Movies you dislike, but are not worth their own thread detailing their faults - Page 4

Jesus Christ, another director I need to get on the ball with. I posted that thread a while back, but since then I've only seen Brazil, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and The Fisher King. I liked them in that order.

MUST...SEE...TIME BANDITS...

I'd actually put Fear and Loathing in at number 3, but the first two are spot on.

Back on topic. I'm a huge fan of David Lynch, but Dune is just unbearable to sit through, in spite of its impressive production design.

I'm actually not a big fan of Time Bandits (let down by weak leads, I think). I'd put Fisher King and Baron Munchausen ahead of it. Oh, and Tideland.
I still need to see Fear and Loathing, though.

Yeah, know exactly what you mean. Pretty, but not even a good conversion of the book, let alone a coherent film.

You hit the nail on the head.

what about MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, JABBERWOCKY, TIME BANDITS, BRAZIL, and THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN? I like those better than TWELVE MONKEYS.

EDIT: My bad, already commented on.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH: Completely interminable (there is no need for it to be two hours long), but in the end, harmless. I think Dane Cook is charismatic, though, and works better as an actor than a stand-up comedian. The filmmakers for realizing that Jessica Simpson cannot act, and thus dress her appropriately to distract the audience. The only funny thing about this movie is that two brothers are named "Glen Gary" and "Glen Ross," and I didn't realize that until about two thirds of the way into the thing.

The comment I reacted to said that 12 Monkeys is not ONE of his best. I happen to like it best of all of Gilliam's movies, but even if you don't - how can you say it's not ONE of his best? Especially when the guy's made crap like Brother's Grimm, Tideland and Baron Munchausen (the last one's pretty good, but a bit of a mess in my opinion).

I'm pretty sure The Hitcher 2 with Kari Wurher and Jake Busey was better.

Idiocracy
The Deep End
The Dreamers except for the nude scenes
Crash
Hannibal

I would dare say Idiocracy is good and not just because I agree with what it has to say.

I know quite a few people liked Idiocracy but I turned it off after a few minutes. I found it to be boring, ugly and unfunny. Of course that's merely one man's opinion on the matter.

Oh and add The Blair Witch Project to that list.

I second that. Perfect choice for this cateogory. I don't hate enough for it to be on the list of my least favorite movies but it just borrows so much from every other movie that has been made in the last decade, throws a bunch of big name actors in the mix, and manages to put nothing even remotely fun up on the screen. There is nothing worse then when you make a movie full of anti-heros and none of them are cool. Watching a movie written by the screenwriter with a contrived sense of wit is so much more painful than a bad stand-up act.

MUST LOVE DOGS:

This movie barely event exists. Diane Lane goes Internet dating, and meets John Cusack, and you'd assume they have a wild/wacky courtship. Instead, they just sort of meet each other and like each other and THE END.

But there's a spanner in the works! There is the hunky yet presumably-an-asshole Dermot Mulroney, whom Diane is also attracted to. But then he does nothing at all assholish, so then... THEY HAVE SEX! Despite the fact he does nothing wrong that I can fathom, Diane gets pissed with him and breaks up with him. Surely the least villainous "other man" in film history.

And there are hardly any dogs in it. One jumps in a lake at the end, but that's about all. I thought this was going to have a dog theme.

This is just a real "Why did they bother making this?" movie.

John is secretly planning a Grosse Point Blank sequel, and he needed money. (I fucking wish.)

But yeah, 'Dogs' was just about as needless as it gets. I can't even defend Cusack on that one.

I'll up the ante and throw in STOP! Or My Mom Will Shoot!

Sweet bag of Oprah's assfat, that shit was abysmal.

There is apparently an all-but-official sequel coming out. Cusack plays a wacky hitman, and Joan Cusack is his secretary.

Oh yeah, War Inc.

I want that to actually get a release date already. A movie with an Uzi-toting Hilary Duff can't be all that bad.

Apparently, it really isn't all that bad.

The trailer was out almost a year ago, but it disappeared. It looked insane and incoherent, but in a good way (if you can imagine that).

Anywho... I remember wanting desperately to walk out of Sugar & Spice but my friends wouldn't so I had to finish it. Piece of awful shit crappy crap movie.

I also remember renting Double Team and turning it off because it was so boring and dumb*. BOTH times I tried to finish it. Actually, the second time I finished it because I left it on in the background while I did other stuff.

The Forgotten is a crap, crap, crap movie. I can't even believe it got greenlit. Oh, and Julianne Moore is fugly. There, I said it. The only times I've found her halfway attractive was in Children of Men and The Lost World.

* Apologies to Moltisanti, just in case he liked it.

I can't decide if I hate or pity you more. Oh, I know. HATE.

Yeah, I'd totally wax Julianne Moore's ass.

Hey, if you guys like her, more power to ya. I think she always looks like she's been underwater for six hours or just been embalmed. She and Kidman are way overrated in the looks department. I probably don't need more than a hand-and-a-half to count the times I've thought they looked good.

But, to each his own.

Great actress, but my penis doesn't like her.

What about that black dress she was in at the end of Hannibal? Even when Liotta was eating his own brain all I was thinking was "damn, Ginger Girl looks good".

So this is not a personal issue with Moore, but a prejudice against redheads? You just dropped past the Reverend Fred Phelps on my shitlist, BTSMGL.

I've always thought of Kidman as a blonde, actually. I guess that could be attributed to custom.

I love's me some Isla Fisher, though!

Kidman the blonde is shit compared to Kidman the Ginger.

Watch The Others, then watch Days of Thunder. Goddamn she was hot.

Kidman is horrible looking. Totally. My girlfriend thinks she's so beautiful. My girlfriend is wrong about a lot of things.

Your girlfriend is a better at being a lesbian than you are at being a guy. And she dates a dude.

CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER

So boring. Can Philip Noyce actually direct? This is one of those movies in which "some things happen" and "some people talk" and all of it just sits there with nothing of interest. I'll admit I was somewhat intrigued by Willem Dafoe's black ops subplot, but it wasn't enough, and I switched it off after a while.

AS SUCH IT WAS A FAITHFUL ADAPTATION OF TOM CLANCY'S NOVEL LOL

I'm the type that can usually find something to like in most movies I see. The Lovely Bones is so blatantly awful despite the talents of the cast and filmmakers that it fucking angers me.

You ain't alone. The Lovely Bones is aggressively bad.

Edited by Art Decade - 7/18/11 at 9:37pm

For the last month whenever I've decided to try and watch an OnDemand movie, their little preview network has bombarded me with ads for Big Momma's House: Like Father, Like Son (actually title may be different) and I just don't even have the words for how dumb the whole premise behind this looks. Son sneaks into dad's car during stake-out and the only way to keep a killer from taking him down is to have them both cross-dress through an entire movie. Did we need a second one of these movies, let alone a third "passing of the torch" film?

Another Phillip Noyce film that fits this category: Catch A Fire. A drag of a film that takes every biopic/’issue film’ cliché and plonks them down in all the expected spots, and is utterly predictable every step of the way. It may have been with the zeitgeist twenty years ago, when Apartheid in South Africa was actually in the news, but in the 2000s it just felt like the same stuff we’d seen a thousand times before with absolutely no deviation from the Hollywood template. It’s not that you can’t make a modern movie about Apartheid, but it needs to have some relevance to today (e.g. District 9) and most importantly, not be fucking dull.

 

Honestly, I saw the movie for free and with a Q&A with Noyce afterwards, and the film still bored me. It’s not a bad movie at all, but just so, so formulaic.

 

By the way, count me in for the Ginger Nicole Forever Squad: she was gorgeous back in the day, and the blonde hair and subsequent plastic surgery slowly turned her bland as a Barbie doll.