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Where Am I?

post #1 of 14
12/13/06 at 8:14am
Thread Starter 
What is this small thing I am waking up in?
Everything smells musty, and the feel of the air is damp
It seems I'm in a predicament that I will never win
This seems like some sort of a small box,but there seems to be a light resembling a small light.

This place is so small that I can hardly move
Chlostrophia helps matters none
To get out of here what on earth do I have to prove?
I want to get out of here and again on my face feel the sun.

There is some sort of power source because I can still breath the air
So it seems my captor wants to keep me alive
I should have never trusted that good-looking guy, the one that was blond and so fair
He paid attention to me, and I went with him for a drive.

You violated my rights no matter what you might say
He had been stalking me for weeks and knows my family has money
I thought you were so nice, but your sick game I don't want to play
Trusting you was my down fall, I had no feelings at the time I should flee.

If I live through this I will make sure you get caught
You have no right to hold me against my will
I will make sue by the authorities you are sought
I will try my best to make sure my life you do not steal.
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post #2 of 14
12/13/06 at 9:54am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lanaia74
...there seems to be a light resembling a small light
Genius.

Do you live in Ipswich, incidentally?
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post #3 of 14
12/13/06 at 10:15am
That's pretty bad.
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post #4 of 14
12/13/06 at 10:23am
Damn you lanaia74, I want more pathos ! More angst !

Quote:
There is some sort of power source because I can still breath the air
Are you slowly going into the cyberpunk poems realm ?
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post #5 of 14
12/13/06 at 12:28pm
Is the answer to your question uterus?
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post #6 of 14
12/13/06 at 2:42pm
http://lanaia74.u.yuku.com/

"Why does Lanaia write such dark poetry? In Lanaia's words, 'I guess being raised with the occult and supernatural explains why I have such a knack for dark poetry. Writing is one of the few things I can do that relaxes me. I will probably write for as long as I live because this is something that I really love to do. God gave me this literary gift, so why not use ?'
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post #7 of 14
12/13/06 at 3:17pm
Here's the part that kills me:

Quote:
Lanaia Lee is a 46-year-old stroke survivor that suffered a stroke at 35 due to high blood pressure. Her disease is called erratic hypertension. Ever since the stroke Lanaia has been in a wheelchair but she hasnt let that stop her one bit! In Lanaia own words "I still rock and roll, and I mean literally roll!" Lanaia has also lost six children due to her problem with blood pressure, leaving her with no living children, except for her 3 year old Jack Russell Terrier. He is her baby and constant companion. She has been married to a wonderful husband for ten years, who is also in a wheelchair, but they live totally independently and on their own.
It's a she of 46 years of age ?

Dammit, I expected this to be 17 years old emo-goth.

But with strokes, you never know the talents you can develop.
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post #8 of 14
12/13/06 at 3:21pm
Still whiny, though.

I HATE when people refer to their stuff as "dark" anything. Like when a writer calls his work "Dark Fantasy"... it's usually garbage.
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post #9 of 14
12/13/06 at 3:34pm
So Eragon is Dark Fantasy ?

And seriously, anyone who proclaim to be "dark" evoke the memories of the SNL skits of Goth Talk.
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post #10 of 14
12/13/06 at 4:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by sackley
Genius.

Do you live in Ipswich, incidentally?
too soon!
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post #11 of 14
12/14/06 at 7:01am
Bullshit, you should see some of the texts i've been getting!
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post #12 of 14
12/15/06 at 1:24am
Lack of rhythm? Check
Rhyming just for the sake of it? Check
Little to no imagery?
Whatever imagery is bland and commonplace? Check
Whining? Check

Whoever told you fucks anything you write down in 5 minutes has literary merit? Take a fucking college-level course in proper composition and actually write when you have something important or interesting to say.
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post #13 of 14
12/15/06 at 2:12am
Lanaia, may I suggest that you alter the line "but there seems to be a light resembling a small light" to "there seems to be a light resembling a small lamp?" That way, you preserve the rhyme scheme. And I do love a nice dark poem that rhymes!

No thanks necessary, I'm just a poetic genius, that's all.
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post #14 of 14
12/26/06 at 4:42pm
Quote:
There is some sort of power source because I can still breath the air
This is poetic genius.
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