Lame Ass DVD REVIEWS

Well to be fair, Chud just reviews what they get sent.

The thing is, though, what most of the reviewers here are trying to do is create something you'd want to read. No matter what the DVD. If these were just plain straight-up reviews then you could skip to your heart's content. But these are (hopefully) entertaining. At the very least you can always read the screencaps and check the overall score just in case it has an extremely high score or an extremely low one. Those are the movies that might be worth your time contrary to what you assumed by reading the back cover. At any rate, Dave Davis invented the DVD Rack to alleviate us a little on those films so mediocre as to require little commentary.

And I agree that Newell is kicking all kinds of ass on the Special Ed.

I beg to differ, Plokoon. Nick and the gang review every genre and subtype, good and bad, classic or contemporary. They may occasionally take a bullet for the rest of us by examining some piece of detritus, but it is always for our amusement. Heck, just earlier today I read a wonderful, insightful review of A Bad Day at Black Rock (great job, Newell) before going out to buy it. Unless you're the kind of guy who considers ABDBR a $1 flick, in which case there's not much I can do for ya.

In the past couple months there have been some great DVD reviews, of movies large and small.

Looking through your post history, I don't see comments on any of them. Thanks for the encouragement.

The DVD reviews here always seem well done and if it's a really bad film, they're usually good for some laughs. If I had one gripe it would be that the reviews, in terms of DTV discs, seem pretty slanted to the horror genre. I guess it's a question of what is sent to be reviewed but in the last couple weeks there have been flicks starring Seagal, Lundgren, and Snipes hitting the shelves and I think that's the type of material worth covering. Even if the movie is bad it's still the type of stuff that is fun to hear people rip on.

Speaking of DVD reviews, when are we going to see Devin's review of "The Big Red One: The Reconstruction"?

They aren't so much lame ass reviews as they are lame ass DVDs. But like everyone else says, sometimes you have to take a bullet.

Comments, negative or bad, regarding the reviews will certainly help us reviewers what does work and what doesn't work for you guys.

It does seem as though we've been seeing reviews of nothing but Z-grade crap recently, which is not at all the fault of the reviewers. Too bad the main site guys are too busy to do many of these lately. I've been thinking about sending in a sample review. Does anyone know if they actually need more reviewers?

Like stated before, it's all a matter of what Nick gets from the studios and what us reviewers decide to take from him. Thankfully there is the short "DVD rack" type of review that we can throw out there, otherwise we would all be stretching out to create an unnessasarily long review. if you see "DVD rack" on the front of the review, don't expect a high-profile film.

Exactly.

It's free content full of substance, opinion, and/or snark that our guys bust their asses on. Don't enjoy it, fine. Just go HERE instead.

...just comment on the threads before you leave.

Man, I'm getting desperate.

Instead of having lots of DVD reviewers who are, i'll admit, quite difficult to keep track of, why not have them all pretend to write as the same wacky DVD reviewer, called 'The Reviewinator!' or 'Dave the DVD reviewer Guy' and he could have a catch phrase like 'LAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEEE!' or 'Let's Rev R Up!' and it would be really popular with the kids while offering a satirical look at internet movie critics and...and...

...recognisable house style and...
...branding and merchandise and...



It'd be cool if the DVD reviewer people would rip into the bad DVD's more. As has been stated, most people here will be reading reviews for lifetime movies purely to find some entertainment value in the writing so, please, have fun.

I totally agree. I, unfortunately, have had the privledge to review some high priority stuff that I bust my ass on to give it a little focus and hear very little about it. There's a lot of us around here that do that, actually. Even with the lower profile stuff.

I would comment in each DVD review thread if I could to give each reviewer some love (since I do try to read each new one), but then that would reek a little more of desperation, and there's no need for me to tunnel into that dark hole.

And that is what makes CHUD unique from the other movie sites. Nick has provided a section where people from various ages, gender and tastes in movies can come to read (or not) about all types of DVD releases.

I went back through the archives and since April 1st here is the list of DVD and DVD RACK reviews:

3 STEPS TO HEAVEN
A DIFFERENT LOYALTY
THE A-TEAM - SEASON 2
AIRLINE - SEASON 1
THE ASSASSINATION OF RICHARD NIXON
THE AVIATOR
BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK
BAD GIRLS FROM VALLEY HIGH
BAD TRIP
BATMAN AND ROBIN MOVIE SERIAL
BEACHES (SE)
BELL FROM HELL
BLACK CLOUD
BLADE TRINITY (UNRATED)
BLIND HORIZON
THE BRAK SHOW - VOL. 1
COURAGE & STUPIDITY
CRIMINAL
DARKNESS (UNRATED)
DiG!
DISNEY'S CARTOON FAVORITES VOLS. 5-7
THE DORIS DAY COLLECTION
ER - SEASON 3
THE FINAL CUT
GILMORE GIRLS - SEASON 3
HARVEY BIRDMAN - ATTORNEY AT LAW
HOTEL RWANDA
HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS
HU$TLE
HYPE!
I AM A FUGITIVE FROM A CHAIN GANG
JULIAN PO
KNIGHT RIDER - SEASON 2
LARVA
THE LAST SHOT
LAUREL & HARDY II COLLECTION
LES CHORISTES (THE CHORUS)
LOVE SONG FOR BOBBY LONG
MACGYVER - SEASON 1
THE MASK (PLATINUM SERIES)
MIRACLES
MORRISSEY - WHO PUT THE M IN MANCHESTER?
MOSQUITO MAN
MOONLIGHTING - SEASONS 1 & 2
MOWGLI'S BROTHERS/A VERY MERRY CRICKET
MURDER, SHE WROTE - SEASON 1
NATIONAL TREASURE
OCEAN'S TWELVE
ORGAZMO (SE)
OVER THE TOP
THE PARENT TRAP (SE)
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
PLAIN TRUTH
POCAHONTAS - 10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION
POKÉMON - DESTINY DEOXYS
THE PRETENDER - SEASON 1
PRIMER
RECONSTRUCTION
REFORM SCHOOL GIRL
RINGS
THE RUTLES 2 - CAN'T BUY ME LUNCH
SACRED PLANET
SCRUBS #1
SON OF THE MASK
SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST - SET 3
ST. IVES
STEAL
THREE AMIGOS
THE WEST WING #4
WIDOW'S PEAK
THE WOODSMAN
THE WOOLY BOYS
YEAR OF THE DRAGON
I DO (BUT I DON'T)
FRIENDS - SEASON 9
SHADOW OF FEAR
THE JAMES DEAN COLLECTION
TWICE IN A LIFETIME
JIMI HENDRIX
THE JACKET
THE AUTOPSY FILES
STONE COLD
QUINCY, M.E. - SEASONS 1 & 2
THE DUKES OF HAZZARD - SEASON 3
WANTED - DEAD OR ALIVE - SEASON 1
QUANTUM LEAP - SEASON 3
SEED OF CHUCKY
FATHER OF THE BRIDE (15TH ANNIVERSARY)
THE PACIFIER
NEVER SO FEW
WHITE NOISE
WONDER WOMAN - SEASON 3
MISS CONGENIALITY 2
D.E.B.S.
CURSED
TILT
CLASH BY NIGHT
THE GETAWAY (DE)
A FACE IN THE CROWD
THE JOAN CRAWFORD COLLECTION
THE THORN BIRDS - THE MISSING YEARS
SNL - BEST OF TOM HANKS & JON LOVITZ
LOIS & CLARK - SEASON 1
BATTLE OF THE BULGE
PAPILLON
COLD & DARK
DIRTY FILTHY LOVE
THE GOLDEN GIRLS - SEASON 2
PROPHECY - UPRISING
COYOTE UGLY (UE) & GONE IN 60 SECONDS (DC)
CARRIED AWAY
RACING STRIPES
24 HOURS AT INDY
THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU (SE)
THE BETTE DAVIS COLLECTION
BULLITT (SE)
SEVEN WESTERNS
THE SEA INSIDE
THE NARROW MARGIN
DEAD RINGERS
KANSAS CITY
CARE BEARS MAGICAL & FESTIVAL SETS
POOH'S HEFFALUMP MOVIE
KIM POSSIBLE - SO THE DRAMA
RESCUE ME - SEASON 1
I'LL BURY YOU TOMORROW
BLACKBOARD JUNGLE
HELLRAISER - DEADER
TOKYO PIG
THE BROADWAY MELODY (1929)
ZOMBIEZ
BEYOND THE SEA
BLOOD TRAP
LONDON VOODOO
FURY
SPIDER-MAN - THE VENOM SAGA
ED, EDD & EDDY
THE EDWARD R. MURROW COLLECTION
THE WORST HORROR MOVIE EVER MADE
BOOGEYMAN
GET A CLUE
HAIR SHOW
AN AWFULLY BIG ADVENTURE
DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN
BATTLEFIELD BASEBALL
THE WOODLANDERS
THE GRASS HARP
CONFESSIONS OF AN AMERICAN BRIDE
IMMORTAL

Again, this is what makes CHUD unique from the other movie sites. Nick is allowing others who are not quite as visible and respectable as the main site folks to provide content. Also, looking at the list above. Now I know Nick, Dave, Devin, Russ and George are talented, hell they're downright sexy, but they are not robots.

Keep in mind that Nick is careful about who gets DVD's. The high profile ones he sends to the main site people or someone who is a strong reviewer while the rest he is kind enough to allow us to choose.

For the most part, I know which DVDs I'm going to buy and which I'm not going to bother with, so DVD reviews rarely mean a thing to me.

I still find myself reading CHUD DVD reviews because they are a damn nice way to kill a few minutes at work. They are always good for some laughs, so I'll continue to read.

Though the Papillon review did make me put the movie on my rental queue. So they do have some effect.

I agree they should be reviewing a lot more (for lack of a better word) popular DVD's. I can appreciate covering forgotten gems or cult films, but Punky Fucking Brewster? C'mon.
Nick has said before he only reviews stuff he gets for free. I don't understand the reasoning behind that. I mean I'm sure he and the reviewers here buy a lot of the latest releases anyway. So why not review 'em if you own them?

Because a review on a site like this, good or bad, is a free advertisement. When some studios are willing to send CHUD Free Review copies as a business courtesy, why should CHUD pay out of pocket to advertise major releases for studios that can afford to send out free copies but refuse to do so?

Because buy the time I (we) get a chance to actually watch the stuff we buy, they've been out so long that people have either already made their decision to purchase, or completely forgotten about them.

Because it would improve the content of the site. Besides, this site gives free advertising to plenty of movies it promotes. Isn't that one of the main reasons sites like this exist? To turn other geeks on to (or away from) movies?
If what you say is truly the case, it sounds like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I can understand that, but like others have said, we enjoy reading reviews just to see an opinion on DVD's. I don't think anyone counts on reviews to decide which DVD's they're getting.
The only time something like that happens is when someone like Andrew reads a positive review for a flick he's never seen. In a case like that, timeliness is not an issue.

I'm pretty sure it's a respect thing. Nick wants his site to be considered legit, alongside other major sites and magazines. CHUD's big enough to earn that level of respect, but if he buys the DVDs by himself and such, it'll just make it that much easier for the studios to see it as just another marketing tool, like they have been all too eager to do in the past.

Also, I really love the sheer quantity of DVD reviews CHUD turns out. Just another awesome little thing about this site. I do agree that it would fun to watch some of the more horrible ones get really ripped up time and again, though.

Can you provide some titles that you are referring to because looking at the list I compiled above, and just giving it a quick scan, I see plenty of popular movies/sets that were reviewed.

Would appreciate your feedback.

I love the lame ass dvd reviews. Good dvds I already known if I will like them or not. The ones for crappy movies make me laugh, which is what I want anyway.

I think CHUD reviews in general are a bit low on foreign movies - I would like to see more European/Asian DVDs in there, but I guess it depends on what gets distributed in the US anyway.

That'd be nice, but again it's the studios that decide what we get and what we don't.

Just about anything that gets released, there's SOMEONE who's interested in it. Especially in this community (seriously, I'm amazed at some of the stuff people on these boards are interested in). I liked the review of the Femi Kuti DVD, which I wouldn't even have known was out, nor have thought to search for, but I'll probably end up buying it. And I'm sure there's someone out there who feels the same way about each of the other releases reviewed on the site.

I'm hardly thrilled at the prospect of reviewing stuff lke Lifetime movies, but if you want to review the good movies you've got to do the bad. I realize that hardly anyone respects Lifetime films or other crappy stuff that sometimes gets reviewed, so I try to at least make the reviews entertaining for the people who are just clicking on the page in hopes of seeing an awful movie get torn a new one.

However, some restraint is needed. It's still essential to give readers an idea of what the film is all about as well as the features on the DVD, because in some bizarro universe someone might really be interested in Confessions of an American Bride. You kind of have to walk the line and try to satisfy both the people interested in the film and the people who just want to rip it to shreds.

If I ended up reviewing the DVDs I buy, 90% of the reviews I did for this site would be for Troma movies and no one wants that.