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Favorite unnamed/one-shot Simpson character quote thread - Page 2

post #51 of 102
Thread Starter 
Burns' father: "Wait! You forgot your bear! A symbol of your lost youth and innocence!"

Dejected farmer: "Oh no, the corn! Paul Newman's gonna have muh legs broke!"

Robert Goulet: "Are you sure this is the right place? I think I better call my manager."
Nelson: "Your manager says to shut up!"
Robert Goulet: "VERA said that?"

Gambler: "Hey! A baby on the table! That's good luck!" *rolls dice*
Dealer: "Snake eyes."
All: "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
post #52 of 102
Announcer: "Next on McGonigle, McGonigle is framed for a crime he didn't commit. And only one person can clear his name: a little sissy boy who's too scared to come forward."
McGonigle: "You gotta tell e'm what you saw, Billy."
Billy: "But I'm so scared, McGonigle."
McGonigle: "You gotta do this one for me, Billy; McGonigle."
Billy: "Ok. For you, McGonigle."

Chief: "Well, McGonigle. Billy's dead. They slit his throat from ear to ear."
McGonigle: "Hey! I'm trying to eat lunch here."

Possibly one of the funniest things ever.
post #53 of 102
Senor Ding-Dong: Does anybody have any jumper cables?!?
post #54 of 102
When Barney dresses in a giant nappy and hands out flyers, one of the recipents says:
"You sicken me"
post #55 of 102
that guy on the screen who says "the time of purification is at hand!" [twitch]
post #56 of 102
another great one off character is that really cold and unhelpful customer service person that Homer encounters in the mall or somewhere (would like to be more specific but I'm drawing a blank right now)

I think he is also rude to Homer for no real reason. wish I could remember the dialog or episode.
post #57 of 102
Thread Starter 
Comic-Book Guy: "Yes, hello, I would like to return your quote-unquote Ultimate Belt."
Rude salesman: "Okay. Do you have your receipt, quote-unquote sir?
Comic-Book Guy: "No I do not have a receipt. I won at as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, though I find their choice of prize HIGHLY illogical, as the average Trekker has no use for a medium sized belt."
Rude salesman: "Whoa, a fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan! You must be a devil with the ladies."
Comic-Book Guy: "Well, I, uhp... oooo!"
Rude Salesman: "But sorry Cassanova. No receipt, no return."


Jean-counterfeiting thug: "Oh no! It's Gloria Vanderbilt, out for revenge!"


Otto: "Whooaa, a talking dog! What were you guys smoking when you came up with THAT?"
INS Writer: "We were eating rotissere chicken."
post #58 of 102
Anne Hache and Ellen DeGeneres: "WE'RE LESBIANS!"

-----------

During Barney's heartbreaking movie

Lady in the audience: "Its Beautiful"

Barney turns to her

Barney: "Thank You"

Lady: "Ugh! Excuse me, but did something crawl in your throat and die?"

Barney: "It didn't die"
post #59 of 102
Mr. Sparkle - "Join me or die. Can you do any less?" That commercial is one of my favorite scenes ever from this show.

Although I'm not sure if she was in more than one episode: Milhouse's grandmother - "A caller at this hour? You dial 9-1, then when I say so, dial 1 again.
post #60 of 102
Fat Tony: Where are you shot Johny Tight Lips
JTL: Go ask your mother
post #61 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by sackley
Wait, I forgot my all time favourite...

John Coffey (to Homer on death row): Gimme yer hands, boss. COS I'M I'M GONNA KILL YOU! I KILLED A MILLION PEOPLE, I KILL YOU TOO!

(gets dragged off and turns back to his cell. He is holding a mouse in his hands.)

John Coffey: You want some corn bread, Mr Jingles? Well you can forget it, cos I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
That was one of the worst movie parodies the Simpsons has ever done. Now I know why they keep doing them.
post #62 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by JGButler
When Phish played Homer's Festival to legalize medical marijuana -

Phish Guy (I don't know their names): "Hey I smell marijuana...THAT BETTER BE MEDICINAL!"

And that couple when Homer and Marge go to the Wedding Retreat at Catfish Lake -
"Queen of the Harpies...QUEEN OF THE HARPIES!"
HERE'S YOUR CROWN YOUR MAJESTY!
post #63 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seamus
Announcer: "Next on McGonigle, McGonigle is framed for a crime he didn't commit. And only one person can clear his name: a little sissy boy who's too scared to come forward."
McGonigle: "You gotta tell e'm what you saw, Billy."
Billy: "But I'm so scared, McGonigle."
McGonigle: "You gotta do this one for me, Billy; McGonigle."
Billy: "Ok. For you, McGonigle."

Chief: "Well, McGonigle. Billy's dead. They slit his throat from ear to ear."
McGonigle: "Hey! I'm trying to eat lunch here."

Possibly one of the funniest things ever.
McGARNIGLE.

You also forgot THIS additional scene:

Chief: You did a good job busting up the mayor's office McGarnigle. Tell me, did you have to break so much furniture?
McGarnigle: I don't know Chief. You tell me. You had a pretty good view from behind your DESK!
Chief: That's it McGarnigle! You're off the case!
McGarnigle: No, you're off YOUR case!
Chief: And just what's that supposed to mean McGarnigle?

Homer (watching the show): It means he gets results you stupid chief!
Lisa: Dad, sit down.

I believe there is an alternate version of the first line, and in it the chief says "You did a good job busting up that CRACK HOUSE McGarnigle. Tell me, did you have to break so MANY NECKS?". I always remembered it this way and I saw it recently and the dialogue was what I have above. I swear the one I remembered existed. They've cut/changed shit before, so it's possible. The crack house one is way funnier.
post #64 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by sackley
Sea Captain: "Come, see bottomless Pete, nature's cruellest mistake. Come for the freak, stay for the food."
Woman: "Oh, he's hideous!"
Man:"I heard they shaved a gorilla."

German Power Plant co-owner: "Do any of you have an alcohol problem?"(paraphrasing)
Hands go up, murmurs of 'Yes', 'I do', etc.
Guy at the back: "Whu, I'm drunk right now."

Jose Flanders: "Buenos ding-dong-diddly dias, neighbourino"

The British Lord type Flanders: "Charmed." (Egged on by Ned) "A googerly doogerly."

Hugh Jass: "I'm Hugh Jass. Hello?"

Roy: "Yo yo, how's it hanging enerybody?"
Marge: "Morning Roy!."
Homer (reading paper): "Oh yeah, hi Roy..."

Roy: "Hey hey every-bah-dy. I'm just lettin' you know I'm movin' into my own a-paht-ment with two sex-ay ladies."
post #65 of 102
Child Protection Agency Guy: Don't worry kids. We're just taking you to a foster hooooooooOOOOOOOOOME!
post #66 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werbal_Kint
Gummi coinesseur: "That is the rarest gummi of them all, the gummi Venus Di Milo. Crafted specially by artisans who work in the medium of gummi."
Marge: "Would you two stop saying gummi so much?"
Crafted specially by GUMMI artisans working EXCLUSIVELY in the medium of gummi.
post #67 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple_72
that guy on the screen who says "the time of purification is at hand!" [twitch]
"I am the angel of vengeance. The time of purification is at hand." and I believe he is brandishing a rifle, and in the 'crazy hat day' he is brandishing it with a propellor beanie.
post #68 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple_72
another great one off character is that really cold and unhelpful customer service person that Homer encounters in the mall or somewhere (would like to be more specific but I'm drawing a blank right now)

I think he is also rude to Homer for no real reason. wish I could remember the dialog or episode.
That was a GREAT one.
post #69 of 102
Thread Starter 
Smeagol's Mr. Correction-Pants.
post #70 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeagol
Child Protection Agency Guy: Don't worry kids. We're just taking you to a foster hooooooooOOOOOOOOOME!
Oh God, I almost fell out of my chair for that one. The zoom in on that guy when he says that is great.
post #71 of 102
Jesse Grass: I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
post #72 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werbal_Kint
Smeagol's Mr. Correction-Pants.
When it comes to comedy (and this is ESPECIALLY true of the Simpsons) the diction is a big part of what makes it so funny. To me, 'working the medium of gummi' isn't anywhere near as funny as 'working exclusively in the medium of gummy.' Same with McGonigle and McGarnigle.
post #73 of 102
Thread Starter 
Detective Don Brodka (in Bart's imagination): "I hope you're going to the Valley Vista Try N Save kid, because you don't wanna come to my store. Cat feesh?"

Adam West: "Of course I'm the real Batman! See, here's a picture of me with Robin."
Bart: "Who the hell's Robin?"
Adam: "Oh, I guess you kids are only familiar with the NEW Batman. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha. The only Catwoman for me was Julie Newmar, Lee Merriwether or Ertha Kitt. And I didn't need plastic to mold my physique. PURE. WEST. And why doesn't Batman dance anymore? Remember the Bat-tusi? *starts dancing* Ha... mhh... oh... chk... yeah"
Homer: "Heh heh... That's great. *to kids* Just keep moving, don't make eye contact."

And later...

Homer: "Mr. West! I thought you had a job for me!"
Adam: "I did have a job for you... 45 MINUTES AGO..."
post #74 of 102
Burns' Grandpa: "The JAPANESE?! Those sandal wearing goldfish tenders? Bash! FLIMSHAH!"
post #75 of 102
"We work hard, we play hard."

EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!
post #76 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuddL
"We work hard, we play hard."

EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!
"I brought you here to see real men at work, like...what's your name?"
"Roscoe"
post #77 of 102
Hi I'm Troy McClure...

(all of them)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/0..._n_629713.html
post #78 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashxking2001 View Post
Fat Tony: Where are you shot Johny Tight Lips
JTL: Go ask your mother
FT: But what do I tell the paramedics?

JTL: Tell 'em to go suck on a lemon.


THE BEST
post #79 of 102
Homer: No! Don't go! I wanna keep on rocking! A-one, a-two-

(Elvis Costello drives by and takes the guitar)

Elvis Costello: I'll take that.

(Elvis Costello drives off)

Homer: Noooooooooooo!

(Elvis Costello drives back)

Elvis Costello: It came with a pick.
post #80 of 102
Euro Ichy & Strachy Box Office Guy: My Children need wine!

Presidnet Clinton <when kidnapped by Aliens>: Is it Noon already !?!

Homer: Is this cartoon going on the air live?
June: No, Homer. Very few cartoons are broadcast live, it's a terrible
strain on the animators' wrists.
post #81 of 102
In court, the defendant charged with committing GBH on a French Waiter over the proper pronunciation of Chowder:

"It's Chow-DAH! CHOW-DAUGH!! I'll KILL you! I'LL KILL ALLA' YOU!!"
post #82 of 102
When they are at the airshow looking at the Harrier jet...

Airman: Although it looks very complicated, I assure you, it is so well designed that even a child could fly it.
Lisa: Can I fly it?
Airman: Of course you canNOT.

It's all in Azaria's delivery
post #83 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feral Akodon View Post
Hi I'm Troy McClure...

(all of them)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/0..._n_629713.html
This needs to be a T-shirt.
post #84 of 102
Vampiric Lawyer - "When will you humans learn that your 'feelings', as you call them, stand in the way of Big Cash Payoffs!" *dances on table*

There is something about the delivery of that line and the little jig afterwards that has me in stitches every time.
post #85 of 102
Shit, once you start thinking about these things...

From "Itchy and Scratchy Land":
Marge is led by two security guards to the cell where Homer and Bart are being detained.

Marge: Oh, I'm so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.
Security Guard (German Accent): OK, thraw her in der houl.


From "Worst Episode Ever":
Everything involving the mysterious Radioactive Ape is gold. But particularly when it finally makes an appearance at the end.

Milhouse: Well, we may not have the store, but at least we're friends again.
Bart:Yup. And, we haven't been to school in days and days and days.
Milhouse: Well, looks like everything's back to normal.

Ned Flanders drives by with the green-glowing Radioactive Ape in the passenger's seat. The ape slaps Flanders on the head.

Flanders: Look, if you want me to turn, just point. That -
The Ape: Ah - Ah - AHHH! >Slaps him again<
Flanders: Ow!

Flanders surrenders and drives turns the corner.

Flanders: It's a wrong way!
The Ape: Ah! >Slap!<
Flanders: Ow! Now what was that for?
The Ape: AAAAAH!!! >Slap!<
Flanders: Ow!
The Ape: Ah - Ah! >Slap!<

End Credits Start

Flanders: Ow!
The Ape: Ah! >Slap!<
Flanders: Ow!


And does this count?

Ice Hockey Lisa:
"Ralph Wiggum's lost his shin-guard! Hack the bone!! HACK THE BONE!!!"
post #86 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feral Akodon View Post
Hi I'm Troy McClure...

(all of them)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/0..._n_629713.html
It's missing “Locker Room Towel Fight: The Blinding of Larry Lister”.

But yeah, it's pretty great. If not a t-shirt it should be made into a gigantic poster.
post #87 of 102
"..ockman just outside the County Courtroom where an argument about chowder has spilled over into the biggest trial in Springfield history. Behind these doors, a federal judge will ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the media have dubbed "Beat-Up Waiter." This reporter suggested "Waitergate", but was howled down at the press club. Now, it's illegal to televise court proceedings in this state, so we'll have to be quiet.

One of my favourites of all time - i'm always trying to shoe horn "steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice" into conversation.

My buddy also does a good Arnie pye (arnie in the sky) "I can't see through metal kent!"
post #88 of 102
just before Homer goes under:

Dr. Nick: "What the hell is that?"

others: "INflammable means flammable? What a country!"

In Brazil: "It makes sex look like church!" but i like this one better....
"You can't protect forever, you ssstupid lady."

Krusty: "KKK!?! Oye, that's not good."
post #89 of 102
Airline Manager: "If word of this gets out, Crazy Clown airlines will be a laughing stock"
post #90 of 102
George Plimpton "And now, I go off to do whatever it is I do"
post #91 of 102
I'll ruin the gag because I can't remember the exact dialogue... but the foreman at the peanut factory in "Bart Gets an Elephant".

Greatness. You know the bit.
post #92 of 102
The Charles Bronson guy is named Ralph
post #93 of 102
"Hot sstuff comin' thoooough..."
post #94 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nexus-7 View Post
I'll ruin the gag because I can't remember the exact dialogue... but the foreman at the peanut factory in "Bart Gets an Elephant".

Greatness. You know the bit.
Foreman: "This is the moment people! Now I know many of you thought it would never happen. Yet I insisted that we spend half an hour every morning training for it. Some of you thought I was mad, and others even transferred to another peanut factory. But now is the time...[gets trampled by the elephant]"

Good job Nexus
post #95 of 102
"A Gay President in 2094?"

"We're realistic."
post #96 of 102
TV Western guest starring Charles Bronson.

"Now I'm goin' to Emmett's Fixin' Shop to fix Emmett."
post #97 of 102
Marge on riverboat: "Watch out for that (dangerous thing x)

Riverboat Captain(straight delivery): I'm sorry Ma'm, I'm Drunk.
post #98 of 102
Dr. Foster: Would you please tell your son to stop?

Ned's Dad: We can't do it, man! That's discipline! That's like tellin' Gene Krupa not to go "boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom boom bam ba ba ba ba, da boo boo tss!" We don't believe in rules, like, we gave them up when we started livin' like freaky beatniks!

Dr. Foster: You don't believe in rules, yet you want to control Ned's anger.

Ned's Mom: Yeah. You gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothin' and we're all out of ideas!
post #99 of 102
Lousy Beatniks
post #100 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by theJOKER View Post
TV Western guest starring Charles Bronson.

"Now I'm goin' to Emmett's Fixin' Shop to fix Emmett."
That was Bronson filling it for Andy Griffith.
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