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Newlywed sex advice?

post #1 of 73
3/15/07 at 8:17am
Thread Starter 
We've only been married about 5months, we dated for 8months. There was no sex while we dated cuz that was her conviction, to wait till marriage. To say it was hard was an UNDERSTATEMENT!!

Fast forward to our wedding night, I was all excited and ready to get some but she said she was too tired. I pouted a little bit but just said ok, it's been a long day, what's one more night, right?

So the following day we are kissing, and I ask if she's ready and she gave me a reluctant yes. She just didn't seem into it but I didn't care as it had been almost a yr since I had gotten laid.

Of course since it had been while for her, things didn't seem 'to fit' so we had to go extra slow. Certain times it seemed like she was trying to push me off of her,I asked if she was ok, and she responded that she was fine. So when we finish she turns over and starts to cry. I'm thinking GREAT what now. She revealed to me that she was raped a yr before she met me, and didn't want to tell me. She thought she could push it aside and it would all go away, but obviously having sex brought back memories. All this time I'm thinking she was 'saving' herself or something or trying to 're-virginize' herself, but in truth she was just too traumatised to have sex with me.

Since then we've only had it bout twice month(3times if I'm lucky), she never initiates, it's always me, but I alwys feel like a jerk afterwards becus I can tell she's not into it.

In a way I'm mad. I feel like she should have been honest from the get go. We are newlyweds and can't even enjoy our sex life. Maybe my expectations were set to high, but after going without, and thinking I'd get it just bout every night after marriage, well it's a big let down!
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post #2 of 73
3/15/07 at 8:39am
Well, you're just overflowing with sympathy and support, aren't you?
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post #3 of 73
3/15/07 at 8:43am
Thread Starter 
Dude, I show her nothing butt sympathy and support. I don't vent to her like this, but I'm only human!
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post #4 of 73
3/15/07 at 8:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzed
Dude, I show her nothing butt sympathy and support. I don't vent to her like this, but I'm only human!
That post must be preserved.

The tone of your initial post carries almost no consideration for her particular condition. There are times in your message that you seem conflicted about your natural urges for sex/the frustration from not getting any and your feelings to be a good husband to your wife. Unfortunately for you, the final sentence
Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzed
Maybe my expectations were set to high, but after going without, and thinking I'd get it just bout every night after marriage, well it's a big let down!
destroys any sliver of sympathy from me that you may have otherwise acquired.
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post #5 of 73
3/15/07 at 10:00am
Pal, you're screwed and not in the good way. Help her get some help, and perhaps things can be better in time.

If not, you can have the marriage annulled for fraud. I'm just sayin'...
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post #6 of 73
3/15/07 at 12:10pm
Or maybe you're just ugly.
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post #7 of 73
3/15/07 at 12:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior Angel
Are you Christians? I would advise church counselling.
The good this out of this particular advice is that even if the counselling fails, if you look young enough, you still might get something out of it.

Jesus loves you. Deeply.
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post #8 of 73
3/15/07 at 12:47pm
Better get Dan Savage to handle this one. Now come back when the wife wants to discuss the merits of Street Trash vs. Dead Alive.
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post #9 of 73
3/15/07 at 4:52pm
This reeks of Prelude To A Kiss.
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post #10 of 73
3/15/07 at 5:03pm
Hey confuzed. Are you one of the regulars, who created a new login so you could anonymously ask an embarassing question? Or did you really start an account at a film site just to talk about sex?
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post #11 of 73
3/15/07 at 5:42pm
Thread Starter 
No, I actually googled marriage/sex advice/mens forums and this is one of the sites that popped up. Didn't even realize this was a film site since it led me straight to this forum. No worries. I posted on a few other forums where the people actually gave me CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and didn't belittle me.
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post #12 of 73
3/15/07 at 5:51pm
I could use some butt sympathy.
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post #13 of 73
3/15/07 at 5:54pm
Yeah, maybe know where you're posting beforehand. This is possibly the worst place to look for relationship help.

But good luck with your situation. I'd work on the "GREAT what now" 'tude.
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post #14 of 73
3/15/07 at 5:58pm
That and welcome to the wonderful world of marriage without premarital sex. I understand if that's how your religion rolls, but not truly knowing who you will be spending the rest of your life with until you exchange vows is only going to lead to problems down the road.
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post #15 of 73
3/15/07 at 6:01pm
Quote:
I understand if that's how your religion rolls, but not truly knowing who you will be spending the rest of your life with until you exchange vows is only going to lead to problems down the road.
Truth. And it pushes the eventual introduction of a third sex partner to "spice things up" that much further down the calendar.
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post #16 of 73
3/15/07 at 6:52pm
And thinking you're going to get laid every night after you get married is a pipe dream. Even God had to rest on the 7th day.
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post #17 of 73
3/15/07 at 11:44pm
Maybe she's just holding out for anon.
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post #18 of 73
3/15/07 at 11:46pm
Is this what is was like when Scorched Planet attacked?
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post #19 of 73
3/16/07 at 12:53am
Not sure, I always had SP guys tagged as being more like Septim, but every once in awhile we'll get a poster like this guy or marthyms (much like aaliyah, he was taken from us way before his time) and it's kind of worth while.
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post #20 of 73
3/16/07 at 2:00am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior Angel
Are you Christians? I would advise church counselling.
What does the church know about fucking?
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post #21 of 73
3/16/07 at 2:08am
Be specific, Zod. Marital fucking.
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post #22 of 73
3/16/07 at 2:09am
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29788
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post #23 of 73
3/16/07 at 3:21am
"Fuck the red out of her hair" made me laugh. I love The Onion. I remember I was in a bar in downtown Chicago that had copies at the front. I had never seen paper copies before. Read that shit on the plane.

Haven't got a response from this guy, huh? Wonder what he's doing? Certainly not fucking his wife.
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post #24 of 73
3/16/07 at 7:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Is this what is was like when Scorched Planet attacked?
No. These guys are actually funny.
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post #25 of 73
3/16/07 at 1:48pm
Every time I think I've heard it all, I come to this forum and find something like this or the Asian drumming thing.
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post #26 of 73
3/16/07 at 4:31pm
also don't marry someone that you've only known for 8 fucking months.
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post #27 of 73
3/16/07 at 4:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Straight Edge
also don't marry someone that you've only known for 8 fucking months.
If he'd HAD 8 fucking months he'd be a happier camper.
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post #28 of 73
3/16/07 at 4:48pm
Am I the only one amazed that people actually look to forums for marital advice?

JS
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post #29 of 73
3/16/07 at 5:27pm
No.
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post #30 of 73
3/16/07 at 5:39pm
Maybe some role playing would loosen her up, you could surpirise her getting out of the shower by wearing a ski mask and pretending you're breaking in to the house, that should get the ball rolling.
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post #31 of 73
3/17/07 at 2:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzed
No, I actually googled marriage/sex advice/mens forums and this is one of the sites that popped up. Didn't even realize this was a film site since it led me straight to this forum. No worries. I posted on a few other forums where the people actually gave me CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and didn't belittle me.

Hahahahaha...My theory is everytime you ask for sex, your foreplay consists of "yo slut, fuck me!"

Least that's what I got from your grammar and spelling skills.

But hey the skimask idea that's posted above could work. lol

oh and welcome to Chud. haha
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post #32 of 73
3/17/07 at 4:09am
Have you tried incorporating drums?
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post #33 of 73
3/17/07 at 5:51pm
And Asians?
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post #34 of 73
3/20/07 at 12:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by swedish miyagi
Maybe some role playing would loosen her up, you could surpirise her getting out of the shower by wearing a ski mask and pretending you're breaking in to the house, that should get the ball rolling.
you my man are a god

oh and seriously 8 months? Jeeze I live in the south and I wonder why the divorce rate is so high. What happened to people getting to know each other?
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post #35 of 73
3/20/07 at 3:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzed
No, I actually googled marriage/sex advice/mens forums and this is one of the sites that popped up.
Quote:
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Google again.
Hilarious.
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post #36 of 73
3/20/07 at 4:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by 70sCinema
This is possibly the worst place to look for relationship help.
Hey! We (almost) got Ripoll laid!
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post #37 of 73
3/20/07 at 5:07pm
But now that he has acquired the mystical powers of the Asian Drumming Sex Techniques, Ripoll is an unstoppable babymaking machine.

Beware, American mothers, your daughters are next!
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post #38 of 73
3/21/07 at 2:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
Hey! We (almost) got Ripoll laid!
Of course if Patrick could use Miyagi Charm TM; which, of course ,around these parts we call 'em roofies.
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post #39 of 73
3/21/07 at 8:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzed
"thinking I'd get it just bout every night after marriage"
No matter how many married people I hear that from, it never stops being funny. It intrigues me how with every generation, we not only have less and less knowledge about relationships but there is this growing popularity in making the courting-to-marriage period even quicker.

Little advice. Take your time in a relationship. When you're single, take notes on the guys you know who are in relationships. Know what you're getting into before you get married because "assuming" your partner is going to do anything once the ring is on the finger is ridicilous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by swedish miyagi
Maybe some role playing would loosen her up, you could surpirise her getting out of the shower by wearing a ski mask and pretending you're breaking in to the house, that should get the ball rolling.
Words couldn't begin to describe how hard I fucking laughed when I read that.
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post #40 of 73
3/21/07 at 8:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
Hey! We (almost) got Ripoll laid!
And that's a lot more difficult feat than you'd think.
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post #41 of 73
3/21/07 at 8:56pm
Dude, you need to come to Vegas for a month. As long as you prefer quantity over quality, you shouldn't have a problem. Shane Black wasn't lying when he wrote that "Grabbing the East Coast and shaking" line from Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.
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post #42 of 73
3/22/07 at 12:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
And that's a lot more difficult feat than you'd think.
Well hell I've managed 2.5 times; surely a dashing young bachelor like yourself can snag a lovely lass.
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post #43 of 73
3/22/07 at 12:37am
It's mostly a matter of circumstance. Had the opportunity Senior Year of high school, wasn't able to perform, now live at home attending community college, friends moved away, and it's quite hard to meet anyone at all.

I'm quite confident that, once I move into the city for big-boy college, my tie will rarely leave the door handle.
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post #44 of 73
3/22/07 at 12:57am
Same situation here; add to that a crippling case of shyness and having to rely on others for travel(that is all changing in the next week or two) and you have a good idea of the difficulty I've had.
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post #45 of 73
3/22/07 at 12:59am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Jim
No matter how many married people I hear that from, it never stops being funny. It intrigues me how with every generation, we not only have less and less knowledge about relationships but there is this growing popularity in making the courting-to-marriage period even quicker.

Little advice. Take your time in a relationship. When you're single, take notes on the guys you know who are in relationships. Know what you're getting into before you get married because "assuming" your partner is going to do anything once the ring is on the finger is ridicilous.
Exactly. As if a ring on her (or his) finger is going to fundamentally change the person. They either have a lot of sexual interest in you, or they don't. They either will commit to fidelity, or they won't. They're honest or they're not. A ring ain't changin' it.
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post #46 of 73
3/22/07 at 1:20am
Unless it's a mystical ring of mind-control.
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post #47 of 73
3/22/07 at 3:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared Melton
Unless it's a mystical ring of mind-control.
Or +2 roofies.....
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post #48 of 73
3/23/07 at 3:25am
Even a +2 roofies will eventually lose it's hold over a victim.

Mystical rings come with a 110% Money-Back Guarantee that they will curse your family line for generations.
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post #49 of 73
3/27/07 at 1:23am
I liked that whole 'deliverance' thing when it was called The Green Mile. Don't make me bring the dildocross into this discussion.
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post #50 of 73
3/27/07 at 5:40am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scriptwriter
Perhaps a deliverance would be a good idea, with a group paraying and lighting candles to cast out the memories of her horrifc trauma. I attended one once and you could see the wickedness leave the man's body through his mouth like a black cloud. It was then that I knew Christ was Lord.
It's official. You're a troll.
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