Bar Fight - Page 2

Yeah, yeah. Why don't you go whilst about it?

That's not a bad question. I'm not sure if people would notice too big a difference with me, apart from I'm definitely more talkative after a few beers. But then I've always been known as being a pretty quiet guy.

On the flipside of that, I do notice that when I've had a few I can listen to people (even the dullest ones) without appearing too bored. Unfortunately when I do get bored with them I have trouble hiding it.

Actually, I think if any of my old pals in England were to read my last post they'd probably call me a lying bastard! Apart from the quiet bit, that's fairly true.

Unless the person is a boxer, almost everyone swings with a hook. Best thing to do is to step closer to the person (inside of the arc of the swing), lock up their arm they threw the punch with (probably can't swing for shit with the other arm), and then take it from there. It's the last thing they expect...

I don't have a problem with guys hitting on girls I hang out with, but when it's obvious they're not interested, you'd think the guys would get a clue. Almost makes me feel bad for girls drinking free alcohol on ladies' night. Almost.

Sometimes if the guy is harmless, the girls get him to buy drinks for them and us guys. Word of advice: If a girl asks you to buy more than one drink, move on fellas - it's not going to happen....

I once got into a fight on the way to the bar. Bunch of teenagers drunk on cider thought it was funny to harras my friends and I. Stupied stuff like kncoking off my mates glasses and some general shoving and kicking. When they turned their attention to me I took one look at the guy I thought was their leader and punched him square in the stomach, as he was reeling backwards I simply steered my two freinds away while they looked on in drunken shock.

I wont deny that, and every other time I have been in a fight I was scared shitless but, I guess as long as you don't show that you will be ok.

Yup. When you get into the arc of swing, that's when elbows are handy. Massive damage in a few seconds. Beside, elbows are trendy right now with our friend Tony Jaa busting the Silver Screen with them.

And Death Surge nailed everything there is to say about a bar fight. I've been in two of them, saw a lot more and it's always ugly. There's nothing glorious about a bar fight, but if you know what to do, you usually avoid a lot of problems.

Didn't think my own story was impressive, flattering or all that crazy. But okay.

Yeah, man, I'm inclined to believe you on that, it actually is something I'd be more embarrased of than anything, you came off as more of an ass than a badass.

You slap a woman's ass before rumbling with a band (all by your lonesome) who you just happened to be hanging out with after their show.

Come on.

I still haven't stopped laughing from the Hasidic Jew story.

I'm pretty certain I was cool with the other band members. It's just that one guy stood up to set up some bullshit rules.

Also, I'm not doughy.

Maby he just had to remove something from his drink, hmm, like that would be any better, but what if your lady friend actually would have liked that guy?

That's always been my out. I carry myself and if need be run my mouth like a badass and, as of yet, have never had to prove it. Truth is I've never been in a fight in my life (although my wife's ex boyfriend who was like 1/3 of my size did get a pair of whiskey-forged balls and decided to punch me in the face - didn't require a lot of effort to throw his little, drunk, clumsy ass out the door, so I don't consider that a "fight").

Although if I ever do end up in a bar fight, the fact that I don't drink should come in handy as my completely sober self will be able to at least defend myself against a drunken clutz, even if it's proven that no, I actually can not fight. I guess one day we shall see.

Link?

You're absolutely right. The story is none of those things. But it is a string of movie cliches.

...

My college roommates loved to rumble, even beat each other up on a few occasions. You were in the danger zone whenever you went out with them. The crazier of the two was a small irish catholic, who has that quiet way about him when it comes to fighting.

Only fight I've ever been in, save junior high squabbles, was with him. As it were, some guy was asked to leave his beer before leaving the bar by the bouncer and he proceeds to chunk it back into the bar and square into some girl's mug. My friend proceeds to walk outside and put it on this guy. He's giving this much bigger guy a pretty good beating in front of his 3-4 friends when the guy gets a death grip on his testes. After a good 15 or so seconds, the guy gets up and runs down the street with his friends. They're huddled up a good 50 yards or so from the bar and my buddy just walks right into the middle of them and starts after it again. His three friends jump in and now I'm obligated. The melee lasts for a good 30-45 seconds in the middle of the street before the cops pull up and we all take off. As we're running, we can see the beer can guy scuffling with the cops and getting arrested. Turns out the guy took a swing at the cops and got a pretty good beating from them as well. Also, my friend loses his DL during the fight and leaves it in the street. Apparently the cops found it and show up at our apartment at about 3 am but instead of arresting him, they give him back his license and take a statement from him. He's been extremely lucky that way.

Not too long ago, two college kids home from school got into a scuffle at a bar. One guy gets KO'd and falls back and hits his head on the curb and dies. Other kid gets manslaughter and several years in the PMITAP.

You bastard!

I played in bands for years. Only found myself witness to a few fights, but the ones I did see got WAY out of control and fast.

The only time I did anything other than stop playing and get off stage was when some idiot rushed the stage for some reason. It was a small club in Granite City, IL and the stage was only a foot or so above the dance floor. Now...I don't know why he's going for the stage, but we have multiple thousands of dollars of equipment on there. Plus, we had a chick singer that was a finalist in the Miss Illinois pageant. We weren't about to let him get close to either. So I stepped in front of him and lifted the telecaster I was playing and hit him with the body of it.

We then packed up and loaded out as the cops tried to clear up what happened. There was enough violence that night that some guy saying "The guitar player hit me, officer" probably just got a roll of the eyes.

I love my tele.

This for Paul McCartney. Do you fuck the wife with or without her fake leg?

When you are feeling really kinky do you fuck her stump?

Zod's thrown a sack over comedy's head and is dragging it to a secret CIA prison for "alternative interrogation."

Yep, there's a lot to be said for a good old solid-body guitar!

You are next, Lucy.

Now, an encore presentation of "Fabfunk pleases Mel Gibson"

Oops, I should have read the first link all the way through. Still, it's a classic that deserves an encore.

Anyone who says "What you do in a fight is X and you'll be fine" has never been in a fight and has seen Blade 2 too often.

Or maybe that's somebody who's been in many fights.

I supported myself through college and law school by bouncing. If there's one subject I'm tired of, it's bar fights. They all blend together after a while.

Death Surge had some good tactical advice, but was a little short on strategy. Here's the most important one: don't fight after you've been drinking! Unless you're also fighting a drunk, or are abnormally skilled, you will probably be embarassed by a halfway decent opponent. More strategic advice, have the advantage in numbers. Also, take up some mixed martial arts activities, and stay in shape, if you feel the urge to fight all the time.

The bit about the guy who doesn't look concerned, but also isn't saying much, is very true.

You'd rather it turn into a wrestling match then get hit with a straight right hand, so if you feel overmatched, shoot the legs.

Worst bar brawls I've ever been involved in, no contest, were two hip-hop band nights gone bad in Oakland, CA. They turned into twenty on twenty rumbles that spilled into the parking lot, left multiple people stabbed, beaten, and/or hospitalized, and that had us doing nothing but getting the employees onto the stage or behind the bars while we protect the bars and stage area.

My non-working brawl fights have been more anemic. A five on five brawl with some military guys on shore leave in S.F., knives pulled on me after a fraternity party, stuff like that.

??? That's one wild fraternity.

You haven't seen Dirty Work?

Punks trying to crash a party, headed them off at the door.

Ah, I see. Sounds like West Side Story.


Norm MacDonald was in a knife fight?

I'm missing some sort of joke here....

Not particularly west side story-ish. I slammed the door on one of their hands to make them drop the knife. I thought better of pursuing it outside.

I was in Kenya about 4 years ago visiting my wife's family for the first time and we hit a bar where some fat dude was obviously wasted. He kept coming over and trying to be chummy with me and generally annoying us. I was being cool about it, but then he started trying to talk to my wife and dancing like he wanted to freak her in front of me that shit was not going to fly. I leapt out of my chair and was ready to go at it until a couple of his buddies and my wife stopped me. I've never been in any kind of significant fight, but that's about as close as I've come, especially in a bar.

Fights are not romantic...

I was beaten up once in a bar, years ago. Long, stupid story involving a girl.

For the most part, the threat is plenty. I'm a big fella (6'2 and a half, and pretty broad) so just standing up and towering over someone is usually plenty. Most of the time if someone's talking shite, I just turn my back or walk away. I'm sure people who want to fight would have plenty more practice than I, and I usually don't want to find out.

Death Surge, unlike Fabfunk, is not completely full of shit. He is right on with a lot of the points he makes. Watch out for the quiet guys and the small guys. People always think bigger=the better fighter but that is rarely the case.

Keeping calm and using your head is usually the best way to handle these things. I don't care how strong someone is, you put an indent in their throat while they are bellowing you will probably be ok.


This all reminds me of one of my best friends. He is a semi-large guy always used to make a big deal about wanting to fight people. Would yell and talk smack. The closest he ever came was 10th grade when he screamed at some 8th graders. Whenever a dicey situation came up he would pull out the "Nah it ain't worth fighting", which usually left myself and my other best friend on our own.

There's always a douche like that milling around. That reminds me of a guy I was somehow friends with in high school who was always talking shit and acting like he was the world's toughest man, and his bs was so effective that he would get people who could easily kick his ass scared of him. He was actually a terrible fighter who was not exactly coordinated or ever under control, but only a few people ever figured that out. A disgusting memory really.

Another thing I find amusing, like cujo was saying size isn't the most important thing especially if you can't do anything with it. I love how a lot of fat people think because they weigh a lot that they're automatically a good fighter. It was amazing the number of fat people who would talk shit to me as if I was supposed to be worried about the fact that they were fat. These guys are almost guaranteed to be slow and have bad balance, so on a few occasions I would comically juke around in front of them and then shoot in high for a grade school trip style takedown, which is easy since their balance especially on one leg is terrible. Then when they're down, nobody has a harder time getting back up than fat guys. Occasionally a fat guy will have balance and skill but it's honestly a 1 in 100 chance. And they guys who do, like people said, will usually be pretty quiet and not really shit talkers anyway.

True story:

Back in '92 there was this motherfucker named Shane who insisted that he tagged me out before I had reached Base. I told him that I had reached base like a full 3 seconds before he tagged me, but he would not let the shit go. I pushed him and told him I wasn't going to be It because he didn't tag me, so he made a grab for my face. I grabbed his hair and started shaking his head, but he made a mean left scratch for my arm, which left a nasty scrape. I started throwing some nasty Hundred-Hand Slaps at his face, but some bitch bus driver pulled up and pulled us apart.

I love a good fight between men.

I got this from Fabfunk regarding me saying he was full of shit...

Look slugger, you are full of shit. You're a try hard. You get ragged on because you destroyed your reputation early on by posting bullshit stories about beating people up at movie theaters and posting bullshit in the sex forum. We all know that if you actually got into a fight you would get your ass kicked. And we all know that you haven't had consensual sex without having to pay in ages. So please fuck off with your stupid rep. comments. In fact just fuck off in general. I'm done defending your creepy, greasy looking ass.

Mr. Presumptuous, way to air out some dirty laundry on the boards.

The stupefying thing about this is that its all true, and yet it's really not that cool or awesome. I haven't bragged about anything, even if I do occasionally find myself in colorful situations. This bar fight thing? I dove at a guy's legs and then ran the fuck away- must be a total lie, right?

But the sex stuff- actually I'm being modest about that. But you wouldn't want to know.

Cujo, I have no ill will towards you, even if occasionally I don't appreciate the things you say. But if you really feel this way, the only options are being clever about it or 'beating me up' face to face, since I know nothing about defending myself. I'm disheartened you chose neither.

Please don't respond to this. Let the conversation return to bar fights.