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"Rectum? Deport'em!"

post #1 of 4
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Man with foreign objects in rectum faces deportation

Associated Press

LOS ANGELES — An Iraqi immigrant faces deportation after triggering a security scare at Los Angeles International Airport when authorities found a suspicious device lodged in his body, officials said.

Fadhel Al-Maliki, 35, of Atlantic, N.J., prompted the alert March 6 during a screening for a flight to Philadelphia when he tried to go through security with two objects in his rectum. The FBI said he told screeners the objects, a polished stone and a piece of metal, were used to fight stress.

That wasn't enough to constitute a federal offense, FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said. However, immigration agents reviewed Al-Maliki's case and said they found two violent convictions on his record.

The convictions for domestic violence and possession of an illegal weapon violate the terms of Al-Maliki's status as a permanent U.S. resident and make him subject to deportation, said Lori Haley, a spokeswoman for Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Haley said she had no details on the convictions, and that it wasn't clear when deportation proceedings would begin.

A US Airways plane bound for Philadelphia was diverted because Al-Maliki's checked luggage had been screened and put aboard without him.
post #2 of 4
Buttplug?
post #3 of 4
I think he could've taken the plane with them.

"Watcha got there, A ROCK?"

"It's been up my ass!"

"Oh god!"
post #4 of 4
Look at all the trouble it caused for everybody after Richard Ried got caught trying to light explosives in his sneakers. Because of that, we all have to have our shoes searched when we go through airport security. For about a year now, my standard joke has been "Thank God he wasn't carrying the explosives in his butt."

Now this. Travelers--prepare for unbelievable delays.
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