CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE MAIN SEWER › CHUDSTORIES › To Live Forever Discussion
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

To Live Forever Discussion

post #1 of 4
8/25/05 at 6:42am
Thread Starter 
By Travis Hall

http://chud.com/stories/4018
Reply
post #2 of 4
8/25/05 at 10:40am
Hmmmmm. Okay I suppose I should have seen this one coming. It's a little gimmicky. Not bad though.
Reply
post #3 of 4
8/25/05 at 12:33pm
Nice. Couple of good lines, especially: "The creature ran its tongue over the elongated canines in a gesture of hunger, sandpaper polishing marble." Gotta admit, though, I'm not a huge fan of the twist, as much as I'd like for the scenario to be true.

I dunno. Roald Dahl pulled off his story about baby Hitler with the same kind of twist ("Genesis and Catastrophe"). I think the success in that story is the amount of sympathy created for the character the twist hinges upon. (I thought the ending of that story was cheap, too, but it is regarded as a successful experiment, generally. Playboy liked it.)
Reply
post #4 of 4
8/25/05 at 2:11pm
I would agree with the poster above. Some awesome lines. Good use of adjectives. You described many things that could have come off as incredibly cliched but they didn't. I admire that.

I had a little trouble following the narrative, specifically the second paragraph. There was some confusing pronoun use which made it hard to differentiate between the old man and the beast. Maybe have someone proof read it more than a couple of times? That would be my only complaint.

Other than that, good show! I thought the ending was great. I should've known you were going for something like that when you mentioned the stores and a Mickey Mouse shirt.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: CHUDSTORIES
CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE MAIN SEWER › CHUDSTORIES › To Live Forever Discussion