How do Chewers deal with death?

I gave him my little sister in exchange for a ten-speed.

That whole chess thing? Bullshit. Fucker plays Candyland and cheats like a little bitch.

Booze. Wish I was kidding about that.

Like I deal with all my problems: Drinking heavily and pretending it never happened.

Melvins.

Don't worry, it gets worse. Drinking helps.

Edit: Drinking is popular. And as Schwartz said, we're not kidding.

Well... I'm lucky in that I haven't had to deal with it very much. One grandparent has died, and he was in pain. My mother's friend died of cancer, but that was literally 10 years coming, she just got tired of fighting it.

I dealt with it by going to the funeral to be there with my friend and his family, crying my eyes out for about 5 minutes, and then making it my job for the rest of the day to cheer my friend up. I don't know how else to deal with it, what do you do without your mom?

It's funny, I was at the funeral... you see movies that have some stupid scene where a guy suffering from foot-in-mouth disease comes up to a friend or relative in mourning and the first thing out of his mouth is 'so.. how are you feelin' today?' or something equally stupid... and it's played for laughs, and you roll your eyes because it's terrible and would never actually happen... and then I find myself almost literally asking one of my best friends 'how he was' after his mother's funeral service. So later in the day I realized the only way I could help would be to crack some jokes and make him laugh here and there and get a bunch of our friends together and just hang out, and if he wanted to talk about his mom, I would be there.

Anyways. Sorry to hear about your cousin.

Just have some empathy and figure out what they need. People want to laugh, want to feel better at those things. I went to my friend's dad's wake last week, and you could tell she was just TIRED from all the hugging, talking and family business that a funeral service takes, and I could relate. Her: So I have to give the eulogy. Me: Just tell me it doesn't rhyme. Her: (laughing): "No, no rhymes." Me: "Cool, cool...where would you like the hecklers to sit?"

Volunteer to help with stuff, driving out of town relatives wher ethey need to get to, etc. Just do your part, and then offer to do more.

My best friend died a year and a half ago at 27. Another close friend died two months later. I drank a lot and kind of lost my mind. I think it's inevitable when you lose someone close to you. You can't have control over everything, you kind of have to tank it for a while, you know, understand that you're going through a hard time. About six months later I realized I was gaining weight and I was serisously depressed so I started working out and eating better and meditating. However, I'm still kind of manic, and I still drink a good amount. So I feel better, but shit is still crazy. That's how it is. Talking about it on message boards probably doesn't help.

You hit a point where these things start becoming more frequent - just keep the booze flowing, and reach out and appreciate those you still have.

I went the whole distance with a cancer infected person. Took about one year and that was probably one of the bigger aspects of life I witnessed. Such a gruesome sickness and it was so cruel not being able to help. When she died we were invited to meet and talk about her while she was just laying there. It's a bit bizarre to smile and laugh about the memories of one person while her corpse is in the same room.

An experience I certainly don't want to see a second time, but it made me respect death a bit more.

Talking, writing, sharing the good times you spent with the lost and laughing about the moments they made you smile usually helped me with my losses. Celebrate the life versus missing them is my advice.

Excellent. You're totally right. When my friend died they had a totally dry, boring Catholic funeral for him, but that was not the kind of person he was at all. So a little while later the closest friends all got together and we held our own memorial for him, with music and open conversation and stuff. It was much more of a relief. It felt healthier.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Phil! again.

Yeah, a friend of mine died last year, and the Catholic funeral was infuriating to me since he wasn't really religious (and I'm not at all). I just bit my tongue, told myself this was for the family, not me, and made my friend swear that if at my funeral they started to go into any shit about how I was baptized in Christ and reborn in His Presence, then he would go up to the podium and announce that I didn't believe a word of it.

Travis, one thing that I can tell you is not to be mad at yourself for laughing or being happy in the near future. For me at least, it's easy to get feeling like you owe it to your loved one to be depressed, but that's bullshit and unless they were really, really selfish, they wouldn't want it from you. Take what pleasures you can when you can.

A big thing of candy beans.

Root Beer floats help too

I restart from the last checkpoint and hope the guard with the Torque Bow has worse aim this time.

That's the one thing I can't stand.

I had that shit last year when my grandfather died. A priest talked about him, someone who didn't even fucking know him. Infuriating. But for my grandmother I kept my mouth shut, and let it go.

I swear, when I die, I want people to be at a bar laughing about stupid shit I used to do. Not at a fucking church dressed up all nice.

Everyone's given you good advice, Travis, so there's nothing much I can add. Try not to lose yourself in your head and wallow too much- allow other people to take you out and get your mind off shit. The loss never goes away but it can be kept in check. Especially if you drink enough to kill those memory cells.

i've taken to writing. and writing. and writing and writing and writing. at one point i was working on my own death western type of thing, it kinda fell apart but its been working.

The Fountain is a fucking revelation for those who have lost someone close to them. i think so, anyway.

unfortunately, i am gonna add to the count of drinkers (that is to say, my drinking simply increases). smoking helps me, too. but mostly the writing.

1) Immediately check for witnesses. Anyone found? Sorry about their luck, but they have to go too. Even if it's a close friend who swears they'll keep their mouth shout, the lying fuckers are guaranteed to break faster than a cheerleader's virginity pledge on prom night when questioned by the authorities. Always remember, No witnesses = no crime.

2) Now make sure sure the person is actually dead. Checking the pulse, holding a mirror up to check for breath, and the tried and true method of nailing a stake through their heart always guarantees they're finished.

3) Body Disposal time. Some will sell you on various methods, from dissolving in acid, feeding to feral pigs, breaking into a crematorium, or packing the body in a suitcase and flying to JFK airport because few bags haven't been lost there. All of these are too high risk, as nothing beats dismembering the body and burying the parts in various reserved government land locations. Marshlands are especially good locales, as God damn PETA will be burning their tye-dye shirts in protest the moment someone tries to turn it into a mini-mall.
A few disposable plastic drop cloths, a shovel, and a hack saw are all you need, but make sure you purchase them at 3 different locations as buying them all together tends to raise suspicion. Wear non-descript clothes and sun glasses when you buy them, and dispose of those when you bury the head.

4) Clean Up time. If the death occurred in your own home, make sure to remove any carpet and and dump at least 30 miles away in a dumpster behind a shopping mall. Plenty of bleach and elbow grease will handle the rest, and make sure you get all 4 walls in splattering situations. Don't forget your car trunk during cleanup as well.

5) Wait. Hear nothing for 7 days, and it's off to the cold case files where unlike television, it will sit unsolved for the next 50 years. They still haven't found Hoffa, and he was famous, so you've got pretty good odds whoever you iced won't be found either.


Anyway, that's how I deal with death.

I have had to deal with death alot. I lost my father at 16, and my mother when I was 18. My oldest brother just recently died of lung cancer and the only family I really have left is my other brother and his wife and kids. I also lost one of my very best friends last year to a car accident. Its really hard to let go when you loose someone close to you but it really does make you a stronger person to go through it. It has kinda brought me to grips with my own mortality and has made me learn to enjoy ever single day of this life alot more. When someone dies I say celebrate who they were and the fact that you were lucky enough to share time with them....... Oh and I agree heavy drinking does help !!!!

There's no right answer. I tend to trudge onward but sometimes it ain't easy. I lost my dad at 52, which was a bit unfair. I hope that's the toughest hit I endure for a long time. Pretty rough world out there.

That's something you should get used to. At my mom's funeral, the priest got her first name wrong. At my dad's funeral, biographical details mangled. But if you're not big church-going folk and some relative wants a priest there, you get what you get.

The way to counter it is to deliver a real eulogy IMMEDIATELY after the priest, so you can leave the crowd with something substantial. Giving my dad's eulogy was a bizarre yet cathartic experience.

STATION!

Jesus Christ.

I think the best I've heard is a friend of a friend requesting the end credits theme from The Incredible Hulk be played at his funeral. Sadly, the guy knew his time was near, so the request turned out to not be a joke and the theme was actually played. Only his closest and nerdiest friends recognized what they were listening to. I'm not sure if they left the Hulk roar at the end of the tune or edited it out.

I had a cousin die in a car accident about a week ago. Apparently my immune system decided to deal with it by giving me a massive case of the flu.

Dude. I so did that, to the sister of the deceased. I couldn't help myself. Oy.

I guess my experience with religious funerals is the total opposite from most of you. I learned how to appreciate them after a funeral service for a good friend of ours who was a priest and died of cancer. It was at his funeral that I learned all the wonderful stories about his time in South America, how he left a medical career to serve the poor, and how he built a hospital in the jungles of Ecuador for a village that had no access to modern medical resources.

The most difficult death I had to deal with was my mother in law, who was like my own mother. She died young, and to compound the pain she died while my wife was pregnant with our first child and her first grandkid. I still remember that ceremony like it was yesterday. My wife was in so much pain, I was holding on to her the whole time, afraid that she was just going to collapse and fall to the ground.

As painful as it was, I really appreciated the whole process. We needed a place to cry, and to physically express all the pain we had inside. Her mother, like somebody suggested here, wanted for us to celebrate her life when she died. And we did, but not in that ceremony, these things are really for those left behind and I really think it's very healthy to cry as much as you want and let it all out. It's a normal and natural reaction.

How do you deal with death? Everybody does it differently, but I really believe in grieving if you can, not fighting that. Thinking about the positive moments always helps, humor is great too when appropriate. If you are religious, expressing yourself spiritually is always a good thing, we used to do a memorial with some friends in remembrance of my mother in law and I found that helped my wife a lot.

My most difficult challenge has been not dealing with death myself, but dealing with a grieving relative, that is hard. There are no magic words to comfort somebody who has lost a loved one, you can only be there, understand and support them and hope that's at least good enough to make up a bit for that person who has been lost.

If there is going to be a funeral/wake, tell a funny story about your cousin. I detest the ceremony following a loved ones death. It's cruel and makes no sense. The need for closure is bullshit since the person is already dead and there's no sense in dragging out the pain with ritual and worthless traditions.

Tell the funniest, best story you got. I bet the immediate family, (siblings, parents) will appreciate it the most.

It seems that since Senior Year of High School for me has been rather crappy for my families.

I've lost a cousin to Iraq. Another to Cancer. and my Grandmother.

Now I've found out my father has lymphoma.

Hell of a time to go to Film School and learn about character development.


EDIT: My friends and I have half-joked about what we'd want at our funerals if something were to happen. But hell, I don't know what stopping me from leaving a message on my laptop that dictates what I want happening at my funeral if something untimely were to happen to me. And yes, I want Bad Religion, more specifically the piano version of Cease, to be played followed by the Theme of Gondor....just because I want to be a nerd in the afterlife as well.

Modern American funerals breed depression and aren't healthy at all. In all seriousness, my brother and I always talk about how we want a funny funeral, and, more importantly, a humorous headstone. It probably wouldn't fly, though, since I don't think they would allow a "Go Fuck Yourself" or a "Decomposin' since '06!!" headstone at Forest Lawn.

I agree with celebrating one's life rather than mourning their death. I recently lost my father to heart failure, and that night I had to drive from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. The desert is a haunting place at night, especially with such heavy thoughts.

I took charge of my dad's proceedings, and I knew that he wouldn't want a stuffy church service. I went and picked up some of his favorite music and my family and I put together a giant collage of photos (including an awesome one of him in Vietnam with a little monkey on his shoulder) and we reserved a hall at the mortuary and invited all of his friends. I had the dubious honor of basically hosting his service, and I tried to make it as funny and celebratory as possible. I invited folks to come up and speak, with an emphasis on humorous anecdotes, and it was really a nice time.

And of course, as everyone piled out, we played "Everyone Bites the Dust" by Queen. My dad would have laughed at that.

Travis, with time the sting may get lighter, but you will always remember little things that will bring it all flooding back to you. Alcohol helps to calm you down, but you have to accept that this is the way of things. Whether you believe in God or not, everyone is going to kick the bucket. Enjoy your life, and I know how hard distance is because my younger brother (whom my dad died in the same room with) is 300 miles away.

This sounds nice. From what I've read, the Catholic Church in Latin America is much more integrated within its communities. Here, it's way more institutional, like people just showing up on Sunday to look like good Catholics. There's no sense of community. The key to having a good grieving process, I think, is having people feel comfortable to let out whatever feelings they have.

When the second of my friends died two days after the first (on Christmas night, run over by an off-duty cop...) the family had an amazing thing for her. It was just held in an auditorium, and really cool music was playing when we came in, and they just opened the stage up for anyone who wanted to say something to do it in turns. It was really sad, but really uplifting at the same time.

This thread is starting to bring tears to my eyes.

Yeah, tell me about it. I'm about to suffer through my first Father's Day without my dad. Fun times.

"It's not the tragedy's that happens to you that makes you a man, its how you deal with them"

I pretty much live by that. You can wimper in a corner or you can be strong for your family when they need someone to hold the shit together. Even if it hurts try to pretend to be cool, calm, and collected. Hysterics doesnt help anyone ever.

Like the others Booz and Weed help but clarity for reality of the situation can serve you and those around you better.

That's amazing. I'll remember that next time.

I've not had the great displeasure of dealing with the death of any close loved ones, but when the time comes, I may consider the Fabfunk Coping Method: A flashlight, shovel and condoms (Magnums).

Remembering them is good. If I was dead, I'd want people to remember me, and be reminded of me by things they see in the world.

The last thing that hit me hard was my friend Mike who died in a drunk driving accident in March 2006. I was angry for a long time, feeling that he deserved to see so much more of life. He was only 20, he was barely getting started. I don't belive in heaven, souls, reincarnation, any of that, but I think it's right to always remember him. He'd want me to still be thinking of him as I go through life, like a long distance friendship, except we can't directly communicate anymore.

Ain't that the truth.

As my grandmother use to say, "It's Hell gettin' old..."

How do Chewers deal with death?

Always clock-wise. Don't want to get shot in the Wild West for that mistake.

Some time back, two of my housemates, buddies from high school, killed themselves within a year of each other. Since I was there, it falls to me to tell the story (and in some cases, break the news) whenever I'm among acquaintances from that era.

For this reason I habitually dread class reunions and am pretty much useless in the months leading up to them. I always attend, but carry with me the fear that eventually someone will curse me for letting my friends die. It never turns out that way, of course, and we usually have a lovely time trading old stories.

One day I may even get up the nerve to talk to their families again.

I think it's great to be "strong" in a time of this, but not being cool, calm and collected at the time somebody dies is not a sign of weakness, it's just part of being human.

I don't want to criticize how others grieve or not grieve, but I really can't stress enough there's nothing unmanly or weak about being said, crying and expressing your loss. I actually think it's very healthy, and it's best not to fight it as long as it doesn't get out of control (specially when you need to support other family members).

That's pretty much it right there. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and steer yourself through it.

This is why I wish we never left the neighborhoods.

Even in the extremely small parish back home where everybody knows everybody it gets tough, we lost both of our priests within the space of a year. When the elder father died it was awful, he'd been there for so long and was so close to everyone in the community, that when I went back home from school I couldn't even go to the church because the new priests just weren't the same, they were strangers. I would never want my funeral to be presided over by a priest I didn't know and trust.

I lost a ton of relatives when I was a kid, most to cancer, and it changed me a lot more than I realized at the time.

Stupid joke answer: I don't deal with death, I deal death!

Yeah, I mean, I could have gone more in depth there, but maybe it's not appropriate in this forum.

So, to digress, basically, the way I see it, there's two things about the Church here. (1) They molest young boys, and (2) they seem to be working only for the weekly collection baskets.

They don't get involved in real community building, social activities. Based on Stormin's comments, it seems like his priests might have been better, which wouldn't surprise me, since he was in like, the biggest Catholic city in the country, but they're not like that here. They cater to the rich Catholic community - that's about all I want to say about that.

This thread is already a mess of emotion, I don't need to fuck it up with so much more gobbledeegook.

Sorry for the further derailment but I didn't mean Boston (where I just went to school) but at my tiny farm town in CT.

Ok, derailment furthered, but shit varies from town to city to town, so probably still holds true. Anyways, sorry about the deaths.