More DTV sequel madness...

Zmed is finally going to settle down. It's about time.

Lost Boys 2? The hell does that consist of exactly?

I heard that, in order to save money on CGI, Juliette Lewis will be playing George.

You could have stopped there. I can't say the rest weren't expected but I didn't expect they'd go that far back to the well. Can Porky's Band Camp be far behind?

Vampire Surfers.

Dear God,

Hi, are you there? It's me. No, not Margaret. Banks, JBanks. Remember me? You helped me get a handjob that one time. No, not from the janitor. From Sarah, the cute girl at Orange Julius. No, come on, she was cute. Actually she wasn't that fat like you said, she just had a disproportionately large head.

Anyway, listen, I hear you're taking time out of your busy schedule guarding the souls of earth-dwellers and making field goals to see that a LOST BOYS 2 gets made with vampire surfers. I think that's a fine idea, but I'd like to make one small, humble request. I would like you, in all your awesome supreme being-ness, to inspire the screenwriters, wherever they may be, to consider including in the story a team of vampire FBI agents to chase after them. The main agent would be young, new to the team, but just waiting to sink his teeth into the job. Long on high marks but short on experience. You might say he's young, dumb and full of come. And he would be mentored by an older, more grizzled vampire who has a theory about these surfing vampires: They rob blood banks to finance their ageless summers.

I'm talking set pieces out the wazoo here, J-Cry. A footchase through Malibu, but at NIGHT. Sky-diving, but at NIGHT. Surfing, but at NI..wait, that one's already been done. But you get my point. You make this happen, you might as well print your own money. Or whatever currency your bartering system is based on. Seashells or maize or whatever.

I appreciate your time and consideration. Now if you don't mind, Sarah's working at Weenie Beenie right now, and in this light she looks like she's only had five kids. Maybe you could set something up?

Yours in You,

JBanks

Banks,

Ya should've asked god to include a scene in which one of the FBI vampires after chasing down the ringleader of the bad vampires to fire his gun into the air and scream after he decides to let the bad vampire go.

It needs to be done.

Dammit!!!!

I should have also requested that no matter the circumstances, Billy Wirth is to be given a part, preferably in his AMERICAN GLADIATORS uniform.

Advance word on Wrong Turn 2: DEAD END was so positive that they fast tracked Wrong Turn 3: NO DUMPING and Wrong Turn 4: PRIVATE ROAD NO THRU TRAFFIC.

Is that the 8 Seconds with Luke Perry? Someone saw that?

Wait, are you saying there's an Undisputed 3 on the way? Part of Snipes' work release perhaps?

Got to pay those back taxes somehow.