...as reviewed by my co-worker, Jeremy - Page 2

Shh... it's not a real person. No one thinks Clerks 2 is funny.

A co-worker of mine watched Zodiac last night at my recommendation of it as one of the top 5 films this past year.

ME: So what did you think:
Her: I wasn't really feeling it. In fact I really didn't like it.
Me: WHAT! How is that possible?
Her: After the first hour, I'd felt like I'd been watching it for 5 hours. Also, I can't believe they didn't catch him. I mean, I think I might have liked it more if they caught him. I kept waiting for that, or for him to kill some more people.
Me: You do know it's based on actual events and they never did catch the guy, right?
Her: Yeah, I guess.......I don't know.

I ate her lunch when she wasn't looking.

MOVIE: Superbad
AS REVIEWED BY: My Father

HIM: "It was just okay. I liked the cops, but those kids got on my nerves after a while. 5 out of 10."

ME: *mouth agape*

In fairness, he loved the shit out of Knocked Up.

He's got a point about Vacancy, though...

This story sort of fits in with the thread, and it's certainly not worth its own thread.

There have been bomb threats made to various universities over the past few days, and yesterday it affected security at the law school, so after class my friend starts making jokes about the end of MEET THE PARENTS where Ben Stiller apparently says "bomb" on the plane several times. I just sort of nodded vacantly, but she picked up on the fact that I didn't know what she was talking about:

Her: "You've seen it, right?"

Me: "Once, a long time ago. I didn't like it."

Her: "Yeah, most guys don't." (Not sure where she got this idea from.)

Me: "Actually, I don't care much for farce."

Her: [laughs heartily] "Farce?" [laughs more]

Me: "Yeah, a farce. That's my serious answer."

Her: [more laughing] "Farce. That doesn't even sound like a word. What is that?"

Me: [taken aback] "Farce, you know. Like when it's one basic comedic scenario with a chain reaction that just keeps spinning more and more out of control. Just doesn't do much for me."

Her: [incredulously] "Haha, oookay..."

Wait - is this person a law student?

I thought I made you watch that scene repeatedly to point out my brother.

"There he is."

"There he is."

(wait)

"There he is."

"How cool is this?"

Yes.

You might have, but I don't remember you doing that. But certainly just seeing your brother's left ear would've been better than seeing the entire movie.

I recognize that a background in the humanities isn't a requirement for admission to law school, but it squicks me out that an individual pursuing a graduate degree has never heard the word farce. I'm also weirded out by the fact that she giggled when presented with new information. Ew all around.

She kept telling me how great a word it was and trying to use it over and over. "This class is a FARCE. Haha!" It was like Bambi first learning "Bird."

She's actually quite well-adjusted. And she knew who Maggie Smith was without explanation. How do you know who Maggie Smith is and not know what a farce is?

No offense to the many great lawyerly chewers here, but I know several frighteningly dumb people who ended up in law school.

Honestly, so do I. None of them post here, though.

Yes, I sit next to or near many of them.

At times it's nothing short of astonishing.

Quick story- when I first moved to Albuquerque, I lived in an apartment above a young, fresh-out-of-school lawyer. My first encounter with him went something like this:

[11 PM on a Monday night: I hear a loud bass noise coming from his apartment, so I go downstairs and knock on his door. (Note that this isn't the bass track from a song- it sounds like some kind of bass test signal, or maybe some kind of feedback.) He appears in the doorway after a moment]

Minsky: Hi! I'm your new upstairs neighbor.

Lawyer: Oh, hey, bro!

Minsky: Say, I couldn't help but notice that you have your subwoofer cranked to mother fucking 13. I don't mind that you play your cool test signal, but could you crank down the bass a bit?

Lawyer: Oh, sure, bro! How do I do that?

Minsky: I'll show you.

[At this point, I enter the apartment. I have to cover my ears to shield them from the pain of the noise coming from the subwoofer. The glass doors to his entertainment center are wobbling in their settings. I crouch down and notice that he has forcibly jammed an s-video input into the rear of the subwoofer. There's a fork lying nearby, suggesting that he was using it as a tool]

Minsky: No, this doesn't go here- this is a video cable.

Lawyer: I've been trying to set up my home entertainment center!

Minsky: I can see that now.

Lawyer: Do you know how to set this stuff up?

Minsky: Sure. Let's have a look.

[I peek behind his television, only to witness a nightmarish failureknot of forcibly inserted cables. I notice the DVD player manual lying unopened on the coffee table. ]

Minsky: These cables are color coded. They go from your DVD player to the component inputs on your television.

Lawyer: Oh, thanks, bro! This stuff is complicated, huh?

I told him that his subwoofer wasn't rated for apartments, so he unplugged it and stored it in his closet.

And here I was thinking that lawyers were smart.

What does squicks mean?

to squick out - v. slang. Indicates minor displeasure or discomfort. Commonly used by women in electronic communication. ex - Her need to put ketchup on everything really squicks me out. Synonymous with the construction "to gross out," though it doesn't sound as 80's.

eta - Now this is really interesting - I just looked up "squick" on Wikipedia. Here's what I found in the entry for "Slash fiction" - "An element of fanfiction is squick, most often used as a warning to refer to a reader's possible negative reaction to scenes in the text (often sexual) that some might find offensive or distressing. This may include, but is not limited to, incest, BDSM, rape, scat, or torture. The term originated in the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage in 1991.[6] Squicks are often listed as a warning in the header of a fanfiction story." So that's where it came from.

At work a while back.

Heather (to me and Jana): I rented that Wild Hogs this weekend.....it wasn't very good. I mean, as good as it looked in the previews.

Me:I rented Hot Fuzz. It's a British comedy that makes fun of American action films.

Heather: (looks confused)

Me:It was really funny.

Heather: (stares)

Me: Hmmmm.

I'm assuming this guy is a freshman? I hope after a few years he realizes that Garden State is in fact not one of the best movies ever made. Then you can promptly throw this in his face.

My 20-month old son can now repeat the words "doo-doo" whenever I say it.

So I can say, "Did you think the 3rd song in Backyardigans was doo-doo?"

and He'll say "Doo-Doo"

It's great to have someone who will agree with me on movies.

I had someone in my film class list one of the Friday the 13th movies (the one in space) as one of her favourite movies. Of course she's also the one that fucked up our sfx money shot by taking a flash photo during filming.

Also, during the interviews one of the guys named Jackass as his favourite movie. I was terribly shocked when he didn't get in to the program.

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Patrick Ripoll again."

After reading Jeremy's last review, I've been catching myself saying "That's just foolish" a few times.

Girls love Garden State. You're better off just agreeing with them, a smile and nod works wonders.

EDIT: Also, do you expect the average college freshman to have the same knowledge of film as you? You grew up on the mean streets of CHUD.

It's more of a broad Avenue.

I liked Garden State =(

There are certain things that it's probably best not to admit around these parts. That would be one of them.

I was deeply "meh" on Garden State. I didn't hate it, but it really didn't do anything for me. I guess this means that I've somehow managed to overcome my vagina and still exercise common sense and good taste. I should probably present myself to a team of professionals for study.

Realize too that for a lot of people your age, GARDEN STATE is high cinema. For better or worse, it probably inspired some people you'll meet in your program to be there in the first place.

"Hey, I have banal insight into life too! Maybe I can do this!"

They'll learn soon enough.

(Note: I actually liked-but didn't love-GARDEN STATE. Or at least I liked the first half well enough, before all that Large's Ark bullshit.)

I did, too.

I realize that it's basically a pastiche of better movies like Harold and Maude and the Graduate, but it's a fairly well-done pastiche with some funny moments and good, if overstated, musical cues. Most of the outright hate for it seems to come from frustrated cineastes who can't stand the thought of the less filmically aware embracing it as visionary, when it's really just a mainstream-friendly, appealing rehash of more original movies.

Me too. But I'm pretty sure it's because I'm in my 30's, married with two kids.
As Nick would say, I am not the target audience.

And beside that, it was totally squicky.
Teeheeheehee!

Sorry, Patrick. Get used to that. And most of your film student buddies will want to watch the same six movies over and over.

Ah, film school. The place were I've seen two people argue over who's a better director, Oliver Stone or David Lynch, and almost end in a fist fight.

UNITED 93 as reviewed by my friend's dad:

"That's so typical. Somebody tryin' to make a quick buck on some plane crash before everyone forgets it."

I quite liked Garden State as well.
It's a long way from a great film, but it's a reasonably pleasant watch, and not entirely devoid of charm.

I had two of my friends almost go to blows on whether or not The Proposition was as good as a Sergio Leone film.

It's a film that tries to be honest, but you can't hit the finale and suggest that it is, when it goes for that airport ending. It betrays itself, and what it supposedly set out to do, if you believed it was an honest film to begin with, which it may have never been. Braff has an eye, even if he did cop some shots, but the quirky seems very inorganic. It also has that curse of being a Sundance film ala Edward Burns that's a mainstream film in indie clothes. Selling out as an accusation seems to have gone out of vogue, but accusing something of being phony never will.

I am also on the "all right but nothing special" side of Garden State. I always freaked other people out by saying Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is better than Requiem for a Dream.

Some time ago, Van Helsing was on TV. I was online, and a friendly acquaintance of mine from college instant-messaged me to inform me of this. I of course friendly declined the offer, saying teh internets would probably entertain me better. It was probably around then that I had to slip in some disparaging comment on the film's quality.

"It's not that bad", she said.
Me: "Yes it is."
Her: "LOL that friar is so funny!"

Mind. Fucking. Blown.

Some time later (I don't think Van Helsing was even over yet), the conversation had turned to Event Horizon - an example of a film she found truly horrid. Now, Event Horizon isn't my idea of a good movie by a long shot, but I just can't bring to hate it as much as I do Van Helsing.

Now what was it that was so horrible about Event Horizon? Shallow characters? Bad acting? Uninspired directing? Nope. Movie science. Black holes don't work that way. Riiiiight.

Fast forward to a few days later; I had put my MSN status on "Go see Children of Men. Not Eragon. Not Saw 3. Children of Men." The same person IM's me.

Her: "LOL Too late!"
Me: "Oh, that's great, you've gone to see Children of Men!"
Her: "No LOL Eragon!"
Me: "Oh. Okay."
Her: "And the next one I'm gonna go see is John Tucker Must Die with a friend and a biiig bag of popcorn! Maybe after that I'll see your movie."

I'd like to remind you that at no point did I pressure anyone into seeing it, she's the one who commented on my MSN status message. Also, I've been remarkably polite in not saying "yeah, all ur moobies are teh suXx0r". But at this point I say, fuck it, let's say something offensive and really rile her up.

Me: "Well, I guess you can't really go and see a quality movie if you bring a girl."
Her: "Yeah, that's probably right."

At this point I start to question not only her taste in movies, but her sanity. Another fifteen minutes pass, and out of the blue she messages me again.

Her: "What's Children of Men about, anyway?"

I give her a short summary.

Her: "Sorry, but that sounds kinda retarded."

I then point out to her that it's no less retarded than dragon riders or schools for wizards or whatever.

Her: "Oooh I love Harry Potter! I am like a total HP expert!"

Some casual Harry Potter discussion follows. Then, a brilliant idea comes to mind.

Me: "Hey, did you know Children of Men was directed by the same guy who did Azkaban?"
Her: "ZOMG how can u liek Azkaban? That was my fave book but they changed sooooo much!"

Pretty much gave up then and there.

I'm guessing you should've figured she was an invalid before all that IMing.

How you managed to hold those conversations (especailly using IMspeak) without vomiting all over your keyboard is beyond me.

I have... acquaintances like that. They persist in thinking Hannibal Rising and Underworld Evolution are the best things to go and see.

This right here is why I'm glad the CHUD boards exist. It's an escape from all the 'movie fans' who can barely read their fogged up monitor due to all the mouth breathing.

Co-worker: Did you see that Jesse James trailer?
Me: Looks fantastic doesn't it?
Co-worker: I love the scenery but I wish it wasn't a western. Nothing ever happens in westerns.
Me: ...
Co-worker. Like Brokeback Mountain. Terrible Western. Hidalgo was pretty awful too.

So, Patrick, what did they think of Once?

At a recent tailgate:

"Ohhhhhh, man, did you see that Rick Williams movie? No, hold on, that's not right. What's that guy's name? Oh yeah, ROBIN Williams. Whatever, did you see that movie "RV"? Man! *BREAKS INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER* Oh, man, when Robin Williams is pumping out the septic? *STARTS LAUGHING AGAIN* Awesome!"