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Bran Muffins

post #1 of 34
7/9/07 at 9:59pm
Thread Starter 
The past few times I've gone to Trader Joe's for groceries, I've attempted to get some breakfast breads so that I don't blow all my money at the coffee shop and all they have left are these nasty bran muffins. Who eats these things? Isn't there a better way for 80 year olds to get their fiber? I've already sampled 2 different brands of bran muffin and they both suck. And you know what? They don't help with the downtown traffic either. Fucking useless.
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post #2 of 34
7/9/07 at 10:08pm
Everything about bran, with bran or related to bran, sucks.
Even the word is lame.
Bran.
See?
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post #3 of 34
7/9/07 at 10:14pm
Due to the colour I once had my kids convinced that they were chocolate muffins. They ate one and a half between the two of them. The rest went in the trash.

Now, Total Raisin Bran cereal is very good. And good for you.
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post #4 of 34
7/9/07 at 10:21pm
Yep, they're pretty nasty. Parenthetically, if you need some help moving the Big Thunder Mountain queue along (sorry, just trying to keep up with 'downtown traffic' analogy), try dried apricots. Delicious, and useful.
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post #5 of 34
7/9/07 at 10:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob Rocco
Now, Total Raisin Bran cereal is very good. And good for you.
I totally dig Total Raisin Bran. I'm not a big raisin fan, but somehow this combination works wonders.

As for actual bran muffins, around middle school or so my mom really tried to get me and my brother to eat them and I always found them to be really disgusting. The only possible way to derive enjoyment is to slather them with butter and honey, thus negating any healthy benefits.
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post #6 of 34
7/9/07 at 10:40pm
Thread Starter 
Even with butter and honey they still have a terrible texture. Its like eating plywood that's been softened from sitting in apple juice for too long.
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post #7 of 34
7/9/07 at 10:56pm
I got stuck taking a stupid badminton course in college, and one time on the way to the gymnasium, my stomach started bubbling. I get inside and everybody is warming up and I get these crazy mother fucking stomach cramps. I sit out the first few drills. People are looking at me funny and I'm about to go full-bore fetal.

My friend Lucas asks me "Dude, what did you have to eat this morning?" and it hit me. That mother fucking BRAN muffin.

Bran fucking hurts.
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post #8 of 34
7/9/07 at 11:20pm
Aw, come on - some bran is OK.
Cereal and processed muffins are alright.

The thing I don't like about Trader Joe's is that almost any bread product I buy there has mould on it by the next day.
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post #9 of 34
7/10/07 at 12:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Collins
Aw, come on - some bran is OK.
Cereal and processed muffins are alright.

The thing I don't like about Trader Joe's is that almost any bread product I buy there has mould on it by the next day.
Put it in your fridge or freezer and thaw when you eat it.
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post #10 of 34
7/10/07 at 1:01am
I like bran muffins.
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post #11 of 34
7/10/07 at 1:09am
Thread Starter 
Then your user text must be describing your ass.
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post #12 of 34
7/10/07 at 5:42am
Anyone who's been to Mars Foods in downtown Toronto at about 6:30AM knows how great a bran muffin can be. One of those, piping hot, split and with a pad of butter, and a coffee or oj is a wonder.

But there will be shit.
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post #13 of 34
7/10/07 at 8:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by stump
Put it in your fridge or freezer and thaw when you eat it.
You shouldn't have to do that.
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post #14 of 34
7/10/07 at 4:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stump
Put it in your fridge or freezer and thaw when you eat it.
I do that if I'm not planning on eating bread for a couple days,
but to find them spoiled in less than 3 days from sitting in the cupboard is unacceptable, T-Joe.

Unacceptable!
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post #15 of 34
7/10/07 at 4:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Collins
Unacceptable!
One part per million?
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post #16 of 34
7/10/07 at 4:30pm
Unacfuckingceptable!!1
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post #17 of 34
7/10/07 at 4:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Collins
I do that if I'm not planning on eating bread for a couple days,
but to find them spoiled in less than 3 days from sitting in the cupboard is unacceptable, T-Joe.

Unacceptable!
the Italian bread is the most egregious offender. If you're having it for dinner, go for it, but don't think you're getting a week's worth of sandwiches out of that sucker.

But yeah, try sticking it in the fridge instead of on the shelf. Not the ideal solution, but it seems to do the trick.
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post #18 of 34
7/10/07 at 4:38pm
I love Bran. It's fun.
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post #19 of 34
7/11/07 at 1:15pm
I am loving the hell out of these right now:



They taste like candy bars and have 9 grams of fiber.
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post #20 of 34
7/11/07 at 5:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonvoight's car
I am loving the hell out of these right now:



They taste like candy bars and have 9 grams of fiber.
You know those are supposed to be suppositories, right?
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post #21 of 34
7/12/07 at 6:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Collins
The thing I don't like about Trader Joe's is that almost any bread product I buy there has mould on it by the next day.
That's because you're shopping in the Husker Du section of the store.
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post #22 of 34
7/12/07 at 6:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stump
Put it in your fridge or freezer and thaw when you eat it.
Grandma, I didn't know you even knew how to use the internet. Maybe we wont put you in the home afterall.
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post #23 of 34
7/12/07 at 6:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeShaynePI
Grandma, I didn't know you even knew how to use the internet. Maybe we wont put you in the home afterall.
Do you need a diaper change kranky?
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post #24 of 34
7/12/07 at 7:34pm
Bran Muffins, that and shredded wheat are two things I can never understand eating.
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post #25 of 34
7/12/07 at 7:43pm
It's healthy. It cleans you out.
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post #26 of 34
7/12/07 at 7:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stump
It's healthy. It cleans you out.
Taco Bell cleans you out, yet not healthy.
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post #27 of 34
7/12/07 at 7:55pm
Its all about Muselix, my friends. "High in dietary fiber"...says so right on the box.

It won't dirty yr diapers too soon and them oats don't give trouble to dentures. Plus? Its got them cute little dates in it. And the Swiss eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Grandma and I agree. Muselix. Cos what's good for the Swiss...
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post #28 of 34
7/12/07 at 8:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stump
It's healthy. It cleans you out.
So does a plumber's snake. I'm still not letting either one near my danger zones.
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post #29 of 34
7/12/07 at 8:30pm
It would take 7 plumber snake sessions to equal the fiber content in one bowl of Colon Blow.
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post #30 of 34
7/12/07 at 8:34pm


Is that William Shatner?
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post #31 of 34
7/12/07 at 8:35pm
Also...

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post #32 of 34
7/12/07 at 8:41pm
insufficient bulk
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post #33 of 34
7/12/07 at 8:46pm
It's gentle--because it's double-milled
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post #34 of 34
7/13/07 at 11:39am
That All-Bran stuff looks like the feed supplement I give my horses.
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