"Her?" - The ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT quote thread - Page 2

Very true. And I like the cocaine line better.

not verbatim, but:

Barry Zuckercorn drives up by the sidewalk as a "lady" of the night awaits a customer.

Barry: You aren't one of those silly men that dress up like a woman, are you?

Hooker: No, I'm all.....

Barry, hearing "No," steps on the gas and tears away....


and:

"Those are balls!"

and

"I wish those were balls!"


Just a squirt of frosting down ones throat....

Maeby: Oh, hey, Michael. My dad wanted me to thank you for the romantic getaway. Don't tell me what that means.
Michael: Where is your dad?
Maeby: He left dressed all westerny. You can leave me out of that part, too.
Narrator: And Michael realized that perhaps somebody would get hurt
Michael: I screwed my brother-in-law.
Maeby: Well, I'm all grown up now.

tobias: well yes, but i’m afraid i prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now i’m afraid i have something of a mess on my hands.
michael: there are just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

Narrator: Michael was filled with self-loathing. Had he been Jack the Ripper he would have soothed himself in a most unsavory way. But instead, he just sat in his car and ate a whole thing of candy beans.

Maebe: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maebe: Across from where?

GOB: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
GOB: That's my son, you pothead!

Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now?
GOB: They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal.
GOB: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.

Michael: One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can't believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous.
GOB: So you came back here to hide like a child.
Michael: What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?
GOB: Hiding FROM a child. Big difference.
Michael: GOB, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection.
GOB: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my god. What is this feeling?
Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling".
GOB: It's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
GOB: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard... maybe I am ready to be a father

Lucille: How's my son?
Doctor: He's going to be all right.
Lindsay: Finally some good news from this guy.
George Michael: There's no other way to take that.
Doctor: That's a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
Lucille: But you said he was all right.
Doctor: Yes, he's lost his left hand. So he's going to be "all right."
Lucille: You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor!
Lindsay: How do we keep getting this guy?
Michael: Mom, he's a very literal man.
Doctor: Yes, that's more the way I would take the news.

Tobias: Time for me to take off my receptionist skirt and put on my Barbara Streisand in the Prince Of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.
Michael: What the hell are you talking about?

Buster: You lied to me... you said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE!

Michael: I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You would do that to your brother?
Michael: I said "cot".

Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"?
George Michael: Salad dressing. But I don't really want to eat it.
Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"?
George Michael: Yeah... I can see myself marinating a chicken in that.

Dan Castenella: "...But it seems that the hole may have become infected. Doh."

"Do these effectively hide my thunder?"

"It tastes like the sad."

"I think something laid eggs in me."

"Are you trying to cry?"

"Hey! That's the name of the show!"

"There is a man inside me, and only when I let him out can I walk free of pain."

"C'mon, Justice!" (*bonk*)

gob: and if i'm going to be staying here...
lucille: staying here? what, did that mexican throw you out?
gob: she’s not “that mexican,” mom. she’s my mexican. and she’s colombian or something. anyway, it’s over.
lucille: you’ve got three days.
gob: hey...if i can’t find a horny immigrant by then, i don’t deserve to stay here.

gob: (yelling in a disguised voice) go home, you terrorist!
michael: how stupid do you have to be to say something like?
gob: (yelling) you’re not wanted here!...
(yelling) sure you didn’t make that video in a cave?!...
(yelling) get a haircut!

Barry: "You don't want to go in front of that judge. I caught him in a drag club!"

GOB: "What were you doing there?"

Barry: "Wow. Maybe you should be the lawyer."


GOB: "Franklin said some things whitey wasn't ready to hear."

Michael: "Didn't that act get you viciously beaten outside a nightclub in Torrance?"

GOB: "He said some things African-Americaney wasn't ready to hear, either."


Ann: "Teach me, Michael! Teach me the ways of the secular flesh!"


Narrator: "And that was when Tobias came face to face with the raw power of George Sr."

George Sr. "Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass!"

Lucille: Because he’s your brother, and you run around with everyone else, going on bike rides, making cornholes. Everyone’s laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster.

Tobias: Frank’s in the business, Michael. He’s got a big project for me. Says it’s “top secret.” He kind of looks like you. Same size. Same curly hair.

Also, I love the way Buster says "She's a spy!", leading to:
Lucille: It could be an alias.
Buster: Alias is a show about a spy!

Michael: It does seem like you’ve been having a whole lot of trouble since the hair transplants. Maybe you should see a boo-boo-man.
Tobias: A... “bubuman”?
Michael: Oh, uh, a doctor. It’s a British expression. Like they say “go-up box” instead of “elevator.”
Tobias: Oh, like when they say “poofter” to mean “tourist,” yes. Boy, that Rita’s a smarty.

My signature says it all.


EDIT: And another favorite (paraphrased):

Michael: Don't worry, Barry I read [the document].

Barry: Oh thank god. I could lick your n*ts.

Michael: it's oka-- huh?


-AND of course, the original and still the best:

Michael: He said some lovely things, mom.

Cut to:

George, Sr.: Daddy horny, Michael.

One of my favorites, too.

Well done.

This thread makes me happy. Damn, you FOX!!!

George Michael: "You know, you think of prison as this place full of guilty people and it doesn’t bother you that much, but if Pop-Pop could be there, then anybody could be there, and I don’t want to go to prison, Dad. I don’t think I could take it. I mean, I know I act tough, but I..."

Michael: "Is this what you’re worried about? ’Cause, you know, I got news. He’s, uh... he’s guilty."

George Michael: "He is?"

Michael: "Oh, yeah. Incredibly guilty."

It's the sweet moments that really make the show.

Both of these are a little off.

G.O.B.: So. This is how you repay me for how I repay you.

Just caught this gem from the last episode. A little play on George, Sr.

Rita: Let’s have our fun. Rita corny, Michael!

*Edited for spelling

Tobias: So you think i'm a coward.
Warden Stefan Gentles: There's only one man i've ever called "coward". That's Brian Doyle Murray. No. What i'm calling you...is an television actor.
Tobias: Outch.

I know.

That's why I prefaced the quotes with the word "paraphrased".

"Back, from whence you came!"

Not an AD quote, but funny nonetheless.

very nice diva.

That last quote reminded me of this one:

George Michael (answering phone at Bluth Company): Hello, Bluth Company ...... Talk you off what Pop Pop?
George Sr.: Oh, George Michael! . . . . . say, when's the voice of yours going to drop?

Started watching this, great stuff.

Gob: Then there's me. The joker. The goofball. The magician!
Michael: ...........I thought you were gonna do a little fireball there.
Gob: I was. It didn't go off.

I was searching for a different thread, but this popped up and I ended up reading the whole thread. What a great show. R.I.P.

"My brother wasn't optimistic it could be done! But I wouldn't take "wasn't optimistic it could be done" for an answer!"

Loved the scene where Michael talks to the two gay policeman couple (one played by Patton Oswalt) and makes a crack about them not being able to breastfeed.

Officer: "Now we may not have breasts but we are kind nuturing parents"

(Later in the hospital after Maggie (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) disappears): "You just can't seem to get over this breast thing can you"

Damn man, love this show. Think I'm gonna buy Season 1 today.

Watch out for hop ons, you will get hop ons

George Michael- Maebe?
Michael- Definitely.

Not the most hilarious quote by itself, but its one that creeps into my brain whenever someone says "maybe".

I (don't) hate to pick hairs here, but the two cops were Jerry Minor and Jay Johnston of Mr. Show fame.


And to add a quote so I don't feel like as much of a snarky asshole:

G.O.B.: If you didn’t have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn’t mind giving you a little sugar.

Mrs. Van Skoyk: Oh, G.O.B... you could charm the black off a telegram boy.

Ah, right thanks for the correction. I knew those two actors were from Mr. Show, though.

While we're discussing Arrested Development and Mr. Show, I'd like to add Bob Odenkirk's hilarious appearance as Tobias and Lindsay's therapist.

"I want to be an actor too!".

"if I'm No David Schwimmer, You're No Jennifer Aniston!!!"

Bump

GOB - Look at us Micheal... Crying like a couple of school girls...

Micheal - You're the only one crying, but okay...

GOB - And to think, you whipped up those convincing tears and everything!

"You look like you're hunting dragons. In the future."


GOB: It's Saddam.
*Buster slides into frame and whispers*
Buster: Hussein!


Also, when Buster mistakenly thinks he's in Mexico, and he tries to communicate by speaking English...with a Mexican accent.

"I am loooooking for a plaaaaace to liiiiiiive."

GOB is leaving his house in the morning as his wife, Marta, stands in the doorway watching him leave.

Marta: Te quiero!
GOB: (turning around and letting out a sigh) English please.
Marta: I love you!
GOB: Thanks, now I'm late.

"Bye, 'girl Michael.'"


When Ice is at the apartment with the walkie talkie, and he radios to GOB (who's standing right there) "he's moving" immediately echoes on GOB's radio ("he's moving" *chgghghghg* "he's moving"), nearly makes me shit myself every time.

Also non-verbal: when Michael forgets Anne in Mexico... the look he and George Michael exchange right as they cut to them driving back down to get her: priceless.


Tobias: "Why am I not going underwater? WHY AM I NOT GOING UNDERWATER?!"

"This is the first any of us at Gobius have heard of a... 'land deal.'"
"Maybe we could borrow against that land!"


Another thing I love/didn't notice till like the 7th viewing: the episode where GOB wears the "ever escalating $$$ suit," there's a "fucking" that's broken up by a cut that stretches over the course of the episode. They cut him off at "fu" early on, then cut back to the same scene later with the "cking $7000 suit! Come on!" God, such an amazingly layered show.

Sitwell: The only thing I ask is, out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
G.O.B.: That’s great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we’re saying?

__

G.O.B.: So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It’s, like, die already!

__

Lucille: She’d love to get at me any way she could. That’s why she’s been flirting with G.O.B. She’s trying to prove that she’s closer to my children than I am, but the joke’s on her, because she doesn’t know how little I care for G.O.B.
Michael: I think that makes the joke on G.O.B.


Anyone else secretly wish that they don't even bother making a movie? I don't want them to sully the magic the show had during it's run.

Gob: So get this, I took his “dress” eyebrows.
Narrator: Sitwell suffered from a disease that rendered him completely hairless.
Michael: He’s not going to be happy about that…
Gob: No, especially when he goes to the opera with two moustaches on his forehead.

It being winter and there no longer being football on, I've been working my way through the entire series. Wow. I'd caught some of the episodes when they originally aired, but not many. This show is ridiculously clever... like, way too clever for its own good. Just brilliant. I don't have any lines to add at the moment. I will say, however, that the term "Mayon-Egg" has lodged itself in my mind.

Aw, Ann-Hog's coming?

From Meat the Veals, when Michael meets Ann's mother:

 

Michael: Don't you think they're a little too young?

Pastor Veal: Well we got serious around his age.

Michael: Well, who could blame you?  You gotta lock that down.

 

Later in the church:

 

Pastor Veal: You kissed my wife?

Michael: No, she started kissing me.  You really should lock that down.

Jason Bateman is so damned great that I want to pleasure him secularly.

Michael:  "...and you guys deserve a party."

(workers cheer)

Michael:  "I didn't mean right now.  Just some time in the future when we have a bunch of extra food and liquor."

(Lucille pulls up and shouts out the car window)

Lucille:  "LUPE!!!  I NEED HELP WITH THESE GROCERIES!!!:

Lindsay:  "How bout just liquor?"

In the conjugal visit trailer Michael tries to stop Lucille from sleeping with the warden:

 

Michael: My heart is kinda broken too.  I've been denying it lately, but, I just can't deal with the fact that my family is falling apart now that I really need you.

Lucille: Oh, Michael, I wanna cry so bad... but I don't think I can spare the moisture.

Michael: Well, listen.. (best awkward pause and facial expression in history)