown eye while she was in an almost handstand. Just tore her shit up. And you know what? That girl has a taint soulpatch. It's the grossest thing I've ever seen. Of course I didn't see it until I fucked her a couple of times cause if I don't have to eat pussy I won't (and it's not that I won't ladies, it's that if a girl's getting fucked because she wants a part, then we both know what it is). After I saw that I was like... um, no. I mean, I can't imagine that it's easy to get that shit waxed, but you have to take care of your trim all the way around.
We're almost fucking done with The Island, but the release date's coming, so maybe after that shit hits I'll finally be able to catch up on some movies. That would be nice. If I get to do that, you know what that means...
And you know what, I've hung out with Cruise cause me and Spielberg are tight these days, since I've did The Island for him, and my next picture is at the SKG house. I wasn't stoked on The Transformers until I did some research on my cut of possible ancilary benefits, and there really is more than meets the eye. But Tom's a good guy, and I would never imply that he's gay and has lovers. Or that Katie Holmes is doing this because she thinks it will break her out of television, and she and her people haven't even come up with how she and Tom met story because everyone in town knows it's a big lie, and Tom Cruise's performance on Oprah was worse than the one he gave in Interview with a Vampire, which was surely not his coded way of saying to world "Look, I'm kinda gay!" I would never in a million years say that.
What I will say is this: I fucked Katie Holmes. It was after The Gift, and as I was casting Bad Boys II. I told her I might give her the Peter Stormarre role (and she believed me!) Oh man, I fucked her so many different ways and her favorite was what I like to call the "Brownhammer," when I was plugging her brown eye while she was in an almost handstand. Just tore her shit up. And you know what? That girl has a taint soulpatch. It's the grossest thing I've ever seen. Of course I didn't see it until I fucked her a couple of times cause if I don't have to eat pussy I won't (and it's not that I won't ladies, it's that if a girl's getting fucked because she wants a part, then we both know what it is). After I saw that I was like... um, no. I mean, I can't imagine that it's easy to get that shit waxed, but you have to take care of your trim all the way around.
We're almost fucking done with The Island, but the release date's coming, so maybe after that shit hits I'll finally be able to catch up on some movies. That would be nice. If I get to do that, you know what that means...
