In the early 90s, rap and hip-hop music mutated into something fierce and profane after the LA Riots. Lyrics came out in a rat-a-tat tempo spoke tales of doom, misogyny, and drinking gin with juice.
Death Row Records was the hub of prominent gangsta rap and its CEO, Marion "Suge" Knight put brutal practices to makes the ends justify the means. Caught between the feuds between Tupac Shakur and Bad Boy artist Biggie Smalls--Knight was implicated in both deaths through a convuluted series of events that I am too lazy to sum up.
Knight would serve hard time for a beefed up charge a couple of years later. When he got released everyone in the rap community, hell the whole music industry, was on pins and needles. But other than the occasonial yard sale, Marion "Suge" Knight has kept a relatively low profile...
...until now
A few weeks ago, I got a call from an attorney representing "Suge" Knight requesting me to give the CEO a very candid interview. This could be an investigative journalist's dream come true, or the ultimate exercise in fear for a vanilla face that not even Fear Factor's Joe Rogan could concieve. I accepted once the attorney representing Knight told me that "Suge" himself had read my IMDB messege board editorials such as: "Say What You Will About Tom Cruise, But That Brainwashed Dwarf Shows Up To Work!" and "Despite My High Standards in Females, I Would SO Give Ugly Betty a Pearl Necklace" and was totally simpatico with my views. After I accepted the offer for an exclusive candid face-to-face interview, I signed a gag order in any question pertaining Tupac and Biggie. Seems some British documentry filmmaker interviewed "Suge" while he was in jail and the interview went sour. Despite the gag order, I will ask my questions with the full, balancing force of truth and justice!
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SR: So, big dawg--is this season of American Idol off the chain or what!?!
SK: Lets make something perfectly clear: I do not converse in the language of minstrel.
SR: Noted[nervous laugh]
SK: But to answer your question, Squalid, I stop watching AI after Simon filters out the untalented freaks. I have a morbid curiosity and the contest loses steam for me after that
SR: I hear ya. Okay "Suge"--
SK: Please, Squalid, call me Marion. "Suge" was my slave name.
SR: Wha??
MK: Alright, this is my ulterior motive for this interview: to announce to the world that Marion Knight has turned over a new leaf.
SR: [stunned silence]
MK: I can ascertain from that shocked look on your face that you're asking yourself if this is for real. Yes, this is no joke. This is very much real. When I was running Death Row Records, I was a slave. A slave to the greed and materialism that was making me push death upon lil brothers and sisters
SR: WHA!?!?!
MK: Let me ask you Squalid--were you scared out of your mind over conducting this interview?
SR: God, yes. I'm wearing a diaper right now.
MK: See, that fear you had--
SR: I stil have it...
MK: Thats cool. I don't blame you. If I was a scrawny vanilla-face,like yourself, alone a room with one of the most infamous black men ever, and you did not have anyway to defend yourself...I would be scared, too. But I am here to assauge your fear, and everyone's about me. I am tired of using that fear as a commodity.
SR: What brought this new outlook on life, Marion?
MK: Well, there are alot of things that have set up this stage in my life. My pitiful yard sales, seeing my old friends like Cube, Dre, and Snoop moving onto greener pastures with solid investments and families...and here I am, the fool on the hill. So I am here to announce that I have consolidated Death Row Records. I have also consolidated my franchise of crackhouses known as Ray Rae's. I have given a generous severence pay to all my employees, and I hope they put it to a good education. Right now, my plan of attack is to start up a new record label--Lazurus.
SR: What kind of artists are you looking for Lazurus to handle?
MK: Well, I'm not going to be too cutsey, but I do want more positive music, but also music that doesn't compromise an artist's social conscience. The music of Mos Def, the poetry of Saul Williams, and the incendiary lyrics of that guy from Rage Against the Machine are the template for what I want. Hey, that guy from Rage--Whats his name?
SR: Zack De La Rocha.
MK: Yea. Zack the Lego Maniac!
SR:[laughs heartily] Did you just come up with that?
MK:[laughs as well] Naw, I remember the commercials from back in the day. I just had diaherra of the mouth at that moment.
SR: I have to say Marion, I am totally at ease with you right now. I feel like we have become BFF in a just a manner of minutes!
MK: You know, if you told me that 10 years ago...I would have turned your face into a cubist era Picasso painting. Now, I feel just outright giddy!
SR: Over the years Marion, People have always focused on your infamous tenure as CEO of Death Row Records, but I have always believed that your acting career-even when you were nominated for the Best Supporting Actor Acadmey Award in 2000-was quite unsung.
MK: Wha?????
SR: Don't be modest, Marion!
MK: Whatchoo talking 'bout, Squalid??
SR: Uh! Marion! okay, in the early 80s, you played a bounty hunter who pitys fools in the hit television show The A-Team. In 1999, your screen career had come full circle by playing a cornbread eating negroid fool pitied in the Green Mile...Marion, are you OK?
MK:[Face is turning red, and now a phosphourus green. Various veins are popping up all over his craninum]SUGE SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Well, the world went quickly black for me after that. The only thing I remember after telling "Suge" Knight that I thought he was the 'tard John Coffey was him shouting, "WHERE'S MY DOLLAH! YO, BETTER GIVE ME THAT DOLLAH VANILLA FACE!!"
When I came back into consciousness, I found that believing is achieving when it comes to picking up your teeth with broken fingers. Morale of the story: Do better research before you interview a mogul of menace. Your health insurance agent, and your vital organs, will thank you later. I'm squalid_razor, and I do this to myself so people of the world won't have to. Good Night and Good Luck.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Squalid_Razor is the acclaimed author of such IMDB Messege Boards such as "Heath Ledger will rool as Joker HATERZ" and was the 2003 recepient of the NAACP Token Accomplished Vanilla-Face of Year Award for his awesome epic essay on Martin Luther King Jr entitled: "One Dream to Rule Them All." When not being the best writer ever, Squalid_Razor spends his spare time watching Battlestar Galatica with his loving inflatable wife Cheryl Ann. Squalid_Razor lives in Big Tuna, TX.
Death Row Records was the hub of prominent gangsta rap and its CEO, Marion "Suge" Knight put brutal practices to makes the ends justify the means. Caught between the feuds between Tupac Shakur and Bad Boy artist Biggie Smalls--Knight was implicated in both deaths through a convuluted series of events that I am too lazy to sum up.
Knight would serve hard time for a beefed up charge a couple of years later. When he got released everyone in the rap community, hell the whole music industry, was on pins and needles. But other than the occasonial yard sale, Marion "Suge" Knight has kept a relatively low profile...
...until now
A few weeks ago, I got a call from an attorney representing "Suge" Knight requesting me to give the CEO a very candid interview. This could be an investigative journalist's dream come true, or the ultimate exercise in fear for a vanilla face that not even Fear Factor's Joe Rogan could concieve. I accepted once the attorney representing Knight told me that "Suge" himself had read my IMDB messege board editorials such as: "Say What You Will About Tom Cruise, But That Brainwashed Dwarf Shows Up To Work!" and "Despite My High Standards in Females, I Would SO Give Ugly Betty a Pearl Necklace" and was totally simpatico with my views. After I accepted the offer for an exclusive candid face-to-face interview, I signed a gag order in any question pertaining Tupac and Biggie. Seems some British documentry filmmaker interviewed "Suge" while he was in jail and the interview went sour. Despite the gag order, I will ask my questions with the full, balancing force of truth and justice!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SR: So, big dawg--is this season of American Idol off the chain or what!?!
SK: Lets make something perfectly clear: I do not converse in the language of minstrel.
SR: Noted[nervous laugh]
SK: But to answer your question, Squalid, I stop watching AI after Simon filters out the untalented freaks. I have a morbid curiosity and the contest loses steam for me after that
SR: I hear ya. Okay "Suge"--
SK: Please, Squalid, call me Marion. "Suge" was my slave name.
SR: Wha??
MK: Alright, this is my ulterior motive for this interview: to announce to the world that Marion Knight has turned over a new leaf.
SR: [stunned silence]
MK: I can ascertain from that shocked look on your face that you're asking yourself if this is for real. Yes, this is no joke. This is very much real. When I was running Death Row Records, I was a slave. A slave to the greed and materialism that was making me push death upon lil brothers and sisters
SR: WHA!?!?!
MK: Let me ask you Squalid--were you scared out of your mind over conducting this interview?
SR: God, yes. I'm wearing a diaper right now.
MK: See, that fear you had--
SR: I stil have it...
MK: Thats cool. I don't blame you. If I was a scrawny vanilla-face,like yourself, alone a room with one of the most infamous black men ever, and you did not have anyway to defend yourself...I would be scared, too. But I am here to assauge your fear, and everyone's about me. I am tired of using that fear as a commodity.
SR: What brought this new outlook on life, Marion?
MK: Well, there are alot of things that have set up this stage in my life. My pitiful yard sales, seeing my old friends like Cube, Dre, and Snoop moving onto greener pastures with solid investments and families...and here I am, the fool on the hill. So I am here to announce that I have consolidated Death Row Records. I have also consolidated my franchise of crackhouses known as Ray Rae's. I have given a generous severence pay to all my employees, and I hope they put it to a good education. Right now, my plan of attack is to start up a new record label--Lazurus.
SR: What kind of artists are you looking for Lazurus to handle?
MK: Well, I'm not going to be too cutsey, but I do want more positive music, but also music that doesn't compromise an artist's social conscience. The music of Mos Def, the poetry of Saul Williams, and the incendiary lyrics of that guy from Rage Against the Machine are the template for what I want. Hey, that guy from Rage--Whats his name?
SR: Zack De La Rocha.
MK: Yea. Zack the Lego Maniac!
SR:[laughs heartily] Did you just come up with that?
MK:[laughs as well] Naw, I remember the commercials from back in the day. I just had diaherra of the mouth at that moment.
SR: I have to say Marion, I am totally at ease with you right now. I feel like we have become BFF in a just a manner of minutes!
MK: You know, if you told me that 10 years ago...I would have turned your face into a cubist era Picasso painting. Now, I feel just outright giddy!
SR: Over the years Marion, People have always focused on your infamous tenure as CEO of Death Row Records, but I have always believed that your acting career-even when you were nominated for the Best Supporting Actor Acadmey Award in 2000-was quite unsung.
MK: Wha?????
SR: Don't be modest, Marion!
MK: Whatchoo talking 'bout, Squalid??
SR: Uh! Marion! okay, in the early 80s, you played a bounty hunter who pitys fools in the hit television show The A-Team. In 1999, your screen career had come full circle by playing a cornbread eating negroid fool pitied in the Green Mile...Marion, are you OK?
MK:[Face is turning red, and now a phosphourus green. Various veins are popping up all over his craninum]SUGE SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, the world went quickly black for me after that. The only thing I remember after telling "Suge" Knight that I thought he was the 'tard John Coffey was him shouting, "WHERE'S MY DOLLAH! YO, BETTER GIVE ME THAT DOLLAH VANILLA FACE!!"
When I came back into consciousness, I found that believing is achieving when it comes to picking up your teeth with broken fingers. Morale of the story: Do better research before you interview a mogul of menace. Your health insurance agent, and your vital organs, will thank you later. I'm squalid_razor, and I do this to myself so people of the world won't have to. Good Night and Good Luck.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Squalid_Razor is the acclaimed author of such IMDB Messege Boards such as "Heath Ledger will rool as Joker HATERZ" and was the 2003 recepient of the NAACP Token Accomplished Vanilla-Face of Year Award for his awesome epic essay on Martin Luther King Jr entitled: "One Dream to Rule Them All." When not being the best writer ever, Squalid_Razor spends his spare time watching Battlestar Galatica with his loving inflatable wife Cheryl Ann. Squalid_Razor lives in Big Tuna, TX.
