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Baby arrives - man goes to pieces

post #1 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:00pm
Thread Starter 
Just got back from the hospital - Terminator 2 hath arisen.



Talk about the best laid plans and all. I get home from work and the missus is having contractions 40 mins apart. 'Should we go?' I say. She replies 'let's wait until they are 10 mins apart.' (Our previous kid took 12 hours to arrive after this point)

Five minutes later - when she's lying in agony on the bathroom floor - they're 4 mins apart. 2 minutes later the baby's head starts showing. I ring for an ambulance and a paramedic arrives just when I've got Matthew a quarter of the way into my hands, I'm ankle deep in snot and yuck, and I'm thinking 'Aaaargh ... what the fuck am I supposed to do?'. Complete panic. Total brain meltdown.

Thankfully he knew what he was doing and everything turned out well.
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post #2 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:09pm
Congrats - and as soon as he's old enough, train him to fetch you the newspaper and a glass of orange juice every morning.
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post #3 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:18pm
Congratulations! - On the new son and for not running screaming into the night as soon as your wife started to give birth right there on your bathroom floor.

Did you use the Scientology quiet birth method?
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post #4 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:31pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hewlett
Congratulations! - On the new son and for not running screaming into the night as soon as your wife started to give birth right there on your bathroom floor.

Did you use the Scientology quiet birth method?
LOL. Nothing quiet about it at all. The missus is in agony, calling me all the names under the sun. I'm holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder whilst the emergency operator talks me through what I've got to do and I'm screaming 'Yeah - I know, but you've got the get the ambulance here NOW!'. In the background my other little lad is crying his eyes out because his mummy is upset. Blood (and other stuff) everywhere.

Not how we planned it at all. I suppose if you're a midwife or a nurse or a doctor you get used to this kind of thing, but to me it was just a total nightmare. I'm just glad the paramedic got to us when he did because I was out of ideas right at that moment.
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post #5 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:36pm
Congratulations Geoff! Nice catch!
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post #6 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:43pm
My wife and I actually went the unassisted route for the birth of our second last year, so I can relate. She had no drugs, no tearing. Everything went perfectly. It was a fantastic experience, and keeping the medical profession OUT of birth has been proven to be very good. (Many women, their labor immediately stops, or at least slows down, when they're taken into the hospital, simply because biologically, it makes no sense to be there. From an evolutionary standpoint, the woman wants to be somewhere quiet and safe. Not in a room full of strangers who take turns in shoving their hands up her vagina.)

Congrats on the birth!
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post #7 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:53pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boney
My wife and I actually went the unassisted route for the birth of our second last year, so I can relate. She had no drugs, no tearing. Everything went perfectly.
We had a bit of bad luck. Christine tore quite badly (I've just come back from the hospital where they had to put a lot of stitches in). She did with our first child. This complicated everything. There was so much blood and she was in so much agony I simply didn't know which hand to put where. Once we managed to get Matthew out and the cord severed it was like being washed over by a wave of relief. I was physically and mentally exhausted.

I mean, it's a great experience looking back on it now - but at the time I didn't know my head from my ass.
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post #8 of 43
4/13/06 at 8:59pm
Congratulations!

A future young conservative.
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post #9 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:02pm
So this is what the Antichrist looks like...

... or is it the other one ?

Anyway, it's still an unknown pleasure/pain for me (yet), but from what I heard ( 3 of my friends who are doctors shares a lots of stories. A LOT.), she could have it much worse. Glad she's safe.

Félicitations !
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post #10 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:09pm
Congratulations! Scary moment, to be sure.

Speedy recovery for your wife, and a healthy beginning for the baby!
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post #11 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:10pm
Congrats nigga. Wait, what did I just say?
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post #12 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:20pm
You know, if you had actually PLANNED to have the baby in the bathroom, of course, everything would have gone flawlessly.

Cheers! And just be glad it doesn't look like your mailman or gardener.
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post #13 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geoff Foster

I mean, it's a great experience looking back on it now - but at the time I didn't know my head from my ass.
Good thing the kid did.

Congrats sir, a couple more of those and you'll have your own football team!
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post #14 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:42pm
Glad that crazy scene worked out for the best. Hope your wife feels better soon, poor dear.
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post #15 of 43
4/13/06 at 9:49pm
As a father myself, let me say this: Ha ha!!

Too bad you weren't in an elevator when it happened, and then the elevator broke down. That's the best.

When my baby was born, in a hospital, no delivering myself thank Gob, I thought that I was going to be a tough guy, after all, I've seen footage of childbirth, right? It won't freak me out.

Bullshit. I wish I had a picture of the look on my face when the birth happened. Can't believe I didn't faint.
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post #16 of 43
4/13/06 at 11:11pm
That's the most adorable elephant I've ever seen. Congrats!
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post #17 of 43
4/14/06 at 12:23am
congrats.
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post #18 of 43
4/14/06 at 1:25am
Congratulations, Geoff.
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post #19 of 43
4/14/06 at 4:00am
He's a fortunate kid. Good show, and good luck.
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post #20 of 43
4/14/06 at 4:16am
My wife was in labor for 12 hours with our first child, so when she started having contractions with our second we kinda had something of a laisse faire attitude about it.

We go to the hospital, get checked into the room, and I'll be damned if the baby wasn't born less than thirty minutes later. Yeah, the second labor reaaaally blows by fast compared to the first (generally...I'm sure there's exceptions).

At least now you've got a great story to tell the kiddo years from now...mine would be, "And your daddy stood nearby and tried not to look past mommy's waist as the doctor and nurses took care of everything."

Congratulations!
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post #21 of 43
4/14/06 at 5:30am
Congratulations Geoff. Your fate is sealed.
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post #22 of 43
4/14/06 at 6:26am
Children: Little people...who look like you....and don't pay rent.

Congrats. That makes 2? Now when something is broke, you'll have no idea who broke it.
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post #23 of 43
4/14/06 at 6:58am
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the messages everyone. Just got back from the hospital where the missus is growling at everyone for not letting her and Matthew go home. Time to reacquaint myself with lots of interrupted sleep. Oh ... and baby sick. Yeeeeuch.
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post #24 of 43
4/14/06 at 7:42am
Well done, Geoff. All the best to you and yours.
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post #25 of 43
4/14/06 at 8:54am
Actually with the second one, you only get little bits of interrupted sleep. The rest of the time, you'll be walking around like a zombie. How old is your other one?

Congrats, by the way. You had a hell of an experience, and you handled it well. Cute kid, too.
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post #26 of 43
4/14/06 at 9:17am
Big congrats, Geoff. You've done well getting through that. I have an ex who is a London paramedic and he would give me the low-down on what it was like to help a woman give birth. Quite messy (and loud). Basically the entire ambulance would get covered in blood - which he would have to clean (yuck). I'd like to think you were able to have someone else clean up the bathroom.
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post #27 of 43
4/14/06 at 9:37am
Congrats! Just think, you now know how you'll do under pressure. Fantastically.
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post #28 of 43
4/14/06 at 10:01am
that is awesome. Congrats.. childbirth is an amazing thing.
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post #29 of 43
4/14/06 at 11:28am
Congrats Geoff! And you've probably already tossed it in the garbage, but keep in mind the umbilical cord contains more Potassium than a banana. Gotta keep your energy up and those cramps out!
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post #30 of 43
4/14/06 at 11:39am
You may think you melted down, Geoff, but you actually came through in the clutch. Nice work and congratulations.
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post #31 of 43
4/14/06 at 11:42am
Good on ya, Geoff! Way to keep it together in a wicked-stressful situation. All the best to you, your wife, and kids.

Incidentally, the second child is waaaaay easier than the first, in my experience (1 1/2 and 3 1/2 year olds).
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post #32 of 43
4/14/06 at 11:59am
Congrats, Geoff!
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post #33 of 43
4/14/06 at 11:59am


I wish you and your wife all the best on the blessed event.
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post #34 of 43
4/14/06 at 1:13pm
Hooray for babies!

Congrats on pulling through.
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post #35 of 43
4/14/06 at 1:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shane
Hooray for babies!
Hooray for healthy, normal, WHITE babies.

Thanks for shoring up the Master Race, Geoff!
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post #36 of 43
4/14/06 at 1:49pm
Potty training should be interesting:

"Daddy, this room seems ... familiar."

Congrats!
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post #37 of 43
4/14/06 at 2:07pm
Congratulations to you and your wife.
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post #38 of 43
4/14/06 at 3:06pm
Congratulations Geoff!

I don't think you went to pieces, I think you did great.

Way to keep your cool and what a great story for the grandkids.

I bet your wife thinks you're the greatest superhero ever.
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post #39 of 43
4/14/06 at 4:04pm
Yikes, what a birth! Best wishes to you and your (adorable) family. May they return home healthy and well soon.
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post #40 of 43
4/15/06 at 3:52am
All the very best to you & the family Geoff. I trust you'll give us some updates as time goes by.

Raising a glass to you all.
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post #41 of 43
4/15/06 at 5:25pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks again to everyone who has posted. I just put the photos together and Matthew seems almost the twin of his older brother. Same grumpy expression. Much darker hair, tho.

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post #42 of 43
4/15/06 at 7:23pm
Whoa, how did I miss this thread? Congratulations on the action packed birthday! Birthday? Uh, day of birth. Anyway, seriously, congratulations. I think I would've fainted.
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post #43 of 43
4/15/06 at 8:11pm
Wait, the baby comes from Mummy's tummy? Where does the stork fit into all this?

Congrats on the new team member Geoff, you're only 9 more away from a kick-ass league side.

And kia kaha to little Matthew.
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