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Worst Job Ever

post #1 of 47
5/15/07 at 10:40am
Thread Starter 
Watching Phantasm the other night with a few friends got me thinking what the worst job in the world would be. Here it is.

A chimney-sweep for a crematorium. Think about it.

Someone prove me wrong, no one I know could think of a worse job. Even cleaning up crime scenes wouldn't be as nasty.
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post #2 of 47
5/15/07 at 10:50am
I read an article about trauma scene clean up where a guy died on his toilet and being there for a number of days essentially liquified into the bowl.

I can't imagine that being a chimney sweep at a crematorium could beat that. That or being a janitor in a porno theater, can't see that being a proud duty to carry out.
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post #3 of 47
5/15/07 at 10:54am
Thread Starter 
Shit, all you'd have to do was flush.

A chimney-sweep would be inhaling and absorbing dead bodies all day. You'd reek like charred flesh- it'd be coming out of your pores. You'd get little bits of dead dirt all over you. Every time you blew your nose? Bodies.
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post #4 of 47
5/15/07 at 10:59am
Thank God I'm just a porn star then....
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post #5 of 47
5/15/07 at 11:04am
Point. I use to work in a movie theater in my teenage years and I always came home smelling like popcorn to the point where it began turning my stomach; it was part of the reason I quit that job in less than seven months, so stinking like a dozen crispy grandmas would probably top that.
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post #6 of 47
5/15/07 at 11:07am
I knew a guy who worked for the UN in Serbia. It was his Job to go around battlegrounds after the fighting stopped and remove any jewlery and pull out any gold teeth from the rotting corpses of soldiers to help offset the insurence companies costs in paying out to the dead soldiers families. He told me one time it was so bad he threw up in his paper gas mask thing and in his pay slip that month he'd been deducted $5 for the cost of the mask.
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post #7 of 47
5/15/07 at 11:38am
Saw it on Dirty Jobs once: skull cleaning.

essentially, for display purposes, cleaning animal bones is pretty horrible.

example, you have the severed and rotting head of deer. In order to get all the meat, fur and other assorted bone clingers off, one can use a sharp knife, and flesh-eating beetles. The best way to get the rotten meat loose is to boil the dead animal parts, which of course means you are cooking disgusting, old, nasty, smelly meat. imagine THAT smell.

i'd say that job sucks a nut. so would writing for The View. But i mean, hell is hell, right?
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post #8 of 47
5/15/07 at 1:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny
I read an article about trauma scene clean up where a guy died on his toilet and being there for a number of days essentially liquified into the bowl.
Another case of a Street Trash reenactment gone horrifying wrong.
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post #9 of 47
5/15/07 at 1:46pm
The worst job ever is that of the journalist.

You guys turn out gross job descriptions?

Think about the lowly common journalism school graduate. He gets out of university with the best grades, but guess what? Jobs are taken by people with relatives in the right places. It's still an old boys' club.

So it turns out you're a good writer. Well, have fun not being able to be a novellist because you have to devote 24 hours of your day to the local newspaper. Who knows when a decent citizen may turn out to have incorrectly filed his taxes?

And hey, maybe you've made it. You're now a journalist on a major newspaper. Congratulations, everyday when you wake up you have to read seven different newspapers (no skipping the Economics section, you cheat!), watch the news channels continuously, and be sure to be up on your Syria policy and key diplomacy players, just in case your editor wants to test you.


Journalists have the worst jobs ever.
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post #10 of 47
5/15/07 at 1:53pm
I fail to see how that's worse than...say...a guy who has to shove his hand down a cow's ass every day to check their fecal matter for traces of bacteria/parasites/etc...
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post #11 of 47
5/15/07 at 1:59pm
Would a chimney sweep have to sweep every day? I was under the impression that they were a freelance kind of service, like plumber, and it was a more occasional thing. Unless Mary Poppin's depiction of the chimney sweep as a kind of tramp is misleading.
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post #12 of 47
5/15/07 at 2:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Would a chimney sweep have to sweep every day? I was under the impression that they were a freelance kind of service, like plumber, and it was a more occasional thing. Unless Mary Poppin's depiction of the chimney sweep as a kind of tramp is misleading.
Just browsed your DVD collection...why in god's name do you own Crash?

EDIT: And Footloose? And From Justin To Kelly? I want answers damn it!
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post #13 of 47
5/15/07 at 2:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared Melton
I fail to see how that's worse than...say...a guy who has to shove his hand down a cow's ass every day to check their fecal matter for traces of bacteria/parasites/etc...

Don't think so small, man. Physical aggression you can get used to, psychological not so much.
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post #14 of 47
5/15/07 at 2:23pm
I thought this was established back in 1995 with Crack Whore Trainee.

I think there might be a specialty in crematorium chimney-sweeping so the person probably would be going from crematorium to crematorium. Yeah, there'd be days he would be doing the residential gig, but most days he'd be leaving people ashes on his welcome mat.
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post #15 of 47
5/15/07 at 2:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared Melton
I fail to see how that's worse than...say...a guy who has to shove his hand down a cow's ass every day to check their fecal matter for traces of bacteria/parasites/etc...
I think if you look at ol' Nexus's occupation in his profile you'll see why.

I think this also depends on whether were talking Job as in task, or job as in something you have to do every day.

Worst job (Task) I had to do was clean up a maggot infestation when I worked in a butchery.

Worst Job (occupation) I had was working the night shift in a warehouse that supplied roughly a quarter of the supermarkets in the country. Where I just continuously scanned barcodes and stacked heavy boxes. It was just soul crushingly tedious. You'd see the faces of the people that had worked there for years and there was just no life there anymore.

None of that really compares to inhaling dead people though. Having said that it's gross but I'd rather do a gross job than a life threatening one, being cowardly as I am.

Gross job I saw on TV was the guys who design crash test dummies. They do all the same crash tests but with corpses of adults and children, then use the data of how mangled they get and how to design more accurate dummies.
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post #16 of 47
5/15/07 at 2:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeagol
Just browsed your DVD collection...why in god's name do you own Crash?

EDIT: And Footloose? And From Justin To Kelly? I want answers damn it!
Crash was 3.99, it has some good performances and I'd never seen it at the time.

Footloose, you're showing your ignorance. Footloose is a GREAT movie. Maybe you are averse to all things cheesy fun, but it's GREAT.

As for From Justin to Kelly...well...I have no real reply to that.
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post #17 of 47
5/15/07 at 3:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Crash was 3.99, it has some good performances and I'd never seen it at the time.

Footloose, you're showing your ignorance. Footloose is a GREAT movie. Maybe you are averse to all things cheesy fun, but it's GREAT.

As for From Justin to Kelly...well...I have no real reply to that.
You are not a man.
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post #18 of 47
5/15/07 at 6:58pm
Rosie O'Donnell's OBGYN.
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post #19 of 47
5/15/07 at 7:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Crash was 3.99, it has some good performances and I'd never seen it at the time.

Footloose, you're showing your ignorance. Footloose is a GREAT movie. Maybe you are averse to all things cheesy fun, but it's GREAT.

As for From Justin to Kelly...well...I have no real reply to that.
You don't owe anybody any explainations. If you wanted to, fine. Otherwise screw 'em.
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post #20 of 47
5/15/07 at 7:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello

A chimney-sweep would be inhaling and absorbing dead bodies all day. You'd reek like charred flesh- it'd be coming out of your pores. You'd get little bits of dead dirt all over you. Every time you blew your nose? Bodies.
Sounds like my old job at McDonald's. Or my current job at a retirement community.
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post #21 of 47
5/15/07 at 7:09pm
Quote:
Journalists have the worst jobs ever.
As Lilly Tomlin once said, "Fuck you. Period."
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post #22 of 47
5/15/07 at 7:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by General Zod
Rosie O'Donnell's OBGYN.
WINNAH!
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post #23 of 47
5/15/07 at 7:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeagol
Just browsed your DVD collection...why in god's name do you own Crash?

EDIT: And Footloose? And From Justin To Kelly? I want answers damn it!
How creepy.

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned assistant crack whore.
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post #24 of 47
5/15/07 at 9:07pm
Chimney sweeps have to use disposable coveralls and masks and goggles when sweeping out regular chimneys. Creosote is poisonous, after all. I don't know why a chimney sweep for a crematorium wouldn't use the same gear.
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post #25 of 47
5/16/07 at 3:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Crash was 3.99, it has some good performances and I'd never seen it at the time.
That's true, but the good performances hardly make up for the horrendous and insultingly stupid film they are in.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Footloose, you're showing your ignorance.
Easy there, slugger. Just curious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Maybe you are averse to all things cheesy fun, but it's GREAT.
Not the case at all. It very well could be. I've yet to see it primarily because the small town dancing rebellion genre of films is something I'd rather not indulge and that "Nobody puts baby in the corner!" line makes my brain bleed.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
As for From Justin to Kelly...well...I have no real reply to that.
I thought not.
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post #26 of 47
5/16/07 at 3:09am
Thread Starter 
Boy, glad we got to the bottom of that.
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post #27 of 47
5/16/07 at 4:23am
What's with the insane thread derailment lately? From sex to apartheid, from bad jobs to DVD collections. Some of us are stupid and get easily confused you know.
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post #28 of 47
5/16/07 at 9:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeagol
that "Nobody puts baby in the corner!" line makes my brain bleed.
Like I said, ignorance. That line is from Dirty Dancing.
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post #29 of 47
5/16/07 at 11:00am
Close, that line was from Swayze's heart, put in an envelope and sent to the souls of anyone who dares to dream.
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post #30 of 47
5/16/07 at 5:52pm
Writing jokes for Jay Leno.
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post #31 of 47
5/16/07 at 6:28pm
Listening to the jokes of Jay Leno
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post #32 of 47
5/16/07 at 6:36pm
Assistant Manager in retail would be a fate worse than death. Nothing like a job title that says you are not good enough to be a real Manager.
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post #33 of 47
5/16/07 at 11:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Like I said, ignorance. That line is from Dirty Dancing.
Whoop! Forgive me...please?

Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid
Close, that line was from Swayze's heart, put in an envelope and sent to the souls of anyone who dares to dream.
Hahhahahahahaha!

Quote:
Originally Posted by McIrish
Listening to the jokes of Jay Leno
How about being his band leader and pretending to think they're all funny? You'd be living such a lie, you couldn't look yourself in the mirror anymore.
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post #34 of 47
5/17/07 at 1:59am
Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid
Gross job I saw on TV was the guys who design crash test dummies. They do all the same crash tests but with corpses of adults and children, then use the data of how mangled they get and how to design more accurate dummies.
I can't fucking believe that, that's by far the worst thing I've ever heard of in my life. Imagine having to be the person to strap in the dead body of a 7-year-old kid and then send it crashing into a wall.
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post #35 of 47
5/17/07 at 2:34am
They interviewed one of the first scientists to do that kind of research and he said once the public got wind of it he was labled Dr Frankenstine and it ruined his career and the went back to using only adult cadavers and scaling the data down which is much less accurate, and said that because of that probably thousands of children died needlessly in car crashes.

It also went into the history of seatbelts a little and how when they were first introduced the American public went "seatbelts? youmean cars arent safe?" and stopped buying cars so the government banned seatbelts and said it was just a bunch of worry warts making a big deal out of nothing.

Before cadavers they used live anethstetized pigs and swung them from a rope into mounted steering wheels.
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post #36 of 47
5/17/07 at 3:25am
Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid
They interviewed one of the first scientists to do that kind of research and he said once the public got wind of it he was labled Dr Frankenstine and it ruined his career and the went back to using only adult cadavers and scaling the data down which is much less accurate, and said that because of that probably thousands of children died needlessly in car crashes.

It also went into the history of seatbelts a little and how when they were first introduced the American public went "seatbelts? youmean cars arent safe?" and stopped buying cars so the government banned seatbelts and said it was just a bunch of worry warts making a big deal out of nothing.

Before cadavers they used live anethstetized pigs and swung them from a rope into mounted steering wheels.
Wow.

Where did you hear about this?
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post #37 of 47
5/17/07 at 11:01am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormin
I can't fucking believe that, that's by far the worst thing I've ever heard of in my life. Imagine having to be the person to strap in the dead body of a 7-year-old kid and then send it crashing into a wall.
No kidding. This sounds illegal. How did they get the corpses?
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post #38 of 47
5/17/07 at 11:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid

Before cadavers they used live anethstetized pigs and swung them from a rope into mounted steering wheels.

That's just disgusting.
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post #39 of 47
5/17/07 at 11:09am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by General Zod
No kidding. This sounds illegal. How did they get the corpses?
When you donate your organs or body to science, sometimes they use you for things like this. Some cadavers are used for ballistic tests, for kevlar vests and such.
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post #40 of 47
5/17/07 at 11:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeagol
Wow.

Where did you hear about this?

Documentary on Either Discovery or the History Channel
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post #41 of 47
5/17/07 at 12:20pm
The worst sounding to me are the deep sea divers that dive after a plane goes down in the ocean or river and drag rotten, soggy bodies up from the black depths.

Fuck that nonsense. Would not do that for $1,000,000 an hour.
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post #42 of 47
5/17/07 at 12:55pm
Yes you would...
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post #43 of 47
5/17/07 at 5:32pm
Maybe $1,000,001 an hour.
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post #44 of 47
5/18/07 at 4:05am
I'd do it cheaper. $500,000 an hour would get me, easy.

No promises on quality of service.
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post #45 of 47
5/18/07 at 4:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid
Before cadavers they used live anethstetized pigs and swung them from a rope into mounted steering wheels.
That should be a new Olympic event. I'd rather watch someone have to do that than goddamn figure skating.
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post #46 of 47
5/18/07 at 4:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty
The worst sounding to me are the deep sea divers that dive after a plane goes down in the ocean or river and drag rotten, soggy bodies up from the black depths.

Fuck that nonsense. Would not do that for $1,000,000 an hour.
Bullshit. For $1m/hour, I would be a fluffer on Zoo 2.
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post #47 of 47
5/20/07 at 12:43pm
This one may be a bit heavy for my first topic to post in....but here goes. Lots of jobs are really bad, whether physically or psychologically. I'm sure none of the scientists that had to test with human cadavers enjoyed that fact, although the countless lives they have saved with that research is, to me, worth it. Provided of course that the bodies were donated willingly,etc...that being said..there's not a whole lot I wouldn't do for 1m$ an hour...but only for an hour...
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