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Morons Pray to Chocolate Virgin Mary

post #1 of 36
8/18/06 at 4:49pm
Thread Starter 
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14400252/?GT1=8404

Wow.
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post #2 of 36
8/18/06 at 4:51pm
Does she have a soft nougat center?
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post #3 of 36
8/18/06 at 4:54pm
Quote:
Since the discovery Monday, Angiano's employees have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it
put the candles just a little bit closer and they could be praying to what looks like a piece of crap
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post #4 of 36
8/18/06 at 5:00pm
It kinda already does.

*this edit goes out to my main man, Jesus
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post #5 of 36
8/18/06 at 5:12pm
Mmmmm... sacrelicious.
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post #6 of 36
8/18/06 at 5:13pm
Someone should break it to them that they're actually praying to a chocolate Ringwraith.
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post #7 of 36
8/18/06 at 5:35pm
Just remember that chocolate stalactite Virgin Marys hang tight to the underside of the vat, and that chocolate stalagmite Virgin Marys might grow up to be the mother of Our Savior.
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post #8 of 36
8/18/06 at 6:00pm
You got peanut butter on my Virgin Mary!

Well you got your Virgin Mary in my peanut butter!

Fisticuffs ensue.
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post #9 of 36
8/18/06 at 6:00pm
Those people are nuts. I prefer to pray to her image made from pure gold:
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post #10 of 36
8/18/06 at 6:31pm
I recently purchased a press that turns my ordinary bread into Virgin Mary toast. 2$ (Virgin Mary? More like cheap whore Mary) for all the Holy Toast I want seemed like a steal.
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post #11 of 36
8/18/06 at 6:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl Cunningham
Those people are nuts. I prefer to pray to her image made from pure gold:
Yea, but if you get the Chocolate Virgin Mary with the golden ticket, you go straight to heaven!

...im still looking for that golden ticket.
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post #12 of 36
8/18/06 at 6:40pm
Why does it always seem to be Hispanics who see stuff like this?
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post #13 of 36
8/18/06 at 9:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChunkyLover53
Why does it always seem to be Hispanics who see stuff like this?
Because white people have no imagination?
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post #14 of 36
8/18/06 at 10:02pm
Looks more like the Elephant Man to me.
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post #15 of 36
8/18/06 at 10:56pm
They have a clearer image over at alt.coprophilia.org.

God is dead, and he's starting to stink. I can't tell if this is a sign of strong faith or desperation in the face of reality.
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post #16 of 36
8/18/06 at 11:56pm
The fact that she's made out of dark chocolate seems kind of contraversial. Doesn't that lend credence to black Jesus?

Fuck it, there's nothing any of us can come up with that's half as hilarious as the real story. We're stumped.
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post #17 of 36
8/19/06 at 12:09am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graynadian
I can't tell if this is a sign of strong faith or desperation in the face of reality.
What reality?
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post #18 of 36
8/19/06 at 5:20am
I guess in this age of uncertainty, it gives people reassurance that god is speaking to them in the form of a piece of chocolate.

Maybe next time God will come to them in form of a cadbury's 'milk tray' box of chocolates.
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post #19 of 36
8/19/06 at 7:31am
He better not be the Peppermint Creme, 'cos I'm eating that sucker.
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post #20 of 36
8/19/06 at 11:55am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl Cunningham
What reality?
That God doesn't work here.
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post #21 of 36
8/19/06 at 12:27pm
Why would the virgin mary come back in the form of drippings below a vat? Grilled cheese, wood grains on a door- you think she'd stick to clouds and explosions and shit.
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post #22 of 36
8/19/06 at 2:17pm
I don't understand. It looks like nothing. Maybe, if you squint just right, it kinda looks like a melted statue of an eagle in the style of the inuit or some west coast tribe. But only if you're told it's supposed to look like something first. Otherwise, it looks like nothing.
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post #23 of 36
8/19/06 at 3:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graynadian
That God doesn't work here.
Doesn't work where? CHUD? Or in a vat of man-made chocolate?
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post #24 of 36
8/19/06 at 3:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seabass Inna Bun
I don't understand. It looks like nothing. Maybe, if you squint just right, it kinda looks like a melted statue of an eagle in the style of the inuit or some west coast tribe. But only if you're told it's supposed to look like something first. Otherwise, it looks like nothing.
No need to sugarcoat it. It does look like a turd.
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post #25 of 36
8/19/06 at 3:29pm
More morons here

Quote:
Reuters news agency reported seeing a man bathing a young boy in a creek near the beach, which it said receives thousands of tonnes of raw sewage and industrial waste every day.

Others, the agency said, were seen gathering water as rubbish and plastic drifted past.

Last year, Mumbai residents flocked to a local beach after reports diamonds were washing ashore. Police said it was fragments of glass.
Its like an episode of Monty Python.

Seriously though, I think people in poverty are the most desperate to 'see' 'religious' 'visions'.
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post #26 of 36
8/21/06 at 12:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl Cunningham
No need to sugarcoat it. It does look like a turd.
The vertical orientation threw me.
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post #27 of 36
8/21/06 at 5:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by cognizant
Seriously though, I think people in poverty are the most desperate to 'see' 'religious' 'visions'.
In other news: Water wet. Fire hot.

Not to rain on the "moron" bashing parade, but maybe if folks took some time off from making fun, and spent some time volunteering to help combat poverty, this sort of thing (namely, bewildering religious practices) would happen less often. Then everyone would be happy. The poor would have food, and you wouldn't see them worshipping chocolate.

But then, where would we get our meanspirited entertainment?

Why, Hollywood, of course!

[insert by-now-rote photograph of Paris Hilton doing something godawful]
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post #28 of 36
8/21/06 at 6:05pm
You could take time off from typey typey in this thread and click on the second link in my sig.
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post #29 of 36
8/21/06 at 7:16pm
Don’t go to church on sunday
Don’t get on my knees to pray
Don’t memorize the books of the bible
I got my own special way
Bit I know jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more

I fall on my knees every sunday
At zerelda lee’s candy store

Well it’s got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

Well I don’t want no anna zabba
Don’t want no almond joy
There ain’t nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well it’s the only thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold
See only a chocolate jesus
Can satisfy my soul

When the weather gets rough
And it’s whiskey in the shade
It’s best to wrap your savior
Up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
But that’s ok
Pour him over ice cream
For a nice parfait

Well it’s got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me

Well it’s got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied
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post #30 of 36
11/14/06 at 4:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David
The fact that she's made out of dark chocolate seems kind of contraversial. Doesn't that lend credence to black Jesus?

Fuck it, there's nothing any of us can come up with that's half as hilarious as the real story. We're stumped.
Balderdash! Jesus was tan!
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post #31 of 36
11/15/06 at 3:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesse Custer
In other news:

Not to rain on the "moron" bashing parade, but maybe if folks took some time off from making fun, and spent some time volunteering to help combat poverty, this sort of thing (namely, bewildering religious practices) would happen less often. Then everyone would be happy. The poor would have food, and you wouldn't see them worshipping chocolate.

But then, where would we get our meanspirited entertainment?

Why, Hollywood, of course!
Well, nuts and chocolate often go together, though, she didn't sound poverty stricken from the article. She owns a business that apparently caters to the rich and famous. However, If she is in need, she should sell her delectable, little idol on eBay. There are plenty of morons out there that would pay a pretty penny for it. Then they will build a nice little altar for it, and chocolate lovers and morons - from all over the globe, will pay good money to come and worship at it's feet. It's really a no brainer.

Also, folks, is praying to a statue made of chocolate, any odder than praying to one made of stone?
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post #32 of 36
12/29/06 at 8:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Webhead
Also, folks, is praying to a statue made of chocolate, any odder than praying to one made of stone?
Absurdities that we have become accustomed to are nothing compared to freshly absurd delusions involving chocolate deities.
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post #33 of 36
1/21/07 at 3:12am
My question is, what makes them think it's Mary when they don't know what she looked like???

I can tell you with certainty, she didn't look like a molten turd.
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post #34 of 36
1/21/07 at 3:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carnotaur3
My question is, what makes them think it's Mary when they don't know what she looked like???

I can tell you with certainty, she didn't look like a molten turd.
Because you know exactly what she looked like, right?
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post #35 of 36
1/21/07 at 3:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared Melton
Because you know exactly what she looked like, right?
Well obviously she looks like a cross between a piece of chocolate, a chunk of ice, and several various pieces of scorched bread.

Sounds pretty hot to me, I can't understand why she's still a virgin.
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post #36 of 36
1/21/07 at 3:53am
Add a little Boysenberry syrup and you've got yourself one tasty treat.
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