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Suspiria Remake All Encompassing

post #1 of 20
5/17/07 at 2:20pm
Thread Starter 
http://www.creature-corner.com/?type=news&id=2474

Grr.
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post #2 of 20
5/17/07 at 2:21pm
Quote:
If the Suspiria remake becomes a hip new thing, someone come to my house and shoot me in the eye.
Just make sure to do it through the peephole.

Also, I can't wait to see how they're going to fuck up, er, I mean, update one of my favorite movies of all time.
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post #3 of 20
5/17/07 at 2:44pm
Remake Suspiria? How come I never heard of this GREAT IDEA before?

You know Greece is right next to Italy. I can get there, kill them and be back in a few hours with some planning.
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post #4 of 20
5/17/07 at 2:50pm
Susperia! Brought to you by your local Hot Topic.
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post #5 of 20
5/17/07 at 2:53pm
Suspiria is one of my favorite movies of all time.

The thing is, the story is horrible. The gap between the brilliant visuals (both set design and lighting) and unbearable dialogue and story is so massive that it makes Armageddon's seem perfectly excusable. (Sorry, but both The Rock and Bad Boys have excellent scripts and Bad Boys II defies discourse.)

There's nothing to remake in terms of story, and no one can outdo the insane style of the original except for Michael Bay, Terrence Malick, or Gregg Tolland, and Tolland is dead and Malick makes some boring ass shit. The only way to make this good is to take it in an entirely other direction: 3D!!!

Or like, incorporate video games and fashion.

That said, if I had the money I would finance a Malick-directed remake of Suspiria.
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post #6 of 20
5/17/07 at 3:03pm
I'm trying to think of a stupider idea for a remake, and I'm coming up short.

They already did Casablanca (it's called Havana).

I considered Star Wars, but really, Lucas already partly remade it. Twice, actually, depending on what you think of Willow. Plus there's Eragon.

Citizen Kane? I expect that to be remade sometime in the next twenty years. Kind of surprised it hasn't been already, actually.

But... Suspiria, that pretty much takes the cake.
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post #7 of 20
5/17/07 at 4:30pm
Quote:
" 'Suspiria' has a unique style that we want to reinvent for today's generation," Guadagnino said. "We intend to create a concept that will encompass cinema, videogames, fashion and music and that revives the original for those who did not experience it. The Gothic resurgence is very strong around the world at the moment ... and we feel that a new version of 'Suspiria' will fit very well."
I take this to mean they've hired Uwe Boll to direct.
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post #8 of 20
5/17/07 at 5:12pm
No, no, no.

There's wrong and then there's this.
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post #9 of 20
5/17/07 at 5:38pm
Wow. I can't wait until Halloween 2008 when the movie Death Academy comes out starring one of the girls from Stick It.

Man, I hope they update this to make it a hip-hop dancing academy and have the witches fly around on CGI brooms! That would be awesome!
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post #10 of 20
5/17/07 at 5:43pm
Remaking Suspiria is like remaking a Stones concert, or a great party you were at once.
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post #11 of 20
5/17/07 at 10:24pm
i hope the suspiria video game lets me play as that blind dude's dog and I get to go around ripping people's throats out.
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post #12 of 20
5/17/07 at 10:29pm
Remake. Remake. Remake. Remake. I'm numb. I can't feel pain anymore. Hey this is great! Someone, give me some more bad news, I can take it now!
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post #13 of 20
5/17/07 at 10:34pm
I always preferred percocet or bourbon myself. The endless succession may make you numb after awhile, but seeing all these damn remakes is like a novacaine shot; it WILL numb you up, but you have to get a painful shot in your damn jawbone to get there.
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post #14 of 20
5/17/07 at 11:15pm
Just the idea of someone having the fucking hubris to saying they can 're-invent' Suspiria'... christ, man, how has this guy not gotten a beating for this?
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post #15 of 20
5/18/07 at 1:19am
i mean, seriously, the way the dog rips out his blind master's throat? how do you remake that? but for a second imagine what a bad ass suspiria remake would look like in your head? if they did it right it might be pretty cool...it'll never happen but it'd be cool.
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post #16 of 20
5/18/07 at 3:45am
Meanwhile Dario Argento is having difficulties getting the cut he wants of the finally finished Suspiria 3. Something odd here?
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post #17 of 20
5/18/07 at 8:23am
They'd just better keep their hands off 'Inferno'...or there will be...trouble.
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post #18 of 20
5/18/07 at 5:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
Someone, give me some more bad news, I can take it now!
You heard about The Long Good Friday, right?
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post #19 of 20
5/21/07 at 4:02am
Uh, I'm seeing a lot of news reports stating something left out of the original story, that the director involved is actually David Gordon Green. Which suddenly makes this idea seem... well, okay, I'm still pissed. But with a raised eyebrow.
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post #20 of 20
5/21/07 at 2:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham
They'd just better keep their hands off 'Inferno'...or there will be...trouble.
Fortunately, it has almost zero name recognition.

Unless they remake it as Suspiria 2.
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