Movies you dislike, but are not worth their own thread detailing their faults - Page 2

Hmm... that's how I felt about the first one. Actually the first film seemed like a CHiPs TV special, only told from the perspective of the criminals.

Poseidon. Okay, we have some actors, and a budget. Let's smash both of them together until they're all gone.

Definitely seconded. If anything, I liked the second one better with its weirdly gay undertones and its Ludacris.

At least it´s not as bad as Dario Argento´s Phantom of the Opera.
Gah, what a horrible, horrible film.The only good thing about it was Asia Argento´s hot body.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119889/

The majority of the nudity was a body double.

I like what Ricardo Brady said, although I sill haven't seen Wedding Crashers. The movie about the Big Fat Greek Bitch is obnoxious and retarded, John Corbett is supposed to totally kiss her and her greek family's ass taking up all their customs if he wants to marry her? First of all, Corbett is light years better looking than her and in real life wouldn't fuck her with a ten foot pole attached to his dick, but I'm willing to let that slide I guess, what I'm not williing to let slide is that this annoying unacttractive bitch wants him and his family even to in essence convert to being greek but she doesn't give a flying fuck about him being irish or whatever he is, I must've missed the part of the movie where he forces her to go to a pub and pound pints of Guinness while making off the cuff humorous quips all night. But I did catch the part aka the whole movie where he has to jump through a million hoops to get into her exclusive greek club, which is apparently filled with overly emotional morons.

In case it's not obvious I should mention that what this movie is really about or why it really did so well in the box office is because it's the ultimate chick flick. Some unnattractive and annoying broad drags some good looking, seemingly intelligent guy around by his nuts for two hours and if he's really really lucky maybe she'll marry him. You have to absolutely be kidding me with that bullshit. The male equivalent to this movie would be a story about a guy who looks like Steve Buschemi who leaves his shitty apartment to go to McDonalds where some hot chicks (Angelina Jolie and Carmen Electra) come up to his car window at the drive though and ask to be taken home and fucked. When they all get to Buschemi's apt, which has skid marked underwear and Funyuns wrappers strewn everywhere, Jolie and Electra are like we can't wait to fuck you, Buschemi says "lets take this slow ladies, Angelina go make me a sandwich while Carmen gives me a blow job as I finsh my paused game of halo on xbox." That would be the male equilavent, which don't get me wrong I would watch, the difference is that people don't understand the original female version is just as ridiculous.

DA VINCI CODE - boringexpositionboringexpositionCHASEboringexposit ionboringexpositionCHASEboring....

SQUID AND THE WHALE - I might get crucified for this one but that's fine. I appreciated it intellectually but just couldn't enjoy a glimpse into the lives of four immensely unlikeable people.

What a shame.At least she showed her boobs in Trauma.

At least the first one made an attempt to be anything but a TV movie.

I also hated it. Sure -- acting and technical aspects were top notch enough, but I would hate to be around any of these people in real life, not to mention spending a couple hours with them and their mental problems.

Yeah, that bugged me too. This and the cuts annoyed me. TAKING LIVES didn't need Jolie's boobs, this one did.

TWISTED - I really like Ashley Judd's butt but this managed to be a complete bore, not even Samuel L Jackson could save it.

ALONG COMES A SPIDER - weak sequel to a mediocre serial killer flick. Along comes the worst cgi car accident ever put on film.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE II - there are only two scenes I like in this one: Hopper shopping for chainsaws and the glorious Chop-Top. Everything else, including whiny Leatherface and the most annoying kill her already radio host ever, is a mess. Unwatchable.

ABANDON - Katie Holmes in one of the worst "mystery" thrillers around. Better than The I inside, but still awful crap. There is a The Skulls sequel out there more entertaining than that.

FRIDAY THE 13th 9: JASON GOES TO HELL - Crap idea to make a Friday with Jason reduced to a cameo. Who the hell wanted to see Invoorhees of the Body Snatchers? Steven Williams chews scenerey though.

You must be some kind of masochist to have watched all that.

It's masochism if you go to theaters and pay for watching movies like Alone in the Dark, Showgirls or the Power Rangers movie while not being a paid film critic. Oh, I did.

Help.

Actually, I have a kind of super power. I'm able to find something good in almost anything I watch. Right now I'm watching Spring Break Shark Attack.

I salute you. You should use your super power for good and crank out some reviews to spare humanity the horrors you have seen.

Funny, I related to them.

They were the worst kind of intellectuals without a shred of common sense, selflessness or self-awareness.

Domino - I thought Tony Scott was a capable director, but this movie is just a mess. Besides the obvious faults, after the crew crashed because of the mescaline in the coffee, did anybody else think that Mickey Rourke's death was somehow the thing that ultimately made Domino and Edgar Ramirez's character have sex? It was handled that way, with all the characters being shown after the crash, except Mickey's, and being all around sad (maybe even crying). But a few scenes after, Mickey is back in asskicker mode. Did Scott fuck up, or did I misinterpret something?

I always figured a lot of people have moments like that, like I do.

I find it eminently watchable - not on the genius level of the first one, but as far as one of the rare films that got the horror/comedy mix fairly close, I like it.


As far as most of the rest of these films, they don't even deserve their own POSTS.

Nonsense. It's not the greatest film in the world, but by no means unwatchable, unless you're someone who hates horror movies.

The Kingdom of Heaven- Lets have our hero fight in history's most controversial war which most of the audience doesn't have a lot of knowledge of. Now lets give him absolutely no motivation to fight in it. Now lets make him French and Orlando Bloom, so that no man in history would even follow him into a Battle of the Bands, let alone the Crusades. Sounds like we got a kick ass action epic!

The Pest - not even worth recapping. Just avoid it.

I wonder if the Director's Cut fixes all this (except your problem with casting)...

Hilarious. My friends and I had a similar conversation regarding this flick. I dunno, we definitely got the impression he was dead from the crash, too.

I've heard the director's cut is amazing on this film. It seems there were entire subplots cut out that made the film much richer.

To the topic on hand. I checked out "The Lakehouse" and here were my problems with it....

1. Sandra Bullock obviously never uses the internet to...you know....look up this guy she's writing to.

2. Keanu Reeves never once asks what the lottery numbers are going to be for the Powerball not to mention get stock tips. Oh but he does make reservations at a fancy restaurant.

3. The ending didn't make much sense except to make it a happy ending. It seemed like the studio caved a little.

Maybe some of this is colored by reading "The Time Traveller's Wife" which covered similar ground but was much better at the time travel angle. Plus the couple uses future information to make their money which I kinda dug. Worth tracking down.

Actually the checks are not as big as they hoped. MI3 is not doing nearly as well as predictied. Must be those damn Xenu again....

I agree, but you won't get a lot of flack since that is a commonly held opinion of the film. Like all of Malick's films, it has a lot of lovers and a lot of haters.

My Own film in this category is "Alexander". This should have been a great film, but Stone blows it with a totally uncharismatic actor in a role about the historical figure whom the word Charisma was coined about, and then further commits Hari Kari with a confused screenplay, more weak casting, (Jolie with a bogus foreign accent as Alexander's mother) ,and sloppy editing.
The Battle scenes are nice and some the visuals are pretty to look at but a chance for a great movie totally blown. Too bad Baz Luhrmann will not get to make his version. It had to have been better then this.

The opening could have been fine, but is poorly executed. Hooper tries to start fast and furious, but the head choppin' comes of as stupid. Compare it to the beginning of the first one - that was fine.

Stretch is one of the most annoying leading ladies I've ever seen. Chop-Top and Dennis Hopper are neat, but look what they did to Leatherface. The once disturbing & unpredictable monster turns into a mumbling idiot. The sick scenes of him thrusting his chainsaw between her thighs and giving her the mask to wear are not of the same sick/scary quality as those in part one.

I'm pretty sure most of the stuff that made part one wasn't intended as ending the way it did. It was the sum of an original screenplay with one of the most difficult and sickest shootings ever.

The sickness in the sequel feels forced, and thus doesn't work. The return of Leatherface, the fair setting and a chainsaw duel between maniacs should have been great. I say Texas Chainsaw Massacre II is a great disappointment. Only the sheer bizarreness of the chainsaw shopping and Bill Moseley's classic perfomance save it from being a total wreck.

So, in short, this movie doesn't bleong on this thread, because it deserves it's own for it's awfulness. I just found Chop Top annoying, and I am a Moseley fan.

No, it doesn't deserve it's own thread. Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III & Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation deserve one, 2 doesn't. There's not enough pre-fame McConaughey/Mortensen in there. Like the infamous Jaws 4 is worth his own thread, 3 isn't. Now let it die.

I'll pitch two other titles :

Hellraiser 5: Inferno and The Mangler.

You can discuss the faults of Hellraiser 3 & 4, but Inferno is just out the door. The Mangler already was a weak story to begin with, but asides of Robert Englund it's not even worth watching on cable.

TCM2 is a blast if you're in the mood for a campy horror film. Sure it's the polar opposite of the original in terms of tone, but that doesn't mean it's unwatchable.

The sequence where the fratboys are killed on the bridge wasn't executed as Hooper and Savini had intended. This is primarily Hooper's fault as he was not present during the editing of the scene. What had originally been planned as a gruesomely realistic start to the film wound up being unintentionally comedic. It wasn't Savini's fault, as he explained the amount of blood and the manner in which it would actually flow from such an injury (the moron driving the Mercedes who gets partially beheaded) was in fact realistically represented in his FX work here.

The chainsaw love scene is quite intense, and I consider Stretch written as a resourceful character in diverting his (Leatherface) attention to sex instead of dispatching her.

The abattoir scene is another great one. To have the face of your best friend forcibly placed upon yours as a mask right after it's been removed from them (L.G.) is morbid as hell. A lot of people critisize this sequence but it's always played well for me. The fact that Leatherface forces her to dance with him during all of this just ramps the creepyness factor through the roof.

I'll admit that Hooper took the easy route by simply recycling the dinner scene from the original, and the comedic tone completely drained the finale of it's requisite tension.

TCM3 & 4 are just plain awful. There's no legitimate defense to be made in justifying their existance.

Alll of the John Woo movies - Hard Target to Paycheck. When will you give your supporters the movie in which they long for. When?... *argh*

I will defend Face/Off to the death. With a gun in each hand. Back off, man. And what does "the movie in which they long for" mean?

Any white doves flying about?

You look at the budget of Killer and Hardboiled. Child's play compared to even Hard Target. Those two movies had more passion and power than all the American movies he made. With millions now in play. You figure Mr. Woo would be creating masterpieces instead of the likes of MI-2. You can taste the hunger that was evident in Killer, HB, Bullet in the Head and even Once a Thief with Yun-Fatt. The movie I long for from him are the likes of these.

Tell me about it. The Van Dammage played chicken with a big SUV standing on top of his bike. Mullet and all blowing in the wind. Moti: I figure the John Woo movies would be self-explanatory.

Yeah, okay. My point was that "the movie in which they long for" is a horrible sentence that makes no sense whatsoever. I'm not sure what language that is, but I hope it's a dead one.

Didn't a henchman get taken out by a helmet during that chase?

Equilibrium: Take a bunch of really good influences, add an unimaginative director who knows nothing about script, pace or acting and add a new style of fighting that's oh so fancy, and you get a lousy movie with plot holes that Andy Dufresne could crawl through.

March of the Penguins: Ok, so this isn't really a movie, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I call this piece of trash a "documentary" ... Penguins are stupid-ass creatures that operate on instinct and this film (at least the French version that I saw) actually had the gall to tell me that they do it all for the sake of love!!! That's not a documentary!!!!!

The Omen (Original): potentially decent plot, actors and effects ruined by a dire, dire script filled with some of the worst dialogue I've seen in a "classic" horror film. Patrick Troughton actually looked pained trying to speak that lot.

The Matrix: Ok, nothing wrong with it as an action film, but as far as anything else goes.... plagiarised from the vastly superior Dark City. They even reused some of the sets.

Star Wars Episode IV: Don't get me wrong, I like Empire Strikes Back. I can even find room for Return of the Jedi. But Lucas's complete inability to direct renders the original film an unwatchable mess of boring scenes, dull characters and no pace.

Children of the Corn 2: Dear gods, this was just plain painful to watch. Only highlight was a guy dying of a nosebleed.

The Exorcist: Basically a Hammer Horror without the charm and with shock value added in instead. No subtlety, depth or imagination; and lacks even the documentary aspect of the novel (which was at least interesting as far as fairly detailed information on Satanism went)

Unbelievable.

I'd use the SCANNERS head gif, but it wouldn't quite sum up my sheer dismay.

I'm going to have to agree with the episode IV comment. I missed the whole Star Wars phenomenon and shamefully only caught the first one when it was re-released in the SE format. To put it succinctly, I actually found it to be kind of crap. Nothing like the next two episodes, which I enjoyed immensely. Lucas's weak directorial hand shows in every frame.

Exorcist, on the other hand, made me shit piss...

Oh, and I'm convinced the Matrix Trilogy is written by a monkey with a crayon.

STAR WARS is a fucking classic fairytale movie, and the only Lucas movie that delivers on the promise of AMERICAN GRAFFITI. You'll be telling me that RAIDERS doesn't match the bar set by THE MUMMY next.

I don't care how people justify their love of the first Star Wars. It bored the shit out of me. End of story.


I don't really understand what point you're making here - at least if you'd replaced "THE MUMMY" with "TEMPLE OF DOOM", it'd make some sense. Either way, don't presume to know my taste in movies just because I share a different opinion on fuckin Star Wars.

Having your first viewing of Star Wars be the Special Edition probably wasn't the best introduction.

Derailed - If you haven't figured out the "twist" fifteen minutes in, you should probably stop watching movies.

Disagree with the hate for The Squid & The Whale, but then again, I love movies populated with unlikable characters.

Also disagree with the knock on The Thin Red Line, but I can't fault anyone who doesn't like it. It's not the easiest film to get into.

Granted.

Pink Flamingos

I mean just, WOW, is that bad on every level.

16 Blocks: When your film revolves around just two characters, one of whom makes you want to blow your brains out everytime he speaks, it doesn't take Francis Ford Coppola to see that your movie is going to suck. Movies employ hundreds of people, and no one had the stones to tell Mos Def to DROP THE FUCKING ACCENT!!!!

I saw eXistenZ and Avalon on the same day, and it fucked me right up. I'll take either of those two over The Matrix and sequels. At least they're subtle and thought provoking, rather than bullshit for wannabe action-philosophers.

So yeah, I guess you could say I don't like The Matrix or its sequels. Sue me, I paid to see the fuckers.