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Wrestler kills family, self - Page 2

post #51 of 197
6/26/07 at 3:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
He's still here, under a different name. In fact, he used italics and smilies just today! Look.
That guy swears he's not baba, but man he sure seems like him. Just less psychotic.
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post #52 of 197
6/26/07 at 3:38pm
Maybe Chris Benoit strangled Baba.
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post #53 of 197
6/26/07 at 3:39pm
I don't think we got that lucky.

At best, he stop before finishing the job, cutting enough oxygen to the brain to create what we know as duke_fleed.
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post #54 of 197
6/26/07 at 3:41pm
I love duke. I'd love a girlfriend that spoke exactly the way duke posts. I'd bring her everywhere.
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post #55 of 197
6/26/07 at 3:57pm
Someone call Paul Bearer! Ask him how he brought The Undertaker back to life!

Wait, is he still a zombie? Last I saw he was riding around on motorcycles and listening to nu metal. Is Kane really his brother?
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post #56 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:02pm
Looks like his strangled his wife, then watched the Pay Per View event with his song before smothering him.

He hung himself in his weight room. Is that some sort of fuck you to the business or what?
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post #57 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dranbon
Looks like his strangled his wife, then watched the Pay Per View event with his song before smothering him.
Was the song his theme music, or that Celene Dion song from Titanic? 'Cause if it's the latter, I'm smothering it too.
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post #58 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werbal_Kint
Wait, is he still a zombie? Last I saw he was riding around on motorcycles and listening to nu metal.
He's back to being a zombie. He also killed Paul Bearer on-screen by burying him in cement. He also made another wrestler hallucinate (and we, the viewers at home, could share in said hallucination) with his magic powers. He does not roll with Limp Bizkit anymore.
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post #59 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dario Delfino
He does not roll with Limp Bizkit anymore.
Undertaker doesn't roll with anybody, they roll with him.
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post #60 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:15pm
My favorite post from the new FARK thread on the case:

Quote:
Strangled, smothered, and hung, eh?

Why am I so hungry for hash browns now?
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post #61 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:35pm
Y'know, with those neck muscles it probably took a good, long time to die by hanging.
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post #62 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:49pm
You suppose he had a spotter?

"Come on, push it! Almost there! Yeah, get up! Come on, all you, all you. Don't you fucking put those feet down! Twenty more seconds, push it hard! You can do it! Don't be a pussy, let's go!"
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post #63 of 197
6/26/07 at 4:50pm
I fully expect Hulk Hogan to book himself to kill his family now.
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post #64 of 197
6/26/07 at 5:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson
I fully expect Hulk Hogan to book himself to kill his family now.
Considering the nature of the business, Hulk Hogan will have to book his family's murder in a Cage Match in Madison Square Garden, no less, with a Pay-Per-View coverage of 69.95$ to top it off.
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post #65 of 197
6/26/07 at 5:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson
I fully expect Hulk Hogan to book himself to kill his family now.
Yeah, but no suicide. Hulk Hogan lays down for no man, not even himself.
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post #66 of 197
6/26/07 at 5:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by B_MetalSucks
Yeah, but no suicide. Hulk Hogan lays down for no man, not even himself.
That's only because he'd be too embarrassed to be defeated by a "finishing move" as lame as the Big Leg Drop.
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post #67 of 197
6/26/07 at 5:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz
That's only because he'd be too embarrassed to be defeated by a "finishing move" as lame as the Big Leg Drop.
"What are you gonna do when the big leg of DOOM drops on you, brother?!"
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post #68 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:15pm
At least Owen Hart took the time to kill himself with some style.
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post #69 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:19pm
Dressed like a giant, 'roided out blueberry wearing a fur-lined cape, no less.

Of course, we don't know that Benoit WASN'T....
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post #70 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim N.
At least Owen Hart took the time to kill himself with some style.
Ironically, he died from not hanging.
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post #71 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:23pm
I thought the cause was Hart failure.
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post #72 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:23pm
You're all going to Hell.

Enjoy my meaningless gray boxes.

Oh, and the funny thing... Owen would've laughed at how he went out. By all accounts, he was that kind of guy.
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post #73 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:25pm
What a horrible tragedy, Such a miserable way to go.

And, sadly, maybe the most depressing aspect of it all, it's more entertaining than THE MARINE.*




*how the fuck did it take this long to make that joke?
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post #74 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:27pm
New rule: All death threads must become pun contests.
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post #75 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dario Delfino
Oh, and the funny thing... Owen would've laughed at how he went out. By all accounts, he was that kind of guy.
I guess the mask muffled his laughter as he plummeted to his death.
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post #76 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:28pm
Also, with PG-13 Die Hard 4 sucking and this, is Moltisanti on suicide watch?
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post #77 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:29pm
If only the WWE would have approved the officially licensed Chris Ben-Wa Balls, all of this could have been avoided.
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post #78 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre Dellamorte
how the fuck did it take this long to make that joke?
Because you're the only one that saw it? I don't know about the others, but this fanboy's still in a bit of shock. The whole thing. I'm particularly angry at how easily the "he killed his wife then forced his son to watch the PPV with him the next day" rumor got picked up as some sort of corroborated fact.
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post #79 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werbal_Kint
I guess the mask muffled his laughter as he plummeted to his death.
You knew what I meant.
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post #80 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dario Delfino
You knew what I meant.
He knew, but the joke was worth it.
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post #81 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:32pm
It's a shame they didn't nab him before he killed himself. Otherwise we could have seen him raped and shivved. IN A STEEL CAGE!
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post #82 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
He knew, but the joke was worth it.
Checkmate.
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post #83 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim N.
It's a shame they didn't nab him before he killed himself. Otherwise we could have seen him raped and shivved. IN A STEEL CAGE!

HI-YOOOOOOOO!
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post #84 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim N.
It's a shame they didn't nab him before he killed himself. Otherwise we could have seen him raped and shivved. IN A STEEL CAGE!
The trial would have been something else.
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post #85 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:38pm
The comedic potential of "character witnesses" alone...
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post #86 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
New rule: All death threads must become pun contests.
Actually, I believe this rule is chiseled on a stone slab somewhere in Nick's garage.
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post #87 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:38pm
Would Sgt. Slaughter be the balif at the trial?
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post #88 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:40pm
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post #89 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:40pm
"The prosecution rests."
"Very well. Mr. Albano, please call your first witness."
"That's CAPTAIN."
"Whatever."
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post #90 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:42pm
Hopefully we'll be blessed with another heartwarming McMahon interview on HBO.

"So do you feel partly responsible for the deaths of these men?"

-"Aww! AWWWWWWWWWWW!"

*slaps papers out of interviewer's hand*
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post #91 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson
"The prosecution rests."
"Very well. Mr. Albano, please call your first witness."
"That's CAPTAIN."
"Whatever."
Please tell me that King Kong Bundy is the judge at trial and if not, then one of the appeals court judges.
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post #92 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:43pm
"Your honor, we would like to call to the witness stand... THE BOOGEYMAN!"
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post #93 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:46pm
News of the event has reportedly left Shawn Michaels "heartbroken."
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post #94 of 197
6/26/07 at 6:59pm
LOL Nordling that picture is great.

Guess they can get a discount on the coffin since they know The Undertaker.

"Exit Stage Left, Exit Stage Right, there is no place to run, all the fuses in the exit signs have been burned out"
The Ulitimate Warrior!
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post #95 of 197
6/26/07 at 7:01pm
The Undertaker handles all WWE's mortuary needs
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post #96 of 197
6/26/07 at 7:12pm
WWE spokesman Jose Canseco is already conducting a media blitz to counter alleged roid rage.

I love this part.

Quote:
4. The physical findings announced by authorities indicate deliberation, not rage. The wife's feet and hands were bound and she was asphyxiated, not beaten to death. By the account of the authorities, there were substantial periods of time between the death of the wife and the death of the son, again suggesting deliberate thought, not rage. The presence of a Bible by each is also not an act of rage
Come on Vinnie Mac, let the corpses cool first, o.k.?
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post #97 of 197
6/26/07 at 7:25pm
For posterity's sake. I love Wikipedia.

From the article for Eddie Guerrero. Last sentence.

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post #98 of 197
6/26/07 at 7:38pm
You know that wave that John Cena does in front of his face? It's meant to say "You can't see me!"

Couldn't stop laughing after that gem.
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post #99 of 197
6/26/07 at 7:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by B_MetalSucks
WWE spokesman Jose Canseco is already conducting a media blitz to counter alleged roid rage.

I love this part.


Come on Vinnie Mac, let the corpses cool first, o.k.?
Gotta start the spin now.
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post #100 of 197
6/27/07 at 10:37am
Some of the online wrestling fans are making a concerted effort to grab the "worst fanboy" title and keep it for a good long while. Check out these excerpts:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Bauer @ 411wrestling
Let me be point blank here. If you are the WWE or any fan who says they now have no respect for what Chris Benoit did for the last 22 years, but have respect for Eddie Guerrero, RVD, among others… you might say that I am calling you out as a hypocrite. You are going to tell me you have no respect for a man who gave everything to the business for 22 years with no issues EVER except for now, but yet you respect those who should have never been employed in such a public view. You tell me you have no respect for Benoit, but you respect Rob Van Damn and Sabu, who were arrested for having drugs on them and were allowed to keep their jobs. Some role models those two are. You have no respect for Benoit, but you love what MVP has done lately, forgetting that the man was in jail for a ten year sentence for kidnapping and burglary. Oh, let me not to forget to mention that bodysuit is to cover a certain Malcolm X tattoo he has. You can have no respect for Benoit, but you can respect Eddie Guerrero, Brian Pillman, and every other wrestler who died because they were drug addicts and alcoholics, whether they died directly to it or from the lingering effects that led to heart attacks. Chris Benoit until this past weekend was a gentleman outside the ring, he wasn't an asshole like Randy Orton or Kurt Angle, two men who could NEVER hold a job anywhere because of how many sexual harassments suits would be thrown in their faces. So to tell me you can't respect what he did anymore because of this one incident outside the ring, but you can respect all the men listed above with no questions asked, you are nothing but a hypocrite in my eyes.

For all of these people I listed above, including Chris Benoit, I respect what they do in the ring and I thank them for putting on a show for us and risking their lives. As for everything else, I personally don't care what they do outside of the show they provide us with. I don't care how big or small the infraction outside the ring, I only care about what happens on my television and in the squared circle. Chris Benoit, I still respect you and I will never stop respecting you because of what happened.
As a note, Rob van Dam and Sabu are habitual pot users, Eddie Guerrero was a recovered drug addict, Randy Orton is known as an arrogant douchebag and Kurt Angle has problems with steroids. Apparently these are all equatable with murdering your wife and child with your bare hands. Oops, it wasn't murder, it was an "incident".

Then there's this guy, whose article has the byline of "Who are we to judge? A tribute to the man I called my hero"(!):

Quote:
Originally Posted by Armando Rodriguez @ 411wrestling
To me, Chris Benoit deserves to be in the WWE Hall of Fame. Chris Benoit deserves the tributes he is getting. Because that man meant a lot to a lot of people. One mistake, as big as it is, should not overshadow your entire life. When it's my time to die, I only wish for people to remember me for all I did on my life, not the mistakes I made, but all of my life. I know must of us do. So let's do the same, shall we?

So in spite of all that has happened, I am not afraid to say this: Chris Benoit, you where my hero and I shall remember you for every good match, for every chop, for every flying headbutt, for every crippler crossface and more importantly, for every tear I dropped at the end of that Wrestlemania. Because for those lasting minutes, wrestling was real.
But the prize has to go to this guy:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunatic on some other board
I dont think it's denial as much as what I'm gonna personally choose to believe, but I do not think that Chris did it.

If anyone asks me personally Im gonna say I think it was set up to look like a murder-suicide, and people are gonna think I'm just crazy or a conspiracy theorist but I cant say I really care, it's what I strongly believe at this time (will it change if other details come to light? maybe.)

I dont see why Chris Benoit would do anything like this, especially the Chris Benoit all these people described etc... dont see it.

Yes, sounds insane on my part but it's not like it's impossible and has never happened (or did not happen).
Yikes.
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