Excuse the spelling or typos, please.
I was at my friend's place this evening cooking some dinner. In an attempt to be impressive in the one area I'm actually capable of impressing people in, I was playing loose with the chef's knife while mincing some cilantro (one of my most hated ingredients, but whatever). The knife was too fucking light and the board was too soft and slow, and i just could not get a feel for what i was supposed to be doing. I slipped my finger into the path of the greens, and in an instant, "fwwap"- the tip of my left index finger is separated from the rest of my digit.
This was the first time anything this bad has happened, and though it was painful, it wasn't enough to put me into shock. What did shock me was the lack of blood that was flowing- there was nothing. So, i almost instantaneously picked up the piece of finger, clenched my fist tight, and excused myself to the bathroom. The second I open my hand over the sink the gore begins. Its pouring out of me. Not wanting to fuck up his towels, I'm bleeding through tissue, and grossing myself out. After god knows how long, it looked out to wrap it in a band-aid, which promptly soaks through as well. When i finally get it under control, I amble out and slump into his desk chair. I'm flushed, dripping with sweat, dizzy, and clenching my hand in my lap. He walks in and can only assume I've been jerking off, which completely defeats my attempts at discretion.
After a little while and about a liter of Coke, I felt good enough to finally have dinner. A couple minutes in, I get this gem: "I never liked cilantro anyway".
Fingertip-less and for no reason. Motherfuck. Anyone care to cheer me up with their own culinary disasters?
I was at my friend's place this evening cooking some dinner. In an attempt to be impressive in the one area I'm actually capable of impressing people in, I was playing loose with the chef's knife while mincing some cilantro (one of my most hated ingredients, but whatever). The knife was too fucking light and the board was too soft and slow, and i just could not get a feel for what i was supposed to be doing. I slipped my finger into the path of the greens, and in an instant, "fwwap"- the tip of my left index finger is separated from the rest of my digit.
This was the first time anything this bad has happened, and though it was painful, it wasn't enough to put me into shock. What did shock me was the lack of blood that was flowing- there was nothing. So, i almost instantaneously picked up the piece of finger, clenched my fist tight, and excused myself to the bathroom. The second I open my hand over the sink the gore begins. Its pouring out of me. Not wanting to fuck up his towels, I'm bleeding through tissue, and grossing myself out. After god knows how long, it looked out to wrap it in a band-aid, which promptly soaks through as well. When i finally get it under control, I amble out and slump into his desk chair. I'm flushed, dripping with sweat, dizzy, and clenching my hand in my lap. He walks in and can only assume I've been jerking off, which completely defeats my attempts at discretion.
After a little while and about a liter of Coke, I felt good enough to finally have dinner. A couple minutes in, I get this gem: "I never liked cilantro anyway".
Fingertip-less and for no reason. Motherfuck. Anyone care to cheer me up with their own culinary disasters?
