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"Her?" - The ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT quote thread

post #1 of 102
Thread Starter 
I'll start off with one classic exhanges.

Balboa Bay Guard: Is that Mr. Bluth there?
G.O.B.: He's got us dad. Come on out.
George: He's talking to you, you idiot. Cover.
Franklin: I ain't yo daddy! How's it goin' brotha?
Guard: You want to pop the trunk and roll the windows down, please?

Guard: I'm just messing with you. Hey Franklin! How you doing little man?
*Franklin gives dap*
post #2 of 102
Not really a quote but when Michael is in talks with the other attorney, Jarvis, and hides behind the couch then springs back up.

I love that moment.
post #3 of 102
I've gotta get into that Poof...
post #4 of 102
G.O.B. "I will now turn this 100 dollar bill into 100 pennies!"
post #5 of 102
Thread Starter 
G.O.B.: The investors trust me!
Michael: That's because you've only lost them 99 dollars so far.
post #6 of 102
Michael: (about Steve Holt) Your son?
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I heard the jury's still out on science.

Lindsay: How do you think I feel? Bob Loblaw's a handsome, professional man and I'm only used to... well, none of those things.
Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.
post #7 of 102
GOB: Gilligan killed the skipper! Stripper!
post #8 of 102
GOB "A trick is something a whore does for money." [notices kids] "And cocaine."
post #9 of 102
Thread Starter 
Gotta love callbacks.

From "Top Banana"

George: There was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George: Cash, Michael!
Michael: Why didn't you tell me that?
George: How much clearer can I say "There's always money in the banana stand!!!"

From "Spring Breakout"

Lucille: There was 250cc's of your father in that banana stand!
Michael: No touching!
post #10 of 102
I Blue Myself!
post #11 of 102
Some of my favorites...

Tobias: "I blue myself."

Gob: "I am an idea's ma, Michael. I thought I proved that with 'Fuck Mountain'."

Tom Jane: "I just want my kids back!"

Ron Howard: "Rock always beats scissors. And the paper covered them both."

Gob: "You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on!"

Buster: "I heard zoo noises"

Lindsay: "Hey, check out who's on that hog in the rearview mirror."
Michael: "George Michael?!"

Buster: You mean you can wear stripper clothes when you aren't stripping?
Gob: *rips off pants* You tell me!

Oscar: "I'll put it in her brownie."

George, Sr's computer asking if he meant "jet packs" as oppose dto "jet pants".
post #12 of 102
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Diva
Lindsay: "Hey, check out who's on that hog in the rearview mirror."
Michael: "George Michael?!"
Oh my God, I just now got that. And I've seen that episode like 6 times. Hilarious!

G.O.B.: I just want my wife back!
Barry: Hey, save it for the stand, 'kay Tom Jane?

Michael: What's her name?
Michael: Her names not Crindy, G.O.B.
G.O.B.: But I'm going to find out what it is. And when I do, I'll make a pun on it. For example, if her name is Amy, I'll call her "Blamey."

G.O.B.: Michael, if I make this comeback, I’ll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive!
Michael: You're losing blood aren't you?
G.O.B.: Probably, my socks are wet.
post #13 of 102
Originally Posted by barbelithbomb
GOB "A trick is something a whore does for money." [notices kids] "And cocaine."
I'm pretty sure Gob said "candy", not "cocaine".
post #14 of 102
It's cocaine on the DVD, but I think it was candy when it aired.

One of my favorites:
[after Lucille gives Maeby a jeweled elephant brooch that Lindsay was supposed to inherit]
Lindsay: That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair! I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room. Ma! You know I wanted that.
Lucille: I know. But it's an elephant and I didn't want to invite the comparison.
post #15 of 102
Originally Posted by Shane
It's cocaine on the DVD, but I think it was candy when it aired.
Wierd. I'll definitely have to watch out for that next time I pop in the DVD.

Some more:

Buster: "I am a MOSTER!"

Steve Holt: Steve HOLT!

Gob: I've made a huge mistake.

Barry: I love hot Ding Dongs. Anyone want a hot Dong Dong?

Tobias (re: Burger King): Did you know that you can get a refill on any soda you want and it's FREE? This is a great restaurant.
Ron Howard: It sure is.

Voice over: One was entering sexual maturity and the other was leaving it...
Lucille: It's so hot in here.
Buster: If you were hot, mother, we would win.
*Later in the show, Buster names his plan "Operation Hot Mother".

George Sr.: You know what's risky, letting you child go on that church thing.
Michael: Her name is Ann.

Marta: I will not dust Buster AGAIN!

Franklin: Get your cracker hand out of my ass!

Ron Howard: In fact Lindsay was currently wearing it on her middle toe, Roastbeef.

Michael: Why don't you get Maeby to help you pitch a tent? You could rub off on her.

Lucille: No one wants to go in that old musty clap trap!

There are too many, I tell ya!!!
post #16 of 102
"Ok, Opie?"
"She'd gone too far, and had best watch herself."

"My daughter has GREAT self esteem."

"You selfish cunt---ry music, loving, lady. Hello, Maybe."
"Nice cover, dad."

"Wow. We are asses to ankles back here. Maybe, you want to hop on your cousin's lap?"
*George Michael has paniced look on his face*
"Uh-oh! Bumpy road coming up!"

"Dead dove. Do not eat.....................Well, I don't know what I expected to find in there."
"You didn't eat that, did you?"

I love this show.

Yeah, the "director's cut" of the pilot doesn't bleep the cursing, is about 5 min. longer, and makes one of the best damn jokes not as good. Cocaine? Candy is about 75x funnier.
post #17 of 102
Originally Posted by mediumdave
I love this show.

Yeah, the "director's cut" of the pilot doesn't bleep the cursing, is about 5 min. longer, and makes one of the best damn jokes not as good. Cocaine? Candy is about 75x funnier.
Agreed, and agreed.
post #18 of 102
Ron Howard: "Michael recalled what Buster did to what he thought was Rosa’s car with what he thought was Rosa’s favorite toy."

post #19 of 102
Thread Starter 
There's one that never fails to make me crack up.

George: But I didn't bring a rag.
G.O.B.: Fine. Put the ether on the puppet's lips and have the puppet kiss her.
Franklin: I ain't kissin' that old bitch!
George: That's my wife you bastard!
*George strangles Franklin*
G.O.B.: Dad, that's my wrist!
*George strangles G.O.B.*
Franklin: Hey, man, that's his neck!

George: It's all that fidelity and pledging yourself to a woman garbage. I mean, I wine 'em and dine 'em, but I don't let 'em tell me what to do. *to Polly* I DON'T. LET THEM TELL ME. WHAT TO DO.
Michael: Okay, I shouldn't have taken the pumps out of here.

Beach patron: Loose seal! Watch out for loose seal!
Buster: I'm not listening to Lucille! She lies!

Michael: Look, my mother needs something that I can't give her. Oh, how should I put this... maybe a little afternoon delight?"
Narrator: But Oscar thought Michael was talking about a particular brand of cannabis called "Afternoon Delight," known for its slowing effect on behavior.
Oscar: Of course, the question is how should I get it in her...
Michael: I don't need any details...
Oscar: Maybe... I'll put it in her brownie.
Michael: HEY!

George: Your tweety bird dance just cost us a run, you moron!
post #20 of 102
"Say goodbye to THESE!"

"You don't get nature, do you?"

Mrs. Featherbottom's Mary Poppins act just about put me in traction.

"My ilLUSions, Michael! You're tired of my stupid ilLUSions!"
post #21 of 102
"The army had half day."
post #22 of 102
oldie, but a goodie . . . . .

Lucille: If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong! I love all of my children equally!

(earlier that day)

Lucille: I don't care for Gob.
post #23 of 102
Ron Howard: "Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap."


"And that's how you narrate a story."

Uncle Jack (who, remember, isn't their real uncle): "I WON'T GO WHEELCHAIR!"
post #24 of 102
Buster (as Franklin): I don't want no part of your tight-ass country club you freak bitch!

J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note!

Tobias: I know you’re the big marriage expert. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead.

Tobias: You and your wife weren't really talking near the end.
Michael: Yeah, a lot of that was the coma. . .

Pastor Veal: Can we open up some sparkling apple cider?
Michael: No.
Pastor Veal: Oh, did you want us to go down to the liquor store and get you some liquor?

George Michael: I have pop-pop in the attic.
Michael: What? The mere fact you call making love pop-pop proves you're not ready.
post #25 of 102
And THAT'S why you don't teach lessons!
post #26 of 102
"It's never who you hope... think..."

"I'm doing the time of my LIFE!"
post #27 of 102
Michael Cera showcase (his comic timing is legitimately impeccable):

Maeby: That Steve sure knows how to please a lady.
George Michael: Good. I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. I guess it makes sense, you know, older guys expect certain things.
Maeby: They do?
George Michael: What a fun, sexy time for you.

Maeby: Can you believe this? They’re still fighting.
George Michael: Yeah, I know. I’m tempted to kiss again just so we can
teach them a lesson.
Maeby: And why would that teach them a lesson?
George Michael: Oh, I mean, to freak them out.
Maeby: Yeah? But that doesn’t make any sense.
George Michael: Well, isn’t that what makes it funny? I’m laughing. Go fish. Uno.

Maeby: Go.
George Michael: Oh, you... Yeah, I’m gonna, um, (Clears throat.) I’m gonna
stay out here and, uh, and watch that famous Reno sunset.
Maeby: Isn’t it behind you?
George Michael: There’s... Yeah, but there’s mirrors. It’ll actually look closer...
George Michael: We’re just having a little fun, you know.
Ann 2.0: I think that church and studying are fun. I thought you felt the same.
George Michael: Well, I do. I like not having fun. I like your idea of fun... I mean, our idea of fun. I like not having that.

George Michael: Yeah, I’m gonna need a leather jacket for when I’m on my hog and need to go into a controlled slide.

George Michael: Sorry. Sometimes I just don’t know if it’s going to be a long hug or a short hug or like a middle or a medium hug. It’s hard to tell sometimes. Yeah. It was, it was good. That’s plenty for now. Okay, hug’s gotta end sometime. Obviously.

Jessie: Hi, George Michael. Proud of yourself?
George Michael: Yeah, actually. I got a bum away from the stand without hurting his feelings. That was pretty sweet.

George Michael: You know, say what you will about America. 13 bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.
G.O.B.: Who said anything bad about America?

George Michael: Yeah? Wow. He’s really gone. But you know, I think that if he was here right now, I would probably tell him that it all worked out. And that, um, I’ll be bringing you some salmon rolls right away. In heaven.
post #28 of 102
Cera's amazing. I love how he actually channels Bateman's deadpan at times:

George Sr.: You tell my brother you don't wear a dead man's pants!
George Michael: Yeah...I'm probally not going to tell him that.
post #29 of 102
Two of my all-time favorite exchanges:

George, Sr.: I’m paying thousands of dollars in Krugerrands.
Lindsay: What?
George, Sr.: Gold Krugerrands. Your mother snuck them in here, stuffed them in energy bar wrappers to keep me from getting strangled in the shower --or worse.
Lindsay: Stabbed?
George, Sr.: In a way.


Michael: You think I’m comfortable asking you to do this? I mean, he needs you, Mom.
Lucille: Did he say that? Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife’s embrace?
[flashback to] George, Sr.: Daddy horny, Michael.
Michael: He said some wonderful things.
post #30 of 102
It's as Ann as the nose on plain's face.
post #31 of 102
George Michael is great.

George Michael: I’m sorry. We really should get another tape.
Michael: Mm.
George Michael: I mean, they’re not expensive.

Michael to George, Sr.: You're a regular Brad Garrett.

Michael: Isn't that right, Mr. Manager?
George Michael: Mr. Manager!
Micheal: Manager... We just say 'manager'.

Michael: This is not a Volv-O... Glad I didn't spring for color.

Michael: Get rid of the Sea Word.
Lucille: I will leave when I'm good and ready.

Gob.: Wai...what? One of this guy's eyebrows just fell into the bowl of candy beans.
Sitwell: Oh, I'm sorry. I brought a spare.
Gob: Well I hope you brought a spare bowl of candy beans!!

Gob: I heard the jury's still out
post #32 of 102
A George Michael gem from last night: "Well, I’ve been thinking. You know, I mean, every society has their own rules about this stuff. For instance, in some states, it’s legal to marry your own cousin. California’s blocked it twice, but that’s only because they tacked it onto an estate law thing that wasn’t gonna pass. We had the signatures..."
post #33 of 102
In one of the episodes where Maebe is reading scripts in her office she picks one up that's titled Operation: Hot Mother or just Hot Mother but I never was able to see who wrote it, anyone ever catch that?
post #34 of 102

"If you like the small, why don't you come back for the medium!"
post #35 of 102
Yeah, there's definitely a script that says "Operation: Hot Mother."

The Maeby as a Hollywood Exec. stuff is some of my favorite stuff from the show:

Jeff Garlin: I'm not drunk. But I'm willing to be. Hint.
Maeby: Oh, Mort, you're going to be so easy to blackmail.

Ron Howard: But it was wreaking havoc on her language...
Maeby: Why don't we just buy a new fucking refrigerator?

I think it's refrigerator.
post #36 of 102
Marry me!
post #37 of 102
I'm sorry, I forgot who I was talking to.
post #38 of 102
buster: come on, you douche bags, we’re all on the same team!
gob: don’t listen to him. he’ll never stand up to the man. he’s a chicken. a chicken. coka, coka, coka, coh!
buster: my whole life you’ve called me a chicken. but that’s over now. i have nothing to prove.
gob: coka, coka, coh! coka, coka, coka, coh! coka, coka, coka...
buster: that is not how a chicken sounds. chickens don’t clap! chickens don’t clap!

lindsay: chaw, chee-chaw, chee-chaw.
gob: oh, this is priceless.
michael: you look ridiculous...
gob: coka-coh! coka-coh! coka-coka-coka-coh...
michael: come on. these aren’t even birds.

michael: what? why does everybody think that i’m scared of girls?
george sr: because you’re a chicken. you’re a chicken! coo-coo ca-cha! coo-coo ca-cha!
michael: what are you doing?
lucille: michael and women?! a-koodle-doodle doo!
george sr: coo-coo ca-cha!
lindsay: that’s what i was just telling him. cha! cha!
george sr: coo-coo ca-cha!
lucille: koodle-doodle!
michael: look, i haven’t found the right girl. when i do, i will ask her out. has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?
post #39 of 102
In the first episode that she gets a script, there's one called "Lost Innocence" or something, and the title is crossed out with "The 17 year-old Virgin" written on top, the author is "Judd Apacow".
post #40 of 102
Originally Posted by Shane
In the first episode that she gets a script, there's one called "Lost Innocence" or something, and the title is crossed out with "The 17 year-old Virgin" written on top, the author is "Judd Apacow".
Yeah, it was "The 17 Year Old Virgin". The script next to it was called "Losin' it".
post #41 of 102
Lucille: ...BITCH!

Buster: ...WHORE!...

Michael: All right, can we keep the piercing profanities down when the 90 year old fitness buff gets here?

G.O.B.: Don't call my escorts whores!
post #42 of 102
Tobias: Oh, great, you're mocking me. You selfish Cun-
[realises Maebe is watching]
Tobias: try-music loving lady!
post #43 of 102
lucille 2: read me the appetizers again.
gob: "fried cheese... with club sauce."
lucille 2: oh...
gob: “popcorn shrimp... with club sauce.”
lucille 2: (moans)
gob: “chicken fingers...”
lucille 2: oh, stop it, you’re making me dizzy.
gob: “...with spicy club sauce.”
lucille 2: no, i mean stop it!
post #44 of 102
"That was 90% gravity"

"What happened to your head?!"
"Nothing....GOB was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer"
post #45 of 102
Thread Starter 

"You've ruined the act, G.O.B."

Buster: "Now for my magic trick."
G.O.B.: "It's not a trick."

White Power Bill: "WHITE POWER!!!"
*stabs G.O.B.*
G.O.B.: "But... I'M white..."
post #46 of 102
"On the plus side, you can bring him to lunch at the club now."
"That's the kind of joke he would have loved."
post #47 of 102
"Lord knows they're squinters!"
post #48 of 102
Maybe my favorite Tobias speech:

"Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. (gruff voice) I'm not gonna cry about my pa. I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? Because, you know, they'll just come back in unexpected - (opens fridge) Hey! Where the fuck are my hard-boiled eggs?
post #49 of 102
Babysit Me!
post #50 of 102
There is something about how Bateman delivers the line:

"Mother of God! Every damn time! This is a big one. . ."

After getting burned by the Cornballer that kills me.
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