Chewers' 10 Worst of 2006

Yeah, the ones of those I've seen were pretty awful. Except Fast Food Nation. That was not bad.

Pink Panther and Lady in the Water battle it out for worst. Click was actually better than I expected (although frankly, it would have to have been two hours of Nazi war atrocities to be as awful as it looked).

The year isn't over yet. Black Christmas could be a real abomination. Other than that, I agree with about half your list.

Did you get paid to watch any of that shit?

Pulse- Wes Craven penned garbage made zero sense. No rhym or reason for anything that happens. I was hoping Kristen Bell would make it worthwhile, but she's no miracle worker. The entire film was shot in an ugly blue haze. Ick.

Sometimes I feel bad that I have such a limited movie-going budget. Thanks for correcting my vision.

You seriously saw that fucking Larry the Cable Guy movie? Did you lose a bet or something?

I wish I could add something more on-topic, but I think the only movies I saw in theaters this year were The Departed, The Fountain, and Talladega Nights. No complaints.

I have a question. If M Night didn't cast himself in the movie and got a real actor to play his part, would it still be on that list? To me, most of the film worked except for Shyalaman but that one thing was impossible to overcome. I have to agree with Da Vinci. When your money shot is throwing a cylinder up in the air, then you're in trouble. How often does the rip-off (National Treasure) end up coming out better? I'd also like to add nuance to the list by putting in my most disappointing movie of the year. That movie would be "Cars". Pixar has for the most part put out nothing but the best family films but this wasn't one of them. Not only was it the worst out of the Pixar class but it wasn't even the best animated movie that came out this year. Happy Feet gets that honor. Chalk it up to bad concept and follow through particualrily setting up the "Cars" world.

Seriously, unless you were required to watch some of those films, you're sicker than all that corpse fucking talk would lead me to believe.

When I saw the title for this thread, I immediately thought of Da Vinci, but then I didn't think Pink Panther was as out and out terrible as it should have been.

I never read The Da Vinci Code and I've heard its horribly written, if a good yarn. But if Howard's film is anything to go by, and it seems fairly faithful from what I've heard, it must be nonsensical, sub-Indy garbage. In the words of Johnny Cochran, "It does not make sense!"

And once again, this is just a list of high-profile, heavily-hyped films people were disappointed with. It doesn't even come close to what were, most probably, the actual worst films released this year. I'm prepared to make a possible exception for Date Movie and Ultraviolet.

I wasn't disappointed by Da Vinci - I expected shit, I got shit. I just didn't realise it would be really long, really boring, really fucking stupid shit. Anyway you cut it, that film was bad.

The real problem with worst-of list is though, that most of us have avoided the cinematic abortions of every year, unless maybe disasters like Da Vinci Code. Unless you have a gun to your head, seek a date rape or work at a cinema that is.
Isn´t that one of the reasons we visit CHUD.com et al to sort out that kind of crap?

I have no problem anointing Date Movie as one of the year's 10 worst without ever having seen it. Some movies you just know, you know?

I'm limited on my budget of what I get to see, so I usually avoid the bad ones. Though I did watch a movie this year that I actually walked out on. And I haven't walked out of a movie since Speed, and that was when I was at the highest point of my college age movie snobbery. The Promise was probably the worst movie I have attempted to watch in a long time. At first , at least it looked pretty. Then by the time we get to the badly computer animated Wylie Cyote running along the side of a cliff scene, they pretty much lost me. I tried to stick around longer, but I just got more bullshit.

As far as dissapointments go, I know I'm already in the minority here, but Talladega Nights didn't work for me at all. I love Anchorman. This movie wasn't near as funny. Not only that, but most of the jokes just fell flat to me. "Help me Baby Jesus. Help me Tom Cruise." didn't even make me laugh the first time I saw the trailer. And that was pretty much the case with the whole movie. I wasn't laughing. I laughed more at Feast, Slither, Beerfest, and Borat than I did at Talladega Nights. I don't remember the last time my wife and I went to a comedy and came out feeling like a love one died.

Now you see I really liked the blatant over the topness of the Promise, although when I saw it my expectations were exeptionally low. The film just works in that Baron Munchausen sort of hyperreality. It also has one of my favourite scenes this year in it which helps its case.

My worst film this year was probably Mission Impossible III, I don't think I've ever been so bored watching an action movie.

Apparently none of you all saw The Wicker Man remake.

Yeah, I don't get why anyone would willingly subject themselves to most of those movies on the list. I thought the whole point of reviews was to help avoid the stinkers, but I guess it doesn't work that way in fabfunk's world.

It's hard to compile a "true" worst of list when you guys help me avoid most of the out-and-out stinkers (I see most movies via DVD, so there's a lag time between release and my actual opportunity to see them). But every so often, I'll throw caution to the wind and watch something that every instinct is telling me will suck. So, to the "worst of" list, I will add "American Haunting". Dev's opinion of this one got my hopes up and, combined with my interest in the history of the Bell Witch, convinced me to give it a watch. But, man, this was a complete waste of time: nonsensical and unnecessary framing device, a smug sense of self-importance (ooh, horror as historical drama) and, perhaps most offensively, leaving out the actually documented activities of the Witch (which were far more frightening than what the filmmakers saw fit to depict on screen). People that are potentially interested in this film are better off reading the novel on which it's based.

So, to sum up, "American Haunting" = Boo! (The jeering kind, not the scary ghost kind).

I sling a lot of shit at Fabfunk, but his "minnie" reviews up there gave me some laughs. I especially liked "Hate crime" and "Subhuman".

Don't know if I can compile a list of the worst of 2006, but What Is It? a film by Crispin Hellion Glover might have to be on it somewhere.

Agreed. Not scary, and it had a really contrived twist/explanation. After an hour, I wanted to throw that girl around the room and smack her. And the whole framing story in the present was totally not needed. Though I've never seen a ghost be used as a molestation omen, so there's that.

Lists of the real worst films are worthless. You could always find ten minimally released technically incompetent stinkers no one ever heard of - what's the point of that? Do you think there should be some kind of scientific accuracy to this?

The truth is that there's more value in listing movies that should have been better than listing movies like GRANDMA'S BOY that were never even considered to be decent by the people who made it.

I was gone for most of the year, how were the returns for " When A Stranger Calls." Saw it on video and was bored out of my mind, it shoould have at least been in the bottom 5. Also were comedies like "Employee of the Month" and "Scary Movie 4" not as bad the ones mentioned. Also forgot about that new "Holiday" flick.

I haven't seen too many movies this year (seven so far!), but I guess the "worst" are Cars and Superman Returns.

Devin's right on this one, Greg. This list is not too different from the ones the Main Page Crew put out on an annual basis, and it does indeed have merit.

That said, I've watched only one film on this list (X-men), and though it was the compulsive collector asshole in me that forced the DVD into my hands, I do not disagree with Fab's take on it.

Going by Devin's criteria, Lady in The Water is definitely public enemy #1 for me this year. No film, by far, is lodged further up its own ass than this.

1. CLERKS 2
2. LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN
3. X3
4. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3
5. 16 BLOCKS

Those are the only ones that stick out for me. I could throw out a bunch of Snipes, Seagal, and Van Damme DTV flicks but that would be rude.

I saw Miami Vice last night.

I regret it. Deeply.

#10 The Da Vinci Code - fat Hanks stumbles around while other people around him solve his case, in a stupid boring epid movie

#9 Poseidon - that ship didn't sink fast enough.

#8 The Omen remake - congrats David Thewlis for screwing us and himself with THIS and Basic Instinct 2

#7 Ultraviolet - somewhere in there is a good movie, but that's hidden well

#6 Stay Alive - stay the fuck away

#5 The Covenant - I mean, seriously, what was that?

#4 Pulse - felt cheated when they shot Kristen's bathtub scene in a way nothing good was to bee seen. The whole movie was shot nothing good was to be seen.

#3 Open Water II - not welcome anywhere

#2 Scary Movie IV - a comedy boring and stupid as fuck

#1 Date Movie - utter dreck, it even tops the eye raper that is SM4, and I did enjoy the very similar Not Another Teen Movie

runners up: Basic Instinct II and DOA, but those at least had tits. Tits, Collin Chou and Robin Shou.

dreadful, but hilarious.

'AAAARGH! MY LEGS!'

best line delivery of the year.

I love watching bad movies, but I don't want to pay for them, so I don't see in the theatre. The worst theatrical movie this year for me was Mission Impossible 3. I almost went to see Basic Instinct 2, because I wanted to try watching a really bad movie in a theatre, but I chickened out at the last minute.

I was supposed to see Basic Instinct 2 with a femme friend - but because of daylight savings time, she showed up an hour late. Alas. That might have been a legitimately horrible movie, which might have been fun to see in a theater, though as watching the DVD revealed, it was only simply bad.

I saw both Pulse and When a Stranger Calls (for work - I got paid to watch that shit), and I have to say, Pulse could be the worst film I've ever seen, simply because it's the worst remake I've ever seen. It's like they bought a title and two money shots, and a vague sense of the plot, and lost everything that made the original a masterpiece. I can't remember When a Stranger Calls. Or for that matter Stay Alive (also, for work). They're both shit, granted, but what's the point in making a list to remind people of films they've also forgotten about. Pulse, Mission Impossible III, these films make me angry about the films themselves and the state of the industry. Clerks II deserves a spot as well.

I don't wanna go all righteous indignation on people's asses but M:I:III really doesn't belong anywhere near this thread. It wasn't amazing, but it was pretty dern good at what it did and was the most Mission: Impossible-y of the three films in the franchise, barring the first 10 minutes of the first film.

Date Movie tops the list right now because even though I didn't expect it to be great, I'm still shocked at how it created anti-laughter. Not sadness, mind you, but like a dementor you put in your DVD player and makes you think you'll never be cheerful again.

Also, I don't think you can call yourself a spoof when you just steal scenes from other comedies and then don't, you know, spoof them.

SCARY MOVIE 4 was the first comedy I've ever watched theatrically that failed to elicit a single laugh from the audience. An entire cinema literally sat in silence for ninety minutes. Utterly wretched, and given that it was directed by David Zucker, quite upsetting.

I have a terrible memory, or I just blocked out these movies. I just remembered I saw the Pang Brothers' Re-Cycle and Lady In The Water this year. So my top 3 worst theatrical films this year list is:

1. Re-Cycle
2. Lady In The Water
3. Mission Impossible 3

I'm not a big defender of MI:III, but I've got to agree that I wouldn't put it on a worst of the year list. Far worse drek was given theatrical releases this year. Maybe MI:III's disappointment just stands out because expectations were higher than, say, Little Man.

From worst to least-worst:

Snakes On A Plane
X-Men 3
Saat Po Long
King Kong

As always, a Ten Worst list is going to be mighty subjective. But I'd like to hear Cognizant's reason for placing "King Kong" in his list. While it failed to live up to alot of people's expectations, it'd be pretty difficult to call it one of the worst films of the year (does it matter that it was actually a 2005 release?).

I'm sure Little Man is worse than MI:III, but I didn't see it and that's why it's not on my list. Did you go see Little Man?

MI:3 made my list because it's just so bland and void of any excitement. I'll grant that this one was more team-oriented than the others but overall it was a showcase for Cruise hence any big moment belonged to him. That would be fine if Cruise's character had any defining traits but he doesn't.

I want to chime in my two cents on Clerks II. It's not very good at all. Even though it was totally unnecessary from minute one, it COULD have been an interesting meditation on the aging slacker, and used by Kevin Smith as a platform to show maturity and perhaps as a springboard into more thematically diverse projects in the future. It wasn't. By and large, it was crap. However, I really thought the Jackson 5 dance sequence and a few of the jokes in the latter half of the movie were good enough that I didn't feel as though I had totally wasted my time. So yeah...not really very good, but I also enjoyed enough of it that it didn't end up being among my least favorite movies of the year.

Was Bloodrayne released in 06? If so, it gets all 10 of my spots.

Running With Scissors was pretty god-awful. I left the theater wanting to punch people.

so are MI and MI2 2 of the worst films of the last 20 years? considering MI3 was the best of the trilogy.........

and thats embarassing that someone would list miami vice as a 'worst of the year'. these threads never go well

my worst (that i actually sit down and watched)


stay alive
scary movie 4
talladega nights (im sure ill get crucified for that one, but its extremely worse than any of the big comedies that have come out in the last 5 years)
lady in the water

I only saw 2 movies this year, so here is my list:

1. CASINO ROYALE
2. X-MEN 3

No, no... wait... yeah, I think I liked CASINO ROYALE a tad more. Time to revise!

1. X-MEN 3
2. CASINO ROYALE

There we go. I'm really glad I got this out of my system. Thanks CHUD!

Well sticking a Peter Jackson film on a 'worst' list does seem a tad harsh, but then we dont usually compile Top 10 Disappointment lists. It felt too indulgent, and curiously too long and ludicrous for my liking. Felt like a big fat 'whats the point?' But I love Jackson so I'll let him off. Did it really come out in 2005? Well I'm in the UK and thought it was a January release, my bad.

As for my other choices: apart from a snake-filled 30 minutes, Snakes On A Plane was boring. X-Men 3's highlight was the flying dude swooping into the last battle to save his dad and then disappearing, thus hilariously leaving the X-gang to continue to fight by themselves. Saat Po Long is one of the dumbest films I've seen, all the more tragic because Sammo Hung gives the best performance of his career in it.

What version of SPL did you see? Because the concensus seemed to be that the problem with SPL was how much time it spent setting up plot and characters. It's over earnest and over emotional at times but I'd hardly call it a dumb movie.

Oh come on! My 10 year old cousin could have come up with SPL, it was just too ridiculous for words, the fact that it took itself so seriously as opposed to having a slight tongue-in-cheek vibe like a Jackie Chan vehicle is what made it worse. Everything from the plot, characters, music and direction was just woeful, leaving obviously just the fights to enjoy and a couple entertaining performances, mostly from Sammo and one of the arsehole cops who I love because he's always cast as an arsehole. Everytime I think Hong Kong is back in business it reverts to this kind of bollocks.

Yeah, I didnt like it.

I listed the worst films I've seen this year on some other board and came up with Pink Panther, My Super Ex-Girlfriend (it's no secret that I hate unfunny comedies) and Basic Instinct 2. I had actually forgotten (deliberately?) about Ultraviolet, which was actually the *correct* answer to "what was the worst film you saw this year?"

I thought The Da Vinci Code was overlong, dull and mediocre, but hardly the worst film of the year. Just... not that good, a typical Ron Howard movie in most respects.
SPL I loved, and I liked MI3 a lot, I thought it had a crazy opening 25 mins and some really wild action sequences.

I have deliberately avoided Little Man, Date Movie and Larry the Cable Guy. For obvious reasons.