Talking Shit - Page 5

Well, then, you are definitely doing vastly better with your English than most of the native speakers around here. And I bet you have a hot accent.

(edited for typos)

Most incredible shit of my life 20 minutes ago. That fucker was so big my brain started turning over in my head, I thought I was having a stroke. Low and behold as I stand up to wipe, it's about the size of a prematurely born infant. And the end of it's like the tail of an earwig or an open set of gator jaws, to conical prongs pointed straight out. And this tail of the shit is sticking at least two inches straight up out of the water, like the dragon prow of a Viking ship.

And naturally at that moment of supreme glory my phone rings and I gotta run, I was torn and thought about actually leaving it in there to come back and look at it again later or even maybe take a picture of it, man I felt bad when I flushed that monster.

Thank you

And my accent isn't so much sexy as an affront to the english language.
I do a mean russian accent in spoken english, though.

At my last job, some dude dropped a massive deuce in a stopped up toilet. Thing looked like an anaconda on a plate of mashed potatoes.

EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER - same stall had a trail of Snickers bars going from the lip of the toilet, out of the bathroom, through the warehouse, and onto the production floor. The "alleged" cuprit denied everything, but the scorch mark showing through his pants told another story.

Yes, someone stepped in it, creating a second trail that went right through our front lobby.

Good times - since I didn't have to clean it.

http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=102183

For posterity.

Threads like these make me oh so proud to be a Chewer. Well done, guys and girls.

Sadly I have no shit stories of my own. Although I do have a friend who IM's me on MSN everytime he farts.

I'd like to give the credit to CHUD, but...

I have to thank men's lavatory engineers everywhere and their splashy creations (urinals, and automatic-flushing toilets respectively) for making me realize how much of a misguided douche I am for wearing shorts & sandals, and for standing while I wipe.

It's bitter-sweet leaving the bathroom at work with wet legs/feet/ass, while thinking of CHUD.

Men's lavatory engineers are clearly "Sit-wipers who wear pants and shoes". Valuable lessons learned.

True story. I'm in the men's room of a certain Mouse-owned resort on Friday morning, relieving myself, when I notice some activity in the stall next to me. I'm using the handicap executive stall so I get a good view without being too close. The dude steps out of shorts while standing on his flip flops. Not too strange. Maybe he's changing. Nope. His feet disappear completely, leaving his flip flops behind. The guy's standing (and I assume, squatting) on the seat of the toilet. The rest is a guesstimate based on sounds... He proceeds to hunker down out of sight and grunt, poo, and wipe while UP THERE.

 

I'm assuming one of 2 things...

A] He's foreign. His feet were very tan and maybe (as I've heard in some Asian cultures) he's accustomed to squatting over a pipe/hole when he goes #2.

OR

B] He has a problem with allowing people to see his feet while he dumps.

 

Any theories? Any insight from some of the non-American Chewers?

Squat toilets are the norm throughout Asia, so I'd go with option A. I lived in Shanghai for a little over the year and even in a city full of countless washrooms I always made sure to know where the closest western toilet was. I could just never get used to 'going' a different way.

 

Maybe he was standing inside the bowl. Some cultures find swirling water on their feet good luck. Was he continually flushing?

I imagine he did the splits, Van Damme-style.

If we're going to do this we might as well get some terminology established: