What group of seemingly innocuous assholes are bothering you now? Tell us about it without fear of social exclusion. Add a commentary or explanation if you like, and feel free to be as flagrant and vulgar as possible.
I'll begin the hatred.
I hate people who....
...have ever used emoticons to describe the way they were currently feeling at one time or another. Unless you're illiterate, there's no excuse for this. This goes double if you typed it out using parentheses and semicolons and whatever.
...take pictures of themselves with a cell phone camera standing shirtless in front of a mirror. Unless you're posting it to a website for gay singles, this needs to stop pronto.
...wear Mandals. If you're not German, then put on some shoes, pal. When did it become fucking acceptable to wear flip-flops while having a pair of testes? This generation has no balls. Could you imagine Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Bogie, Bob Mitchum, Clint Eastwood, etc. wearing flip-flops? Hell fucking no. And just b/c everyone else is doing it doesn't make it any more acceptable.
...wear seashell necklaces. See above.
...think because they use the word "existential" in regular conversation then that makes them intellectual
...who say "darn" instead of "damn."
...think their dreams are more interesting than everyone else's and so therefore must tell me about them and ask me to speculate about their meaning. Guess what? Your dreams don't mean shit.
...wear pre-ripped designer jeans. If you wear them, you're an asshole on about seventy-five different levels. If you can't figure out why that is, then that's one of the reasons you're an asshole.
...have an amazing personal anecdote to relate to anything you have ever done, seen, or read about in life. Talking to these people is like competitive conversation. You always feel like you're trying to one-up these kinds of people by having a more interesting story to tell.
...write "da" in place of "the." I think this may be mostly the doing of white people out to exploit teens who ate up the old substitution of "-az" for "-s". You're not hip or urban, jackass. "The" has been working pretty fucking well up to this point in the history of the language.
...feel they must catalog the types, amounts, and brands of all the alcohol they have ever drunken like it should impress the jizz out of me. Wow, you once drank a half a bottle of Smirnoff's and some Grey Goose at a Super Bowl party? That's great. Blow me.
...have tribal design tattoos. That went out with Goldberg and WCW. If you've got one, just get laser surgery immediately and burn any photographs you need to.
I'll begin the hatred.
I hate people who....
...have ever used emoticons to describe the way they were currently feeling at one time or another. Unless you're illiterate, there's no excuse for this. This goes double if you typed it out using parentheses and semicolons and whatever.
...take pictures of themselves with a cell phone camera standing shirtless in front of a mirror. Unless you're posting it to a website for gay singles, this needs to stop pronto.
...wear Mandals. If you're not German, then put on some shoes, pal. When did it become fucking acceptable to wear flip-flops while having a pair of testes? This generation has no balls. Could you imagine Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Bogie, Bob Mitchum, Clint Eastwood, etc. wearing flip-flops? Hell fucking no. And just b/c everyone else is doing it doesn't make it any more acceptable.
...wear seashell necklaces. See above.
...think because they use the word "existential" in regular conversation then that makes them intellectual
...who say "darn" instead of "damn."
...think their dreams are more interesting than everyone else's and so therefore must tell me about them and ask me to speculate about their meaning. Guess what? Your dreams don't mean shit.
...wear pre-ripped designer jeans. If you wear them, you're an asshole on about seventy-five different levels. If you can't figure out why that is, then that's one of the reasons you're an asshole.
...have an amazing personal anecdote to relate to anything you have ever done, seen, or read about in life. Talking to these people is like competitive conversation. You always feel like you're trying to one-up these kinds of people by having a more interesting story to tell.
...write "da" in place of "the." I think this may be mostly the doing of white people out to exploit teens who ate up the old substitution of "-az" for "-s". You're not hip or urban, jackass. "The" has been working pretty fucking well up to this point in the history of the language.
...feel they must catalog the types, amounts, and brands of all the alcohol they have ever drunken like it should impress the jizz out of me. Wow, you once drank a half a bottle of Smirnoff's and some Grey Goose at a Super Bowl party? That's great. Blow me.
...have tribal design tattoos. That went out with Goldberg and WCW. If you've got one, just get laser surgery immediately and burn any photographs you need to.
