People actin' up at good movies.

Worst in memory would be either Mission Impossible II (which I was kinda into until the bit where Cruise goes all Last of the Mohicans and tells Thandie Newton that he will find her if she stays alive), because my then-girlfriend and my mate were just pissing themselves to impress each other and I was trying to stay into the film.... But!
The worst was when Crouching Tiger came out. I was at uni and was with a mostly-student croud on opening weekend (who I thought were there to dig a foreign film). I've never heard so may people's mobile phones go off. Only to then hear people complaining.... that it was subtitled and not dubbed!
Movie audiences never cease to amaze me.
Another bad one was seeing 28 Days Later... on a Sunday night and there were some pissed-up lads sat about three rows behind us. When you get a (brief) glimpse of Cillian Murphy's cock in the early scenes in the hospital, they all let out a cry of disgust. Y'know, because they were so masculine and the sight of a penis was an affront to their heterosexuality. And from then, they just ruined the whole film, until near the very end, when the film freeze-frames on Murphy and Naomie Harris hurtling forward as the car crashes, one of them yelled, "They should have worn a seatbelt!". Never has such a tense and exciting moment been completely spoilt and diffused by such pricks in a cinema for me. If i'd had a laser pen about my person, I would have walked up to them and tried my darndest to blind them.

That's about the worst of it though. What's the really bad one you kept back?

I hardly go to the movies anymore. I get a really good format with DVDs and I've got a great sound system. I'm comfortable, I'm at home and I can watch the movie however I want.

The cost of moviegoing is now ridiculous. I can buy a DVD for a night at the movies (10$ to 12$ X 2). Last week, I went to see Corpse Bride. The movie wasn't projected in the correct format. I had to get up during the beginning to get an employee to fix it. Twice.

Before that, I think my last time was for Unleashed. A girl behind us went: "Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit!" for the whole movie.

A friend of mine went to see Oldboy at an arthouse theater. You'd think people are there to enjoy cinema. There were four people in the theater, including my friend and his girlfriend. The couple behind them were having sex. My friend got in a fight with the idiots afterward.

People do not go to the movies to see a film. They go for a night out. So they chat with their friends. They answer their cellphones. They arrive late. They act gangsta. They laugh at poignant scenes. They like the preview for the Fifty Cents movie.

Going to the movies sucks.

Man, I forgot all about how bad my CROUCHING TIGER experience was at BAM, Brooklyn's premiere arthouse theater. People just laughing at the wire work.

"You know what a miracle is? A miracle is raising a kid who doesn't talk in a fucking movie theatre." - Bill Hicks

I agree with you reluctant. I'm finding more and more that crowds at arthouse/limited release films seem to behave the worst. It baffles me. Lately, the more adult the crowd, the worse the behavior. It's like these people go to less films, so they have no idea how to act. The crowd at A History of Violence was terrible. Lots of loud comments, lots of uncofortable groans and gasps during the sex scenes, just all around borish behavior during the film and I also heard a few shouts or "ridiculous" or "sucks" at the end of the film. Looking at the crowd, I would have never expected it. Same sort of thing happened when I saw Layer Cake.Yet, I see something like Devil's Rejects or The Wedding Crashers and no one gets out of line.

The trouble is, the theatre experience isn't very good (depending on the theatre). And too many theatres aren't run by lovers of film. I refuse to go to one local theatre because they NEVER have the films projected with enough light.

"I'm sorry Mr Theatre owner, there is no way that Michael Mann intended for for me to not be able to tell which person on screen is Al Pacino and which one is Robert Deniro because he shot the film so dark"

I get very annoyed when films aren't projected correctly. I saw Lost Highway and it was projected on a 1.85:1 screen. Which is insane because the credit sequence clearly shows that its a 2.35 film. In case anyone actually thought that they were going to see "Ost Ghway"

The worst in that regard was actually an AFI sponsored screening of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. They actually projected a pan and scan TV aspect ratio print for the first few reels. I wanted to leave, but my friends convinced me to stay. I'm glad I did, because the atleast had a french subtitled widescreen print for the remainder of the film.

Theatres need ushers who will kick out patrons who suck. Oh, and get rid of the constant barrage of ads please. I don't need to watch 20 minutes of sub-Entertainment Tonight fluff before a film along or self righteous kids going on a road trip to show that kids in America are doing cool things, all thanks to drinking alot of Coke

Although hardly a masterpiece, my enjoyment of Dodgeball was severely hampered by the high-school kid next to me choking back giggles and going "oh this part is great!" before EVERY SINGLE JOKE.

I've only seen three movies in the theater this year, and technically, Sideways came out in 2004. I can be patient and wait enjoy most films on DVD under my own terms and for much less money. I've also stopped going to the movies for outings with friends or while on dates, because I've gotten to the age that these are the times you actually want to just sit and talk with people. There is next to no reason for me to go now unless it's going to be an event film that I've been looking forward to for a long time.

Which is why I'm going to try and get to Wallace and Gromit this week.

I've had a lot of bad experiences, but the two most recent were War of the Worlds and Unleashed.

War of the Worlds wasn't quite ruined by this, but it was unsettling all the same. When I go to the theater, I sometimes let out a chuckle at a poor effect or horrible acting, but who laughs at some of the shit these people were laughing at? Bodies floating down the river(HAHAHAHAHA!). People being killed left and right(BWAHAHAHAHA!). A street sign, fer Chrissakes(HAR HAR HAR!). There were more people laughing a some of the things(even during the near riot over the car) in this movie than most comedies I've gone to. And I looked around me, and these were adults, with families, laughing. These weren't those kind of laughs I mentioned earlier, they were either truly disturbing images, or very very random things. What gives? It was like pot smoke was being vented in to the theater or something.

During Unleashed there was a fat redneck dude on his cellphone. It rang 4 times during the previews, but I still didn't know what I was in for. It must have rang six more times, every time he got a call I could hear every word of the conversation. This guy was in the back too, and I was near the middle. No one at the theater said a word, but I turned around and told him to shut the fuck up. No response. That's not something I normally do, but I was at my breaking point. By the end of the movie he was shouting loudly at a coworker(I think) on his phone, actually threatening someone's life(!).

Every movie(and a few plays) I have gone to in the last few years, and I mean every one, has had some dumb fuck with a ringing cellphone(when I saw Ong Bak some guy plopped down up front of me and talked through the entire second half). Is it really that hard to turn them off? And don't give me that "well they could be an on-call doctor, or something" excuse. It's not that hard to switch it to vibrate and walk out of the theater to have your conversation. Better yet, don't go to the movies. I'm considering taking my own advice.

*edit- Oh yeah, I almost forgot, every Batman film I've seen in theaters(all of them since '89) has had a baby crying during much of it. Get a goddamned babysitter, you shitheads!
By the way, I'm liking how the edit feature works now, purdy snazzy...

My brother and I went to see Alexander on opening weekend. Right before the movie started three hip-hop heroes walked in and sat right in front of us. I guess they thought they were gonna see Gladiator two or something close. Anyway, they watch the film, totally disgusted by most of it, making comments along the way. They weren't too bad with it actually. Then, with about maybe twenty-five/thirty minutes left(when Alexander kisses that Persian servant) they finally decide that enough is enough and walk out. They can't just walk out though; they have to make a scene so everyone knows that they were disgusted and don't agree with this homosexual stuff. My friend wonders why I go to movies during the weekdays in the middle of the afternoon. So much easier to enjoy movies that way.

F.T.W. Kid

I don't know why but everytime I see the King Kong trailer someone remarks how stupid it is he fights a T-Rex.....and the presence of said Rex.

Sin City was a great flick to see on the big screen, and I ended up doing so twice. Both experiences were quite irritating. The first time I was watching it with a friend who had seen it already and loved it, but the sound was way, way too low. This movie has scenes that should knock yer nuts back with the sounds of explosions and gunfire but no dice in this big-name chain. So my pal got a refund and I otherwise enjoyed it, but it wasn't as great as it should have been. The second time I saw it was with my girlfriend and her friend, but this time the problems were with the other patrons. Close behind me in a modestly-filled theatre sat a small group of young adults (older than myself) who kept (probably unintentionally) knocking our seat row with their legs and just (probably indifferently) insisted on commenting through the whole film.

Marv scrapes a thug on the ground while driving: "Aw, no WAY!!!"

Rutger Hauer shows up: "Dude, look, it's that one dude, um, Christoper Walken!!"

So I've seen the movie already, and I know every line of dialogue before it's spoken (thanks to the TPBs), but disregarding the fact that it's just bad form they were ruining the experience for folks I cared about. Normally I just do my best to block out these kinds of all-too-common distractions. But this time, even if they weren't attempting to be obnoxious and were simply behaving as The Alexor has observed to be the case, they were really pushing my buttons. So this time, I took a stance. I turned around when I knew there'd be a pause in the action on-screen and directed my attention to the primary male aggressor, just loud enough for anyone in the vacinity (those who could hear them) to pick up on it, saying, "Hey, chatty Kathy, there are enough narrators in this movie already, huh?".

Perhaps not as subtle as a "FUCK YOU!" but effective, nonetheless; not a peep after that.

NEVER see a film in any of the 2 movie theatres in Times Square NYC. Every conceivable distraction/ irritation/ crying baby/ cellphone ringing/ back-seat comedian/ hip-hop homie and pals/ "Oh no he didn't" sista from the city goes there to ruin all shows of all movies available....except stuff like Serenity.

Oh, man...

I've had some priceless experiences, but its only now when I'm finally up for being the guy to stand up during them.

My breaking point may have been during SPIDERMAN 2. I had seen it already, so it wasn't too bad, but there were two guys fresh off work that sat behind me and commented on the entire thing. Here's the thing: one spoke Spanish, and the other spoke Russian. And somehow, they knew what each other was saying. It was like a Jarmusch film. Most of the comments centered around Peter and MJ having sex somehow with his webbing... I didn't need to know Russian to know the guys were immature assholes.

That was pretty much when I decided that I was done with sitting quiet with all that jazz, and the next unplesant theater experience (A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE), I was proud (if a little scared) to kick the crap out of the offending person afterwards in the parking lot.

Although the laughter thing... I've put this behind me. Really, every average Dick or Jane goes to the movies simply to laugh. Everything's a fucking joke. So I've learned to ignore simple, idiotic laughter.

I have to admit that I howled a bit during the first deathray attack in WAR OF THE WORLDS, but it was more out of shock and awe than finding it hysterical.

I've pretty much given up on regular theaters. I see pretty much everthing at one of the Alamo Drafthouses in Austin. For a place that serves beer with the screenings, I've never had a bad audience experience there. They tacitly enforce a "no extra noise" policy, but I've never seen it have to be enforced. I guess the multiplexes draw away the riff-raff. In any case, if you're disgusted with going to the theater and are ever in Austin, give the Alamo a shot. It will win you back to the experience.

I'm in New York today and going to see HISTORY OF VIOLENCE in Brooklyn. I hope I don't have the types of experience that too many of you have had with this film.

My most memorable bad experience was the musical version of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. Three college guys sat behind us and said "Aw, no way, that's impossible!" every time ANYTHING happened in the movie. (You know, because it was meant to be a realistic slice-of-life.)

That and going to see just about any movie in my old Bay Ridge (Brooklyn) neighborhood. Where you got to see the movie and hear an assorted collection of goombahs say "I'd fuck that!" every time a female appeared on screen. Happy days.

In Hulk there was some little girl who kept talking to her dad the whole time. "Look, he's green. He can fly now?" etc. In Constantine and Red Eye there were some girls talking and giggling all the way through. Generally the audiences here know how to behave. I can only imagine how horrible it would be in an American theatre. I've read here that peoply actually cheer or shout at characters there. Bizarre.

I hate going to the theaters unless it's a midnight showing. Even then, I get stuck with an asshole audience. One of the worst offenses was when I saw "Shadow of the Vampire" a few years ago. Some fuck brought his stupid 4 year old (I guess it was his weekend to have custody) and the kid asked questions THROUGH THE ENTIRE MOVIE. "Why is he trying to hurt that guy?"
"Why are his fingernails long?" AHHHHHHHH!
Another horrible experience was at "White Noise." Yeah, the movie was balls, but my friends and I were interested in the subject. Little did I know the entire town of Vegas decided to drop there kids off at the "modern babysitter" for the evening. The theater was packed with punk kids and it was loud. So loud in fact before the previews were finished the manager came in and told them to shut the fuck up. A security guard was brought in and circled the audience the entire time. His damn radio would go off every five minutes and the kids just never stopped talking. Horrible.

Ding ding ding, we have a winner. That and midnight shows are the only movie times I really attend anymore. All the other times are just filled with too much bullshit.

As a former movie theater manager (for almost ten years) at several large megaplexes I have seen or heard pretty much everything. A group of white trash kids laughing in the beginning of Time To Kill (when Sam Jackson's daughter is being killed) which results in a gigantic fight that involved two cops going to the hospital. A mentally retarded gentleman going down on a mentally retarded woman. An elderly man whacking it in the back of Adventures of the Babysitters Club, etc. After ten plus years of watching almost every movie either by myself or with a close group of friends I have a really hard time going to the theater. The sound is always off, aspect ratios are never paid attention to, aperture plates that need to be cleaned, or replaced, films scratched so bad you would swear Freddy Kruger was the projectionist.

All this without even mentioning the audience... freaking cellphones (I had a guy scream at me that he should be allowed to talk on his cellphone during a movie - he was escorted out by police), loud talkers, kids, etc.

Hell, on Saturday I went to watch Serenity at a 1:50 show, and there were two teenage kids who kept burping and talking loudly during the movie.

Unless I am on a date (and I do whatever I can to not go to a movie on a date), I tend to go see movies that I deem "must sees in a theater" on a weekday, first showing. It's sad, but it's just the way the world s now. thank god for DVD and home theaters.

The theater owners should really start worrying about themselves and their buildings instead of DVD sales and piracy. someday.. hopefully, people will just ENOUGH!

Fab, I thought you were joking about that "beating the crap outta of the obnoxious guy" after you saw A History of Violence. Good for you anyway. Probably not something you should get into a habit of doing although a lot of these idiots could use a kick in the head.

F.T.W. Kid

It's a damned shame. I remember when I used to make a point of watching a film the opening night for the rush, but it's been quite a while since I did that. Just Collateral and the LOTR trilogy in recent memory.

Sorry about that, THE ENGLISH PATIENT was boring the pants off us and so it seemed like the thing to do at the time. Oh and by the way, it's mentally challenged.

Anybody who has ever worked in a theater has stories, oh god do I have stories. Not that they've all ruined my moviegoing experience, but they add to the general disdain I have for the general moviegoing public.

Here you go: Opening night of Batman Forever, summer 95, a sold out theater on the east side of Indy. Somebody shit, yes, shit in the back of the theater. In the very fucking small space in between the back row and the wall. Not a little kid sized shit, but a rather large, menacing shit. Now I've seen Batman Forever and I can honestly say that at no part did I think that the movie was so good that I would rather just drop my drawers right there and shit rather than miss a minute going to the bathroom. I had only been working at the theater for a few months and flat out told them that there was no way in hell I was going to clean it up. I would rather quit. I didn't. A small victory.

Like FTW Kid, I am that guy that will loudly tell somebody to shut the fuck up, although I'm usually not confronted in the parking lot afterwards. It seems like I am also the magnet for the cell phone talkers, the inattentive little kids who won't shut up, or the third rate Sattelite of Love crew. Working at theaters for a while, until this past summer, (when I was fired on my day off!!! My fucking day off, for something that happened outside of work!!!) there is no ends to the shit you see. Race riots, huffers, it's all game.

I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. It's the responsibility of theater owners to police the theaters. I'm old enought to remember when a multiplex meant 4-6 screens --- and that was considered HUGE! Now with 20-30 screens it's impossible to have enough staff (much less qualified projectionist) to man all the theaters most of the time.

It's a matter of simple economics and I can fully understand. But it breeds a vicious cycle...As the theaters let policing slide, people were able to get away with more and more.

People have always been rude, or done stupid shit in the movie theater, but it is definately getting worse. My pet peeves are cell phones (cell phones in general really -- I think they are the end of the public-private wall) and crying children, followed closely by parents bringing < 10 year-olds into R movies.

Unfortunately, the alternatives are not easily accesable for everyone. Sure many people are watching DVDs on home systems. But how many people can afford $2000 -4000 on a big screen TV, and another $700-1500 on a quality surround system? This is not an option if you want to get the full-screen/sound movie experience as they were menat to be seen.

I had passes to a sneak screening of Domino the other evening at one of Columbus's largest theaters - Easton 30.

Easton was built and owned by Les Wexner, (founder/owner of The Limited and it's many offshoot stores). This mega shopping area is located between two distinct areas and demographics; rich white people (New Albany) and well, you can probably guess the other (East Side "Cleveland Ave").

It's an interesting spectacle walking through the upscale, outdoor and indoor shopping areas on a Friday and Saturday evening; cops everywhere (one for each gang-banger probably) and hundreds of white and black teenagers actin' all bad n' shit while wealthy white folks walk around hand and hand and eat at the expensive restaurants. If you like people watching and are in the area I suggest stopping by.

Anyhow, the movie was largely attended by African Americans, and for some reason, I don't know if they simply weren't aware that it was an "R" movie or couldn't find a worthy babysitter in time, but many brought their goddamn kids. Now, if any of you have had the misfortune of seeing Domino, you can image the hootin' and hollerin' going on in the theater during the ridiculous Jerry Springer segment. Not to mention the fucking kids constantly leaving, coming back, and walking over me and my friend's legs. No more free movies there.

Hah! This is a popular one. Someone took a shit during THE CONSTANT GARDENER. I thought it was too funny to upset me, particularly because it happened near the end of the film.

I have one really god-awful memory at the movies: my Shrek experiance. Not the movie (I thought it was decent until Dreamworks decided to milk it) but there were these two kids, each about six years, behind me and my friends:

"HA HA HA HE FARTED!!!!"

"CAKE! HE SAID CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!"

We told to shut up, but they ignored us all the way through.

What was even worse was the end of the movie. The families started to sing along with the characters on the screen. While clapping as if being in a church service.

"I believe..." Clap..clap..

You get the idea.

I have one really god-awful memory at the movies: my Shrek experiance. Not the movie (I thought it was decent until Dreamworks decided to milk it) but there were these two kids, each about six years, behind me and my friends:

"HA HA HA HE FARTED!!!!"

"CAKE! HE SAID CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!"

We told them to shut up, but they ignored us all the way through.

What was even worse was the end of the movie. The families started to sing along with the characters on the screen. While clapping as if being in a church service.

"I believe..." Clap..clap..

You get the idea.

I remember during The Ring when it first arrived in theaters, my friend and I were there opening night. My friend is a big guy 6'3 300+ pounds and he is a very good no holds barred fighter on the weekends, not a guy to be messed with. There was this idiot behind us talking really loud on his cell phone, making retarded comments and just being a general ass. We told him to be quiet several times to shut up, he would ignore us.
It finally came to a head when he was making a lot of noise with his soda straw you know that really annoying sound when you move the straw up and down. My friend told him to knock it off and he leaned forward and starting doing it right by my friends ear. At the point my friend stood up and threw a round house and knocked the guy out cold. We then made a hasty getaway to avoid the cops but I will admit it was worth missing the ending of the movie to see that happen

During Magnolia, and elderly couple stumbled into the theater and sat down 2 rows behind me. Immediately after, you could hear the sound of a beer can being popped open and they began to drink. They continued to drink a few more, dropping their cans on the floor when they were done - you could hear the empties rolling all the way down to the front of the theater. During the game show scenes, the old bitch kept calling out answers to the questions on screen (and got everyone wrong, btw). I didn't say anything because I figured someone else would - the theater was packed, but I finally went and got a manager who threw their asses out.

Tons of them:

At Go someone brought a retarded girl (I have no sympathy for this), who made loud noises all the way through the film. I complained after the film was over and got a free ticket.

At Batman Begins, someone brought an autistic kid (again no sympathy), he rocked back and forth all through and made noises during the talking (boring parts), that says a lot about the movie probably and how bad it sucked. I moved up front early so he wouldn't be in my peripheral vision, but my friends (who wouldn't move with me) said they were bothered by it the whole movie.

Transporter 2, mostly okay except for the giant fat man in the same row with me laughing way too hard and during the fire hose fight scene going "OH!" "OH!" with every big hit, like he had watched it twenty times online.

Scary Movie 2, some bitch ass teenager answering her cell phone, AND TALKING ON IT IN THE THEATER, right after the scene where a girl is stabbed to death for doing the exact same thing (she probably staged it to be funny). Cunt!

Kill Bill vol. 1, some bitch in the back, during the fight at the 'house of blue leaves', saying things like "yeah right" and "whatever" and "thats stupid". Suspend disbelief bitch it's a Taratino film! They couldn't ruin it though, because it was too good.

Kill Bill vol. 2, some black ass couple answering their cell phones with "I'm Rick James BITCH!" ringtones going off, and the guy saying stupid shit like, "Watch he gone hit her wit that cane, hahahahahahahaha!" and "Damn!" As I stated above though they didn't ruin it, because it was so good.

Devil's Rejects, two big jackass hillbillys sat next to me after the previews were over and I thought I was safe. The friend hillbilly who was dragged to the film said before the film started "So this is the sequel right?" to which the bigger hillbilly didn't answer, which I give him credit for, but then latter hillbilly had his phone go off like 4 times during the film and didn't turn it off, just checked to see who was calling (YOUR NOT THAT IMPORTANT!)

LOTR, stupid kid behind me at Fellowship kept yelling out the names of every character on screen and said "hi" to me and a friend, to which all we could say was "sit back" and "ya". Then when I saw it a second time, some teenage couple was in the same aisle down a ways and talked through the entire film, I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it was annoying to hear the constant drone.

Bad Boys 2, the second time I saw it, so he couldn't ruin it for, but this 5 year old was jumping up and down in the aisle.

Halloween H20, 10 kids in the front row (all 5 through 8 or something!).

There are tons more that I don't really recall that well. Like some stupid guy at some movie, who brought in an entire brown grocery bag full of food and pops and made too much noise. Snake Eyes was bad, but the movie sucked so it didn't matter. ETC, ETC, ETC...

My problem is that anything at all can annoy me, except the natural theater reactions of laughter and "oh's" and "ah's" and gasps and clapping (though those all make me laugh at times when I think they're inappropriate). I've been lucky lately, my strategy of going to either the first/earliest show on opening day or Monday or Tuesday, or the latest on Sunday or Monday or Tuesday has worked out pretty well. The browncoats were cool on opening day Friday for Serenity (they had all the right reactions), (god I sound like a fasict), and History of Violence was okay, except the ass at the end who said "whatever" (I guess because he wasn't given a clear ending). Though I don't trust my luck and I don't think I'd miss the theater experience, like I miss the arcade experience, if the movie came out on dvd the same day. Though they will always have me by the balls as long as I'm really excited to see something.

someone brought a retarded girl (I have no sympathy for this),

So do you mean that you have no sympathy for someone who is retarded or have no sympathy when whoever is in charge of them take them to a movie? Due to the fact that the caretaker should know full well that they should not be bringing them to a crowded movie where they could potentially be disruptive?

I've had the same experience where I've been in a theater with a group of mentally hanidcapped people - usually with a chaperone - and it can be distracting if they're making noise, etc. It sucks, but I always felt like a dickhead for even having the nerve to get annoyed. You can't blame their caretakers for wanting to get them out into the world and let them experience stuff instead of keeping them locked up somewhere.

At least they don't know any better, and they're still better behaved than 40% of the movie-going public.

I blame the caretaker of course. Do you really think the retarded person wanted to see the film? They should just have special screenings for them. I'd give up 1 showing so they could all go and not ruin my shitty movie experience.

That's funny and true.

With all the screens they have the theaters should designate two different types of seating.

Regular: No talking, no cell phones.

Anything goes: Scream all ya want, talk on the phone, bring a bunch of retards, and take a dump in your seat.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I love me some good Moltisanti!

A number of theatres actually have "family" or "mom" screenings on weekdays (aka "bring your screaming brat kids along") to try to reduce the number of annoying children the rest of the time. I wish they could have 'mst3k' screenings for people who want to talk through a film (sometimes I want to do that, and sometimes I enjoy others' funny remarks, but there isn't an appropriate outlet).

Personally, as an actual doctor who is on call a lot, I have to say there is ***no*** excuse for ringing phones and pagers. First of all, you don't have to go out when you're on call. If the nature of the event is such that you choose to go out when on call (e.g. premiere night, or limited engagement only in the cinema for 1 week, etc.), remember the vibrate function! Put it on silent/vibrate, put it someplace you'll notice it vibrating, sit *on the aisle in the back* (or whereever you can be least obtrusive) and quietly leave if you get a page/call.

I think people whose phones go off should be fined the dollar amount that is the sum of the tickets of the other patrons in the theatre. That way if you're alone, hell, answer your phone if you want. But if the theatre has 200 people in it, be ready to shell out $2000. That'd motivate people to turn 'em off.

[QUOTE=The Alexor]
People do not go to the movies to see a film. They go for a night out. So they chat with their friends. They answer their cellphones. They arrive late. QUOTE]

This exact same shit happens at concerts all the fucking time. It kills me how people go to the concert for a party rather than to enjoy the fucking music. So many people pretty much ignore what's on stage it kills me. (I'd list those as well, but they're too numerous and maddening to mention)

Anyway, I have a few stories about this. I saw Kill Bill vol. 2 opening day, and I was DYING to see it. I was NOT going to allow any sort of bullshit to occur when I finally get to see what happens, you know? First off, during the trailers, a cell phone goes off so I just yelled "Turn that FUCKING thing off." and luckily, no more rings throughout the movie. Then, some negligent cunt of a mother decided going to see Kill Bill vol. 2 would be the best way to spend the day with her baby. So, said baby starts fucking crying during the conversation with Bill and Beatrix (you know, the one at White Pines where you're cringing waiting for the moment when it goes sour and he has everybody killed?) so I yelled out "Get that FUCKING kid out of the FUCKING theater!" and so she gets up and goes with the baby in it's carriage...TO THE ENTRANCE OF THE THEATER! NOT OUTSIDE! RIGHT INSIDE! Like we can't hear the little prick crying when she's taken it there. Ridiculous. Thankfully it was only a minute or two before she left for good.

Another ludicrous example of this shit is a woman brought her baby and two year old kid to see LAND OF THE DEAD. AGAIN opening day, a movie I was dying to see. Fucking insane in the first place taking your kids to see that movie. Fortunately, when it started crying she was kicked out, unfortunately only after the 3rd or 4th time the kid went off. As she left, everone in the audience applauded and she yelled out "FUCK YOU." like she had been so inconceivably wronged. Again, ridiculous.

I also saw Red Dragon opening day, and I was wanting to see it badly 'cause I was getting into the Hannibal Lecter books (grade 9, sue me). During the climax, some bitch next to me starts going "OH MY GOD!" every five seconds, or "LOOK OUT HE'S BEHIND YOU!" and I go "Shhhhh!" 'cause I was still not ballsy enough to go "Shut up!" at that time. This cunt, freaks out and goes in a super-whiney tone that's still in that awful 'whispering' voice she was using when making the comments (you know the one, where you talk at normal volume, but in the same sound of a whisper?). She says "You shhhhh! You were talking throughout the whole movie!", which is funny, because I distinctly recall sitting completely silent during the whole film because I had anticipated it (despite Ratner's attachment) for such a long time that I gave my attention 100%, not even going to the bathroom despite the 2 litres of Dr. Pepper I drank during it. This pissed me off to no end and I go "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHORE!", to which she recoils in horror and sorta whines to her boyfriend softly throughout the rest of the movie.

I know this is gonna get me in shit after the movie (I'm 14 at the time), but I don't care. I was in the right, I was ready to stand my ground. So after the movie the woman's champion comes up to me and goes "Somebody's a whore little man?" and I said "Yeah, somebody who can't shut the fuck up during a movie people paid money to see." and she snaps at this from behind her pillar of masculinity. She just goes into this inarticulate whinging of shit like "Fuck you, look at you! You're scared of my boyfriend! What are you 13 years old? Shaking in your boots!" which again, is funny
'cause I had sat there perfectly still with my friend, rather calm, and I wasn't wearing any boots either. Her boyfriend steps in to prove he's a man, and he'll protect his woman and goes "You're lucky you're so young little man, 'cause if you were older I'd take this outside." and they start to leave.

I was just so pissed off by this point, I had that adrenaline where I knew it could have gotten bad, but I didn't care so I said "Oh big fucking man, trying to scare someone smaller and younger than him. What are you, a neanderthal? You can only solve your problems with violence?" and they keep walking away, but the cunt turns around and yells a hysteric "Screw you!" while tossing a magazine at me (she missed by a mile) so I just keep going on about how tough her boyfriend was, and how she was such a mature and upstanding citizen as they left the theater. I fully expected them to be waiting for me outside, but I guess they figured "We just got bested by a fucking 13 year old. Let's go home and fuck to reminds ourselves we're still adults." It was intense.

[QUOTE=Smeagol] I just want to say thank you sir! For speaking out, so many don't and these a-holes need to know that they're doing something wrong. GET A BABYSITTER! I don't want to hear that you can't afford one, if you can't then what the fuck are you doing at the movies? Also I could let it go if it wasn't always in R-rated movies, sure I watched R-rated movies growing up, but only at home on HBO with my parents right there.

People need to grow up and stop being assholes in general, otherwise full scale asshatery will ensue.

Aside from the ringing of cell phones, I'm also getting ticked off by all the people who simply open their cell phones so we can all get a nice light show to distract us from the film. I'm fine if you have it on vibrate and you want to see who's calling but you can be more stealth-like in seeing who has called.

Somehow people think their cell phone's illumination won't bother anyone, but when I try to play with my Lite Brite during a film everyone gets pissed. I wasn't digging FOUR BROTHERS much so I took out my Lite Brite to finish this bitchin' clown face I was working on. Within seconds some guy chimes in with "Turn that goddamn Lite Brite off!"

Lite Brite's get no respect.
Similar to your problem Moltisanti, I get annoyed when someone sitting directly in front of me spends the entire film using their cell to text message people. In a darkened theater those screens are like beacons.

This is a really minor one, or maybe it isn't... when I saw the Cell(the movie) in the theater some couple had brought their 3 kids, all under ten, the youngest looked like he was 3 or 4. I was prepared for the worst, but the kids remained quiet the entire movie. Still though, I was pissed at those parents. That's a disturbing fucking movie for a kid(or it should be). When I was a kid the face melting in Raiders of the Lost Ark apparently had me hiding under the seat in terror. My 4 year old nephew saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit? recently and Judge Doom at the end freaked him the fuck out. How does a child react to something like that damn horse being split into pieces, or Vincent D'Onofrio(hung from his SKIN) Jerking off on a corpse? Those were either the worst parents ever, or they've trained those kids well(not to mention totally desensitized them).

I have the same problem. I'm easily annoyed by the behavior of others. All of the major cinemas near my house seem to fall on a line between the upscale suburban towns and flat-out ghetto cities. We get kids talking, parents talking (once during Robots, the English-speaking member of a Hispanic family translated the film for her clan.) I saw parents bring in their 6-year olds to Team America ("It must be okay, it's got puppets in it!")

With each lousy cinema experience, I get bolder and bolder, but my wife's afraid I'm going to end up getting knifed for sticking up for myself and the other patrons. I find that at the same time, we're staying in more and waiting for movies to hit video. I shouldn't have to stick up for basic viewing rights at the movies. It's not like every time I got to a restaurant I have to go around telling other tables to keep their fucking food in their mouth, so why should I have to tell people whats appropriate in a theater? So lately I'm just avoiding that situation.

It's things like this that will be the demise of public cinema as popular entertainment. It's really too bad, too, because there are aspects of that shared viewing experience that shouldn't be lost, like jokes being funnier when everyone in the room is laughing, or tension so palpable you can hear a pen drop in a room with 300 viewers.

I long for the days when these will be legal in the States. I'll start a business installing them in cinemas, churches, you name it.

Whoops, got another tale:

I was watching the first Harry Potter film in a sea of soccer moms. When the scary bits came, a kid started to cry and the mom took him to the entrance when she looked back at the screen, kid still crying in her arms, with a venomous look that says "How can you betray my kid like that?" Seriously.

Matrix Reloaded: With all the silly kung-fu violence exploding on the screen, a boy of about 5 started to whine "I want you to take me hoooommmme!!!!!" to his dad. When it was over, the boy in his arms asked if he could see it again.

War of the Worlds: ...yes, some people DID laugh at some scenes.

Fellowship: At the end of the film, some high school snobs cried: "WHAT!!! THAT'S IT?"

I'll keep 'em coming in the future.

Here's the thing about all this: I hate to scream and shout at these idiots because I'm already not enjoying the movie as much as I'd like and if we get into a shouting match it's so easy for it to evolve into something more. The staff at my theater are the same kind of young dumb high school types who'd be doing this kind of shit on their day off, so I don't bother with them. Like I posted above I try and go on the weekdays during strange hours to compensate. Shit backfired on me recently when I went to see A History of Violence, though. Anyway, how many of us is this kind of behavior really keeping out of the theater? When you sit down and look at the thread it seems like a lot of bullshit. It seems like most have a story but continue to go. What would it take to totally kill you theater going experience for good?

F.T.W. Kid

Yeah (also a reply to the other poster who mentioned this), this happened the first (but not second) time I saw it, too. The river bodies are what did it for this audience. A big portion of the laughs came from insensitive jerks, yes, but I know many of them were laughing nervously as a society-molded method of releasing tension since they were probably expecting Dakota to get snatched by E.T.s (or actually see her pee, which WOULD be horrible). WOTW was probably the least-unpleasant recent cinema excursion I can recall (same evening my ladyfriend and I saw LotD, which wasn't without incident, but didn't really suffer from a bad crowd).

A few lowlights for me:

-This doesn't really qualify as a bad experience, since I was at "Queen of the Damned" (don't ask), but there was a scene where an elderly gentleman who was helping the vampire hunters was talking on the phone in his office, and a lady clear across the theatre said loudly to her friend, "I think he's really a vampire." This was despite the fact that he was standing next to a big window filled with sunlight. Nice call genius. Don't people know even the basic conventions of vampires and sunlight?

-Went to see "War of the Worlds" with these two girls, and when Tom Cruise starts to sing to his daughter they started groaning and exclaiming "Please stop!" This was my first movie trip with them, and it will be the last. I was mortified that they acted like that, because it is crap when others do it at a movie I'm at. I was half tempted to apologize to the people sitting in front of us after the movie.

-Most annoying was the guy who sat next to me at the "Matrix" and gave running commentary to his nerd buddy. When Morpheus (I think) mentions "AI", he loudly says "Artificial Intelligence" with this air of intellectual superiority. The nadir of my experience was when Joe P. turns on Tank and Dozer, and this guy went into an apoplectic fit. He was sputtering with rage: "Ftt...zzzpp...that bastard...that bu bu buh...no...that damn traiter...fpp...mmnnn....urrgghh..." What the hell was wrong with that guy? Relax champ, it's just a movie, those guys really didn't die, okay?

-The discount theatre in my town has kids movie matinees during the summer, and they were showing Iron Giant, so I had to go and see it on the big screen. Too bad my girlfriend and I were the only two people over eight there. At one point this grandma comes into the theatre who lost her grandkids, and then she proceeded to walk up and down the center aisle slowly calling out their names over and over: "Stephen! Brentley! Stephen! Brentley! Stephen! Brentley! Stephen! Brentley!"

Anymore I'm quick to tell people to shut the hell up, because I've found most people are embarassed to be called out like in public, especially when you get a few supportive "yeahs" from your fellow patrons. Most people want to tell others to stuff it, but they don't because they are either scared or, oddly enough, think it is "rude" to yell at someone like that.

If I were to ever meet your pal I would so buy him a drink...damn I wish I had been there to see it!

Maybe I should correct myself:

An elderly couple (about 70-78) chuckled at the river of bodies.

Yep. It's true.

All it would take is the dvd coming out on the same day as the theatical and I would buy the dvd and stay home, because the chances are too high that some fucknut will fuck it up for me.

Also I only go to movies I really don't want to wait to reach dvd now, i would go to so many more movies just for the hell of it, if the movie going experience wasn't so laden with asshattery these days (and that's a big reason why dvd sales outnumber box office, and etc. reason).