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Option Two Discussion

post #1 of 7
4/12/06 at 10:13pm
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By Jeremy G. Butler

http://chud.com/stories/6301
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post #2 of 7
4/12/06 at 10:51pm
I liked it. It started out a little awkward, but some crackling good dialogue from the Devil himself brings it home.
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post #3 of 7
4/17/06 at 11:06am
Thanks for the compliment VJ, and more importantly, thanks for reading!
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post #4 of 7
4/17/06 at 2:32pm
Good work, Jeremy. I got read this one a couple of times, and I enjoy the conundrum you put your character in.
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post #5 of 7
4/17/06 at 2:35pm
Thanks Ian, especially. Your feedback was most appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it.
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post #6 of 7
4/21/06 at 3:09am
Agree. The devil's a really good character in this. I'm a person who likes a happy ending so I was a little bummed that the narrator didn't find a way to turn things around. Other than that, I think your writing moves and your sense of story was good, excellent flow and twists. I think this story could benefit from some copy editing -- streamline some of exposition and even some of the narrator's dialogue. In other words, you could tell the same story but make it leaner, which would place more of an emphasis on the devil's revelations. Maybe also give the story more of a sense of time and place - I couldn't visualize the kid's room or the geography of the house. But those are minor and fixable. I think there's a very good story in here. Nice work!
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post #7 of 7
4/21/06 at 10:30am
Hey, thanks for the compliments and suggestions. Very much appreciated and I'm inclined to agree with you on everything. Thanks for reading!
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