I hate Asian balls.

So I'm at the gym over my lunch break, and I take a quick shower before heading back to work. The shower room is nearly empty, just me and another dude. I hop out of the shower, reach for my towel...and it's gone. And that's when I see--

A SMALL ASIAN MAN, standing in the middle of the room.

Vigorously scrubbing his balls with my towel.

Up and down, up and down. It's like he's trying to set kindling on fire, that's how hard he's rubbing.

And this towel...it was a really nice towel. That's what you have to understand. It was soft and absorbent and it always got the job done.

Here's another important part of the puzzle: my towel was white. The Asian's was blue, not to mention hanging on the opposite side of the room. So this wasn't a case of mistaken towel-identity. This was fucking MALICIOUS.

So I yell at him, ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing, and he looks at my towel, still crammed against his taint, then he looks at his own towel hanging on the rack, and he says, "Oh."

Then he drops my towel on the ground. In a puddle of water.

Then he grabs his own towel and goes sprinting out of the room.

And the only thing he yells over his shoulder--and I swear to God, I'm not making a word of this up--is "So sorry!" Only he said it like a racial caricature in a bad 80's action movie: "SO SOLLY!"

So, not a great way to start the week.

It's a really nice towel.

I picked it up with paper towels.

Towel update:

The taint-rag is now in the dumpster, where it will no doubt be rescued by the hobo who crawls through our trash every morning. Who also happens to be Asian.

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

Also, wife is angry at me for using the hot dog tongs to dispose of towel. Tried to explain how the Asian's junk was flouncing up and down; she was unconvinced.

Nobody understands. The horror of those balls.