Do you believe the Bible is literally true? - Page 2

Exactly. If you are going to believe, then you are going to believe in something that cannot be described by words.

God has to speak through another entity, remember? It's another of those metaphors...

So because we can artificially insemenate these days that somehow means Jesus' mom was insemenated by "God." Good point. Did God blow a load into a little cup after he rubbed one out to porn from a different universe, how exactly did that go down? And everybody knows what Jesus said, it's not like you need to clear that up. The question is, if that is supposed to be part of the bible that's not a myth, then do you believe that literally? Because it's quite a tall tale.

You do know, eenin, that in the original text - the word for "young girl" was incorrectly translated as "virgin." It was joked about at the beginning of Snatch, but it's actually true. Several things in the bible, particularly the King James, are oddly translated...

Yes I know that. Did you know that there is no afterlife in the bible? Hell is not a place it just mean the grave. What the bible does teach is a new life or second life from the resurrection at the end of time. So yes I know a lot about the original texts.

Do you know that Jesus said he was the son of god?

Everything touched by man includes symbolism, allegories, and half-truths? I'm going to have to politely disagree with you there.

As to claiming that something is "100%" not true, I don't think anybody says that about the Bible, even the most strident Atheists. For example, many of the countries referenced did exist. Few dispute this. Arguing that this somehow makes the Bible immune to commentary on the numerous falsities it contains is a spurious argument.

For those of you out there who are theists, it may be an interesting exercise to think of all the Gods you reject as imaginary and list the reasons why you have reached that conclusion. After you've listed why you don't believe in Poseidon, Zeus, Allah, etc. etc., I'd bet it matches pretty closely the list atheists would give as to why they reject the God you embrace.

Of that I have no doubt.

Now as to the question, "Do you believe the Bible is literally true?", all of it? No. And by true I'm assuming that you mean literal truth as in something that really happened. There are some obvious and some less obvious allegories and bits of folklore and made ip stories. Of course something can be an allegory and still be true in a larger sense.

If you said "Is anything in the Bible untrue, as in a blatant misrepresentation of the facts as understood by its writers?" I would again say no. I don't think that the Bible contains any lies. Errors? Sure, errors in translation happen. That's a fact.

So.........do you believe Jesus being the son of god is literally true?

If so why?

And, do you believe Chuck Norris is the son of god?

If so, or not, why?

Chuck Norris is not the son of God.

Chuck Norris was spawned spontaneously by willing himself into existence.

Yes.

It's clear that the Gospels are intended to be biographic and not to be taken as allegory.

A son of God, but JC would totally kick his ass.

Do I get to live forever if I say yes?

Really? Why do the gospels often contradict each other on usually minor, but sometimes major, points, if they are supposed to be biographic and literally true?

http://www.evilbible.com/contradictions.htm (love the site name)

If these are mistranslations or corruptions, and if the Bible is supposed to help those towards salvation, why would God allow it to be corrupted?

Finally, where in the Bible is it made narratively clear which portions are allegorical, metaphorical, or biographic? Sounds like you, and other Christians, are making a judgment call. Since we're all fallible (or do you believe you are omniscient?) you could be wrong about your interpretation of the Gospels as "biographic" rather than "allegorical". So, I presume you would have no trouble that your belief that Jesus is the literal "son of god" might be incorrect? Right?

I doubt you'd agree with me on that last point, which is a fairly typical reaction: Christians cherry pick what they believe is literally true from the hodge-podge that is the Bible.

I wrote a biography of Chuck Norris (divinely inspired of course) that clearly states he is the son of God. So since that is the same reason you use for believing Jesus is the son of God you now must believe Chuck Norris is the son of God too right???

The Dark Lord Xenu frowns upon Chuck Norris.

Prepare for H-Bombs.

Like Chuck Norris can't just sidekick your h bombs into outer space. Please, he's been working out on the "total gym" with Christie Brinkley. Xenu running windsprints every morning with Tom Cruise and doing situps with Travolta holding his feet isn't going to cut it.

I'm pretty sure that when the Dark Lord Xenu escapes from his wrongful imprisonment, he will H-Bomb the shit out of the aforementioned Stuck-In-The-Closet duo.

How can people, WAY out of the bronze age, still ask this question?

Of course the Bible is not literally true.

It was written as if it were literally true, but that is because it was written during the aforementioned BRONZE AGE when people (get ready for this) were actually dumber than they are now.

Anyone who thinks that the Old Testament is allegorical has either never read the damn texts or is a complete liar (to themselves and others). Sure, we all now know that the world is older than 6,000 years old. Certainly, we all know that the moon is not a light but rather reflects it from the sun. Surely, we all know in our guts that raping and slavery is wrong. Absolutely, we all know that the two of every species of animal on the earth could not fit on one boat.

But how could the Old Testament be allegorical and the New Testament be allowed to be taken literally? If Adam and Eve never existed, then Jesus died for nothing. There was no original sin, and since the rest was allegory, then the prophecy of the Messiah was bunk too.

And if the New Testament is the only part to be taken literally, then we must accept that Jesus wants us to hate our friends, family (he literally says this), pluck out our eyes and chop off our limbs to keep us from sinning, sell all of our belongings, and too know all that the Pharisees know.

No. The Bible was written by people with little control over their own lives, but wanted to control the rest. It was written by people with no understanding of science and hardly of politics. These are fake stories, made up stories, fallacies based on other fake stories.

Use your brains.

That;s not correct either, Its much more than that. All scripture is given inspiration by God. When something is given by God or from God, Its on a much more Grand level than it is if its from another scource. Infinitly more.

Given inspiration = God breathed.

The same thing goes for my scripture on Chuck Norris.



Eucalyptus, your thoughts?

Did your mother drop you on your head a lot as a infant? Augustine of Hippo would disagree with you. The whole bible is literal or allegorical been going on for over 1600 years now. So it is not some new ideal. Augustine of Hippo believed the bible to be allegorical, and he died in 430. The ideal of the allegory has been around for at least 2500 years. So the ideal of the allegory is at least as old as the written word.

Yeah, it's all a big fable. They didn't actually mean Jesus was the son of god you silly goose, because that's absurd. Nobody takes that part seriously. Jesus is kind of like my Bagger Vance sig, he's the magical negro in all of us.

I think God is real, but as far as the bible being literal truth, thats another matter. I think the Quran has far better points on the relationship between Humanity and creation.

A more important question would be Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

Yes.

...and they were pierced.

...Back when people were even DUMBER than they are now.

And I cannot be sure about the mother dropping me on my head thing.

...Though I'd like to blame my lack of real personality and aggressive demeanor on such an event.

>:-D

By the by, Miyagi...I'd love to read your inspired writings on the origin and life of the almighty Chuck Norris.

Whenever you get the chance.

A lot of people think Chuck Norris is just a 60 year old martial arts legend, but he's much more than that, much, much more. Obviously he is perfect fighting machine impervious to all comers, but he does his ass kickings for the good of humanity. He is not actually 60 years old but is actually 2007 and is semi immortal. You see, like a mix up in the hospital in modern times, back in Bethlehem there was a mix up as well. A lot of people think Mary immaculately concieved Jesus, but that was just a distraction that God put there while just one barn over the real immaculate conception was going down between the legs of a local peasant, Marifah, a distant relative of both Mariah Carey and Queen Latifah. What most people had dismissed as Marifah practicing a few yoga poses was actually the birth of the most important person ever, a person we know today as Chuck Norris. To keep a low profile Chuck whispered his early teachings to his next door neighbor Jesus. Every night Jesus would sneak over to Chuck's barn and seek guidance for what he should say the next day. But then Jesus got full of himself and started thinking he was the son of God and started making up all kinds of other shit. Chuck knew he had to move on and for hundreds of years walked the earth, like a ranger if you will, spreading his powers to all of mankind. He startled some people at first with his powerful stride and dog-like face, but now a dog is a man's best friend. In these travels he taught the Asians martial arts but to give them inner peace he made them think they came up with it themselves. He also taught martial arts to Bruce Lee and yes, even Steven Seagal. Chuck had inspired all of mankind with his martial arts prowess from above. When people would get their ass kicked by Chuck, they were actually getting their ass kicked...by God. But then he noticed that people had become so empowered by witnessing his divinely inspired spinning ankle kicks and palm strikes that they had become too full of themselves....And if there is one thing that Chuck Norris does not stand for it's people being too full of themselves. That's why he made a movie allowing Bruce Lee to kick his ass to show the world that it needed to be more humble. He got his ass kicked by Bruce Lee......for our sins.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v8PuaBkNoo
He then rose from the dead by sidekicking his foot out of his grave into the air and proceeded fix all that was still wrong with humanity. This can still be seen through a string of movies that most people think are just just the greatest action movies ever made, but they are not just action movies.....they're documentaries, of the real life trials and tribulations he had taped to show as lessons to us all. His heroics were even documented for the youth in his serious of true life lessons: Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpkQ5...elated&search=
But Chuck didn't want to leave anything in question, he needed to create a definitive guide for all to follow. So he teamed up with his apostles: the black guy from Matlock, a guy who resembles Wilford Brimley, and a random bangable southern broad, to establish a code established by God for all of us to live by, it would be called....Walker Texas Ranger. The theme song sung by the son of God himself is an inspiring hymn that no worship is complete without.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5taEy...elated&search=
This all encompassing life manual covers everything from how to defend an attack by a car and how to be the bearer of bad news.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzE5-GNaoP0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdsTUcuD7YA

And yet... eenin is living proof to the contrary.

Well, as they say, there is and exception to every rule.

What really funny is I may be a brain damaged retard, but I still smarter then both of you.

Good luck cashing that check, Bouncy.

But are you smarter than both of them?

I've never gotten a definitive answer on this, but does eenin actually have a mental handicap?

If eenin is actually retarded, then I won't make fun of him. It's already sad, so I just won't go there.

In the Old Testament, Leviticus Chapter 15 talks about how evil it is for people to fart.

Do you get to stone them if they break wind?

I'm totally down with Leviticus if it does...throwing rocks at my room-mate sounds like a good plan.

It's insane. It has an entire ritual of washing yourself, clothes just for pushing one out.

...what's the penalty for not washing yourself properly?

Any word on whether Jesus stood up or stayed seated while wiping his ass?

Don't start putting all Christians into one lump. I'm well aware of those who cherry pick. But for everyone who cherry picks, there are other Christians calling them out for it.

Except for all of the Christians that call out Fanatical Muslims that cherry pick from the Koran.

This thread has become amazing.