CHUDettes - Page 3

I suppose I could have used [pause], there just needed to be a break in there somewhere to get the full effect. You're right though, there is a ton of quotable material. Another line that stands out because my dad used to quote it so much is "dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria."

My own personal fave atm is the "BOOM" gesture Egon makes behind the EPA guy's back. I find it has been appropriate for several situations in my life of late, personally and professionally.

"Well there is something you don't see everyday"

A thread for the ladies... and it's eventually taken over by the guys. As a representative for mankind, I wish to sincerely apologise: Sorry Ladies!!!

Hold onto pregnancy for as long as you can. It's the only thing you got left to yourselves.

Never saw this thread before...

(*checks down front of the bra*)

Yo! One more lady, checking in right here.

It sounds like you're calling over the bartender to order a lady.

Haaa! Well, no, because I said "checking in". But you're still pretty funny for 7:18 in the morning. I'm barely functioning.

Well, I was *trying* to take back the thread, but noooooo, Matt just had to step in there, didn't he!

I don't recall giving you permission to post.

Hey, we will take your testicles, pal. We have the kitchen knives. Just give us a minute to take our aprons off.

Finally!

I just had to pop in and make my presence known. I'm not here nearly as much as I'd like to be since work is crazy right now and technically I'm not suppose to use the internet. It's very hard to be sneaky when your computer is out in the open for all to see.

Hey Summer Smile, you never told us why you didn't like him.

I'd think that'd be important, if only to recite back to him at some point.

I do like him, as a casual friend. I just have no urge or desire to take the relationship any further.

He's a buddy, we hang out 2 or 3 times a month, and I don't have any sort of romantic feelings for him. It's nothing personal. There are lots of guys I meet that I'm not romantically interested in, just as there are plenty of guys out there that aren't interested in me. It's just the way it is.

I do, however, know what it's like to have a crush on someone who's not interested, and I just wanted to be as humane as possible. I mean, I'd still like to go grab a drink with him on occasion (although, the way he wouldn't let go of my hand has dampened my enthusiasm a bit), but other than that... nothing.

Can't really explain it, beyond that.

You post in a thread for CHUD women and ask for female advice and somehow only the guys are responding. Consider me part of the problem, but anyway, is your lack of romantic feelings due to a lack of physical attraction or is it something about his personality that kills the romance for you?

Guys who do the declaration of feelings are pussies and should be laughed at as they live their sexless, pathetic lives. If you're spending a lot of time with a girl and you think 'I have a crush on you' is an appropriate plan of attack, you deserve the clowning you'll get. A woman who responds positively to an out of nowhere 'I have a crush on you' is likely fat and has a tattoo of a faerie on her person.

There's just... nothing. He's not a bad looking fellow. But, honestly, it's like hanging out with a female buddy. Not that he's effeminate - he's not - but there's just zilch in the romantic chemistry department with me.

Sorry, I can't list a bunch of stuff that annoys me or whatever, because it's not annoying. It's just a blandness.

Okay, he calls me "pretty lady", which I can't stand. There's one annoying thing.

http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101854

Fuck kitchen knives, just use your hands.

I think you summarized it well, blandness is what I was expecting actually. The problem with those guys is that they don't seem to learn when a girl is just not interested. It's like they've invested emotionally in the chance that you will date and they are in denial that it won't ever happen. I never call tell if it because they have horrible instincts when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex or if they just choose to ignore them.

And, quite frankly, that phraseology is kind of goofy coming from a man a few years older than I am (I'm 34). I know it was supposed to be less threatening and more not-quite-so-invested, but still.

I think it's the latter, in this case. I thought I was sending out pretty clear "no escalation" signals when he started seeming more interested. I wouldn't hold eye contact, I'd pull away when he got too close, and I absolutely refused to let him pay for anything for me, even when he insisted that he should. I didn't even offer the "You get this one, I'll get next one", which signals that I might like him, but I'm an independent woman.

Who knows, maybe it wasn't that clear.

Not to be an internet creep, but you look younger in those Chewervision pictures.

It's never 100% clear, but I think a lot of people aren't willing to take the hit to their ego and trust their instincts.

It's okay. I still get carded from time to time. One day, though, someone's going to find that picture I have stuffed up in my attic and the jig'll be up.

Sounds like he's ignoring your signals, hoping you'll find his "persistance" charming somewhere down the line. Politely ditch the friendship, I say.

Oh yeah, I'm female too.

That's what I say too. He's hanging in there, hoping you'll "come around" if he just persists. This is a guy who has seen one too many romantic comedies. Gotta agree with the polite ditching. It's the best you can do.

(And that ripping off the testicle story link? Gaaaaahhh.... that's it, I'm never eating kumquats again).

He sounds like me, to be honest.
At age 16, mind you.

It's sad that this is true, it took my Autistic brain five fucking years to figure out that romance follows no conventional rules and logic is not your friend in trying to woo a woman.

Wanna end this guy's interest in you but without hurting him? Next time you see him appear to have changed your mind slightly and offer to go on a date with him. On that date surgically alter your personality into something that he hates. Say you hate black people. Go on about how you wish we'd fucking carpet bomb all of Iraq and kill every man, woman and child there and end it once and for all. Every movie he brings up say you think is awful, and bring up really shitty movies as your own favorites to counteract them. You're really starting to get into emo music. You think that fag Matthew Shepard deserved it. Etc, etc, etc. If you only see him once or twice a month he shouldn't know your particulars, just make sure you don't directly contradict any information about yourself that he definitely knows. If all goes well by the end of the night he won't be able to even stand you, now that he's seen more than your "public face." Goodbye attraction, and will make one hell of an anecdote one day.

Uncanny, that's me now at age 31.

Finally a straight answer. Why play games, why drop "hints" he is not getting or ignoring???? Just flat out tell him you're not interested in him romantically. It drives me nuts sometimes that women just do not want to be seen as "the bad guy" and will do everything short of telling the truth. TELL him the truth and he will go away or he will be a man and accept the fact and move on in a friendship mode.

And that's what I've done, now that the cards have been laid on the table.

I'd noticed a slight escalation in his signs, but he'd done or said nothing overtly, until the last time we went out. I stepped up my "not interested" responses, because I wasn't going to say "I don't like you in that way" when nothing had been explicitly presented. Partially in hopes of avoiding this situation, partially because it smacks of some kind of arrogance on my behalf.

How do you say, "Hey, you know, you've been looking at me a bit more, lately. Moving in on my personal space from time to time. I get the feeling that you're into me." without sounding like an egotistic jerk?

Because, I wasn't super-tight with him. I could've just as easily been misreading him. And I don't necessarily default to the "this guy wants me" side of the spectrum when hanging out with guys, so it always comes as a bit of a surprise if it starts manifesting.

Anyway, I've sent him an email. It should be over, less than a week after he made his declaration. I don't think that constitutes playing games?

I'm gonna do the same but I thik I will stick around.

You absolutely did the right thing, because everything you just described is how I got myself into quite a bit of hot water about 11 years back. Same exact scenario you laid out - male friend, I could tell he liked me, but because nothing had been said, I didn't want to come off as conceited or presumptous in the assumption that he liked me more than as a friend - which I knew he did. To not beat myself up too much, I never made any actions towards him (I'm about as unfeminine as it gets when I'm just friends with a guy because I want it to be clear to him. If I'm interested in a guy, he'll know it.), and I was dating another guy at the time, and he knew that - I also made that clear to him. But like this guy in your situation, he kept figuring if he hung in there, I'd come around.

And the part that was my fault was that because he never said flat out that he was interested (even though there were nothing but signals indicating that), I felt uncomfortable saying anything - so I never leveled with him, and I should have. That part was my fault in a big way. Because THEN he started getting creepy with it and figured that stalking me was a good idea. Yup - I still swear, to this day, that if I'd just fucking leveled with him a whole lot sooner, if I hadn't worried so much about being nice, not hurting his feelings, etc., then he wouldn't have figured it was time to do something drastic. Which amounted to him showing up at my apartment unannounced at an hour of the morning that was so early he knew I wouldn't have been up and dressed and out the door yet. So we got into a back and forth that basically amounted to me threatening him about three times that if he didn't leave, I'd call the cops. The first two, I was pretty much bluffing out of fear. He wouldn't leave. Third time was the charm, because by that time, I was good and scared, and I wound up calling the cops because he was camped out in front of my apartment door with no intention of going anywhere. The last time I ever saw him? Two Forest Hills police officers were escorting him out of my building. And all that could have been avoided if I'd spoken up and leveled with him. Not that it makes it okay for him to do what he did, of course. But he might not have tried that stunt if I had said something earlier and not worried so much about hurting his feelings. So you did the right thing. Not because, "Oh, any guy you're not interested in is going to stalk you." But just because it's the kinder thing to do, and it really does cut back on any trouble in the future.

It sounds like you blame yourself more than you should for what happened, that guy sounds a little off.

A little bit of both, yeah. I know that it was mostly him going overboard, but I still had that opportunity to nip it in the bud, and I didn't.

And you know, the guy I was dating at the time knew about the situation, and before it all blew up, I was telling him the latest. He said, "How old is this guy?" I said, "He's 41." And his eyes widened up, and he said, "Wow - in that case, I'd say you have something to possibly worry about. Because I thought this guy was maybe 22 or so, y'know, younger guy with a crush on an older woman" - (I was 32 at the time) - "but a 41 year old guy should know alot better. This doesn't sound good." Sure enough, by the next week or two, I wound up calling the cops on him.