As I type this, we’re nearly two weeks out from the release of The Dark Knight Rises. How’s the movie doing after so many years of anticipation? Well… it’s doing okay.

The film managed to hold onto the #1 box office slot for two weeks in a row, though that’s hardly surprising, given the film’s utter lack of competition so far. According to Box Office Mojo, the film has managed to gather over $295 million domestic to date. Impressive, to be sure, but The Dark Knight and The Avengers had both shattered the $300 million mark to pieces at this point in their respective runs. Worldwide, The Dark Knight Rises has already grossed well over half-a-billion dollars, despite the fact that it still hasn’t premiered in some foreign markets. At this rate, it just might make all-a-billion dollars when everything is said and done. We’ll see.

The bottom line is that the movie performed below expectations at the box office, but that isn’t saying much when the expectations were so astronomically high. Additionally, it’s worth remembering that the expectations were noted before the film unfairly became associated with a certain tragedy that we won’t discuss here.

Anyway, two weeks after release (which is something like five years in Internet time, remember), I finally made good on a promise I made when I first saw the film. I went back and saw it again, this time on an IMAX screen. And it was exquisite. The camera work looked every bit as awesome as I thought it would at 70mm, and the IMAX sound system did the movie even more favors. Sure, it was ear-shattering (and coming from a drummer, that phrase means a lot), but that’s exactly what this movie needed. Those booming explosions made for a wonderfully immersive experience on the streets of Gotham, and hearing Hans Zimmer’s masterful score helped make the movie feel even more epic.

With that aside, the time has finally come to discuss the movie in greater detail, spoilers and all. If you haven’t seen the film yet, I suggest you do so now. I highly recommend the IMAX treatment if you can get it, though you might want to bring some earplugs if you’re sensitive about noise.

***

One of the main reasons why I do these “second take” reviews is for the sake of corrections. I like to go back and take a closer look at a film’s perceived flaws, provided the film is good enough to warrant such time and attention. In this case, I’d say Selina Kyle is as good a place as any to start.

I maintain that Anne Hathaway did a wonderful job with what she was given. Hathaway succeeded in delivering a tough and seductive Catwoman, exceeding all expectations in such a way that I’ll be amazed if she doesn’t get more cred for it. Between this and her role in the upcoming awards-bait Les Miserables adaptation, Hathaway is clearly pushing for more recognition as a solid actress and I sincerely hope it goes well for her.

With all of that said, the Bruce/Selina romance arc just flat doesn’t work.

I kept looking for any spark of chemistry between Catwoman and Batman. I spent the entire running time searching for something that would justify Bruce and Selina running away to find their happily ever after together. And I couldn’t see it. Their screen time together is so brief, their dialogue exchanges are so confrontational, and they distrust each other to such a degree that a romance between them doesn’t make any sense.

The only way the relationship might work is given Selina Kyle’s development arc from a cat burglar to an ally against Bane, but that doesn’t make a lot of sense either. I can understand why she’d suddenly switch sides and work for Bruce — he did have the “blank slate” program, after all — but why did she go back instead of fleeing Gotham when she had the chance? Furthermore, she was clearly having second thoughts about Bane’s uprising to begin with, though hell if I can figure out why.

I don’t want to say that she was shoehorned in, since Selina did affect the plot in some very important ways. That said, it’s obvious that Selina Kyle was a very low priority for the filmmakers. Nolan and company were much more interested in Batman, Bane, the Gotham police, and all the ways they affected Gotham, because that’s where the story was. With so many events to show, so much exposition to tell, and so many themes to explore, Selina naturally got pushed further and further to the wayside. And that would be fine. But when Selina is the one who comes back out of nowhere to kill Bane, and when Selina’s romantic connection with Bruce plays such a prominent part in the finale, her lack of development comes back to bite the film in a big way. It gives the impression that Selina’s ending is undeserved, and it makes Bane’s defeat even more anticlimactic.

On the subject of love interests, let’s move on to Talia al Ghul. Watching the film a second time with knowledge of the reveal, I was quite honestly impressed with how she and Bane planned everything out. They engineered everything towards sapping Bruce’s finances, arranging it all so that in the end, Bruce would either go to Tate (aka Talia) or he would go to Daggett (aka Bane’s henchman). Either way, they had him in checkmate from the word go.

Side note: I sort of liked the stab wound that Talia gave to Batman. It was a neat callback to Fox’s warning in The Dark Knight that Bruce’s new armor would be more susceptible to stabbing weapons — a warning that Bruce simply shrugged off at the time.

With all of that said, I still have a lot of problems with how the filmmakers executed that final twist. To start with, it begs the question of how Talia got to this point. Bruce Wayne wouldn’t trust his fortune and his business to just anyone, after all. How could she build up such a huge fortune, establish a false life as a wealthy philanthropist, and make it all so convincing that Bruce, Fox, and the entire Wayne Enterprises board would trust her to such a degree? How did Talia become Miranda Tate?

The best answer I have is that Talia had been at this for quite some time. She must have spent years developing her cover and building her fortune, presumably with help from Ra’s al Ghul. But then, where was she the last time Ra’s al Ghul tried to destroy Gotham, when her money and connections might have been a huge help? Oh, right. She still hadn’t forgiven Ra’s for kicking Bane out of the League of Shadows. She didn’t forgive Ra’s for that until he died. And as soon as Ra’s died, after years of holding that grudge, she was all too happy to finish her estranged daddy’s work and burn Gotham to ashes.

Sorry, but does that smell like bullshit to anyone else?

Then there’s the matter of Talia’s origin story. We’re told that this child is some uber-badass who managed to escape the Pit, doing what no one else has done before or since. It’s hard to believe that a mere kid could succeed where so many grown men failed, but we can let it slide because we’ve met Bane. Only — psych! — we learn that the kid wasn’t Bane at all, but Talia.

I’m not entirely happy with this development.

To be clear, suspending disbelief isn’t the problem. So Ra’s al Ghul’s kid is that tough? Okay, fine, I’ll buy it. The problem is how this origin is given to Bane, then taken away and given to Talia. It diminishes Bane as a character, though admittedly not by much. No matter how strong Bane might have been as a kid, no one could deny his status as a bona fide badass in the present day.

But let’s look at the Talia side of the equation. We learn that Talia was so fearless and so physically adept at such a young age that this little girl could do what no grown man could accomplish. First of all, it’s no wonder the story was changed in the intervening years: The truth would have been far too emasculating for any prisoner there to admit. Second and more importantly, it establishes Talia as a certified BAMF. Not even Bane could have escaped from the Pit like she did. And in spite of that, she doesn’t fight with Batman. Ever.

Though we hear about Talia’s strength and ferocity, we never get to see it in action. She stabs Batman (in the back, figuratively; in the side, literally), she speechifies for a bit, she drives off, she crashes, she dies, end of story. What a ripoff.

Next, there’s the matter of Bane. His lack of a clear motivation was a particularly huge gripe in my previous write-up, and I was eager to see if there was anything I missed in the way of rationale. As it turns out, there was. He speaks of the Pit’s exit, saying that the climb out represents a false hope. It’s this hope that makes the Pit the world’s most terrible prison, and he intends to share that false hope with the people of Gotham, to make their despair all the more palpable.

Uh… no. Not the same thing.

In the Pit, the exit is like the fruit of Tantalus. It’s something that could easily be obtained and would instantly ease all the endless suffering, if only it wasn’t always just barely out of reach. In Gotham, Bane outright lies about the city’s destruction. He gives the poor and imprisoned (or “oppressed,” as he calls them) the means to take down the wealthy and powerful, thereby giving them hope for a better life.

The difference is that Bane doesn’t present the revolution as a way to stop the nuclear bomb. In fact, he outright lies about his plans for Gotham and the bomb. He tells everyone that Gotham will endure under the new order, and the bomb will only be used as a deterrent against anyone who would try to stop the uprising. In truth, the bomb will go off no matter which way the war goes. That isn’t using hope as a false salvation, that’s using hope as a distraction. By the time everyone realizes that the whole thing was a lie, the people of Gotham won’t be saddened, they’ll be cinders.

Moreover, none of this solves the central question of why Bane and Talia are doing this to begin with. Yes, Ra’s talks about burning Gotham down because it’s too corrupt and balance needs to be restored, but that doesn’t count. I don’t care about why Bruce’s hallucination wants Gotham destroyed, I want to know why Ra’s estranged daughter and his disgraced former pupil want Gotham destroyed. What do they have to gain from this? Why do they suddenly care so much about Ras’ plans for Gotham?

Which reminds me: Ra’s kicked Bane out of the League because Bane was a constant reminder of the wife Ra’s lost in the Pit. That’s some pretty weak sauce, in my opinion.

I did notice some other plot holes this time around. How did Bruce get from the Pit to Gotham so quickly? How could he move about Gotham without being detected? How could he recover from some injuries more quickly than others? These are all plot holes, but I can let them slide simply because he’s Batman. Which is a funny thing, really. From the very first, Nolan’s Batman films have been praised for their “grounded,” “realistic,” and “gritty” take on the Caped Crusader, but in the end, they’re still superhero movies operating on comic book logic. Whoever takes on the next Batman reboot (and make no mistake, there will be a reboot sooner than later), I hope they aren’t afraid to rely more on fun comic book logic without the pretense of realism. But I digress.

There are still a couple of plot problems I can’t forgive. Among them is the leg brace that shows up out of nowhere, allows Bruce to walk without a cane again, seems to grant him super-strength, and never gets seen or mentioned again. There’s also the matter of the pack that he leaves to Blake. Bruce didn’t have the time to revise his will, but he did have the time to set a parcel aside that would guide Blake to the Batcave? Sorry, not buying it.

Speaking of which, I’d also like to address the scene in which Blake says that he knew about Batman’s identity all along. In my first viewing, this made me want to cry “bullshit!” as loud as I could. But after some more thought, I’m kind of amazed no one connected the dots sooner. After all, Bruce spent the last two movies acting very suspicious in public, calling attention to himself in some very obnoxious and eccentric ways. In hindsight, it’s obvious that he was always trying to hide something.

I really do hate to sound so negative about The Dark Knight Rises, because it’s still quite good for all of its many faults. Much like Batman Begins and The Dark Knight before it, this is an imperfect yet well-constructed film that’s a lot of fun to sit through. The cast is extraordinary, the effects and camerawork are gorgeous, the sound design is top-notch, and the score is phenomenal. In spite of the screenplay’s failings, this is still an epic story writ large, with a wide variety of interesting themes that are presented in compelling ways.

It’s not perfect, and it’s not a masterpiece, but it never needed to be. It only ever needed to be a satisfying end to a trilogy and a fun time at the movies. On those grounds, I highly recommend it (particularly on IMAX).

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For more Movie Curiosities, check out my blog. I’m also on Facebook and Twitter.

I have 430 movies in my Netflix Instant queue. I tend to watch one thing for every five that I add, but now my library is close to being full and I have to make room. So, every Monday I’m going to pick a random movie out of my queue and review the shit out of it. But (like Jesus), I’m also thinking of you and your unwieldy queue and all the movies in it you want to watch but no longer have the time to now that you’ve become so awesome and popular. Let me know what has been gathering digital dust in your Netflix Instant library and I’ll watch that, too. One Monday for you and the next for me and so on. Let’s get to it.

Howdy folks!  I’m Michael Rabattino, and you might remember me from such film websites as CHUD.com, and….CHUD.com.  I’ll be sitting in for Jared again this week, and maybe some other weeks in the future.  The far-off future, when there will be flying cars and hoverboards and such.  2015, in other words!

Apologies to my good friend Bill Smith for the contents of this review…he has impressed upon me his deep love for this film and frankly I just don’t get it.  

What’s the movie?  House (1986)

What’s it rated?  R for Vietnam zombie explosions, child swimming pool abductions, and George Wendt lovehandles.

Did people make it?  As far as I can tell.  Directed by Steve Miner.  Written by Fred Dekker (story) and Ethan Wiley (screenplay).  Acted by William Katt, George Wendt, Richard Moll, and Kay Lenz.

What’s it like in one sentence?  It’s the worst-acted and written film you can think of without making yourself ill.

“Look, just drop the kid and go back to Night Court.”

Why did you watch it?  Probably for the same reason I watch anything on my queue; it had been there for awhile and I figured it was time to subject myself to Richard Moll.  And because I hate myself passionately.

What’s it about in one paragraph?  Roger Cobb (William Katt of The Greatest American Hero fame) is a best-selling novelist.  He has just separated from his wife, most likely because they just lost a child.  He moves into his deceased Aunt’s house after she commits suicide.  There, he hopes, he can finally finish his novel based on his experiences in the Vietnam War.   Strange things start happening and soon he realizes the house most likely doesn’t want him there.

Play or remove from my queue?  I’m conflicted here.  This film is mostly a piece of shit so terribly acted and written that I really can’t recommend it, but like any bad film there are redeeming qualities that make it worth your time.  I suppose that if I saw this as a kid, when I never really took things very seriously, I might have a different opinion.  Seen now, I just really didn’t like it.

I was literally laughing my ass off at the absurdity present here.  I try not to be a film snob, and I really don’t believe EVERY film needs to be analyzed.  Some things just need to be taken for what they are.  But man, this film is dumb.

At one point, Roger grabs his shotgun.  You see, there was a Marlin mounted on his wall that came alive and started flapping.  The only way to dispatch a taxidermied fish is to unload a shotgun directly into its torso.  Everyone knows that.

“Does this lipstick help accentuate any one of my 58 chins?”

From that point, all hell breaks loose.  A creature or zombie or whatever disguised as his ex-wife Sandy shows up at his front door and attacks him.  When this creature reveals itself to be a fraud, he unloads on her.  Well, Roger’s friendly neighbor Norm (George Wendt…fuck you, he’s Norm) has just woken up from a nap and glances outside to see Roger on the porch holding a shotgun.  He can’t see the body; all he sees is Roger with the gun.  So he then does what any rational person would do: he calls the police to report a suicide attempt.  Wait, what?  I suppose it’s mainly because Roger’s aunt commited suicide and according to Norm that’s something that runs in families he knows nothing about.  It’s also because Norm knows Roger has been having Vietnam flashbacks.  But yeah, he calls and reports a suicide attempt that occurred while he was sleeping and the police are there 15 seconds later.  He hides the body.  This is the exact exchange when police (2 cars filled with approximately 58 officers) arrive at Roger’s house:
Officer: “Put the gun down”

Roger: “Well, it’s not loaded, sir”

Officer: “Alright now stand up.  Put your hands above your head and move this way, away from the gun.  We have a report that someone at this address is firing a shotgun.”  (Not so fast, officer…Norm never said that!)

Roger: “Oh, yeah, I was uh, just polishing it.  Cleaning it.  And it went off by accident.  I didn’t know it was loaded”

Officer:  “Well you know it’s against the law to be firing a gun within city limits, don’t you?.  I’m going to have to give you a citation.”

Roger:  “Oh, a citation.  Thank you.”

Oh, did I laugh.  I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I laughed even harder when he tried to bury the body to the tune of a cover of Linda Rondstadt’s “You’re No Good”.  That makes no sense at all, damn it.  None.  But thank you, House, regardless.

The biggest problem with this film is that it’s just not scary and it has no idea what atmosphere and set design means in a horror film.  They couldn’t have picked a less scary look for a house, and as a result there’s nothing menacing here.  Some creatures here, a zombie Richard Moll there.  Not enough to make this film even close to scary.

Richard Moll as a zombie towards the end is probably enough to make anybody stick it out through this thing.  But man, oh man, is it dumb.  Hard to believe this was written by Fred “Night of the Creeps and Monster Squad” Dekker.

Do you have a favorite line?  “No sense having a gun if you don’t load it at one time or another, is there?”

Do you have an interesting fun-fact?  This film made 19 million dollars at the box office.  19 million.  Let that sink in for awhile.

All joking aside, when you see this guy don’t you just wanna watch Cheers?

What does Netflix say I’d like if I like this?  Oddly, that feature doesn’t seem to be working.  Films that Netflix says are “like” House, however, are The Gate (really good but  haven’t seen it in years), Waxwork (Zach Galligan!), and Bubba Ho-Tep (always great).

What does Michael say I’d like if I like this?  Any good self-proclaimed horror comedy that’s actually scary and funny.

What is Netflix’s best guess for Michael?  3.5

What is Michael’s best guess for Michael?  1.0

Can you link to the movie?  If you really want me to..

Any last thoughts?  I don’t ever need to see that again, other than to show friends how unintentionally hilarious it can be.

Did you watch anything else this week?  Not too much, actually.  The first couple episodes of Workaholics (that’s a damn funny show), Grave Encounters (solid found-footage flick inspired by shows like Ghost Hunters), latest episode of Breaking Bad (Walt, you scumbag..).  I think that’s about it!

Any spoilerish thoughts about last week’s film, Goon?  Haven’t seen it, but Jared makes me want it inside me.  That’ll be one of the next things I check out.

Next week?  Jared will be reviewing every single title on Netflix Instant!

And the next time I write the column (most likely the week after), I’ll be inflicting House 2 upon myself.  Why?  I’m batshit insane.

How many times has that theme song run through your head as you dipped into a pint of ice cream, and how many times have your broken out your best falsetto in the shower singing it to yourself? It’s a pretty catchy theme, and “Brother Louie” will be ringing out from TV screens for some time to come as mid-way through season 3, FX announces Louis CK’s hit comedy drama Louie will be back for a fourth.

The series recently earned Emmy nominations for Acting, Writing, and Directing for a comedy series, so the acclaim is widespread as Louie reshapes what we think a TV comedy show can be and captures more and more enthusiastic viewers. The third season is proving itself to be similarly brilliant as the two before it, while showing subtle signs of evolution as Louis focuses on performance and hands off editing duties to Oscar-winner Susan E. Morse.

It’s great to know that as we continue enjoying the back 2/3rds of the third season (Thursdays at 10:30!), we have another 13 episodes waiting for us next year. If you still can’t get enough of Louis though, make sure you’re up on his recent successes with selling out concert dates independently, and getting cast in Woody Allen flicks. He recently spoke about all of this in a fantastic A/V Club interview you should check out.

Source | Deadline (via Screenrant)

Obviously Batman comic arcs like Knightfall and No Man’s Land were huge influences on Christopher Nolan’s trilogy-capping Dark Knight Rises, but there is no Batman comic arc more influential on Nola’s entire franchise or really the character’s cultural image in general than The Dark Knight Returns. Frank Miller’s theoretical finale for the hero, the comic is an exploration of the extreme ends of the potential nihilism and heroism of Batman’s world. Though Bane is traded in for the Mutant Gang Leader, Rises explores a lot of territory that Miller opened up, including Batman’s long absence, his difficulty with defeating a younger, more physically-able opponent, all with the underpinnings of a revolution of sorts brewing in Gotham.

Right on time, the famous 80s arc is now the latest DC animated film, features a Peter Well-voiced Batman, and has a trailer cut to evoke a beats that will now be quite familiar to a lot of audiences…

I like that Weller sounds so much like Michael Ironside (who voiced TDKR(eturns) Batman in the Animated Series short), and the animation looks like a good-enough adaptation of Miller’s scratchy style into the more angular DCAU aesthetic. I’m excited to give this a watch and see how well the material translates, and how much cleansing was necessary.

Part 1 hits September 25th.

BUY FROM AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
MSRP: $79.98
RATED: TV-MA
RUNNING TIME: 730 minutes
STUDIO: HBO
SPECIAL FEATURES:

• Six cast and crew audio commentaries
• Enhanced Viewing Mode
• Inside The Episodes
• True Blood: The Final Touches
• True Blood Lines
• DVD Copy
• Digital Copy

The Pitch

All manner of folk (human, vampire, shapeshifter, werewolf, etc.) want all up in Sookie Stackhouse’s magical hookieknacker.

The Humans

Created by Alan Ball.  Based on the novels by Charlaine Harris.  Starring Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer, Alexander Skarsgard, Sam Trammell, Ryan Kwanten, Joe Manganiello, Rutina Wesley, Fiona Shaw, Chris Bauer, Kristin Bauer van Straten, Nelsan Ellis, Todd Lowe, Jim Parrack, Carrie Preston, Deborah Ann Woll, Jessica Tuck, Brit Morgan, Lauren Bowles, Marshall Allman, Kevin Alejandro, etc.

The Nutshell

Last season saw a vampire king (there’s one per state here in the US) and his werewolf army attempt a rebellion and openly murdering humans.  Shit got messy.  Season Four opens a year later and most of said mess has been cleaned up.  Sookie Stackhouse and Bill Compton’s romantic relationship is over and the latter is now the new vampire king of Louisiana.  Eric Northman desperately wants in Sookie’s pants.  Deputy Jason Stackhouse is taking care of an inbred family of werepanthers.  Sheriff Bellefleur is addicted to vampire blood, which can be used as a recreational drug.  Terry & Arlene are beginning to realize that all is not right with their new bundle of joy.  Sam is still dealing with his troublesome brother.  Things seem on the up for Lafayette & Jesus and Alcide & Debbie.  Oh, and Tara has moved to New Orleans and become a lesbian cagefighter.  Amidst all the above troubles and happiness, a new threat rises in the form of a dangerous coven of witches.

Somebody might be a little jealous.

The Lowdown

Before I launch into my overall views on this season, I need to make two statements.  First, if you aren’t a fan of the show, the fourth season won’t change your opinion.  Most of the characters are taken to interesting places, but if you weren’t previously on board…well, you won’t give a damn.  Second, I feel the need to explain my position on the previous seasons.

I was hesitant about giving this series a shot when it began.  Like many, I just assumed it was just a sex and violence-filled version of Twilight.  I was wrong.  The first season won me over and while it wasn’t a “favorite” show at the time, it definitely became one I was going to stick with.  Season Two started and finished strong, but was an absolute slog in the middle.  If I didn’t love most of the characters, I probably would have bolted.  While I seem to be in the minority on this in some places, I felt that Season Three was a MASSIVE breath of fresh air.  More story was dished out in the first few episodes than in the entirely of the previous season.  Almost all the new characters and additions to the series clicked with me.  While one particular arc fell flat for me (and, thankfully, seems abandoned now), it stands as my favorite run on the show to date.  This season follows closely behind it.

True Blood is soap opera-y as hell in places.  It’s loaded with gory violence and occasional doses of softcore porn.  In terms of supernatural and evil beings, to date we have been introduced to: vampires, serial killers, murderous religious fanatics, shapeshifters, demons, pagan deities, werewolves, faeries, mediums, brujos, ghosts, werepanthers, and witches.  True Blood is really just a modern version of Dark Shadows set in a backwater Southern town and I’m a fan.

Rocker Bill was…yeah, I laughed.

While humor has always cropped up on this show, there’s a good deal more of it in this season (as well as the previous one) and I feel the series is all the better for it.  Given how ridiculous much of what occurs is, it’s nice to have the characters occasionally commenting as such and reacting in a believable fashion to such unbelievable events.  The showrunners seems willing to take off in new and interesting directions with each of their characters and no longer afraid to kill them off when the story calls for it.  I know that they have taken massive departures from the source material in previous runs and I can only assume that they are continuing to do so.  It’s always a good thing in a television show when you hit points where you legitimately aren’t sure if certain characters are going to make it.  I’m not going to spoil where things lead, but the overall conclusion to this season left me satisfied.

Bottom line, this one was a winner for me.  My faith was shaken after the incredibly rocky second season, but has more than been restored over the two that have followed.  Will Season Five leave me feeling the same?  I hope so.  True Blood is good trashy fun and I heartily recommend this to any horror fan who thinks they might even remotely be interested in this series.

“You should see the other guy!”

The Package

I was surprised to discover that this set also contains DVD and digital copies of the entire season.  I’m not sure if this was the case with the previous season (which I haven’t picked up yet), but it was an interesting surprise.  The commentaries and docs provide an interesting look behind-the-scenes on the series and the packaging itself falls in line with the previous sets, which is always a good thing.  All in all, this set is more than enough to please the fans.

Rating:

Out of a Possible 5 Stars

You’ve probably seen it plenty of times already, but if you’d like to gaze at the face of Marvel’s next great threat on your computer over-and-over, you may now have at it. With The Avengers hitting Blu-ray very soon*,  Marvel has let the post-credits scene loose (apparently… as this isn’t an official Marvel account or anything).

*pre-order the DVD/Blu or the full “Phase 1” Avengers set from CHUD!

While I’m sure he’ll have a role to play in the next Avengers film, it seems clear Thanos is first going to be heavily involved in Guardians of the Galaxy, which I already feel will be the first Marvel movie that really loses the mainstream public. Even if they use Thor 2 to start introducing wackier shit and non-humanoid characters, I just can’t help but think a talking fucking raccoon is going to be a bit much. I’ll wait to see more from the film and get a better idea of Marvel’s approach before I expound on that sentiment too much though. Thanos should be cool regardless.

So enjoy this tease till your heart’s content, but pace yourself- it’s probably going to be a few years before the real payoff comes.

via /Film

CHUD’s giving away two free copies of The History Channel’s Hatfields & McCoys – just nominated for 16 Emmy Awards! Prepare to be immersed in the bloodthirsty days of old with 290 minutes of a Kevin Costner vs. Bill Paxton pissing contest- one that elevates to increasingly violent results. Based on true events, Hatfields & McCoys recalls a family feud so intense and emotionally costly that we’re still talking about it a full 150 years later. Before we get to the rules, have a look at this trailer:

Let’s crack the whip, here be the rules:

Step 1: Follow CHUD on Twitter – @chuddotcom

Step 2: Follow ME on Twitter – @roboTimKelly 

Step 3: Send forth the following tweet, EXACTLY:

@roboTimKelly I need a #CHUD history lesson! Send me #HatfieldsandMcCoys on DVD!

As usual, I have two random times designated. The chewers who tweet closest to those times will win. Clock starts now, we’ll close this one out at midnight ET on Friday 8/23. I’ll contact the winners on Saturday and Sony will get your DVDs to you at their earliest convenience. Good luck!

~

Culver City, CA (May 30, 2012) – The highly anticipated HATFIELDS & McCOYS arrives on Blu-ray™ and DVD July 31^st from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (SPHE). Two-time Academy Award^® winner Kevin Costner (Best Picture and Best Director, 1991, Dances With Wolves) stars as Anse ‘Devil’ Hatfield, and four-time Golden Globe^® nominee Bill Paxton (TV’s “Big Love,” TV’s “A Bright Shining Lie”), stars as Randall McCoy in the epic, true tale of close friends turned enemies. The infamous back country feud that became an American legend begins with Anse Hatfield and Randall McCoy, close friends and comrades until near the end of the Civil War, when they return to their neighboring homes – Hatfield in West Virginia, McCoy just across the Tug River border in Kentucky – to increasing tensions, misunderstandings and resentments that soon explode into all-out warfare between the families. As hostilities grow, friends, neighbors and outside forces join the fight, bringing the two states to the brink of another Civil War.

The all-star ensemble cast also includes Matt Barr (TV’s “Hellcats”), Tom Berenger (Inception), Powers Boothe (The Avengers), Jena Malone (Sucker Punch), and Mare Winningham (Mirror Mirror). HATFIELDS & McCOYS bonus material includes the “I Know These Hills,” music video featuring Kevin Costner & Modern West.

The SPHE announcement comes on the heels of a successful HATFIELDS & McCOYS premiere on the HISTORY^® Channel, which aired over Memorial Day weekend, marking the 150^th anniversary of the beginning of this country’s most ruthless family feud. The debut garnered more than 13.9 million total viewers making it the No. 1 non-sports telecast in ad supported cable television history. The series, which is directed by Kevin Reynolds (Waterworld), has a teleplay by Ted Mann (TV’s “NYPD Blue”) and Ronald Parker (TV’s “Joan of Arc”); a story by Bill Kerby and Ted Mann; and is produced for the HISTORY^® Channel by Thinkfactory Media. HATFIELDS & McCOYS is distributed by Sony Pictures Television.


SYNOPSIS:

Bonded by their oath to the same flag, two Confederate soldiers, “Devil” Anse Hatfield (Kevin Costner) and Randall McCoy (Bill Paxton), return home seeking peace after tireless months of battle. Their expectations are quickly shattered when a murder based on misunderstandings and an illicit love affair triggers warfare between former comrades and their clans. This historic feud teeters on the brink of an all-out civil war as friends and neighbors join opposing sides in a rivalry that would ultimately shape American history.

Blu-ray™ & DVD Bonus Features Include:

• “I Know These Hills” music video, featuring Kevin Costner & Modern West

BROADCAST YEAR: 2012 (History Channel)

HATFIELDS & McCOYS is not rated. The DVD has a run time of approximately 290 minutes. Artwork and digital clips are available for download at www.sphepublicity.com. Visit Sony Pictures Home Entertainment on the Web at www.SonyPictures.com.

TIFF is shaping up to be one hell of a festival this year, which at this point seems to be the harbinger for the rest of the year’s line-up in general. With so many great directors churning out work and so many interesting projects surfacing in the latter half of 2012, it would be kind of hard not to program a wicked film festival, no?

In any event, TIFF has announced their midnight line-up of fims, which bring in some of the crazier, gorier, and outright weirder films that will join the already fantastic daytime line-up. The list features a wide variety of horror films, action spectaculars, as well as dark comedies, and save for the one film I’ve seen (John Dies At The End), I’d be excited to see each and every one of them. I am disappointed to hear the midnight schedule will close weakly with Don Coscarelli’s aforementioned mess, but there are admittedly some who enjoy John Dies At The End. I’m not sure why, but to each their own.

As for the rest- it will be fun to hear about Drafthouse’s insane anthology film The ABC’s Of Death, get a bead on what Eli Roth’s been up to down in Chile with Aftershock, and find out if Rob Zombie has changed things up as much as seems to be the case for Lords Of Salem. It won’t be all horror though, as Martin McDonagh’s exciting second film Seven Psychopaths will add a little bit of Gangster-based dark comedy into the mix.

Here’s the list (check the bottom for something interesting):

ABCs Of Death

It was a cinematic challenge like no other: twenty-six directors from around the world — all connected to fantastic or horror cinema — each shot a short film about death based on a word starting with a selected letter from the alphabet, showcasing death in all its vicious wonder and brutal beauty. Directors include the warped minds behind Hobo With a Shotgun, You’re Next, Tokyo Gore Police and A Serbian Film, to name just a few.

Aftershock

In the middle of a night of wild partying, a hapless American tourist (Hostel director Eli Roth) and his friends are suddenly plunged into a living hell when a powerful earthquake rips through the coastal town of Valparaiso, Chile.

The Bay

Acclaimed writer-director Barry Levinson gorily switches gears for this mock-doc eco-apocalypse thriller about a seaside town that becomes a breeding ground for a terrifying nest of parasites. (concept image below)

In a grim, dystopian future, ultimate lawman Judge Dredd (Karl Urban) takes on a vicious drug empress (Lena Headey), in this dark, visceral new screen version of the legendary British comic-book icon.

Hellbenders

The Hellbound Saints of Brooklyn Parish are a team of foul-mouthed, lewd and lecherous Catholic priests who you’ll need on your side if you want to survive an exorcism, in this outrageous horror comedy by JT Petty (The Burrowers, S&Man).

John Dies At The End

Ancient evils, trans-dimensional bugs, meat monsters and Clancy Brown are just a few of the freakish denizens of this phantasmagorical mindbender from the director of Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep.

Lords Of Salem

Rock star-turned-horror maven Rob Zombie conjures up a nerve-wracking chiller about a Salem hard-rock radio DJ (Sherri Moon Zombie) whose playing of a sinister heavy metal song awakens a coven of witches from the 17th century.

No One Lives

The director of Versus and The Midnight Meat Train returns with this exuberantly gory thriller about a clan of backwoods road bandits whose latest victims are far less helpless than they seem.

Seven Psychopaths

An alcoholic screenwriter (Colin Farrell) struggling to write a serial-killer script gets more real-life inspiration than he can handle when a dognapping scheme gone awry brings a galaxy of crazies to his doorstep. A top-notch cult-movie cast — including Christopher Walken, Sam Rockwell, Woody Harrelson, Tom Waits, Harry Dean Stanton-anchors this wacky, blood-spattered commentary on the psycho-killer thriller from the writer-director of In Bruges.

…also, there’s not picture for it yet, but it seems the Spanish remake of Who Can Kill A Child? has reared its head, showing up on the line up with a modified title and Vanessa Shaw in a starring role.

Come Out And Play

A young couple expecting their first child must escape from an island overrun by legions of killer children, in this atmospheric thriller that turns a sandy, sun-bleached Mexican paradise blood red.

The above photo (clickable for super high-res) only shows three of the seven eponymous psychopaths that will make up Martin McDonagh’s second film, but that’s more than enough when those three are Colin Ferrell, Chris Walken, and Sam Rockwell (who already looks quite at home with his silly hat and sillier dog). We’ve also got a few new images below that show a tough Woody Harrelson and Colin Ferrell just trying to talk some sense into the situation. I’m sure that will go well.

The film will premiere among a very strong line-up of TIFF Midnight movies (which I’ll detail in my next article!), and I can’t wait to hear word, though I’d much rather just be seeing the film for myself. If you’re actually attending TIFF (you lucky fuck, you) keep an eye on the film’s profile page to see when it screens.

Written and Directed by Oscar®-winner Martin McDonagh, the comedy Seven Psychopaths follows a struggling screenwriter (Colin Farrell) who inadvertently becomes entangled in the Los Angeles criminal underworld after his oddball friends (Christopher Walken and Sam Rockwell) kidnap a gangster’s (Woody Harrelson) beloved Shih Tzu.  Co-starring Abbie Cornish, Tom Waits, Olga Kurylenko and Zeljko Ivanek.

Click to BIG

Click to BIG

Click to BIG

It’s funny that despite a new international trailer fixated on drawn out dramatic beats and promises of much gravitas and discussions of fear, I’m still most struck by how visually inventive so much of the action in Skyfall appears to be! Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying the nice exchanges about fear and the very dramatic, franchise-Frankenstein plot that has Bond dead, resurrected, and all of MI6 upturned, but also I’m just very happy to see Mendes bringing the fun as strongly as the dour, you know?

Also, this international trailer marks our introduction to Javier Bardem’s character, though I’m not sure they cut him in such a way that he comes across as captivating as the overall performance is likely to be. That blonde haircut doesn’t do his wacky face any favors either. Bardem will eat this shit up though, no doubt.

Along with recaps of the action, women, and settings shown in other trailers, we meet Bond’s newest tool: a personalized PPK. Very nice.