CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE MAIN SEWER › Movie Miscellany › Movies you dislike, but are not worth their own thread detailing their faults
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Movies you dislike, but are not worth their own thread detailing their faults

post #1 of 183
6/4/06 at 11:57pm
Thread Starter 
I'll go first:

MR. AND MRS. SMITH: Here's a novel idea. Let's make an action film and make sure to have no villain at all. Then to top things off let's make sure that Brad Pitt displays nothing close to charm or charisma.
Reply
post #2 of 183
6/5/06 at 12:00am
Freedomland: It's a dumb, boring feature length episode of Law and Order with Samuel L. doing his typical Samuel L. performance. They try to do something with racism, they fail.
Reply
post #3 of 183
6/5/06 at 12:11am
London: an hour and a half of Jason Statham and Chris Evans in a bathroom doing coke. This movie pulled off the rare feat of not only making Jason Statham uncool, but just a bitch.
Reply
post #4 of 183
6/5/06 at 12:14am
"The Legend of Zorro". Let's take 7 years off to "get the script right", only to come up with a lame divorce, spunky kid, and stock Rufus Sewell villain. All that great action we did in the first one, let's cut that shit out. Actually, let's endeavor to not do anything even resembling the original film that people actually liked.
Reply
post #5 of 183
6/5/06 at 12:41am

Need I repeat?

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Okay, you have a bunch of very enthusiatic people like Hammer & Tongs, only they make a turd that completely disrespects Douglas Adams. The BBC mini-series was superior in comparison.
Reply
post #6 of 183
6/5/06 at 12:45am
Couldn't agree more, Stew.

Hollywood Homicide: Hey, let's do another tired, lame buddy-cop adventure and market it as a witty satire of cops and showbiz. And we'll hire an embarrassed Josh Harnett and disinterested Harrison Ford to star. And we gotta show Ford humping the air and making viagra jokes cause that's comedy gold, right guys?

Beverly Hills Cop III: An atrocious, piece of shit that Murphy did only for a 15 figure paycheck. Landis continued his downward spiral with this and the equally shitty-Blues Brothers 2000.
Reply
post #7 of 183
6/5/06 at 1:23am
HOstel, lame and stupid and incredibly UNgory
Reply
post #8 of 183
6/5/06 at 1:24am
Incredibly ungory? As in, "It's incredible how much gore this movie didn't have"? I'm not going to say it's the hardest most violent thing out there, but Incredibly ungory?
Reply
post #9 of 183
6/5/06 at 1:31am
The "Assault on Precinct 13th" remake and "Hostage" with Bruce Willis are the SAME MOVIE.
Reply
post #10 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:50am
Mission: Impossible III. Why go to the bother of creating an all-new story when we can recycle elements of the first two and cash our checks?
Reply
post #11 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:59am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desert_Squirrel
London: an hour and a half of Jason Statham and Chris Evans in a bathroom doing coke. This movie pulled off the rare feat of not only making Jason Statham uncool, but just a bitch.
I'm pretty sure it's Jessica Biel on the cover. Are you sure coke is all Statham and Evans do?
Reply
post #12 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:33am
Johnny Depp & Tim Burton's Chocolate Factory.

Burton continues his streak of not-that-good flicks and includes a fascinating, but unlikable performance from Johnny that grates, alongside endless repetetive songs that made me want to spit at the screen. I thought the children and old people were the only redeeming qualities. Some might disagree I am guessing.
Reply
post #13 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabfunk
The "Assault on Precinct 13th" remake and "Hostage" with Bruce Willis are the SAME MOVIE.
Only Hostage was good.
Reply
post #14 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Daywalker
Only Hostage was good.
They're both reasonably good, and Charlie's not too bad either.
Reply
post #15 of 183
6/5/06 at 5:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desslar
I'm pretty sure it's Jessica Biel on the cover. Are you sure coke is all Statham and Evans do?
Evans sits in the bathroom with Statham, both doing enough coke that would make Scarface tell them to take it easy. Evans proceeds to bitch about how angry he is that London (Biel) left him. We get flashbacks to their relationship where we see Evans treating her like shit and she leaves him. Statham meanwhile talks about how he likes to sit under a glass table while girls shit on it.

That's the movie.
Reply
post #16 of 183
6/5/06 at 8:34am
King Arthur: Let's strip everything magical away from the myth, add a spunky and thoroughly unlikeable Keira Knightley to the mix, let them babble a bit about freedom (cuz that's what they do in these movies, rite lol) and finish up with a villain and his son who are not only completely unmotivated, but are never even mentioned by name throughout the movie.

The Island: Let's try to make this a "smart" movie... okay I'm bored let's blow shit up. Hey, did you notice the XBox ad? LOLOLOLZzzZ

Nightwatch: Oh hey, did you see this nifty camera trick? How about these three filters I'm using now? That's some fast editing isn't it? EDGY!!!!!!! Do you know what the fuck is going on? Aah, not really that important. AFTER EFFECTS REPRAZENT!
Reply
post #17 of 183
6/5/06 at 9:31am
When A Stranger Calls Remake Hey, remember that classic horror film that had a guy actually MURDER CHILDREN? Let's remake it into a PG-13 snorefest with a body count of a whopping 1.
Reply
post #18 of 183
6/5/06 at 9:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by detonathor
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Okay, you have a bunch of very enthusiatic people like Hammer & Tongs, only they make a turd that completely disrespects Douglas Adams. The BBC mini-series was superior in comparison.
While not a great film, I don't think it disrespects Adams at all. The scenes on the Vogon homeworld seemed like vintage Adams to me.
Reply
post #19 of 183
6/5/06 at 10:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Daywalker
Only Hostage was good.
I actually preffer Assault on Precinct 13th, because it didn't have the annoying kids in it. Also, it was darker, better directed and all in all, more entertaining. It's a shame, because I really liked Florent Emilio Siri's The Nest.

Otherwise, The Jacket and Skeleton Key doesn't deserve a thread.
Reply
post #20 of 183
6/5/06 at 10:31am
XXX 2: Replace your lead with a rapper, add embarassing computer fx & pimp'd cars and archieve to make Willem Dafoe look bad.

Voila, a movie worse than HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING:
Reply
post #21 of 183
6/5/06 at 12:59pm
"Octopussy". Bond has a shred of credibility left? Can't have that, let's dress him up not only as a gorilla, but a clown too. Yeah, that's gold. And lest people still find some enjoyment in watching scantily clad exotic beauties, let's cast Maud "I was not sexy and borderline too old 10 years" Adams as the Bond girl.
Reply
post #22 of 183
6/5/06 at 1:13pm
THE BROTHERS GRIMM:

How can a movie by Terry Gilliam featuring Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Peter Stormare and Monica Belluci be bad ?

Watch and sleep.

It could have been a classic, and it turned out to be dead in the water.
Reply
post #23 of 183
6/5/06 at 1:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad_Kinski
Johnny Depp & Tim Burton's Chocolate Factory.

Burton continues his streak of not-that-good flicks and includes a fascinating, but unlikable performance from Johnny that grates, alongside endless repetetive songs that made me want to spit at the screen. I thought the children and old people were the only redeeming qualities. Some might disagree I am guessing.
Watching this movie made me want to spork my eyes out and fill my ears with refrigerated grease from the White Castle down the street.

Then I came to my senses and realized it was Tim Burton who needed to be physically punished, preferrably by a lot of angry, horny oompa loompas.
Reply
post #24 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad_Kinski
Johnny Depp & Tim Burton's Chocolate Factory.

Burton continues his streak of not-that-good flicks and includes a fascinating, but unlikable performance from Johnny that grates, alongside endless repetetive songs that made me want to spit at the screen. I thought the children and old people were the only redeeming qualities. Some might disagree I am guessing.
I REALLY liked Depp's character, just would've liked to see him in a different movie. A totally uneccesary remake that couldn't hope to compare with the original in any facet. On par with the Psycho remake.
Reply
post #25 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desert_Squirrel
That's the movie.
http://www.celebritymoviearchive.com...ovie.php/15416

THAT'S the movie.
Reply
post #26 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:19pm
The Mummy and, even more so, The Mummy Returns are, in my opinion, flat-out awful. Whenever I hear someone compare this charmless, overblown franchise to the Indiana Jones movies it irritates me profoundly.

The American Pie franchise also gets the middle finger from me. The original was passable and mildly amusing at best, no. 2 was just the most obnoxious, cynical piece of shit sequel and the third one was completely superfluous.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It's not so much that I dislike this movie with any real passion, it's just that it didn't deserve its extrordinary box office success or its reputation as a charming, breath-of-fresh-air, cross cultural rom-com. It's at best a pleasant enough date flick in which the greek characters could have easily been substituted by any other wacky, thinly-sketched ethnic group.

Wedding Crashers. I love Owen Wilson and, particularly, Vince Vaughn as much as the next guy, but I just didn't laugh much at this one. Ferrell torched it with his cameo, but by then it was too late for me.
Reply
post #27 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricardo Brady
Wedding Crashers. I love Owen Wilson and, particularly, Vince Vaughn as much as the next guy, but I just didn't laugh much at this one. Ferrell torched it with his cameo, but by then it was too late for me.
I agree, except I didn't even like the cameo.
Reply
post #28 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Myers
XXX 2: Replace your lead with a rapper, add embarassing computer fx & pimp'd cars and archieve to make Willem Dafoe look bad.

Voila, a movie worse than HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING:
I ask you to reconsider your position-
http://chud.com/forums/showthread.ph...light=ice+cube
Reply
post #29 of 183
6/5/06 at 2:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dross
When A Stranger Calls Remake Hey, remember that classic horror film that had a guy actually MURDER CHILDREN? Let's remake it into a PG-13 snorefest with a body count of a whopping 1.
Well actually there was a body count of 3 but still a very shitty movie
Reply
post #30 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:11pm
I may take flack for it, but...

The Thin Red Line: Let's assemble a stunning ensemble of actors for a war film that subsitutes plot, characterization and the majority of action with stunningly boring voice-over internal dialogue introspection.

To date, the only film I have almost walked out of a theater on.
Reply
post #31 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:36pm
God I hope I don’t get more green shit for this: Sin City. “Goldie” and the rest of those dames just ruined it for me. And what is up with that Stahl guy eh? Does he have to curse in all his movies?

Jackson’s King Kong. Why ruin a good thing I thought when I first heard word of it. And then I watched it, and afterwards I thought… why ruin a good thing?

Joe Dirt. It wasn’t dirt.
Reply
post #32 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheCJJ
Jackson’s King Kong. Why ruin a good thing I thought when I first heard word of it. And then I watched it, and afterwards I thought… why ruin a good thing?
A good thing like the 1976 version?
Reply
post #33 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Death Surge
The Thin Red Line: Let's assemble a stunning ensemble of actors for a war film that subsitutes plot, characterization and the majority of action with stunningly boring voice-over internal dialogue introspection.

To date, the only film I have almost walked out of a theater on.

Hands down the most moving and memorable experience I have ever been to in a movie theater. Overdramatic, sure - but I walked out of this movie high because I thought it was so good.
Reply
post #34 of 183
6/5/06 at 3:49pm
Inside Man: Not that it was incredibly bad, but it was so full of cliches and stuff that already had been done before. Spike Lee's unfocused directing and inability to tie things up (the story ended fifteen minutes before the actual movie did) didn't help either.
Reply
post #35 of 183
6/5/06 at 5:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie Brigden
A good thing like the 1976 version?
*shudders*

I’m just sick of all these remakes of classics being made, that’s all. It’s a tired “we’re-not-going-anywhere-so-have-a-Cage-and-an-Oldboy-and-shut-the-fuck-up” argument, I’m sure, but come on. Give me something new Hollywood. And I am SO not looking forward to that re-invisioning by the way. If you couldn’t tell.
Reply
post #36 of 183
6/5/06 at 5:12pm
Meet the Fockers, Along Came Polly, The Klumps and The Haunted Mansion - Is there anything worse than talented and funny actors in tepid, unfunny comedies? (not including things like ebola and Ken Lay)

And almost* any movie with Janene Garafolo, or Garraofalao, or whatever.

*the "almost" is for Mystery Men
Reply
post #37 of 183
6/5/06 at 5:27pm
Breakfast at Tiffany's irritates the shit out of me. Iconic? Fair enough. Good? Nope.
Reply
post #38 of 183
6/5/06 at 5:44pm
Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera.

I was never a big fan of the stage show to begin with, but Schumacher managed to suck out whatever life it had and cranked out a completely boring, uninvolving, by the numbers flick that looks like it could have been directed by anyone.
Reply
post #39 of 183
6/6/06 at 1:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Multiple Miggs
Is there anything worse than talented and funny actors in tepid, unfunny comedies?
*nods*

The crap that's been churned out over the last 5-6 years as "family friendly" comedies have for the most part made me want to disembowel myself with a straw. The absolute nadir was "Yours, Mine, and Ours" (seen because my kids wanted to see it). I really thought I was going to turn into sludge in the seat from exposure.

I keep trying to combat that by having my kids watch movies like Iron Giant and Whale Rider - movies that require actual thought and patience and intelligence - but I fear the sugary sweet candy of Hollywood has them mesmerized.
Reply
post #40 of 183
6/6/06 at 3:12pm
Aeon Flux - Oh look another futuristic society ruled by communist dictatorship where an 'underground' organisation in skin tight clothing has to rise up for the battle of the good.

Underworld 2 - A very poor excuse for the director to watch his missus getting it on with another guy....I wonder what lengths he'd go to to get her to do anal....sick fuck


Any "vehicle" for Sarah Jessica parker or Jennifer Aniston seriously they just play their sitcom characters in every one.

I agree avoid nightwatch...
Reply
post #41 of 183
6/6/06 at 3:42pm
eXistenZ - about 2/3rds through I decided I didn't give a shit what happened or what the "twist" was. I'll forever have nothing but bile for Jude Law, Jennifer Jason-Leigh and Cronenberg for this one. Dafoe gets off for at least being watchable for his 5 minutes of screen time. The attempts to gross/ creep out the viewer fail, JJL's monotone delivery makes her character a bitchy chore, Jude Law walks around with a 'Who Me?' look the whole time and it's generally a dumb idea for a movie wrapped up in pretension. (i.e. all Cronenberg films.) I know there'll plenty who disagree, but to me Cronenberg doesn't have the first idea how to tell a story. He uses gimmicks and suppossed 'shock' scenes to get by. Fuck you eXistenZ, cRonenberG and your shitty capitilization!
Reply
post #42 of 183
6/6/06 at 3:50pm
Wow, you're pretty dumb.
Reply
post #43 of 183
6/6/06 at 4:01pm
You want to defend existenz, go right ahead.
Reply
post #44 of 183
6/6/06 at 4:02pm
Yeah, I haven't seen the movie so I can't say anythinga bout your feelings on that, but to have nothing but bile for Cronenberg is to simply no enjoy good cinema.
Reply
post #45 of 183
6/6/06 at 4:13pm
"Tomb Raider 2". There was nowhere to go but up after the lackluster first film. Or so I thought. Jan DeBont managed to make a sequel that was even more insipid than the original, and interminably dull to boot. At least the first film had some interesting, if logistically retarded stunts and set pieces. Part two? CGI shark punching. This is the guy who is directing MEG?! My prayers are with you, Nick.
Reply
post #46 of 183
6/6/06 at 4:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by benfortenberry
You want to defend existenz, go right ahead.
eXistenZ was a rare case of Cronenberg being behind on the cultural times, and admittedly feels a little like the guy jumping on a slightly past-it issue. It's still thought-provoking cinema though, and fun in typical gruey Cronenbergian fashion.

And as for the rest of the ill-conceived Cronenberg hatred, I reiterate: you're pretty dumb.
Reply
post #47 of 183
6/6/06 at 4:38pm
2Fast 2Furious -

They managed to turn a guilty pleasure franchise about cool car races into a fucking generic buddy flick.
Reply
post #48 of 183
6/6/06 at 6:13pm
eXistenZ is a really good movie (especially compared to all the other movies in this thread), and is classic Cronenberg from start to finish. Just based on imagery alone it's a winner. Good performances, good technically, and completely re-watchable. I can't fathom how someone could dislike it. Sure, it's no Videodrome - but it's got dozens of sequences unlike any other movie and it's hard to tell which direction it's going to go. Maybe you just don't like Jude Law for some reason.

If you want to bitch about Cronenberg, bitch about Rabid or Spider.
Reply
post #49 of 183
6/6/06 at 6:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad_Kinski
If you want to bitch about Cronenberg, bitch about Rabid.

Fixed.
Reply
post #50 of 183
6/6/06 at 6:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabfunk
Fixed.

Whoops,

thanks.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Movie Miscellany
CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE MAIN SEWER › Movie Miscellany › Movies you dislike, but are not worth their own thread detailing their faults