People who live with their parents.

It's a recent stigma, as adults have been living with their parents since the Romans, if not sooner.

I, myself, lived with my folks up until I got engaged, which let my brother move out to California to pursue his career. It was mostly medical - my father had heart problems due to smoking for decades, and my mother needed help with him, so I volunteered to stay (he's doing great now, thanks). In fact, my grandparents (mom's folks) lived around the block from us when I was a kid, and my wife and I live down the street from my folks. It's kind of cool to have your independence, yet have that extra support system with your folks nearby.

Saves gas when making holiday visits , too.

I think the stigma really comes into play when you not only live with your parents but are actually living off of them. If you work, and pay your own way I really don't see what the problem is.

I lived with my parent's and/or my ex's parents until I was 23 years, when we (ex and I) finally moved out on our own. This last year is the first year that I have actually been on my own, without anyone at all and I have been enjoying the freedom. Later on in the year I plan on getting a house and having my mom move in with me and my daughter. She is newly single, I am newly single so it will be us the chics and I have no problem with that. It is for practical reasons. I want to start school and she will take care of my kiddo while I do school at nights (well, that's the plan).

The only problems that really come into play (at least in my experience) is when you have couples together, as in a couple living with parents... there are so many things that go wrong with the In-Law issues, people getting caught in the middle... ugh. That's something that I will never do again.

I would hazard a guess that the reason living with your parents has a stigma is the safety of it. Maybe when there's no risk/interest involved (even if it is a financially prudent choice) it tends not to be well thought of. Plus it inherently implies that you have been unwilling to move to a new city or anything like that.

If I were living in the same city of my parents, I would for sure live with them long enough to save up money to buy a house. It would be worth a year or two of lack of privacy/space to be able to actually afford a place to live.

After living alone for almost ten years a health reason forced me to move in with my parents again at the tender age of 29.My father who already was in pretty bad health had a huge stroke.The medical bills reached many tens of thousands of euros and I moved in to help financially.

Let me tell you moving in with your parents (however accomodating they may be) after ten years of living alone SUCKS.But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

The longer you live with your parents the longer it takes you to differentiate yourself from them and their lives, their choices, their beliefs. So it stunts your growth. So it's not surprising that the more this goes on, the more we have people with identity issues, Peter Pan syndrome, the pussification of the male, the more and more indignant female, etc. It's BAD. Move out.

You may not consider them nerds, but they're definately not cool.

Yeah, it is completely different in Asian countries. Kids are expected to live with their families for most of their lives. It's a cultural problem that's going to blow up as China becomes more Westernized. It's still not cool.

Moved out at age 18, to the parent's protests. Now lived on my own 9 years... will not go back unless forced to at gun point. My entire extended family (each of my parent's have 6 brothers/sisters, each with atleast 2-3 kids) live within a 30 mile radius. Hence, I moved 9 hours and three states away.

I once knew a girl who had been out of high school for about eight years (no college for this winner) and was still living at home. She worked less than twenty hours a week, because she wasn't paying rent or buying any of her own food. Her mother still did her laundry and cleaned her room. She said she watched about 6-7 hours of TV per day. And when I asked her why she didn't move out, she said--and I quote--"I'll move out when I find someone who'll marry me." In other words, someone else willing to take care of her.

And that girl's name...was Django.

Okay, not really. Anyway, I'm yet to meet a live-in without serious mental or emotional problems. I don't think they exist.

Hmmm. Two of the reasons that I think the stigma is greater in America are...
1- Many people in the States move out to go to college. Of course, after 3 or 4 years of relative (no pun intended) independence, it's much harder to move back in with the folks.
2- America is so spread out that many, I imagine, live in remote places and really want to live in a city. (I've been around America a little and would much, much rather live in Chicago, Boston, NY or San Fran than, say, Salem.)

2 years ago I was travelling around the world for a year and had to move back with with my folks for a few months to financially get back on my feet. My parents are great and we get along fine, but it was shite. I had no privacy and couldn't wait to move. Having said that, Dublin is so expensive there's almost no stigma at all with living at home. I read somewhere that more 25 year-olds in Dublin live with their parents than not.

"I'm yet to meet a live-in without serious mental or emotional problems. I don't think they exist." What a harsh thing to say!

I think the approach is important and is probably far different in the East. Here, when a kid doesn't move out, it's usually because he or she can't cut it on his or her own. Even if ecomomic independence is there, maybe emotional independence isn't. In Asia, though, I think it's more that the kids kind of take over being the primary breadwinners, and, traditionally, I'm pretty sure this continues after the child (if it's a male, at least) gets married. They're basically supporting the parents, not the other way around. That's absolutely being a responsible adult, and I don't think it suggest some emotional deficiency on the part of the child.

In some ways, it's a MORE responsible lifestyle, since it probably means that the kid isn't going to stick the parents in a nursing home when they become harder to take care of, but actually tend to them. That's a relative rarity in this society, where we're more apt to pay some stranger to take care of our elders than let them infringe on our lives.

I believe you're right in that Westernization is changing this. I think it's arguable as to whether that's for the better or worse.

Why is that harsh? We're obviously not talking about people who return home because their parents are sick or because they need a few months to get their finances in order.

But the people who choose to live with their parents because they're lazy or cheap or immature or just scared to leave the nest? Totally fucked in the head.

I lived with my family until I graduated high school, lived in a gross basement suite for a couple years and then moved in with my mum. But moved out last year in February. I was 27.

Yes, I'm a complete nerd. But I live a pretty well-rounded life now. Paying bills, paying rent, eating relatively well. And I have my very own laundry room.

Grudge-holding, devoid of integrity, unprincipled, passive aggressive, dishonest rather than forthright, sobre, lazy — yeah, that would be the modern male. Sad fuckin' state of affairs.

Oh, yeah, it's definately the more 'grown up' thing to do. But the fact is that there's a LONG period in most people's lives where they're old enough to be on their own, but their parents are young enough to take care of themselves.

The younger people will tell you that the Westernization is for the better, while I'm sure the elders will hate it.

I have a buddy who's making in upwards of $60k/year (and has been making similar money for over 6 years), he's 25 and still lives at home. On one hand I don't think he's been anywhere outside of this dinky town unless it was on vacation with his parents (and probably to a relatives place) - for that, I feel sorry for him. On the other hand he just plunked down $80,000 toward building a home of his own (very close to his parents, though).

Even when I did live at home I was relatively independent and I've always felt like I've been much better at thinking for myself than some of my peers were. Still, part of me wishes I'd stayed there just a bit longer for financial reasons only. I make decent money but saving it has never been my strong point. I probably would have been a bit better at that had I stayed at home instead of shelling out my then disposable income on rent, then a car payment, then higher rent, then a house payment.

I've been wrestling with this definition for a while, but one of the big signifiers of being an adult is having sex. I don't want to say fucking defines adulthood, but yeah, culturally, it kinda does. There is something enfantilizing about living with your parents in American culture because of how we fuck. And if you're 22 and on and still trying to have sex while at your parents house, you've either got balls of steel, or you're not having sex and/or you're not making an effort to. And since part of being an adult is trying to have sex/find a mate, then of course you're stunting yourself.

You have to look at the economic reason people in Asian countries tend to live together longer also. I know in Japan it was just cheaper for single people to stay longer with their families. You have to take it case by case.

I'd say this deserves a thread all its own.

As far as Asians: if you watch their movies, you realize how obsessed they are with fucking their mothers, fathers, siblings, daughters, sons, etc.

I think it should be changed to "sleep together". Teenage kids have sex, but they don't wake up the next morning in bed together.

If you have ever fucked at your parents house vs. fucking at your own place, it's apples and oranges. You don't have the same concerns about noise, mess, etc. I guess if you have your own adjunct that might be different. How many people have that, though. It should be noted this is totally different than coming home for the holidays fucking. That's more like public sex than sneaking your girlfriend in.

This is also a completely different discussion, but I've always felt that my sex life and my parents sex life is something that I think both parties are happy that the other is doing, but want no imformation on. The idea that my dad might think it's cool that I was bringing someone to the house to have sex is something I couldn't be comfortable with.

I'm not sure if that's true across the board, but I bet that's true to a point and probably far more the case for women than men. The idea of a family living communally is all tied up in traditional values that also include patriarchal attitudes, which means the men all go to work, the women all stay home, take care of the massive families, prepare far more formal meals than we're used to in the West, etc. As one aspect of this changes (more women working out of the home, children not living with their extended families, take your pick), the rest is almost certain to change.

There are probably more thorough examples, but there was an episode of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days this season in which an American worker whose job was outsourced to India spent a month with a family in Bangalore. It did a nice job of illustrating how Western work ethics and gender roles are colliding with traditional Indian values. Westernization has reached a really strange point in Bangalore - everything seems anachronistic, since they've got these ancient traditions, but McDonald's, as well.

I'm actually doing a lot of research in the East for work, and there is a great deal of culture clash starting to hit, especially in the cities. One thing that's out there is 'overnurturing'. They never learn how to be on their own. While first reaction is to admire how close these families are, there is a definate stunting of identity and resentment within older people that their children would even want to be out on their own. A lot of it isn't just love for the family as much as it is senses of duty and guilt.

It's especially odd in China, where the limits on children is going to create a huge eldery population dependant on fewer younger people. Even worse is the fact that there is going to be so many more men than women. I'm not sure if this leads to even more men living at home, or the more likely situation where lots of men get the fuck out of dodge.

Have to agree with this, but it doesn't take 3 or 4 years. I came home for the summer after being away my freshman year of college, and hated it more than I would have thought possible. I'm back at school now, and definitely looking for a reason/excuse to stay here during the next summer.

I've never heard anyone say, "You moved back home to take care of your dying mother? Fag." before.

Again, it really boils down to people who have to live with their parents versus people who choose to. I don't think the former are mocked much, and I don't think the latter are mocked enough.

How compassionate of you.

That was a huge issue for me in the past. I do not like to have sex with parents in the home... and when you are a couple living with them... well, it's not a good thing. So of course that was something that I considered before going to my mother and discussing our options as far as getting a place together. Just for the record, I am talking about this as a temp situation.... nothing long term. I love my mother, but don't want to live with her forever - and I am sure she feels the same about me. There is just something depressing about thinking about my future 5 years from now and seeing me living with my mom.

I did jokingly suggest that I would take whatever bedroom was closest to the front door, but in all actuality sex in a place where my mother is sleeping 2 doors down is not an option. The thought creeps me out. And vise versa. If my mom brought a man home...ick. Plus I have a child at home also, so even right now with me being in my own place, I don't bring men to my home. Which means he better not have parents at his... because hotels get kind of expensive.

On another note, it seems like gender also plays a role in the stigma. I think I get a lot less flack from people when I say that my mom and I are getting a place together compared if I was a guy. At least to my face...

If it hadn't been for my dad dying when I was 23 I would probably have been living with a parent for much longer, simply because I couldn't afford to move out. I had a decent job at the time but it didn't pay nearly enough for me to get my own place. It did come as quite a shock to me to suddenly be left as the owner of a house & have to run it!

But even if it were possible for me to move back in with folks I just couldn't do it, the freedom you have on your own is just too good to give up! Hell, I never even liked visiting or staying with relatives.

It makes it a hell of a lot harder to get any, though. If you're serious about getting laid you best have something better than "my dad's sleeping, so try to be quiet when we get in the house".

Unless you look like Matthew McConaughey...

This is a pretty dumb definition of adulthood, tying it to having sex in your parents house or not make it even more stupid when you could be talking more about responsibility, financial independence, etc.

What does it mean to be an adult? Culturally, that means being able to procreate. After that, the definitions becomes less concrete. In America, losing your virignity (no matter what age) is seen as a rite of passage. But also fucking does tie into those other things, because it's the beginings (though not necessarily) of parenthood.

There is a huge culture of share houses and group living in Australia, largely because rent is pretty cheap and the price of living is quite low, but mainly because there is a huge stigma attached to living with your parents after 18. It's mocked hard, often and with complete justification. Even more so if you are going to university.
I honestly don't see how anyone could live with their parents past their early 20's and come out of it well adjusted and issue free.

I agree with that, but I would even take it a step further and say I find it hard to believe that anyone who has never lived on their own could be well adjusted and issue free. Like Kirby mentions above, if you aren't on your own then there is a good chance that you are unable to form your own identity. I think jumping straight from living with parents to living with a partner never allows you the time to grow and find your own identity. I could be way off base here, I am no shrink, but I am speaking from the personal experience of me and my best friend who did almost exactly the same thing. In my case I have spent the last year trying to find my identity (not going that well for me, thanks for asking) and in her case she just hops from man to man, because I don't think she really cares.

That's why I am taking steps now to make sure that I will be able to give my child a college education, because shipping her ass off to college will be the best thing for her. Not only on an educational level, but on a social level as well. I don't want to see her in my spot 20 years from now.

Is this really that much of an epidemic? This thread has been a bit of an eye-opener. I always thought that that vast majority of people over the age of 18 only lived with their parents for one of three reasons.

1)They are ill;
2)Their parent(s) is/are ill;
3)They are still attending college/graduate school and cannot work full-time.

Apparently, my preconceived notions are false.

I mean, once you can work, don't you move out any way you possibly can? Who doesn't long for the day when they can head out on their own?

I know this guy! He lived with his mother till age 27 and then went to sponge off his "girlfriend" with low self-esteem. This is him to a freaking T.

If I were to go along with the whole procreation angle in terms of defining adulthood (I'm not saying I do or don't, I haven't given it much thought), I think I'd be more likely to consider "seriously looking for a long-term mate" before I'd consider "fucking" as a sign of adulthood.

Neither is a particularly good signifier of "adulthood." There are responsible adults who don't care to find a long-term mate, and there are also 13-year-old parents who are obviously not capable of taking care of themselves or their baby, emotionally or financially.

Even culturally speaking (rather than legally, etc.), if a 13-year-old girl has sex or even gives birth, do we consider her an "adult?" I don't think so. Even if losing one's virginity serves as some sort of personal symbolic coming of age, it's irrelevant in terms of societal acceptance as an adult. A 13 year old is still a 13 year old and will be treated as such by most members of society, regardless of sexual activity. For that matter, this is also true of a 16 year old or a 21 year old. Adulthood is something that's, in significant part, the perception of others, and most others aren't going to be privy to your sexual history to use as the basis for establishing your status as a grown-up.

I think this trend of living at home is an offshoot of the growing trend of college being this decade long ordeal. Hard'y anyone graduates in 4 years anymore. It's a means of delaying responsibility and delaying adulthood. Whether you pay to live there or not, living at home keeps you from becoming a true adult. I'm not talking just about sex (though that's an interesting and very true observation), I'm talking about the basics.

Doing your own laundry, taking out your own trash, learning to feed yourself with something besides EasyMac, making a place "yours", and just overall learning to function as your own human being is simply not going to happen in the nest. I left at 18 and have never spent more than a vacation at home since. I'm 23 now and I almost feel bad for my peers who are still financially or emotionally dependant on their parents. If for no other reason than being beholden to none, people definitely need to move out.

[QUOTE=Andre Dellamorte]I don't want to say fucking defines adulthood, but yeah, culturally, it kinda does.[QUOTE]
I call bullshit. We just got the annual flock o' freshmen on campus and, while most of them have probably been fucking since they became teenagers, they still have their parents hold their hands and make all their decisions. I know of a few who have their parents come and clean their dorm room, or call mommy and daddy everynight at a certain time to "check-in." They may be having sex, they may be, technically, living away from home, but they are still firmly entrenched in the nest.

I agree with pretty much everything you just said.

My post was more of a quick response to the "fucking = adult" paradigm presented than an actual attempt at defining adulthood.

Thanks for the cogent and well-defended response to the whole fucking/parenthood issue, you really summed things up well.

You're a grownup. "I want to stay this summer" works just fine.

That's true. School was close to home so there was no practical reason to move out, and after graduation I wasn't about to leave home for the privilege of making $6.00/hr. $30 000/year was my minimum starting-out wage.

Not necessarily. Not many engineering students graduate in four years anyway, and my old man dropping dead before my eyes halfway through year 2 sort of affected my studies.

Living at home was not an easy out by any means as I've never really liked my mother very much. She's also deaf as a post so there was no escape from Oprah or Little House blasting through the house at top volume. Also, being The Man Of The House comes with far more responsibilities than living in a dorm room.

Look at other threads on this board about people's home theaters and video game systems and etc. The issue for a lot of people is that they can't afford to move out and live the exorbitant lifestyle they got used to at home. Pretty shameful, I think.

I hate reviving old threads, but I just wanted to add something to this. In the UK there's currently a crisis of sorts in terms of housing. If you want to buy a house you're looking at putting down £80,000 ($150,000) for even a crummy property. The average Britain (between the age of 18-26) earns roughly £17,000 a year. Mortgage will only go up to three times a persons annual salary. Which means that it is actually almost impossible for a single person to buy a house in this country (and I'm using a city in the middle of a fucking recession for my house prices).

Average rent can come up to about £500, with a further £100 for council tax. and then other amenities so people who live on the average wage are going to be pretty much crippling themselves just to subsist.

As such the only way to buy a house is to meet someone and do a joint venture, but you can't really meet anyone if you're living with your parents.

It's a bizarre situation and probably explains why at the moment approximatley a third of 21-25 year olds in Britain live at home.