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Conker: Live and Reloaded

post #1 of 39
6/18/05 at 9:56am
Thread Starter 
IGN's review is up. 8.1

Of course, I'm a sucker, the single player's apparently still solid, and I've been waiting for this game too damn long to let a lackluster multiplayer to stop me from getting it.

Still....::sigh:: goddammit, Rare.
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post #2 of 39
6/18/05 at 2:41pm
God, I hate Rare.
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post #3 of 39
6/18/05 at 2:50pm
Yet more proof that Rare's talent left with Free Radical. That and the new Conker just looks soulless. They realistic-designed the game right into visual mediocrity, not to mention the jokes were dated when the game first came out FIVE YEARS AGO. And yet this will probably sell more than Psychonauts, because Average Joe Consumer is stupid.

Enjoying your acquistion yet, Microsoft?
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post #4 of 39
6/18/05 at 3:12pm
Thread Starter 
Even though, yeah, it is gonna sell more than Psychonauts, the good news is that, by all accounts, that game's doing damn good for a relatively low-profile release.
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post #5 of 39
6/18/05 at 3:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master Shake
And yet this will probably sell more than Psychonauts, because Average Joe Consumer is stupid.
Probably, although I think I heard that Psychonauts was doing rather well on its own.

That said, it seems kind of pointless that a game with the selling point being the multiplayer actually falters more on that aspect and manages to ship pretty much the same single-player game with relatively few changes. I mean, what's so wrong these days with crafting a solid single-player experience?
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post #6 of 39
6/18/05 at 3:56pm
Well the multiplayer had to be the GREATEST Multiplayer of all time for this game to be worth a shit, and it turns out to be "not very fun". Way to waste everyone's time, RARE.
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post #7 of 39
6/18/05 at 5:56pm
Remind me again why they couldn't make a new single-player campaign? Ahh yes, not enough time.
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post #8 of 39
6/18/05 at 6:24pm
Fuckin' KAMEO: ELEMENTS OF POWER ain't gonna make itself, man.
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post #9 of 39
6/18/05 at 8:02pm
Or Perfect Dark Zero, which - apparently - exists.
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post #10 of 39
6/18/05 at 8:43pm
Ha, I fucking love gaming media. They shill so hard for this game and all its "great" "inventive" multiplayer type making it "worth" a purchase even though you have played the game before...only to tell all those that it isn't worth the hype that THEY helped build up.

I really think gaming media is getting way too corrupt in the way it covers games. You have IGN shilling for everything and on the other extreme is Gamespot which HATES EVERYTHING.
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post #11 of 39
6/18/05 at 9:04pm
I honestly could have cared less about the multiplayer from the get-go. The N64's multiplayer felt kind of tacked on(except the great dinosaur stuff which I think is gone now). I might still buy it, but the only selling point for me seems to be the graphics, since I already own the 64 version. When it gets down to $20 or $30 it will be a lot more appealing, that's for sure.
They should have just made a sequel and included the N64 game untouched as a bonus.
Yeah it really sucks when one of the (former?)greats only releases 3 games in a console generation and one of them's a remake. Well the same applies for Silicon Knights too I suppose(although I wouldn't call them great just yet, but the potential is there).
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post #12 of 39
6/19/05 at 6:53pm
I just watched a few videos. It's amazing that the game is MORE censored than the Nintendo 64 version. Seriously, every curse word worse than ass or bastard or bitch has now been bleeped. Fucking ridiculous.
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post #13 of 39
6/19/05 at 9:00pm
slater i think the bleeping might be just for the videos you saw...or i may be totally wrong.
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post #14 of 39
6/19/05 at 9:22pm
No, it's bleeped like the N64 version. But I don't think either of the versions were censored for marketing purposes. There was a code to remove the bleeps from the N64 version, and honestly it just isn't as funny.
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post #15 of 39
6/19/05 at 9:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fazer
slater i think the bleeping might be just for the videos you saw...or i may be totally wrong.
No, because the dialogue balloons are also censored. Words like shit, twat, asshole and others that existed in the N64 version have been bleeped. And considering that this is on the same system where prison rapists call each other "babyfucking cuntrags" in THE SUFFERING, it just makes the game seem even more badly dated.

It's not a big deal to me, because I didn't think Conker was particularly funny five years ago, and I don't expect the jokes to have improved with age, but censoring the game when its content is no longer even remotely shocking or controversial is just another telling sign of how badly Rare is out of touch with the rest of the gaming world.
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post #16 of 39
6/19/05 at 11:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Floyd
No, it's bleeped like the N64 version. But I don't think either of the versions were censored for marketing purposes. There was a code to remove the bleeps from the N64 version, and honestly it just isn't as funny.
I was reading IGN's preview of the game, and they too said its way more censored this time.
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post #17 of 39
7/3/05 at 6:42pm
I can't stress enough how broken, unfun, out-of-date and completely fucking AWFUL this entire game is. Like, train-wreck bad.
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post #18 of 39
7/3/05 at 7:04pm
The regular game is pretty annoying, mainly because you never really get any hints about what you have to do. You basically have to wander around, get annoyed because you have no idea what to do next, and go online to read an FAQ.

That, and there are LOAD SCREENS every two minutes.

As for the multiplayer, it's not horrible, but it's nothing special. The weapons/ammo select system is the worst thing about it.
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post #19 of 39
7/3/05 at 7:59pm
Thread Starter 
The Single Player--On the N64, this game is a standout. On the XBox, 5 years later, it's thoroughly ordinary and dated. Still, there's bits here and there that are chuckleworthy....And, if nothing else, the game as a whole still succeeds as sheer eye candy

The multiplayer--A goddamned catastrophe. I haven't played it online yet (damn cable connection's never been bitchier. It better fix itself by the time the Halo Map Pack comes out.), but the lack of human intelligence doesn't excuse the fact that no shooter in this day and age has any right being this clusterfucked. The regular game, wander around long enough, you'll figure out what to do next. Why is there an overdramatic voice over instead of clear cut INSTRUCTIONS on what the point of each mission is?? The only ones where I didn't have to do a half hour of guesswork to figure out what to do were the pseudo-CTF missions. There's a laundry list of complaints and grievances I have against this game (the most retarded sniper rifle in shooter history, the unbalanced weapons/moves/upgrades, the sheer chaos the on screen icons create) but all of that is really null and void when you don't even know what you're supposed to be doing right off the bat.

Strike two, Rare.
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post #20 of 39
7/3/05 at 8:42pm
Seven hours in and I haven't even cracked a smile. There's really nothing here that doesn't rely on puking, shitting, farting, puking, pissing and cussing. It's like being locked in a room with a bunch of ten year olds trying to gross each other out, and everything just falls flatter than a fucking pancake. And none of the puzzles are intuitive or clever. And the game is full of glitches and bugs. And the controls are spotty. And there are more load screens than The Sith Lords. And the movie parodies are so stale. And Conker is the only platforming character in history who can't fall more than five feet without dying. And the multiplayer is wretched.

I don't even have the enthusiasm to play through to get to the shooting levels at the end. This miserable piece of shit is going back to Blockbuster. I hope Rare goes out of business.
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post #21 of 39
7/3/05 at 9:18pm
It gets worse. I think I enjoyed it back in 2000 simply because there was nothing else like it on the market. But now the game is painfully dated and I remember the game being frustrating even back then. The final boss battle is worse than trying to fight Darth Malak with only light-side powers.

For those that haven't played it, it's a parody of Aliens where you're in an APC and you have to catch the Alien by the tail and throw it through an open airlock, Mario64-style (build up momentum and throw) except you can't see where the fuck the airlock is when you're throwing it. This makes the fight take about twelve hours, and ends up breaking your thumb and the joysticks on several N64 controllers.
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post #22 of 39
7/3/05 at 9:57pm
The multiplayer is fun, but i don't really like any of the maps, except Castle Von Tier? (the one with the two lifts in the middle), still i'm mostly playing the Battlefield Modern Combat demo on Xbox live right now (found in the new OXM), even though it keeps freezing, and crashing.
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post #23 of 39
7/4/05 at 1:55am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Goldberg
It gets worse. I think I enjoyed it back in 2000 simply because there was nothing else like it on the market. But now the game is painfully dated and I remember the game being frustrating even back then. The final boss battle is worse than trying to fight Darth Malak with only light-side powers.

For those that haven't played it, it's a parody of Aliens where you're in an APC and you have to catch the Alien by the tail and throw it through an open airlock, Mario64-style (build up momentum and throw) except you can't see where the fuck the airlock is when you're throwing it. This makes the fight take about twelve hours, and ends up breaking your thumb and the joysticks on several N64 controllers.
So I'm not the only one who hated the end boss battle. Yeah, this game was great back in the day, but now I don't think it would be anywhere near as fun.
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post #24 of 39
7/4/05 at 6:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slater
Seven hours in and I haven't even cracked a smile. There's really nothing here that doesn't rely on puking, shitting, farting, puking, pissing and cussing. It's like being locked in a room with a bunch of ten year olds trying to gross each other out, and everything just falls flatter than a fucking pancake. And none of the puzzles are intuitive or clever. And the game is full of glitches and bugs. And the controls are spotty. And there are more load screens than The Sith Lords. And the movie parodies are so stale. And Conker is the only platforming character in history who can't fall more than five feet without dying. And the multiplayer is wretched.

I don't even have the enthusiasm to play through to get to the shooting levels at the end. This miserable piece of shit is going back to Blockbuster. I hope Rare goes out of business.
So what's the consensus? Good? Bad?
Hehehe. While I have to admit I really enjoyed the game on the N64, this doesn't sound too good. As for the humor, Conker was never really that funny, but it did get me to crack a smile a few times. I think the most amusing bit was being in the club and watching Conker run around drunk(and I'm just talking about the walking, not the pissing).
What are all the glitches and bugs you speak of?

Slater, I'm not sure how reviews for games work with you guys(or if you are sent games to review), but is there any chance of doing a batch of maybe 4 or 5 games that you happen to rent during a particular month? Just a short "summing it up" type review, not a full fledged one. Similar to how you just ripped Conker a new one. Or... how Conker(and Rare, and Microsoft) just ripped you a new one.
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post #25 of 39
7/5/05 at 9:19am
All I can say is Nintendo 64 owners must have been some easy to please fuckers. This game is HORRIBLE.

-----

Weird, nigh-unintelligable voice acting.

Stupid, unneccesary comic-style dialogue balloons that obscure the screen and can't be turned off.

Main character that dies at the drop of a hat.

Loose, wonky control scheme that assures Conker will continue to "slide" even after you've stopped moving him, rendering many levels an exercise in frustration.

Obnoxious, puerile bathroom "humor" that Married With Children fans would find juvenile.

AN ENTIRE LEVEL DEVOTED TO FECES including extended closeups of shit-spewing bovine anuses (and don't even get me started on the retch-inducing sound effects).

Multiple "instant death with one misstep" areas.

Several hours in and my one weapon is still the baseball bat I got in the beginning.

----

I could go on, but it would just angry up my blood. I think the whole experience is best summed up when you boot up the game, when the RARE logo dissolves into a roll of toilet paper. I should have taken that as a warning...
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post #26 of 39
7/5/05 at 9:44am
There tended to only be about one good N64 game per year so, yes, I imagine they were.
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post #27 of 39
7/5/05 at 10:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer
I think the whole experience is best summed up when you boot up the game, when the RARE logo dissolves into a roll of toilet paper. I should have taken that as a warning...
I think Microsoft might be inclined to agree with you.
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post #28 of 39
7/5/05 at 4:15pm
I can't believe I bought this game. I can't believe people paid 80 bucks for this when it was new on the N64. Oh well, I think I'll trade this in to Gamestop this week and get about 30 bucks for it.
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post #29 of 39
7/5/05 at 4:21pm
Surely there are THOUSANDS of copies being put up on EBAY right now. I'm glad I didn't preorder it or anything. I was thinking about that early on.
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post #30 of 39
7/5/05 at 6:54pm
Thread Starter 
Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I'm gonna at least finish the single-player first.

Then this fucker will indeed get nailed to the EBay cross where it belongs.
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post #31 of 39
7/5/05 at 9:30pm
My brother bought it, I really don't wanna play it, he likes the multiplayer, I can't make out what the fuck is going on with the on screen clutter [Fuck shooting the character! Fire at the name/lifebar!]

The box said Conker had "'tude"........you were warned.
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post #32 of 39
7/6/05 at 8:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer
All I can say is Nintendo 64 owners must have been some easy to please fuckers. This game is HORRIBLE.

-----

Weird, nigh-unintelligable voice acting.

Stupid, unneccesary comic-style dialogue balloons that obscure the screen and can't be turned off.

Main character that dies at the drop of a hat.

Loose, wonky control scheme that assures Conker will continue to "slide" even after you've stopped moving him, rendering many levels an exercise in frustration.

Obnoxious, puerile bathroom "humor" that Married With Children fans would find juvenile.

AN ENTIRE LEVEL DEVOTED TO FECES including extended closeups of shit-spewing bovine anuses (and don't even get me started on the retch-inducing sound effects).

Multiple "instant death with one misstep" areas.

Several hours in and my one weapon is still the baseball bat I got in the beginning.

----

I could go on, but it would just angry up my blood. I think the whole experience is best summed up when you boot up the game, when the RARE logo dissolves into a roll of toilet paper. I should have taken that as a warning...
I don't remember Conker dying so easily(unless he was getting pumped full of lead) or loose controls(the slipping and sliding), but my memory might just be bad. Someone else was saying it was glitchy too, I remember the 64 version being pretty damn polished. I never did like the word balloons though, there should have been an option to turn them off.
I loved the 64 version, and it wasn't so much from a lack of choices either. I actually enjoyed it. The humor fell flat pretty much all the time but I still felt it was a good game(not quite up to snuff with Banjo Kazooie, but better than DK 64 as far as platformers go, yet nowhere near Mario 64). But hey, I bought it for around 30 bucks on the 64, so I might have been singing a different tune had it been around 70(which Perfect Dark was when I bought it, BTW, AND I needed the expansion pack to play it properly). At the time, Conker had a lot of variety, but in this post-GTA videogame world that "variety" might just be a joke.

I guess my only question is, to fans of the original... Is it actually worse than the 64 one? Or just horribly dated? I mean after hearing you guys, I doubt I'll buy it anyway(or if I do it will be cheap), but still I'd like to know.
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post #33 of 39
7/6/05 at 10:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nexus-6
I don't remember Conker dying so easily(unless he was getting pumped full of lead) or loose controls(the slipping and sliding), but my memory might just be bad.
Well, to be fair, the 64 version could very well have been much better than this one. I, too, would like to hear from someone who's played both.
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post #34 of 39
7/6/05 at 10:51am
This game sucked when it came out, so I'm not surprise it sucks again now.
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post #35 of 39
7/6/05 at 12:38pm
Thread Starter 
I have the original.

I forget who said it before, but whoever said that a lot of what made Conker special was that, at the time, no one had done a game like that, ESPECIALLY for the fast deteriorating library of the N64. It did feel new, and fun.

But, it becomes clear every time i let this game load up that age has not been kind to this game at all.

And I think the thing that hammered home for me the other day was when I went back to Psychonauts (still haven't beaten it yet), then played this. This game looked downright pathetic by comparison, in terms of the amount of fun I was having, how frustratingly linear the game felt, and how jokes kept falling flat. (though, again, i still get the occasional juvenile chuckle out of the game in spots.)

And just for posterity, I hooked up my N64 as well, and gave the original a few other games from that era a spin.....Goldeneye? Still stands the test of time (though the pasted faces look even more silly than before). Perfect Dark? When the framerate doesn't fuck with me, it's great. Yoshi's Island? Smash Brothers? Paper Mario? All awesome. Hell, Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness even had its charms (naysayers be damned....the game fixed a LOT that was wriong with the first version)

Then I got to Conker....and the game just doesnt shine. At all. And, at first I thought the controls were the same, until i got to the edge of a cliff, and the little guy actually didn't slide off the edge as he has a few times in the new one.

Time has hammerfucked this game. And for a game that took this long to get remade to not hold up just makes Rare's mistakes seem even more atrocious.
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post #36 of 39
7/6/05 at 12:58pm
Very interesting.. I'm Gamefly-ing this and still have the original N64 game so I will compare and contrast. To re-state the obvious, this game has probably not aged well, but the following should be noted:

--The idea of a videogame being this filthy, especially an N64 game, was fairly novel at the time.

--So was the use of a context-sensitive action button.

--And just the fact that the game wasn't a collect-a-thon (a grave Rare dug for itself) was a nice change of pace.

--No other N64 game had packed that much voice acting into it, and it's *possible* that even Playstation games hadn't included that much voice either.

--This game is so old the Matrix and Private Ryan parodies were fresh and it was actually the first game to use bullet time. The "Enter the Vectrix" (or whatever) sequence was reeeeallly cool to play five years ago.

So that's what it had going for it back then. Of course, poo jokes are poo jokes, and are no more or less funny in 2000 than in 2005.
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post #37 of 39
7/7/05 at 1:03pm
Just to tell you, if you have a members card at gamestop and the latest Game Informer (the one with Gun on the cover). You can get 50% extra added to traded in games when you bring in at least four. I only lost about 5 bucks on my conker trade in so that wasn't half bad.
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post #38 of 39
7/7/05 at 8:34pm
I know this has been said before, but this game was great back in the day because it was like no game before it. Sure, it seems crappy after GTA III, but back then it was fresh and new.
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post #39 of 39
7/18/05 at 11:59am
This game really is the most painfully unfunny thing I've ever experienced. The worst is how fucking long it makes the game feel. I wanted to play it 'cause the single player's supposed to be a fun platformer (it's not BTW), but it's such a fucking chore to get through the 'hilarious' and 'adult' cut scenes that I gave up.

I played it on N64 years ago and I didn't find it funny or fun then and it's actually even less funny and fun now.

I don't see how the fact that these kinds of lame jokes being made on an N64, and how that was 'new and revolutionary', somehow made them better. The Matrix and Saving Private Ryan parodies may have been more timely, but they certainly were not any more funny. This is especially true considering at the time it was only the 6,523,795th thing to make fun of the Matrix, as opposed to the trillions of parodies we have now.

I hate how people operate under the pretense that this is an adult game, too. This is not an adult game. This is a game fucking 12 year olds would make thinking they're being adult.

BTW I'm pretty sure Max Payne was the first game with bullet-time.
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