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Best Onion newsbrief ever

post #1 of 19
10/27/05 at 9:37am
Thread Starter 
Hilarious!
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post #2 of 19
10/27/05 at 10:02am
Cute.

Then there's this little gem

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42108
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post #3 of 19
10/27/05 at 12:54pm
My favorite byline was "Inner city neighborhood terrorized by ask murderer."
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post #4 of 19
10/27/05 at 3:08pm
Here are two of my favorites:

Ask a Navy SEAL:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37418

Shi'ite Terrorists Cross County Line
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39151
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post #5 of 19
10/27/05 at 3:27pm
By far my favorite Onion piece ever.

Harsh Light Of Morning Falls On One-Night Stand's DVD Collection
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post #6 of 19
10/27/05 at 5:00pm
This was just last week. Has Shane Black seen it yet?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41683
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post #7 of 19
10/27/05 at 5:10pm
Here's an oldie:
Ask a gut-shot policeman


And from that 'Shi'ite Terrorists Cross County Line' one:
"Allah straightens the curves, and in his might, hills are made flat. Sooner will the mountain catch the Farouk boys than the law."

okay, that's hilarious.
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post #8 of 19
10/27/05 at 6:34pm
Thread Starter 
Still the best article ever.
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post #9 of 19
10/27/05 at 8:56pm
All classics.

But my favorite is:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29083
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post #10 of 19
10/28/05 at 9:27am
I can't find it, but my vote goes for the piece entitled "LOCAL MAN LOSES COWARDLY BATTLE WITH CANCER!
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post #11 of 19
10/28/05 at 11:18am
I once had to leave the office and go and cry in the toilets with pure hilarity after reading this:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37370

but this is my all time fave and the article that got me into The Onion in the first place

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29830
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post #12 of 19
10/28/05 at 11:50am
The headline that got me to read my first Onion was "Inside: Cure for dyslexia have we"
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post #13 of 19
10/28/05 at 11:50am
My introduction to The Onion was "Amish Give Up", but I can't find it on the site. Fortunately, it's archived here.
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post #14 of 19
10/28/05 at 12:17pm
So this isn't a newsbrief, but the Onion recently got into a pissing match with the White House over improper use of the presidential seal.


This was their response.
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post #15 of 19
10/28/05 at 1:47pm
That "I just wish I could stop shitting blood" magazine article is hilarious. I can't stop laughing.
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post #16 of 19
10/28/05 at 3:22pm
My two favorites have got to be:

"Students in Philosophy Class Wish Guy in the Back of the Class Would Shut the Fuck Up"

and the one about the graduate student trying to deconstruct his takeout menu from Burrito Bandito.
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post #17 of 19
10/28/05 at 5:11pm

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512
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post #18 of 19
11/3/05 at 1:39pm
A piece this week entitled " 'Scooter Libby' Wishes He Had Ditched Nickname Before Media Coverage"

WASHINGTON, DC—I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the indicted former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, wishes he had stopped answering to his nickname before it was featured so prominently in the news, he confided Monday. "Scooter's fine if it's just the president or Mr. Cheney," said Libby, whose involvement in the Valerie Plame case has made his name notorious. "But when I see it on CNN, I want to hide." If implicated in the Plame leak, Libby could face up to 30 years in a facility where he would almost certainly be given a new nickname.

This part cracked me up.
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post #19 of 19
11/24/05 at 4:32pm
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33174

Still the best. EVER.
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