Your Worst Ten Films... EVER.

I think the most recent film that sent me right back to the ticket-desk demanding a refund, was Black Knight.

The really sad thing is that I enjoy stupid comedies. I even like most of Martin Lawrence's films. I went into this flick with a predisposition to like it...but there is simply nothing about this horrible horrible excuse for a film that deserves credit.

The acting, the story, the directing...it's all awful. Trully one of the worst films ever.

The remake of Planet of the Apes. Crap all the way through.

In no particular order

Random Hearts - Awful Awful Awful. All that talent delivered shit!!

Battlefield Earth - I waited for this one to come out on video and just had to see if all the talk about it being awful were true...Yep, sure was

Night of the Living Dead - Put me to sleep

Ordinary People - The first time I ever sat through a movie and counted the tiles on the ceiling

Damien Omen II - After the classic, The Omen, this sequel was lame. (the third one was somewhat better though)

Grease II - Did not expect this one to be as fun as the first, but did expect average...this one could not deliver that!

Xanadu - just a stupid movie

Rhinestone Cowboy - no comment

HonkeyTonk Man - I consider this to be one of Clint's worst

Dirty Dancing - to this day I can't figure out why it was a success

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~Eileen

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

[This message has been edited by Eileen (edited 12-24-2001).]

10 films that hurt:

1) MIXED NUTS (d. Nora Ephron) -- I can't stand the woman's films in the first place, but here she assembled some top-shelf comedic talent -- Steve Martin, Madeline Kahn, Garry Shandling -- and manages nary a laugh.

2) A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (d. Jack Sholder) -- A sequel every bit as awful as the next film on this list, and from a director seemingly bent on desecrating his former, truly masterful film. If Craven was thinking franchise, you'd hardly know it from this "effort". Sholder, a fine director in his own right with THE HIDDEN, cashes a paycheck here.

3) THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (d. Wes Craven) -- The dog has a flashback. If the rest of the film were that sidesplitting, sheer hilarity would preclude its being listed here.

4) STEEL MAGNOLIAS (d. Herbert Ross) -- I can handle chick flicks, but not when they're slapped together with this little care, and still go on to rake in the dough. Everything in this film seems calibrated for maximum annoyance.

5) KICKBOXER (d. Mark DiSalle, David Worth, or Satan) -- Not only is it a far cry from BLOODSPORT, but it's also a long way off from DOUBLE IMPACT, DEATH WARRANT and NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER. Impossible to enjoy in any capacity, save for in-.

6) MEGAFORCE (d. Hal Needham) -- When I was a kid, I begged my dad to take me to this. He yelled at me for twenty minutes on the way home, and, having sat through the same film, I fully understood his rage.

7) BOYS AND GIRLS (d. the hack who did SHE'S ALL THAT) -- In the interest of full disclosure, I only made it through forty-five minutes of this disaster, whereas I sat through all of.....

8) DOWN TO YOU (d. Kris Isaacson) -- Evil made celluloid.

9) WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S 2 (d. I don't care) -- Seriously, Clarence..... if you didn't like the first one, what were you doing in the theater for the sequel?

10) ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD (d. again, don't remember, doesn't matter) -- Even the final-reel appearance of Carny Lansford couldn't salvage this, the absolute worst baseball film ever made.

11) ERNEST DOUBLE POSTS (d. Clarence Beaks) -- Oops.

[This message has been edited by Clarence Beaks (edited 12-24-2001).]

The first time I saw this movie, I thought it was stupid, but fun. Then I saw it a second time, and I realized I was wrong. It wasn't fun, just really, really stupid.



[This message has been edited by LlamaRama (edited 12-24-2001).]

1.) Mortal Kombat: Anul-anation: Absolute crap
2.) Soldier: Turned it off midway through
3.) Battlefield Earth: Sucktacular
4.) The Game: Did not like this one at all, probably because I saw Fight Club first
5.) Night at the Roxbery: after 20 minutes my friends and i just talked to each oter for the rest of the time
6.) My Favorite Martian: saw this on my birthday(almost asked for a refund
7.) The Quest: Worst JCVD movie
8.) Little Nicky: Gave me a migraine
9.) Batman and Robin: What the hell... and i actually liked Forever
10.) Lord of the Rings

just kidding about that last one...

If the titles listed are of a recent vintage, I believe it’s to be chalked up to the human brain intentionally erasing hideous memories & experiences.

In no particular odor:

Planet Of The Apes (The Re-Imagining!): Poo. “Re-Imagining”… sounds like something Doug Henning would have tried. Did it make a lick of sense? No. Did the periodic in-jokes and wink-wink references bring an already sluggish film to a halt? Yep. Bah.

Armageddon: Good Lord…No shot lasted longer than my eye was able to absorb, no character was too wooden, no cliché too hoary to exploit. Michael Bay…I’m coming for you and I want my money back.

A.I. (Sorry, Poxy): Not too horrible…until the deadly ending. Spielberg is in my top ten directors of all time, but, come on…

Titanic: Before the lynch mobs gather, let me say in my defense…uh…I didn’t like it at all. Winslet is lovely, DiCaprio looks like a fifteen-year old and they generated the sexual heat of wax fruit. Villainy? Billy Zane only lacked an orphanage to burn down. Suspense? **SPOILER** The ship sinks! Oops. That’s it? Bah.

Wild Wild West: I loved the show. The movie literally smelled the longer it unspooled.

Batman & Robin: It’s Christmas and I won’t use the language I ought. Eeek.

Director's Tie: Even Cowgirls Get The Blues/Psycho: BIG Tom Robbins fan, so I should have known better. Bigger Hitchcock fan, etc. Gus? Stop it.

I have left many out. I am too weary to go on. Pray that 2002 is a year of exemplary film.

Peace & Merry Christmas!

Ebenezer Cross

Dragon:The Bruce Lee Story: This is a travisty and an attrocity. It shouldnt have been allowed to be made. It very loosly follows Bruce Lee's life but it has so many wrong dates and errors....I walked out of this one.

"The Musketeer"- Peter Hyams manages to make a swashbuckling with no swashbuckling, stupid acting, bad dialogue, and the worst lighting ever used in history. This is laughably bad on every level.

"The Big Hit"- Wretched. Just...wow. Horrible John Woo ripoff with stupid characters and over-the-top acting. Listening to Bokeem Woodbine talk about masturbation was just the last straw.

"Spawn"- Damn. Horrible everything. The Clown was the worst.

"Virtuosity"- Sci-fi at its worst. Even Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington can't make this even halfway enjoyable.

"Captain America"- Painful to see such a potentially cool superhero done so badly.

"Young Guns"- What? This is like a guilty pleasure for most people, but I thought it just sucked horrendously.

"Robocop"- Its cult status baffles me. Verhoeven is the worst, and even the action here is repetitive and weak.

"Octopussy"- The worst Bond film. Why? It culminates in Bond actually dressed as a clown. The producers are still in debt to me after that.

"Outland"- Peter Hyams makes the list again! What the hell is this?

"Frantic"- Cheap feeling mystery in Paris? Even Harrison Ford gets lost in this horrible and boring "thriller".

My top 6:

1. The Convent
2. Batman & Robin
3. Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels
4. Village Of The Damned Remake
5. The World Is Not Enough
6. The Patriot

[This message has been edited by Darth Algar (edited 12-26-2001).]

There's only one film I can think of that made me want to run from my third row seat to the john so I could HURL and that film is PAY IT FORWARD.

There have been craptastic crapstravanganzas in the past but the years have made me forgive most of them. The thing is, anymore I mostly don't go to see movies I know I will hate.

Oh, and I didn't like CON AIR either.

Jesus Christ, Jabba, not to mention some of your other selections, but 'Raging Bull' is possibly the greatest piece of film put on ... film.

You get the point. You seem reasonably intelligent. I'm in shock.

'Frantic,' 'Robocop,' even 'Octopussy'? Good Lord!

Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.

As for mine, it can be summed up into:

Rocky 5
Pretty Woman
Hit Man

But mostly the first two.

The following people are sick in tha head. You do realize the title is "Worst Movies Ever." Either you don't watch a lot of movies or your taste is really in question. There should be a support group you can join or at least a phone number to get help.

Ho hum.

How can a girl hate Dirty Dancing? Swayze's sweet buns? Come on now.

You're just insane.

Oh zod you unhip cad.

Don't get the reason at all.

Dracula may be flawed, but the worst movie ever? Come on.

Not only does Robocop not suck, it's one of the best of its kind. WAKE UP!

Fell asleep during Seven? O-kay. And I Come in Peace is sick fun.

Always fun to see one of your favorites on someone's worst list.


[This message has been edited by Kirby Drummond (edited 12-26-2001).]

I come in Peace... but you leave in pieces.

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Oh God. Did you eat all this acid?

Well, I hate Paul Verhoeven. His movies are shock value, extreme gore, and not much more. Yes, I know people will say I don't get his "satirical" look at the future and such, but I do. "Robocop" does indeed suck, IMO of course. What is there to it? Its a pseudo-sci-fi flick with a lot of gore. The action is weak, mainly consisting of Robocop walking around with bullets bouncing off him until he gets around to offing every baddie with one shot. Wow.

To Lamotta, who questioned my hate of "Octopussy" and "Frantic" as well, I don't really know what I have to defend. "Octopussy" has the weakest villains, the most convoluted and boring plot, and the single worst moment in Bond history which I mentioned above. "Frantic" wants to be a mystery, then throws in some international intrigue and it doesn't really work.

Drummond, you can think what you like. Lock Stock is terrible, awful, fucked up repugnant shit.

Oh but wait! Its cast have "cool" English accents right? So it must be funny!

Wrong. Lame acting: smug bastard Jason Statham SUCKS ASS, Vinnie Jones is a sad excuse for threatening... Lame cockney speak: pub=nuclear sub, HA fucking HA... Shite soundtrack: Liar Liar, Ghost Town and other atrocities.

If the cast of "Pearl Harbor" spoke cockney, it would still be a piece of shit. Bald cockneys are not funny. When are you Americans going to realise that???

Oh I forgot a couple of films for the list.

Human Traffic - a godawful, painful waste of celluloid and my time.

Tout Va Bien, On S'En Va - this is ugly shit.

These aren't the worst movies I've ever seen but most disappointing considering what I expected.

1.) The Matrix (Yeah I'll get flamed but this was SO lame-ass. Hey watch Keanu go through the motions as another stoned character! Watch Laurence say the most idiotic dialogue! Watch everyone love it because it sci-fi and everyone looked so cool with those sunglasses.. don't forget the slow-mo bullet scene! BLAH

2.) Fear and loathing in Las Vegas (I've never done drugs before but maybe I should have to enjoy this complete waste of two hours)

3.) The Patriot (Historical revisionism of the worst kind, blacks were treated nicely in those days and the British were apparently inhuman monsters). Not a fan of Gibson after this

4.) Amistad (Just found it overlong and tedious.)

5.) Schindler's List (ditto.)

6.) Batman & Robin (Tolerated Batman Forever but this one was horrible, who decided Clooney with that smirk would make a good brooding Bruce Wayne? Hell Russ Crowe maybe but not this. O'Donnell & Silverstone are wastes of space).

7.) The Thin Red Line (What was this, three hours of pseudo-intellectial mumbling? This had potential to deal with soldier's personal feeling during war but it became pretentious bullshit).

8.) Saving Private Ryan (Hugely overrated, contributed nothing to the war genre except giving Hanks a chance to pretend he was in WWII and make himself a hero. Idiot).

9.) 12 Monkeys (Sorry didn't get this film at all).

10.) Everything Nicolas Cage has done since winning the Oscar. I guess he wanted his name mainstream, well he got it and all the while being in movies that resemble human waste.

Well Kafka, I'm probably not the only one who highly disagrees with you.

"The Matrix", despite the massive and hype and ripoffs that have followd, is very good. Its the best sci-fi I've seen this decade at least. The bullet time was cool to people because we hadn't seen it before, which is rare. And yes, everyone did look cool with those sunglasses.

"Saving Private Ryan" is a great film and your criticisms make no sense.

"The Thin Red Line" is an aquired taste I think because I didn't like it the first time either, but on another viewing I appreciated it much more.

I also hated "Fear and Loathing Las Vegas". Two hours of acid effects and Johnny Depp going nuts, the trying to impress us wih some dated 70s diary-writing is not a good movie. And his performance, while a nice impression, shows us nothing about Hunter Thompson the man. Its true mimicry.

"The Patriot" I like. I don't lve it, but there's some nice stuff there. The thing is, people are always taking the one example and applying it to the entire race or culture, just what stereotyping is all about. Jason Isaacs is the only British soldier who is mean and sadistic, but people wanted to aply that to all of them. Yes, most blacks were treated badly. But there are some historically documented occasions where a Southern farmer wouldn't keep slaves but instead hire freemen. Maybe its an excuse, but it can fit historically.

"12 Monkeys" is a brilliant film, one that you shouldn't hate if you didn't understand it. It can make all the difference.

Human Traffic I thought had a good feel to it. the ending didn't pay off at all like it should have but I wouldn't call it crap. I can't think of any good twenty-something club hopping movies to compare it to. The only one I see is Body shots, now that's a waste of film.

Are you speaking of the Mel Brooks treasure?

If you are, my super kick butt black ninja's have your address and should be arriving soon.

Scary Movie: walked out of that one.

Dracula Dead and Loving it? Leslie Neilson? That is comedy in spades!

But most of the rest, except Robocop and a few others are within reason.

and nobody has mentioned our all time whipping boy:

BATTFIELD EARTH!

Run in fear, the lot of you...

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"Please Standby..."

Post Alley, A place to be

'Frantic' wasn't perfect, but not an atrocity, imho, and I liked it.

My fondness for Octopussy comes from seeing it about a million times when I was a kid and thoroughly enjoying it.

Did I mention I hated 'Pretty Woman?'

I could add 'Titantic' as well as I have much hatred for that overbloated piece of shit. But there's worse movies out there.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

I'm not a huge Trekkie anyway, but really, Spock talking to Humpback whales? WTF??

Makes me remember why I'm such a Star Wars Fanboy...

THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO.

That movie sucks the fattest part of my ass.

Mars Attacks
Barcelona
Kids
Diamonds are Forever
The Wedding Planner
Nadja
The Addiction

and another one that I haven't even seen, which I think is called Beautiful. Anything with Minnie Driver and Hallie Eisenberg has to be on this list.

I agree with Kirby at MOST of the films being touted as THE WORST films EVER.

I can only think of 1 off the top of my head:

Kids.

I saw that once and wondered why I bothered to watch the whole thing. I think this film was nothing but an exploitative teen pornography covered up as a provocative piece of independent filmmaking. It's crap, through and through.

Reading this thread gives me hope for the future and revives my love of man.

Facts to whom? I'm pretty sure most people looked at other people's lists and decided to choose some or more in their lists of WORST FILMS EVER.

I know that there is no accounting for tastes. There is no right or wrong answers, but the phrase WORST FILMS EVER is a very powerful description. So in that list you've compiled, are those TRULY THE WORST FILMS EVER? Seriously?

And by compiling what people thought were the WORST FILMS, then claiming that it is the definitive WORST FILMS EVER list and should not be argued against compelled me to post this thought of mine.....

I was waiting for an opportunity to get even with your:

comment. Hehe.....

Ah, victory is indeed sweet.

Now, CheeseBiscuits, you are banned from eating the gourmet cheese of the Lords of the Aged Mice, but shall endure the pasty flavor of pasteurized process cheese products for a fortnight. And that is indeed mercy.....

In no particular order of hatred:

1. Tougher Than Leather
2. No Holds Barred
3. Jaws 3 & 4
4. Stuart Saves His Family
5. Money Train
6. Flowers In The Attic
7. It's Pat!
8. Scary Movie II
9. Spy Hard/Wrongfully Accused/Mr. Magoo/Any Leslie Neilson slapstick comedy post Naked Gun 3
10. Very Bad Things

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." --Benjamin Franklin

Fuck, I would have to put Ali up there. I couldnt stand it.

10. Batman (Tim Burton's - only because they blew the budget on Nicholson and not on making a decent movie...that last scene where the Joker falls off of the church and they fucking use DISNEY ANIMATION to show him falling near the middle of his fall just kills me)
9. Dr. Strange
8. Captain America
7. Hannibal (and yes, I read and LIKED the book)
6. 9 Months
5. The Lair of the White Worm
4. Independence Day
3. Days of Thunder - the only good thing this movie acomplished was to sound the death knell for 80's film-making.
2. Wyatt Earp (Kevin Costner remake)
1. The Island of Dr. Morreau (Val Kilmer remake) - far and away, the most vile movie ever concieved, although the fodder it provided to Season's I and II of South Park was enjoyable.

I have yet to see Armageddon.

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"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam."

Dude Mike, you are so wrong.

Morreau is the greatest experimental free-form improvisational art film masquerading as a $80 million dollar event movie ever made. Or the most expensive Troma movie ever.

It is also the funniest performance Kilmer has given since Top Secret. The final scene where he dresses up in gauze and lampoons Brando is worth the $9.99 the DVD costs alone.

I mean so far none of you cats really said anything true evil, although Mortal Kombat: Annihilation comes close what with replacing My God Lambert with James Remar.

For the root of all evil, please see...

- Treasure of the Four Crowns
- Organ
- She Freak
- Seedpeople
- Dollman Versus The Demonic Toys
- Soultaker
- Quest of the Delta Knights
- Carnosaur
- Shag
- The In Crowd (1988)
- My Demon Lover

And how could we forget...

1990's A Man Called Sarge with Marc Singer as a Nazi named Von Kraut...

I think Kids is a courageous, awesome film.

Bravest choice I've seen on this thread thus far - American Beauty. I also disdain that film for being a Baby Boomer's wet dream. Overrated. Don't hate it, has some good scenes, performances, and ideas, but overall it doesn't speak to me at all.

American History X? I guess I could see it as Hollywood oversimplifying the neo nazi movement, but overall I found it to be a powerful film with a world class performance by Norton.

Well you go from agreeing with me volt, right to totally disagreeing with me, as Kids is one of my favorite films ever.

Exactly.

Now we fight Mike. Days is awesome.

Dungeons and Dragon -WTF was that!? And I actually bought into the hype.

Double Dragon -Had that dude from party of 5 in it.

Eyes Wide Shut -I walked in there ready to jack my ass off, but throughout the whole thing I couldn't even stiffen up to blow my load.

ok just kidding about that last part, but aside from the shining and full metal jacket, I'm not really into Kubrick.

- Big momma's House - Shoot Martin Lawrence with a tranqilizer dart now and airlift him to Antarctica. Shoot the director with a grenade launcher.
- Pi - Pretentious, badly shot crap. Story makes no sense and it doesn't work as a mindfuck either.
- MI:2 - A film made with the basic assumption that the moviegoing public consists of retards. The Tom Cruise=Jesus Christ scene is too rich to comment on.
- Species II - Laughably bad effects, no logic, no plot actually, low on boobs.
- Tango & Cash - I cooked up stories like this one when I was 10 yo playing with my G.I. Joes.
- Batman Forever - The only superhero film to make Batman And Robin look better in comparison.
- 8 Heads in A Duffel Bag - The only film I've ever walked out from.
- Hush - Melodrama they would be too embarassed to release back in the 50's.
- Speed 2 - one word: UB40
- Barb Wire: Here's an idea: Let's remake Casablanca with Pam Anderson. She can have a shower scene during the opening credits!

[This message has been edited by mastronikolas (edited 12-30-2001).]

But that's what made it so brilliant!

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"Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things."

In random order of hatred, and based on extreme prejudice:

Unbreakable -- About as exciting as an arial photograph of Saskatchewan. Utterly pointless to boot.

Patch Adams -- Unforgivable dreck. This movie is manipulative Hollywood tripe, unperfumed by thoughtfull production values, and mixed with the reeking shit of a Robin Williams performance. It stinks.

Armageddon -- An exciting feast for the Eyes Wide Shut, but without those nasty production values. Rubbish.

Forrest Gump -- A dumb movie about a stupid man, which sets out to move slow-witted movie-goers to tears.

Out for Justice -- Steven Seagal plays an overwieght marshall arts expert/law-enforcer with connections to old school mobsters, and a knack for languages. Senseless violence ensues, yet a pony-tailed sir Steven finds the time to be sensative with a child/ puppy-dog/ submissive female. Or was that Marked for Death?

Marked for Death -- Just to be sure.

Toys -- Does the enjoyability of a Robin Williams film ever begin?

The Postman -- Considering the source material, Costner should be flayed by muderous dwarves in my Utah salt caverns.

It Could Happen to You -- Retarded. The above Robin Williams comment also applies to Nora Ephron and John Travolta. Should I be talking about Lucky Numbers?

Universal Soldier --A brilliant attempt to make the worst movie ever.

Octapussy rules!

Come on dude! Those are my 2 favorite Segal movies! You mean you didn't tear up when Segal finally catches up with the guy that dumped the puppy, and after Segal lays him out, the puppy pees on the guy? Great stuff.

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"Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things."


[This message has been edited by Martianman (edited 01-01-2002).]

I wrote that with you in mind verbal.

here we go in no perticular odrer cause .. I hates what i hates

Last dance- wife made me see it movie made me puke

Cast Away- nothing but promotional jibberish

StarWars Episode 1- guess Lucus needed a new flanel

The Matrix- just cant get into Keanue being an Action hero

Speed 1& 2- "I have to save the bus"

Santa Clause the movie - Dudley Moore , need i say more

Dungens & Dragons- one step back for fantisy movies

Anything Jim Carey ( pre Majestic)

Children Shouldnt Play With Dead Things- i have seen better acting in an elementry school play

Higher Learning- i think my I.Q dropped durring this one

The Boy Who Could Fly- i would rather have a frontal labotimy

Pretty much anything directed by Jonathan Lynn (from clue, trial and error and the whole nine yards) makes me crindge. But the fact still remains that I've still watched all of them and at least gained an appreciation of what films shouldn't do to be nicely constructed.

No order:

Hardware

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

Leprechaun: In Space (I suspect Leprechaun: In the Hood starring Ice-T may actually be worse, but having never seen it...)

The Philosophy of the Marquis De Sade in the Bedroom (this atrocity isn't even listed on IMDB, but I know it exists. I saw it at the university theater back in my college days. Evil, pure and simple.)

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (Mel's only really, really good film is Young Frankenstein, and that's due to Gene Wilder. Though he was a producer on The Elephant Man, so he gets to live).

The Avengers - just....no.

Cabin Boy - this is a shitty movie, BUT I love it anyway. Regardless of my love for it, it certainly ranks among the worst I've ever seen.

The Pepsi Girl "Western" ad at Regal Cinemas. Quite possibly the worst THING ever.

Superman 4 - sad.

Mars Attacks. Yeah, I got it. Just didn't find it funny or entertaining. It was too painful to finish.