Jehovah Witnesses at my door

Honestly, I don't answer the door. Simple as that. I mean it seems rude but really you're busy and clearly not interested why bother?

The local hall leaves messages on our answering machine all of the time. We also get weirdo, ultra-violent, "hey, didn't this artist do an album cover for Slayer?" literature from them sometimes.

I would suggest just ignoring it when they knock. Failing this, give them a moment to make their introductions, take their literature, thank them for their time, and tell them that you're not interested/already affiliated with another religion (even if it's a lie, I find it more effective than saying one is an aetheist/agnostic - that really tends to rile them up). It's part of their belief system to do this kind of work and some of them, as I understand it, really don't like doing it. That alone makes me want to be nice-ish to them.

My mom used to invite them in and give them coffee. I have no idea why.

Just open the door look them up and down, then slam it on them.Or open the door and before they can start ask them if there interested in the church of Satan.

Well, I had these guys over here a week ago. They've been intensively touring my neighborhood for the last few months.

2 months ago, I heard someone knocking at the door. Quickly check the window, it's a young couple, and I don't see a briefcase. So I answer the door, noticing the really good looking woman who feature a "I don't want to be here, but I can't do shit " and after 3 seconds I look down: the briefcase. The fucker tricked me. So I shook the head disapprovingly, telling them I'm not interested.

2 weeks later, my wife tells me she rebuffed some Witnesses. Apparently, the same ones.

A month ago, I'm painting the whole interior of the house. Another knocking, surprise, it's the same people ! Same haggard look from the man, and his woman look as uncomfortable as the first time. Worse, they wear the exact same clothes. I amicably tell them: "There no way I'm letting you inside my house unless you help painting the house. There's a lot of trimming left." They actually thanked me for the offer, and I warmly told them I'll never be interested.

I'm debating on which strategy I should adopt next time. The whole "ignore thing" is merely a delaying measure, just like being nice to them seems to be -a least, in this case. There the Satan worship, the classic Answering the Door Naked and The Shotgun option, but I don't have a gun...

I know they have a black list, and I need to get in there.

Usually I just politely listen to what they have to say and take a flier. But in my fantasies, it's like a scene from Drunken master. Flying fists.

Oh a-oh, I got some lovely fantasies.

Answer the door naked.

I prefer incessant mocking. Seriously, why the aversion to being rude? Some douche bag shows up at your house, uninvited, and insistently tries to waste your time and you're willing to give them a free pass just because it's a religious group? Say it was a dildo salesman or some Star Trek geek wanting to discuss his favorite Kirk monologues, would you be as tolerant? Certainly, dildos and Star Trek have caused far less death and human misery than religion.

My brother used to invite them in as well. Was a funny scene watching my mom walk in the house to see my brother, without a shirt on no less, discussing religion with two older ladies over iced tea.

The other week I was walking through a Lowe's parking lot when a guy (no older than 22) called me from behind and asked me to wait. Being the fool that I am, I stopped. He asked me how I was doing and handed me some literature and walked away.

When I looked at it, it was entitled "Coping with the Loss of a Child." While I wanted to say, "oh, this wood isn't for my baby's coffin, its for the workbench in my garage." I pussed out.

But I have no clue why this guy singled me out. He passed by a bunch of people when he stopped me, so he came to me for some reason. I guess I have "grieving father" written all over my face.

Answer the door with a briefcase and your own spiel.

Everytime they try to say something, turn it back on them and try to sell your own religion.

I'm this close to converting two of them.

Mace.

Problem solved.



It's hard cleaning the bits of skull out of the spikes afterwards, and I did break a handle one time, but they really do work.

I would totally let a dildo salesperson in my house, especially if she were hot.

The aversion to being rude, I think, stems from wanting to be a decent human being and has nothing to do with what the person at your door is peddling.

I've never had a witness come to my door, but I can't help but think that being polite only helps perpetuate this kind of nonsense. I understand that Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons can be very nice people, and I don't have a problem with either faction privately practicing their beliefs, but I've always been anti-proselytization. Making it easy for them to do their 'good work' only increases their chances of eventually finding someone in a weakened state who might be open to their particular brand of superstition, which in turn leads to another fundamentalist asshole in your neighborhood, which in turn leads to another eight years in a country led by a president who 'isn't quite sure yet' about evolution.

Tell them you already have a church (even if you don't), and don't take anything they hand you.

I made the mistake of giving them my name, Now my door step is forever haunted. It's too late to say I'm not interested because I've accepted so many free watchtower magazines. When I leave the house it's no better, because of my hair I attract greenpeace hippies, like flies to a carcass. I'm afraid to close my eyes, I'm afraid to open them. Oh God I'm so scared right now.

The word "witness" in their name tells us that proselytization is an important part of their faith. Evangelicals (again, see the name) are the same way. You being a dick to them isn't going to change the fact that mission work is part of their belief system. It's just going to have an impact on the way they view all non-Christians/Witnesses/etc.

We used to have a Kingdom Hall near our house in the Bronx, so since we all knew where they got together they never bothered any of the locals. Places have been molotoved for less.

Agreed. I was a Mormon missionary for two years in South Korea. I knocked my fair share of doors. It was my least favorite part about my mission because I had an aversion to intruding on people uninvited on their home turf. Civility was always appreciated. Honestly, a firm "I'm really not interested" while closing the door is all it took to get us to move on. If you take the pamphlets, it's often viewed as a sign of interest, however slight, which invites a follow-up visit unless you say otherwise. I don't know how the Jehovah's Witnesses operate, but for Mormon missionaries, we wouldn't go back to a house where the person simply told us they weren't interested and didn't take any pamphlets or books.

Also, we often had a whole city of 50,000 people or more to cover. So, the chances of getting back around to a house where the people showed no interest were slim to none anyway. Of course, missionaries would transfer out every few months. So, a replacement missionary may choose to knock on the same doors another set of missionaries had just covered a few months ago. Again, a firm "I'm not interested" or just not opening the door should do the trick. But if you have any curiosity at all, missionaries can be pretty interesting and harmless to talk to.

And this is hilarious:

You're absolutely right- by indulging them, they might view non-Christians/Witnesses/etc as being 'ripe for the picking,' which appalls me a little. By telling them to peddle their fantasy elsewhere, the potentially 'on the cuff' witnesses will hopefully become discouraged, or, better yet, disillusioned.

As an analogy, imagine that on a sunny Sunday morning, a group of well dressed proselytizers from Answers from Genesis (the misguided folks behind the Creationist Museum) appear at your door with pamphlets. They only want ten minutes of your time, during which they hope to convince you that the great conspiracy of nineteenth century reason has blinded the country, and that, from the first to the last, every word of the book of Genesis is absolutely true. Also, they supply you with a list of ministry-friendly officials for whom you should vote in the next election. And they ask for a donation. Do you invite them in and potentially validate their cause, or do you tell them (maybe politely, or maybe not) to leave immediately, and that you don't support their cause in any way, shape, or form?

These people make my blood boil. Even if all I accomplish is to momentarily fluster a group of (perhaps kind, but) misguided dunces, at the very least I've been honest.

A few years ago when my friend from high school and I were living in the ghetto, I answered the door at 6:30 in the morning wearing nothing but boxers. This didn't phase the two female Witnesses however, and they went immediately into their spiel. So my friend walks out, stark naked, with his hand on his hips and using his best action hero voice, demands to know who is at the door and if it's the oriental masseuse that he ordered. That was the last time pretty much anyone save a pizza delivery guy knocked on the door.

Having been one of those people who knocked on people's doors asking for money for an environmental group, I can attest that this will do the trick.

That's my problem with my Witnesses. They keep coming back, even after some much repeated and civilized "not interested".

I'm gearing toward exposing my nakedness to Jehovah's chosen ones, especially if they're the same ones.

I didn't advocate inviting these people into your house in my post above. I suggested that one firmly say thanks, but no thanks and send them on their way. So, in short, if the cabal from the Creationist Museum showed up at my door, I would probably do just what I said. If they got aggressive, there is the potential that I would get short with them, but I certainly wouldn't raise my voice or engage them in an argument. That's what doors are for.

Based on the new information that jonvoight's car has added to the discssion, I would like to alter what I said originally and say that I wouldn't take their literature (thanks for the tip!).

I can understand your perspective- proselytizers just rile me up more than they do for many other people, which in turn elicits a different response from me. If they're willing to come all the way to my doorstep to hand deliver their passionately-held beliefs to me, I'm certainly not going to deny them mine.

Meh, I figure getting pissed off at them only gives them something to talk about back at HQ and something to point to when complaining of their "persecution." I think a firm "no, thanks" and closed door shows them that you're not interested and that they've made no inroads with you at all.

Of course, my approach to dealing with anti-aborition protestors in front of my neighborhood's clinic isn't all sweetness and light, but, well...

If Mormon missionaries ever come knocking, you should ask them to help you with something. It's part of their duty to do community service type favors for people. You could call then to help you move too I guess.

slap this fucker on your door:

If you've told them several times you are not interested and they keep coming back, it's probably time to be more firm, or even rude, with them. You could give the nakedness a shot. Or better yet, answer the door in your robe and tell them you're glad they showed for the party, the other couples are in the back, and to throw their car keys in the bowl. What's the worst that can happen?

But I'm already pissed off at them. The difference is, I don't travel to their HQ and attempt to engage them in a foolish discourse over irrational superstition. They, on the other hand, do not give me the same respect and therefore deserve whatever treatment they may get.

Within reason of course. I only advocate answering the door naked with a shotgun, not actually firing either weapon.

I do find when I'm wearing my Pentagram shirt with the quotation from the Satanic Bible on it ("Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law") people tend not to bug me with pamphlets on the subway. I do get the stare-down, though. Gotta love it.

Hey, been there, done that. I've helped strangers move. We walked up to a guy on the street and ended up helping him move a piano up two flights of stairs.

I have really thought about answering the door naked with an erection. But we don't get many door to door people anymore. One day... one day.

I've always wanted to answer the door naked to scare these people away, unfortunately the only time anything close to a naked door answer was when I just happened to open the door at the same time the mail man arrived and I just happened to be wearing only boxers, he got a nice flash of my shaft and balls.He didn't seem to mind, but I couldn't look that man in the face after that.Some how I always got the feeling he didn't want to look at my face either.

I can see it now. The doorbell rings, you look out the window and lo and behold, it's a couple of Jehovah Witnesses. You go to work, stripping off your clothes, nearly tripping in on your pants in excitment. You're about to open the door when you look down and SHIT, you're flaccid as the day you were born. You start jerking off furiously, rotating through every sexy image you can think of. Scarlett Johanson, Jessica Alba, that hot sorority chick you nailed back in college, Aunt Maggie (Aunt MAggie? What the fuck?), Jessica Alba, pregnant Selma Hayek and her giant breasts AH HA! there we go! It comes to life! It lives! You run to the door and open it...and they're gone. They left already. You peek your head out and see them heading down the road. No way, not so fast! You chase after them, erection a-bouncin', screaming "Wait! Tell me about your God bullshit! Tell me about Jesus!"

You can get Church of Satan T-Shirts from - where else? - www.churchofsatan.com without accepting any sort of obligation to join.

Just sayin'.

This would have scared the shit out of me. After calling to confirm my kids safety, I would have probably followed this guy for awhile to find out exactly who he was and who he was affiliated with.

Well, if they get there soon enough, there's always the morning glory.

...

Then maybe that asshole won't throw my fucking packages onto my patio instead of gently placing them on the ground.

I remember those spooky guys in Japan. You could spot them a mile away with their Richie Cunningham super clean cut looks and glazed expressions. I'd immediately run the opposite direction.

Sometimes though they would get the drop on you in a train or something. Once they tried to convert me in the line at McDonalds. Thank god they never discovered my address.

Ask for a urine sample.

Try to seduce them into a threesome. Begin by inviting them in and gesture to have a seat. Listen to their spiel for a bit and excuse yourself to slip into something more comfortable. Come out in pajama bottoms and a robe and offer to fix them a cocktail. If they haven't fled by then, make your way around behind where they are sitting and start giving them backrubs. If you have to, try to get them to kiss each other. Works great on couples of same and/or opposite sexes.

The twist in my area is that the door-to-door evangelicals tend to be Hispanic so the whole spiel is in Spanish; which is fine for me, but a little off-putting since I'm used to it in English. The last time the old Latin women came to my apt door, my first thought was to wonder who was the dumb fuck to buzz them into my building complex? When I looked though the keyhole and saw the women I simply stripped naked and answered the door with a towel around my waist. I told them that I was about to jump into the shower and couldn't talk to them. I think I flustered them a bit with my near nakedness.

The ironic part is that there's a Mormon temple around the corner from my building (that was the last thing I expected to find when I moved to the area) and I can't remember seeing any missionaries come by or walk around my neighborhood once.

This is the first time I've run into this:

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Patrick Ripoll again."

I wish they'd come to my door.

All I ever get are those sleezy sales people that travel the country living out of motels trying to peddle magazine subscriptions for a trip to Hawaii.