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Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades...

post #1 of 24
2/11/06 at 3:51pm
Thread Starter 
Didn't exactly have me rolling, but I thought this was appropriate with the onslaught of Gillette advertising lately and their ridiculous new products:

Gillette CEO Loses It
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post #2 of 24
2/11/06 at 3:56pm
I remember this article from a couple of years ago. When I saw a five-blade system advertised recently I couldn't believe it. It's like they said the same thing in marketing. "Fuck it. Let's do five blades."
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post #3 of 24
2/11/06 at 4:08pm
Thread Starter 
The thing is, there was also a parody commercial done by SNL in the 70's about a 3-blade razor before there were any. "Because you'll believe anything" was the closing line. I've been looking for it online but can't find it.
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post #4 of 24
2/11/06 at 4:34pm
Meh a little part of me was hoping to hear about a Wesley Snipes sequel.
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post #5 of 24
2/11/06 at 4:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neal
The thing is, there was also a parody commercial done by SNL in the 70's about a 3-blade razor before there were any. "Because you'll believe anything" was the closing line. I've been looking for it online but can't find it.
I remember that SNL commercial. I think it was in the mid 80s, though, not the 70s. They called the razor the 'Triple-Track', and did the whole commercial straight, like any other Gillette commercial. Then at the end, they hit you with that 'Because you'll believe anything' line and just killed. Great fake commercial. It's right up there with Phil Hartmann selling 'Colon Blow' cereal.
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post #6 of 24
2/11/06 at 5:36pm
Wow, I forgot about that article. I remember the first time I read it I couldnt stop laughing.

But isnt the new razor 6 blades? 5 to shave and another singleone on the opposite side for "shaping"?
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post #7 of 24
2/11/06 at 6:07pm
I wouldn't believe the new Gillette Fusion exists in reality unless I saw it at the supermarket yesterday. I remember the Onion article, but thanks for the reminder.

The last "razor system" they released is only, what, a few years old? Suddenly I'm getting flashes of the future where everyone is shaving with a 20 micro-blade sysem from Gillette. A pack of 2 replacement blades costs 20 bucks.
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post #8 of 24
2/11/06 at 6:41pm
You know, as silly as it sounds, I think that Gillette can do no wrong, and Schick can do no right. I try all the new stuff that comes out (I'm very hirsute), and Gillette KEEPS MAKING THEM BETTER.

Eventually, the razor will be 7 inches tall, and you'll only have to move it 1cm to shave your whole cheek.
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post #9 of 24
2/11/06 at 7:37pm
Im currently using a Schick Quattro, without the vibrator action!, and it's my favorite razor. I thought 4 was too much but it works well. I'll give 5 a shot.

I wonder if Schick has something just totally insane up their sleeve.

Maybe a a 5 blade razor with aloe strips BETWEEN THE BLADES!!!!! BOOYAH!
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post #10 of 24
2/11/06 at 9:57pm
I just bought one of these new Gillette Fusion razors last week. 5 blades on one side, a shaping blade on the other for under the nose. It's pretty darn good. $10 in Canada and $15 for 2 or 3 pack replacements. It's be a little cheaper U.S.
Can't wait for the 6 blade gas-powered model coming next Christmas.

Pierre
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post #11 of 24
2/11/06 at 10:09pm
Somebody find that MAD TV commercial for the Mach 20.
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post #12 of 24
2/12/06 at 12:23am
The Mach 3 was great when I first tried it. Eventually I tried the Shick Quattro and was spoiled on that, as it could get an even closer shave. But I have no idea how a fifth blade could possibly be an improvement. I suppose it could just make shaving quicker, but not closer.

Hell, I'd try it. The last three razors I've gotten were free, anyways.
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post #13 of 24
2/12/06 at 1:16am
I was going to make a post about the Gillette Fusion the other day. Five blades. FIVE! Why do we need five? How long until Schick does 6 just for the hell of it? OR maybe they'll skip 6 and go straight to 7.
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post #14 of 24
2/12/06 at 1:19am
I somehow got a free Fusion in the mail a few weeks ago, and laugh all you want, it's a damn smooth shave.
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post #15 of 24
2/12/06 at 2:08am
Yeah, but nowhere near as smooth as my lawnmower. It's electric, it has twenty-three blades, and you wouldn't believe how long it takes for your facial hair to grow back when you don't have any more skin.
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post #16 of 24
2/12/06 at 5:03am
Wasn't the last razor we made fun the Gillette Mach 3 Turbo? Good times. I remember someone made an MS Paint drawing of using the razor and bleeding from the neck.
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post #17 of 24
2/12/06 at 8:05am
The next revolution in shaving will be a wall of blades that you mount in your pathroom and just slide your face up and down against it. I can see the marketing now:

"Honey, which section of the 'X-treme wall-o-blades' did you just use on your legs?"

Frankly the whole "add a blade every year or so and make them buy our overpriced crap all over again" business model has made me want to seek out an learn how to use a goddamn straight razor.

It's the same, transparent "lets keep the consumer on the hook for consumables until we change the change the product ever so slightly in the next fiscal year and force them to buy it all over again" approach to consumer goods that keeps me from buying any one of the bajillions of Swiffer products when a mop and some J-cloths do the job just as well.
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post #18 of 24
2/12/06 at 1:16pm
This razor goes to eleven.
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post #19 of 24
2/12/06 at 1:42pm
Ah, a good thread. But I'd still prefer shards of glass.
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post #20 of 24
2/12/06 at 1:55pm
Thread Starter 
Well, while we're on the subject, here's something even more ridiculous:

10 Blade Razor
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post #21 of 24
2/12/06 at 2:50pm
That's a joke right?
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post #22 of 24
2/13/06 at 12:36pm
Thread Starter 
No.
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post #23 of 24
2/13/06 at 12:55pm
This is one reason why we'll continue to see this escalate. "Innovation" is the only way to stay on WM's shelves.
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post #24 of 24
2/13/06 at 3:54pm
Quote:
The razor helps close, smooth, and comfortable shaves by rotating continually at a high speed. It also plays at invariable speed, ensuring the overall effectiveness.
What could possibly go wrong with ten spinning blades on your face?

And did anyone see that Daily Show from a year or so ago when Colbert or Cordry showed off their design for a new razor to some execs? It was basically six or seven razors on stalks tied to a central rotating base, so you ended up with a bunch of razors flailing about.
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