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I've become a Cronenberg film - Page 2

post #51 of 92
12/15/06 at 5:34pm
ok now I am hungry
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post #52 of 92
12/23/06 at 11:13pm
Thread Starter 
UPDATE!

There's a new toenail growing in. It's barely there, just the tiniest nub of chitin right now, but it's coming.

I'm fully expecting it to ingrow and start burrowing in any day now.
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post #53 of 92
12/23/06 at 11:43pm
This thread is awesome on so many levels. Now I'm off to vomit.

ETA: Congrats on the new baby toenail!
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post #54 of 92
12/25/06 at 4:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson
UPDATE!

There's a new toenail growing in. It's barely there, just the tiniest nub of chitin right now, but it's coming.

I'm fully expecting it to ingrow and start burrowing in any day now.
I have an ingrown toenail. I keep meaning to have it operated on but I put it off. Often I try to get at it myself (stupid, I know) with a pair of nail clippers. I start chopping away at my toenail, and trying to peel it off enough, but I always end up slicing off tiny chunks of my flesh trying to get at it. It's calloused, so it doesn't really hurt, just feels strange.

Then the bleeding and puss starts and I realise maybe I should go get it operated on.
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post #55 of 92
12/17/08 at 4:07pm
Hair. Long hairs, silvery and thin like spiderwebs. On my chest, and inside my ears. INSIDE MY EARS. I'm constantly scratching with whatever's handy when no one is looking. Come here, paper clip...
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post #56 of 92
12/17/08 at 4:09pm
The nice man who cuts my hair and I were discussing my husband's compelling salt-and-pepper look. He told me that gray hair has a different texture and thickness than other hair, so that explains the disparity.

Now stop sticking things in your ears.
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post #57 of 92
12/17/08 at 4:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Hair. Long hairs, silvery and thin like spiderwebs. On my chest, and inside my ears. INSIDE MY EARS. I'm constantly scratching with whatever's handy when no one is looking. Come here, paper clip...
It's only going to get worse Phil.

Buy one.

http://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-ER42.../dp/B0002D5Y92
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post #58 of 92
12/17/08 at 4:26pm
I had that fat hair once, it is like a grain of wild rice. I saved it for months. I also had one long as fuck hair on my shoulder, I'm not very hairy but this one hair was almost a foot long (10" min) and it was there for a year, i didn't want to pull it out as i enjoyed twirling my finger round it.

Hair in the ears is fucking weird. When it first started growing I could hear it rustling against itself, and it was really itchy. Good news is it stops being itchy (and noisy) after a while.

I also beat the shit out of 2 russian gangsters whilst butt naked in a non-gay bath house yesterday.
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post #59 of 92
3/16/09 at 3:53pm


Sorry, I have no three-ways in my life to post.
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post #60 of 92
3/16/09 at 3:58pm
Phil?

what the hell is that?
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post #61 of 92
3/16/09 at 3:59pm
We need something for reference!
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post #62 of 92
3/16/09 at 4:00pm
Where did that come from?
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post #63 of 92
3/16/09 at 4:01pm
Thread Starter 
The name of the photo is "hair-1". I just hope that's not actual size.
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post #64 of 92
3/16/09 at 4:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Every other month or so, I find my skin irritated by the growth of several random beard hairs roughly the size and firmness of fingernail clippings. Seriously.
Sorry for leaving out the context with the pic.
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post #65 of 92
3/16/09 at 4:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Seriously...

A burnt golf tee?
A bent framing tack?

and if that's a hair, that is a mother huge fucking follicle attached to it.

EDIT: Richard is right...if that is actual size, Phil... then I will lead the expedition to capture you myself.
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post #66 of 92
3/16/09 at 6:59pm
finaly proof that at least one member of Chud is not human!
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post #67 of 92
3/16/09 at 7:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lima Oscar Lima View Post
EDIT: Richard is right...if that is actual size, Phil... then I will lead the expedition to capture you myself.
Fuckin A, Frank will provide Air Support. I'll be in the bunker.
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post #68 of 92
3/16/09 at 8:19pm
Christ. And I complain about having 2-3 thick, wiry hairs growing out of the same spot at times. That's vile.

...And awesome.

The story of Phil.
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post #69 of 92
3/16/09 at 8:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Fuckin A, Frank will provide Air Support. I'll be in the bunker.
Keep the coffee hot... and I like 2 eggs over light, ham slice and rye toast.

This should not take long...

:: inserts magazine ::
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post #70 of 92
3/16/09 at 10:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lima Oscar Lima View Post
Keep the coffee hot... and I like 2 eggs over light, ham slice and rye toast.

This should not take long...

:: inserts magazine ::
Bah. The beard of Phil would shrug off your bullets as a duck sheds water. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Phil's beard doesn't reach right out and grab the bullets in mid-flight. Then it'll hurl them back at you.

Best bet is to nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. But after Skee-ball, 'cause I want to see how much Phil's beard scores vs. the rest of us.
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post #71 of 92
3/16/09 at 10:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Bah. The beard of Phil would shrug off your bullets as a duck sheds water. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Phil's beard doesn't reach right out and grab the bullets in mid-flight. Then it'll hurl them back at you.

Best bet is to nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. But after Skee-ball, 'cause I want to see how much Phil's beard scores vs. the rest of us.
Aw... but I had seven cannisters of CN-20! I was going to roll them in and nerve gas his whole fucking face!
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post #72 of 92
3/16/09 at 10:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lima Oscar Lima View Post
Aw... but I had seven cannisters of CN-20! I was going to roll them in and nerve gas his whole fucking face!
You can waste time with your friends when your work's done. Now get down to the South Ridge and see to those vaporators.
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post #73 of 92
3/17/09 at 12:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post


Sorry, I have no three-ways in my life to post.
Did you check it for a mouth, eyes?
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post #74 of 92
3/17/09 at 10:34am
You know that a rhino's horn is made from hair? I think Phil is about to turn into a Spidey villain. And just in time for 4.
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post #75 of 92
3/26/09 at 12:18pm
I have never been so thrilled about stumbling across a message board thread in my entire life. My god I love you so people.

So... that picture is actual size?
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post #76 of 92
3/26/09 at 12:49pm
Thread Starter 
Figured I'd update on the condition of the new toenail that grew in. It's ... odd. You know how most toenails have a slight curve to them? Yeah, this thing almost looks like a lowercase N. I could easily slide a push pin in the space between the nail and the bed and make my toe a dangerous hidden weapon. And it's thick as all hell too.
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post #77 of 92
3/26/09 at 12:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
I could easily slide a push pin in the space between the nail and the bed and make my toe a dangerous hidden weapon.
Do it.
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post #78 of 92
3/26/09 at 3:04pm
Richard "Toecutter" Dickson. I like it!
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post #79 of 92
3/27/09 at 9:07am
Depending on how many weapons he can secret on his person, Richard could be quite the cleaner if he so chose.
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post #80 of 92
6/22/09 at 11:56pm
Not quite cronenbergian, but troubling none-the-less: When I wake up lately, I found that I've been sweating profusely on just the right side of my torso, and the left is rather dry. Sweating to the point of smelly armpit (I've actually taken to applying deodorant before I go to bed because of it). Now, I sleep with a fan blowing on me, so, is it possible that the left side of me is being kept cool because of the fan, and otherwise I'd be sweating all over (sweating in my sleep at times has never been uncommon for me), or do I have some strange un-curable cancer?
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post #81 of 92
6/22/09 at 11:58pm
Sleeping with a fan on you is going to do wonders. You're going to miss the days you woke up just sweating.
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post #82 of 92
6/23/09 at 12:04am
No, see, I already sleep with the fan, but because my apartment place is shitty, it's not a ceiling fan, just a desk fan, thus, when I'm laying on my stomach, the fan only blows on my left side, and the right side sweats like a whore in church. Only, I don't know if I SHOULD be sweating all over, and the fan is preventing the sweating on the left side, or if fan or no fan, I'm only sweating on my right side because I'm a dying freak.
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post #83 of 92
6/23/09 at 1:23am
This thread is magical.

I don't think I have much to compare to that bent nail that grew out of Phil. But one weird thing is the noticeable difference in body hair on my left side compared to my right. No hair on my right shoulder or right side of my neck, but all sorts of stray hairs on the left. More chest hair on the left side as well. Strange.

We should start a Chewer circus.
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post #84 of 92
6/23/09 at 8:54am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Sleeping with a fan on you is going to do wonders. You're going to miss the days you woke up just sweating.
I got this joke after I logged off and went to bed.
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post #85 of 92
6/23/09 at 10:19am
No joke - sleeping with air blowing on you is going to mess up your back and/or neck muscles.
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post #86 of 92
6/23/09 at 10:25am
I clicked on this thread by accident, the sheer horror of that toe is amazing.
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post #87 of 92
6/23/09 at 11:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
No joke - sleeping with air blowing on you is going to mess up your back and/or neck muscles.
Seriously? Hmmm, this could explain my back problems. Google is not helping me research this angle. I wonder if Phil is pulling my leg?
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post #88 of 92
6/23/09 at 11:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
No joke - sleeping with air blowing on you is going to mess up your back and/or neck muscles.
See, thought you were making a "sleeping with the fan actually on you" joke. I've been sleeping with a fan blowing on me since I was 6 or 7, haven't had back or neck problems.
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post #89 of 92
6/23/09 at 12:03pm
Or maybe you've never known a life without pain. Take a goldfish out of water, and after 20 seconds, he'll think he's spent his whole life suffocating.
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post #90 of 92
6/23/09 at 12:25pm
It's funny, because my grandma told me the same exact thing: "Don't sleep with the fan on, or you'll ruin your neck!" She also told me that if you sit on a cold stone in winter, your testes will burst.
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post #91 of 92
8/13/09 at 12:56am
Apparently, I'll soon be giving birth to Misquamacus.

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post #92 of 92
8/13/09 at 1:31am
Either that or you'll soon be trying to reach into mirrors.
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