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One Last Time Discussion

post #1 of 6
6/15/05 at 10:52pm
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By Gabriel Garza

http://chud.com/stories/3371
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post #2 of 6
6/16/05 at 12:14pm
Fate's a bitch. I liked it; it's got that one image that, like split penises or amputated ears, is going to give me the gross for a while: Mia's spittle running into our hero's panting mouth.

It felt, to me, a bit more like a scene out of a larger work than a self-contained story.
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post #3 of 6
6/16/05 at 12:28pm
I love the way this one begins, with the flexing of the fingers. It puts you right into the scene. And I should have seen the stuff with the coyotes at the end coming, when he says that coyotes are his friends. It took me by surprise, so kudos for you.
As for things that I didn't like, I can't think of much. Part of me wishes you would have written it in first person, but another part of me thinks that would have been too easy. I don't know.
Keep on writing stuff.
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post #4 of 6
6/16/05 at 1:07pm
I was the reader for this one. I really enjoyed it. THe only thing that didn't work too well was you were a bit "heavy handed" (heh) with the description of Mia's largeness. And yes this could be a scene cut from a larger work.
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post #5 of 6
6/19/05 at 9:58pm
Just wanted to thank everyone for their comments, I appreciate it. Hopefully the stack of stories I have collecting dust will someday make their way onto the site. Happy reading everybody, keep up the good work.
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post #6 of 6
6/20/05 at 10:09am

One Last Time

I have to admit that "pulp fiction" doesn't normally interest me but I was swept up in this story and could have kept on reading. I agree with the earlier comment regarding the coyotes - should have seen that coming but I didn't and thought it was a great ending. I look forward to seeing more from this author - soon!
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