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My girlfriend just bought a huge dildo.

post #1 of 309
7/2/07 at 9:53pm
Thread Starter 
Wow pretty funny how few threads that are in this section (that I just discovered and will now spend all my time in) could it be the fact that most of us are chubby Internet geeks? Well that belongs in a different thread.

"Problem" at hand:

A few weeks ago I really started fantasizing (spelling?) about pounding (don't know if that is the correct term to use) my GF with a dildo. She was up to that (we have never used dildos before) and 2 days ago she she went and bought one since I was too chicken to do that.

What she brought to our home shocked me. This was not the kind of dildo I had imagined. instead of a nice, smooth silvery vibrator she came in waving a HUUGE 12 inch meatcolored rubberdick that looked both longer and thicker than my forearm.

I mean wtf? I asked her if she was joking and she tried to convince me that it was the smallest in the shop.

This is obviously a lie and a sign that she really wants to try something a hellavulot bigger than what she normally gets.

Now we haven't tried it yet so it will be interesting to see what happens, but my biggest concern is whether or not she will be able to even feel me after I have used this monstrosity on her?

And I guess that is my cencern/question I would like to bring up.

Not that I really expect any answers from around here.

Now she would fucking rip my balls off if she knew I wrote this, but I will let you know how it goes down. Prolly tomorrow since we both have the day off.
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post #2 of 309
7/2/07 at 10:16pm
Vaginas are elastic. They'll expand to accommodate bigger cocks and will go back to its normal size. That said, if she starts using this on a daily basis, vaginal reconstructive surgery may be your best bet.
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post #3 of 309
7/2/07 at 10:28pm
Yeah, from the little I know it takes a hell of a lot of practice to "shape" a vagina, so unless you're sticking that thing in her three times a day for two years you shouldn't worry.

Also, what need have girls for lenghth/size when the important spots are right at the door.
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post #4 of 309
7/2/07 at 10:49pm
Thread Starter 
well I know that it would take a considerable effort to shape a vagina for any prolonged period of time. I'm more nervous about the more immediate effect, like right after I'm finished with the toy and want to enter myself. I mean you should see this thing.
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post #5 of 309
7/2/07 at 11:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bitches Leave
well I know that it would take a considerable effort to shape a vagina for any prolonged period of time. I'm more nervous about the more immediate effect, like right after I'm finished with the toy and want to enter myself. I mean you should see this thing.
Vaginas are elastic, meaning it will get smaller again right away.

Also, if you are really concerned about her size, go and get her a Kegel exerciser. She can use it to tone her vaginal and perineal musculature, which will help keep her smaller, able to grip you better, and may improve her ability to retain urinary continence should she ever be pregnant.

I also think you need to stop feeling threatened by an inanimate object.
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post #6 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:34am
*nevermind bad joke*
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post #7 of 309
7/3/07 at 1:34am
I cannot wait to see how this turns out.

Cannot. Wait.
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post #8 of 309
7/3/07 at 1:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bitches Leave
well I know that it would take a considerable effort to shape a vagina for any prolonged period of time. I'm more nervous about the more immediate effect, like right after I'm finished with the toy and want to enter myself. I mean you should see this thing.
Go first, then finish her off (so to speak) with the Doc Johnson implement of sexual destruction. That way, at least you don't get sloppy seconds from a happy meal toy.
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post #9 of 309
7/3/07 at 1:48am
"Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm."
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post #10 of 309
7/3/07 at 8:44am
So, a couple of days after posting pictures of you and your girlfriend*, you start a thread about the ginormous fuckwand she brought home? I love the internet.









*I love the internet, but I have a hard time believing anything I see on the internet.
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post #11 of 309
7/3/07 at 8:46am
I am agog. Best thread since anyname hung up his keyboard.
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post #12 of 309
7/3/07 at 9:01am
Thread Starter 
I better remove that photo. There, done.

EDIT: dammit, you actually downloaded the photo. Nice.
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post #13 of 309
7/3/07 at 9:28am
You do know why he downloaded it, don't you?
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post #14 of 309
7/3/07 at 9:32am
Oh, he knows.
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post #15 of 309
7/3/07 at 10:46am
Coming from a poster named Bitches Leave, this whole thread might be a prophecy considering the name of the man if this get out of hand.

Still, regarding the issue at hand, do you like spelunking ?
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post #16 of 309
7/3/07 at 10:50am
(insert joke about the object of her offscreen gaze in that photo here)
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post #17 of 309
7/3/07 at 10:52am
Those are just pictures of Curly Joe DeRita and some random web girl.
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post #18 of 309
7/3/07 at 10:54am
But...but, why would he lie?
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post #19 of 309
7/3/07 at 10:56am
Because his girlfriend from Niagra Falls wouldn't send him a picture.
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post #20 of 309
7/3/07 at 10:58am
You wouldn't know her, she lives in Canada.
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post #21 of 309
7/3/07 at 11:01am
I refuse to believe that anyone would post misleading photos of what their girlfriend looks like on the internet.

*Faith in human beings shattered*
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post #22 of 309
7/3/07 at 11:10am
Here's what I'd do: When you're about to use the plasticock on her, put on your creepiest Skeletor voice, waggle the dildo around and make it say "I'm going to enter you now, whatever will I see? WHATEVER WILL I SEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!" Once it's inside, emit a huge gurgling scream "AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" and then fling the terrified dildo across the room.

It'll freak her out so badly she'll never suggest using sex aids again*. Problem solved.


* keep in mind, there's always a chance she'll never want to talk to you again, but isn't that what love is all about?
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post #23 of 309
7/3/07 at 11:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron
I refuse to believe that anyone would post misleading photos of what their girlfriend looks like on the internet.
here's a pic of my woman.



we totally do it, like, all the time. i swear.
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post #24 of 309
7/3/07 at 11:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quarant
It'll freak her out so badly she'll never suggest using sex aids again*. Problem solved.
But then what does he do when his frightened little self needs a ring or some other aid? Clearly, he needs some kinda help, and if he puts her off all toys she ain't never gonna get happy. And what a tragedy it would be if Bitches Leave's bitch never got off!
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post #25 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:15pm
*waiting for miyagi to find this thread*
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post #26 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:17pm
Are you implying that miyagi is uncontrollably drawn to dildoes and all references to them?

Because if you're not, I'll do it.
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post #27 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:23pm
The idea of miyagi and a thread at least tangentially about sex without the possibility of procreation just sends my mind all aflutter.
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post #28 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:29pm
He should take some time finding it. Unless the girlfriend is pregnant. And hot.
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post #29 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bitches Leave
but I will let you know how it goes down. Prolly tomorrow since we both have the day off.
God Bless America!
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post #30 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:35pm
This is genuinely suspenseful, waiting to hear how it went, although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't imagining Kurtwood Smith hurtling himself at some poor girl carrying a giant fake cock.

God Bless America indeed.
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post #31 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:38pm
It's what our founding fathers fought for, obviously.
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post #32 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:39pm
Better still, Kurtwood Smith snorting coke off a foot long plastic dong.
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post #33 of 309
7/3/07 at 12:41pm
"So my girlfriend is enjoying herself in the adjoining room as I type this..."


But yeah, both those photos struck me as fake when he posted them, but since he was a normal and coherent poster everywhere else, I figured they were true.
Damn you Amphibatron, your seed of doubt is in me now!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Quarant
It'll freak her out so badly she'll never suggest using sex aids
heh
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post #34 of 309
7/3/07 at 1:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Williams
Better still, Kurtwood Smith snorting coke off a foot long plastic dong.
and then going over and kicking Eric Forman in the ass and banging his wife.
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post #35 of 309
7/3/07 at 1:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf
You wouldn't know her, she lives in Canada.
What does it take to be deported to Canada? Bacon smuggling?
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post #36 of 309
7/3/07 at 1:32pm
Thank God, I was worried that this forum had seen it's best days.
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post #37 of 309
7/3/07 at 2:24pm
So here's a question for you, Bitches Leave...what did you expect her to bring home? A dildo that was roughly the size of your own appendage? What would be the point of 'pounding' her with a dildo when you could just do it yourself?
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post #38 of 309
7/3/07 at 3:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattimus
So here's a question for you, Bitches Leave...what did you expect her to bring home? A dildo that was roughly the size of your own appendage? What would be the point of 'pounding' her with a dildo when you could just do it yourself?
You misunderstood. He wanted to pound her with it like a bludgeon. The one she brought home is too thick to grip well, even with both hands.
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post #39 of 309
7/3/07 at 3:42pm
Cannot. Fucking. Wait.
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post #40 of 309
7/3/07 at 4:06pm
Blue balls.
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post #41 of 309
7/3/07 at 4:31pm
Red ass!
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post #42 of 309
7/3/07 at 4:33pm
I dare you to use the "Oooops, wrong hole!" trick. The sight of bloody fecal matter and corn may be be enough to discourage use ever again.
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post #43 of 309
7/3/07 at 4:33pm
Green.....well if it is that color you really should get to a doctor ASAP.
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post #44 of 309
7/3/07 at 4:42pm
I had a girlfriend that kept a fairly large, transparent red dildo in the head board of her bed. I remember saying something like "I guess you really don't need a boyfriend, ha ha." She replied, "Yeah, but that dildo ain't gonna suck my tits, bite my neck, and throw me around like a rag doll."
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post #45 of 309
7/3/07 at 4:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon
I had a girlfriend that kept a fairly large, transparent red dildo in the head board of her bed. I remember saying something like "I guess you really don't need a boyfriend, ha ha." She replied, "Yeah, but that dildo ain't gonna suck my tits, bite my neck, and throw me around like a rag doll."

Not unless it was a haunted dildo!
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post #46 of 309
7/3/07 at 5:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken
Not unless it was a haunted dildo!

The power of Christ DESTROYS you.
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post #47 of 309
7/3/07 at 5:43pm
Wow, now you can truly let Christ inside you.
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post #48 of 309
7/3/07 at 5:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus, in Mark 10:14
Let the little children come to Me; do not stop them
...
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post #49 of 309
7/3/07 at 6:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon
I had a girlfriend that kept a fairly large, transparent red dildo in the head board of her bed. I remember saying something like "I guess you really don't need a boyfriend, ha ha." She replied, "Yeah, but that dildo ain't gonna suck my tits, bite my neck, and throw me around like a rag doll."
That's the Post of the Day.
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post #50 of 309
7/3/07 at 7:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nexus
Originally Posted by Jesus, in Mark 10:14
Let the little children come to Me; do not stop them
...
"OK, Jesus...are you gonna come quietly or am I gonna have to use this taser?" in Earl 8:17
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