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Please suggest an agnostic expletive

post #1 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:18pm
Thread Starter 
So I was listening to the radio this morning and they played a vintage clip of Jerry Falwell claiming that herpes and AIDS were evidence of an angry god. And I reflexively muttered to myself, "Jesus Christ"-- my standard expression of exasperation-- a millisecond before realizing the irony. This happens a lot.

I'm not religious. Even a term like "WASP" doesn't technically apply to me. Nevertheless, when the world presents me with a subject of outrage, I feel the need to respond verbally. Just so the world can know I was outraged, I guess. But I need a default exclamation/invocation that properly represents my position. I suppose I could legitimately deploy "By the hammer of Thor," but I'm looking for something less cumbersome. Thoughts?
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post #2 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:21pm
Dudikoff!
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post #3 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:21pm
"Science H. Logic" or "Science Damn-it"
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post #4 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:24pm
Mother H. Fucker.
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post #5 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:24pm
Going along with that, "Charles R. Darwin" or "Richard Dawkins!"
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post #6 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:26pm
I usually just go with "For fuck's sake."
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post #7 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:35pm
Crap in a hat!
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post #8 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:36pm
sweet merciful nothing.
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post #9 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:38pm
I would've gone with the standard

"Son of a bitch!"

but then there's also saying things like "Cripes" which was created to not say "Christ"

Of course then there's "Sweet Sassy Molassy!"
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post #10 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:46pm
"Penises! Penises! Penises!" (i had a friend who used that one often)

"Scheissen Minnelli!" (courtesy of a another friend)

EDIT: spelling
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post #11 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:57pm
Chemical Chance! Chemical Chance!
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post #12 of 88
5/8/07 at 3:59pm
Alternative: Don't exclaim anything at all. What's the point.
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post #13 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:03pm
Sweet midgets!!!

(Saw it on a jar of pickles, seemed like a good expletive)
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post #14 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:08pm
Shoit on me ballix.

Either that, or Barbara Streisand tends to work.
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post #15 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:10pm
The Ned Flanders classic "Son of a Diddly!" always works for me.
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post #16 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:11pm
Dr. Peter Venkman: "Mother pus bucket!"
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post #17 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:16pm
"Crom! Laughing at the four winds!"
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post #18 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:21pm
I'm going to work Charles Darwin into at least two sentences today.
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post #19 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:26pm
I generally use "Fuck's sake!", but my roommate prefers the more evocative "Shit on my cock!"
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post #20 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:29pm
I've found myself saying "Piss!" or "Fuck my arse!" far too much...
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post #21 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:44pm
I've always been fond of exclaiming "Suck a Duck!" in appropriate situations.
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post #22 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:53pm
"Judith Crist"
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post #23 of 88
5/8/07 at 4:58pm
you could always do some Ron Burgundyisms:

Hot pot of coffee!
Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!
By the beard of Zeus!
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post #24 of 88
5/8/07 at 5:01pm
"Big Bang!"

Appropriate for any car crashs caused by your godless existence or any number of carpentry accidents one might have around the house, while still placing you squarely on the side of science.
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post #25 of 88
5/8/07 at 5:04pm
"
Quote:
Judith Crist"
Nice. You just showed your age, too.
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post #26 of 88
5/8/07 at 5:48pm
How 'bout "Tyrannosaurus T. Rex!"

(The T is for Tyrannical)
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post #27 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Jim Slade
you could always do some Ron Burgundyisms:

Hot pot of coffee!
Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!
By the beard of Zeus!
Those are brilliant!

There's also

Son of a man nipple! (Which probably wouldn't be a good idea)
Great Odin's raven!
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post #28 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:05pm
"Maybe there's a god-dammit!"
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post #29 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:09pm
William H Macy!

Personally, I've often realized the irony of using religiously-based curses (I'm an atheist), but I've decided not to care. Like it or not, we've been raised in a Christian culture, and those expletives are what get the job done. I'm personally partial to "Jesus Fuck" myself.
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post #30 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:11pm
Without thinking I once yelled, "Jesus goddamn Christ!"
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post #31 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:14pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David
Personally, I've often realized the irony of using religiously-based curses (I'm an atheist), but I've decided not to care. Like it or not, we've been raised in a Christian culture, and those expletives are what get the job done. I'm personally partial to "Jesus Fuck" myself.
One of my other defaults is the vaguely Catholic "Sweet Mother of Fuck". But isn't this more fun?

Nordling, you may be onto something...
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post #32 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:18pm
Technically it's religious, but you can't go wrong with "Juno's Cunt!"

If you're a Star Wars fan, you can go with "Stang", "Sithspawn", or even "Tarkin's Teeth!"
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post #33 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:23pm
Gesundheit!
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post #34 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:24pm
I actually caught myself saying "Frak" a couple of weeks ago. That was kind of sad.
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post #35 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:45pm
Well if you wanted to new forms of profanity you could always check out the angry video game nerd over on Youtube and gametrailers.

That guy comes up with new words all the time.

Oh and Greg David, funny you mention the phrase "Jesus Fuck" as there if you can believe it there's a Wumpscut song called "Christfuck" and it's good one in my view.
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post #36 of 88
5/8/07 at 6:57pm
Some of my favorites:

"Sweet Chocolate Christ"
"Jesus whipped"
"Cock-sucking Christ!"
and
"poopsicles"
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post #37 of 88
5/8/07 at 7:02pm
If you're looking for swears to call people, 'ya dirty fuckin' troozer' and 'leper-fucker' always do the trick.
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post #38 of 88
5/8/07 at 7:12pm
LEEEEROY JENKINS!!!

Yeah, I know- how very 2005 of me.
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post #39 of 88
5/8/07 at 7:34pm
"Well, shit a brick!" I use that one quite often, oddly enough

For pain I use a favorite line from 40 Year Old Virgin.

"FUCK ME...IN THE ASSSHOOLLLE!"

And lastly;
"Well, wasn't that just a big fist fuck of a day?"
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post #40 of 88
5/8/07 at 7:34pm
Shit, why not go with a classic:

"Flip you, Melon farmer."
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post #41 of 88
5/8/07 at 7:44pm
Dirt.

Just dirt.
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post #42 of 88
5/8/07 at 8:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David
I actually caught myself saying "Frak" a couple of weeks ago. That was kind of sad.

I've had to stop myself from crossing that line a few times. I just don't want to go there.
My personal favorite: "Bollocks to this!"
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post #43 of 88
5/8/07 at 8:39pm
Marvel comics is a haven of G-rated swearing, such as, "What in the name of sanity?"

Thor himself is a goldmine:

"By my troth!"

"By my beard!"

"Odin's beard!"

"Whirl, mine awesome hammer - WHIRL!"

"My hands shake as though with the palsy of age!"

That last couple are pretty specific, so be mindful of what context you're in before you use them, i.e. you are using a hammer, or are enduring palsy.
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post #44 of 88
5/8/07 at 8:43pm
The 70's Luke Cage comics were good for that too. You always knew what he was supposed to be saying, but it was printed "Motherlover". In the eighties, Wolverine came along with "Flamin", which was pretty transparent as well.

I wouldn't suggest using either of these in real life unless you want to get beaten up by middle school kids.
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post #45 of 88
5/8/07 at 8:51pm
foot!
I used to say "Lord Vader!"
Jiminy H. Cricket!
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post #46 of 88
5/8/07 at 9:28pm
When I'm frustrated with myself, I tend to say "Fuck me!" (Like "Fuck you!' but reflexive) Sadly, that can be misinterpreted.

Damn(it) works, without the God in front, or the to hell at the end.

But more creative things are good:
Jiminy Christmas, Jumpin' Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick, whatever floats your boat.
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post #47 of 88
5/8/07 at 10:02pm
If saying in a Chris Farley voice "Jesus motherfucking Christ you son of a whore" doesn't float your boat, may I recommend saying "son of a shit" in the same accent as Samir Nayinanaja from Office Space.

There's also the chud thread titled option of "Jesus H. Cruise" or just go with L Ron Hubbard.

I kind of like Science H. Logic as Squirrel said.

Maybe "Xenu damn it", or "circumstance please."
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post #48 of 88
5/8/07 at 10:57pm
Thread Starter 
'Mother Hubbard' came up on Andy Richter's last show, and it was good.

I'm not necessarily shopping for alternate profanity, though Fuddrucker's has come to my rescue now and then. I just need an oath that doesn't bind me to someone else's belief system.
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post #49 of 88
5/8/07 at 11:56pm
We are forgetting something very important.

Cursing is using language and is therefore a form of communication. Swearing isn't so much for you as it is for those around you. If it wasn't, you could just "feel" it or say it in your head. Seeing as most people at least claim to be Christians, if you stick with the Christian curses you are getting the most bang for your buck (probabilistically speaking) as far as affecting others goes.

I think doing slight alterations to make them more offensive, though, is always a good idea.

Jesus Titty-fucking Christ often gets the job done.
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post #50 of 88
5/9/07 at 12:12am
Holy dying fetuses!

I usually just say Shitcockass. That's really satisfying.
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