What's the difference between a dumptruck filled with dead babies and dumptruck filled with rocks?
You can't unload a dumptruck of rocks with a pitchfork.
__________________________________________________ __
A man goes to a confessional all anxious and sweating. He enters and emplores the priest, "Father, please forgive me for I have sinned!"
The priest calmly tells the man to relax and take deep breaths and to confess his transgressions.
"I have been unfaithful to my wife. I have lusted after another woman and fantasized while gratifying myself." the man says.
"You know what you have done is wrong. Say three Hail Marys, an Our Father, and a Glory Be."
"Really? And I'll be forgiven"
"Yes, my son."
"Thank you, father!" So the man exits and whole-heartedly goes through with his penance and feels truly forgiven.
The next week the man bursts into the church and runs straight past an altar boy and into the confessional. "Father, please forgive me! I have, again, been unfaithful to my wife!"
"Confess to me your sins." says the priest.
"I performed oral sex on another woman! I am so ashamed!"
"You know what you have done is truly wrong, your penance shall be five Our Fathers and ten Nicean Creeds. Go and you shall be forgiven."
"Oh bless you father!!" So the man exits and goes through with his penance. A few days later the man, yet again, bursts into the church, charges past the altar boy, and goe to the confessional. "Oh father, please have mercy on my soul! I have, again, been unfaithful! I have had sexual intercourse with another woman!"
"This is a grave thing you have done. But the Lord loves you. Say thirty Hail Marys, fifty Our Fathers, twenty-five Glory Bes, and ten Nicean Creeds. The Lord will forgive you."
"Oh thank you, father!! Thank you!" The man exits and carries out his penance with fervor vowing never again to cheat on his wife. But the next day, the man rushes into the church, pushes past the altar boy and stumbles into the confessional. "Oh dear Father, I have done it again!" But there is no answer. The man notices the priest is not there. Panicked, the man leaves the confessional and looks all around for the priest. He is nowhere. So the man sees the altar boy and runs to him. "Young boy, do you know what the father gives for a handjob and anal sex?"
The altar boy looks at the man, "Two snickers and a Coke."
____________________________________________
And my favorite........
Why did the cargo plane crash on the border of New Mexico and Colorado?
Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
