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Older Lovers

post #1 of 6
9/11/06 at 10:10pm
Thread Starter 
Do you sometimes feel pressure when you are with a lover who is older than you? Like, do you feel the need to use new and improved tricks when you are entertaining what may be a more experienced lover? And how do you manage to convince an older woman/man that the age gap is worth ignoring before going to bed with you?

I'm in the middle of a couple of things right now that went from one night stands to courtship, and I'm trying to make it seem as if I can jibe with a woman who's seven years my senior. I've been with older women before, but they weren't the type of relationships that require, um, speaking. Is it possible there's anything you can say or do to get on the same wavelength?
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post #2 of 6
9/11/06 at 10:17pm
Honest opinion: If you gotta ask for advice then it's probably not gonna happen. If there's a connection it's obvious and you foster it, you don't try to create it.
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post #3 of 6
9/11/06 at 10:34pm
Yea, what he said.

I actually think that if you start out having to convince someone of anything to make a relationship work, its doomed to begin with. Regardless of the subject.

As far as the age issue goes... well, I think the only way that a gap like that can work is if you are on the same level. I don't go for older men because in most cases I am not on the same level as they are. Yes, I am a responsible adult that is raising a child... but some levels I am no better than a teenager. Most older men do not have the time nor the patience for me. So I have to go for older men or men my age that are not ready to grow up... or younger men.

So, the point is that if you are on the same level, you won't have to convince her of anything... she will be right on path with you.

Of course, I am still single so you may not want to listen to me...
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post #4 of 6
9/11/06 at 11:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabfunk
Do you sometimes feel pressure when you are with a lover who is older than you? Like, do you feel the need to use new and improved tricks when you are entertaining what may be a more experienced lover?
Well, an "I've never done that before with anyone" is nice if your goal is to be an important landmark on their sexual timeline. If your goal is a meaningful relationship, then learning to do what they like (regardless of how similar or dissimilar to your own prior experiences it may be) is probably the better way to go. Eventually you can reach the "let's try something new" stage, but that's usually for when you've already gotten familiar with favorites, likes, and dislikes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fabfunk
And how do you manage to convince an older woman/man that the age gap is worth ignoring before going to bed with you?
You should never be convincing anyone of anything before going to bed with you; they should be a willing... no, an enthusiasic partner. If they aren't then (both of) you shouldn't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fabfunk
I'm in the middle of a couple of things right now that went from one night stands to courtship, and I'm trying to make it seem as if I can jibe with a woman who's seven years my senior. I've been with older women before, but they weren't the type of relationships that require, um, speaking. Is it possible there's anything you can say or do to get on the same wavelength?
While it's certainly not impossible for a one night stand to turn into a relationship, it's not going to happen if things aren't natural. If the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there. If you're not on the same wavelength, you're just not. Don't force it, it won't work. Hold out for a person with whom you connect effortlessly.
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post #5 of 6
9/12/06 at 12:32am
I think the best way for couples with age gaps to bond is to learn how to play Cat Stevens songs together, interupted by the occasional "steal a public tree and replant it" break.
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post #6 of 6
9/12/06 at 8:44am
Hey, I like that idea. Cheers, Patrick!
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