“So…what’s goin’ on?”

“Not much. What’s new with you?”

“Ah – not a whole lot – but the CRITERION COLLECTION SALE IS HAPPENING AT BARNES AND NOBLE.”

Annnd…scene.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK: THE MASTERPIECE COLLECTION

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IF YOU’RE FEELING ADVENTUROUS, BUY IT FROM AMAZON UK!

So finally some corporate lines have been crossed and deals have been made and a flood of the master’s masterworks arrive in an exciting box set that speaks to every movement in his grand career.

A very similar set – missing only North by Northwest (but let’s face it, if you didn’t already buy that the day it came out, why would you be interested in buying this?) – will be available shortly for region-free purchase from Universal in the UK.

Why am I telling you this? BECAUSE THE UK SET IS ALMOST ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS CHEAPER.

There is, however, an issue:  rumors (or rumours) persist that the set is compromised in some fashion. Apparently there were some restoration and mastering issues. I can’t speak to that, but I can tell you that I recently purchased my Universal Monsters Essential Collection from the UK (for the fun alternate packaging – it came in a coffin), and the prints and masters are exactly the same – and they’re glorious. The UK set will arrive next week – delayed so that these issue could be addressed – so if you’re not in a hurry, we can examine the set together and see if things turned out okay…and then you can save yourself a hundred bucks.

THE CAMPAIGN

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Will Ferrell does George Bush and Zach Galifianakis plays a weird dude with a weird beird. They run against each other in a silly local election that gets blown way out of proportion. I’ve read mixed things, but I’m always willing to give these demented bastards a look.

METALOCALYPSE: SEASON 4

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The tale of Dethklok is a grand tapestry that speaks to the nature of celebrity, the price of fame, the sinister nature of power, and the ignorance of the masses with equal parts intelligence and contempt. (Metalocalypse and The Venture Bros. – and perhaps Black Dynamite – are the only “Adult Swim” entities that feel as though they’re actually written for and by adults. Everything else seems constructed to appeal to drug-addled toddlers with attention span issues). It’s also quite often hysterically funny. What one wonders as the show stomps bloodily forward is if Brendon Small and company have an endgame in store for us.

ROSEMARY’S BABY (CRITERION)

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Not a fan of this film. I don’t buy the reality, so I don’t buy the fear. I much prefer Repulsion. And Tisa Farrow (or at least her body of work). But I know that many of you adore this Polanski creeper, and so it’s important to me to let you know that it’s making its Blu bow today, with the quality you’ve come to know from Voyager.

WWE PRESENTS – BROCK LESNAR: HERE COMES THE PAIN

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Brock Lesnar. He looks like Mel Gibson knocked off Master Blaster’s helmet. His 300lb frame is topped by the bellowing, inarticulate cranium of a mongoloid with the face of a newborn. How anyone in the World Wrestling Entertainment organization saw money to be made here is beyond me, but the WWE is nevertheless hawking a video package hoping to make a return on the investment. Wonder if the set will delve into Lesnar’s brain-dead idiotic decision to quit wrestling to try to play in the NFL (despite having never played football before). I wonder if they’ll explore his half-assed Mixed Martial Arts career – in which he used his 80lb weight advantage to steamroll guys until that stopped working. It will, of course, chronicle his sad return to the world of the grapplins, where his lack of charisma and inability to speak have once again stymied him. Now, in this world of quick-witted performers and agile athletes, he’s just one more uncoordinated, lumbering fucktard throwing unconvincing fake punches. Brock Lesnar is proof they do stack shit that high.

Alfred Hitchcock: The Masterpiece Collection
Andre Rieu: Home for the Holidays
The Brain
The Campaign
A Christmas Story 2
Chuck: The Complete Series
Copper: Season One
Fafner: Heaven and Earth Movie
Greed in the Sun
Hellsing Ultimate: Volumes 1-4
House of Dark Shadows
Il Barbiere Di Siviliga: Rossini: Teatro Regio Di Parma
Jillian’s Travels: Africa 3D
Kaufmann/Rey/Widmer/Metzmacher/Zurich: Humperdinck: Konigskinder
Long Day’s Journey into Night
Majikoi – Oh Samurai Girl: The Complete Collection
Max Fleischer’s Superman: Collector’s Edition
Metalocalypse: Season 4
The Money and Soul of Possibility: The Complete Series
Night of Dark Shadows
Reef 2: High Tide
Rosemary’s Baby (Criterion)
Ruby Sparks
Safety Not Guaranteed
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Taxi For Tobruk
Tosca: Puccini: Teatro Carlo Felice
Un-Go: The Complete Collection
Wagner: Der Ring Des Nibelungen
Brock Lesnar: Here Comes Baby Huey

NOW I HAVE SOME CHRISTMAS ALBUMS. HO – HO – HO

TRACEY THORN – TINSEL AND LIGHTS

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The intelligence, perspective, maturity, and musical power that Thorn brought to 2010’s Love and Its Opposite seemed to be a function of crafting an album of her own songs, rather than hewing to the dictates of men like Ben Watt and Paul Weller. Turns out that was only part of it: she expresses the same quiet strength and coolly adult judgment in assembling an assortment of songs whose “holiday” themes can feel elusive, but whose overall effect is a perspective on the season that evokes a nostalgia that is warm, but never cheap; while being very much of the moment. Apart from two originals, and “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas,” Thorn collects material from a wildly diverse group (including Sufjan Stevens, Joni Mitchell, Stephen Merritt, Randy Newman, and the White Stripes), and shapes them into a song cycle that encompasses both the desire to hold onto the child’s wonderful vision of the season (“Joy”), as well as a wry willingness to accept a modern Christmas’ more limited virtues (“Something almost true was in the air“). And her duet with Green Gartside on Low’s “Taking Down the Tree,” highlights a song that deserves to join “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve” and “Auld Lang Syne” as a final farewell to the season. And the album sounds just as good on a warm October afternoon as it will on a chill December evening.

CeeLo GREEN – Cee Lo’s MAGIC MOMENT

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The journey from “Fuck You” to “Silent Night” is certainly impressive, and while my occasional exposure to “The Voice” reveals Green as a major irritant on TV, I can’t deny that Lady Killer was a high point my 2010 listening. So, basically, I’m prepared to be won over. And in spots, he manages it: “This Christmas,” “The Christmas Song,” and “White Christmas” hit the sweet spot of secular fun and old-school spirituality that the Motown groups used to bring to this music. But the musical concept of “Christmas” spreads a pretty wide net, and there’s plenty of reach-exceeding-grasp here (including, oddly, a take on Joni Mitchell’s “River” that sits several notches behind Thorn’s). It’s hard to decide which duet partner sounds less effective here: Christina Aguilera, a capella cheeseballs Straight No Chaser, or Rod Stewart. But, then, it’s the rare holiday album that doesn’t sport a few clunkers, and Green’s batting average here is certainly higher than that of, say, the Detroit Tigers.

VARIOUS ARTISTS – HOLIDAYS RULE

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Or “A Coachella Christmas”: we get Sir Paul for the fogeys, and a slew of hot hipster faves, including Calexico, The Shins, and The Head and the Heart. Unsurprisingly, the rootsier performers manage a connection with the music that eludes many of their peers: The Civil Wars’ “I Heard The Bells on Christmas Day” and Punch Brothers’ “O Come O Come, Emmanuel” are sublime reminders of the power that devotional themes can still have for performers steeped in tradition. That said, there’s plenty of egg noggy hipness as Rufus Wainwright and Sharon Van Etten duet on “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” soulful devotion on Irma Thomas’ “May Ev’ry Day Be Christmas,” a gentle farewell in Andrew Bird’s “Auld Lang Syne,” and the opening version of “Sleigh Ride” by .fun is… well, fun.

LAURIE BERKNER – A LAURIE BERKNER CHRISTMAS

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My limited exposure to Berkner has found her to be among the most tuneful and tolerable of children’s entertainers, with enthusiasm that never feels forced, and a willingness to let the kids that join her be goofy in a natural way. And she brings the same qualities to this collection. I don’t know that your Christmas collection needs it, but if someone gives your kids a copy, you should find it relatively painless.

ROD STEWART – MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY

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Every time this aging satyr releases another piece of E-Z listening cheese, I have to close my eyes, and remind myself that Gasoline Alley and Every Picture Tells A Story were not simply lovely, long-ago dreams.

OTHER NOTABLE 10.30 RELEASES:

Andrew Bird – Hands of Glory
Black Country Communion – Afterglow
Cody Chesnutt – Landing on a Hundred
Cradle Of Filth – The Manticore & Other Horrors
Keith Emerson Band – Three Fates Project
Flyleaf – New Horizons
Robert Fripp & Theo Travis – Follow
Macy Gray – Talking Book
Calvin Harris – 18 Months
Manu Katche – Manu Katche
Toby Keith – Hope On The Rocks
King Crimson – Lark’s Tongues in Aspic, 40th Anniversary Edition
Sean Price – Mic Tyson
Bobo Stenson Trio – Indicum
Thrice – Anthology
The Velvet Underground – The Velvet Underground & Nico 45th Anniversary / The Verve/MGM Albums (box sets)
Neil Young with Crazy Horse – Psychedelic Pill

 ASSASSIN’S CREED (PS3, 360)

The second Assassin’s Creed game was one of my favorite surprises of this generation. After a conceptually interesting but mediocre first attempt, they really nailed it the second time around. As the franchise was annualized and the franchise’s new-found promise was swept away in favor of sticking to the same time/place, I gave less and less of a shit. But here we are now – free of Italians. The promise of insane historical conspiracy theories and parkour is fresh again. And yes, the idea of a game set during the American Revolution is enough to sell it. While the underlying fiction of Assassin’s Creed is undoubtedly…interesting, I couldn’t care less about the convoluted inner workings of its world. For me, a franchise spanning history and maintaining narrative and mechanical consistency is a grand enough undertaking on its own. The actual gameplay is largely the same. It’s prettier. A bit faster and a bit bigger. But it’s still Assassin’s Creed. You just get quests from Ben Franklin and murder redcoats this time.

ASSASSIN’S CREED: LIBERATION (Vita)

This game gets points for having a female protagonist who isn’t a sex symbol (yet), and her African heritage  – which actually plays an important role in the game. Considering the amount of buff white guys that inhabit games, this is a refreshing development.

Still…this is another Vita game that wants to be a grown-up game. I don’t know when Sony is going to understand that Vita owners want experiences they can only get on the handheld.

And for me lately, that experience has been watching Netflix on a sexy OLED screen. Liberation is not going to be the game that changes that.

NEED FOR SPEED: MOST WANTED (PS3, 360, PC)

Clarence “Razor” Callahan is back on the run again and it’s up to you…fuck. Nevermind. Razor Callahan isn’t in it this time. Why would I want to play Most Wanted without Razor Callahan?

Because it’s from Criterion. Not the one film geeks worship, but the one racing fans do. Criterion is the company responsible for the Burnout series and the best Need for Speed in the last 10 years. Much like Burnout: Paradise, Most Wanted is an open world arcade racing game. Unlike Paradise, it’s kind of a small and featureless open world. In just a few hours, I’ve cleared over half the single player missions and found more than half the secrets. Although there is less of it, what’s there isn’t any less fun. The cops are a terrible addition that are more an annoyance than a feature, and the acquisition of cars is streamlined and frankly weird. You find a parked car and ‘jack it’ to add it to you collection, but it doesn’t actually move. Whenever you want to switch to that car, you are transported to its place on the map, which could be anywhere. It’s a little disorientating and not nearly as rewarding as past titles. But gripes aside, it’s a solid driving experience with that Criterion touch.

I haven’t put much time into the multiplayer. But what I have played has been full of sick jumps and smashing the shit out of people. So it’s pretty much awesome.

And there you have it. Happy Halloween, weeners. And to our friends on the East Coast – stay safe.

FIN.

Here’s some sweet treats for your Halloween, boils and ghouls.

V/H/S, a film I had a mostly positive reaction to (except for that worthless and boring Ti West entry) when I saw it is getting a sequel made. Among the directors in this one are Gareth Evans (The Raid, which if you haven’t seen it, need to drop everything and see it NOW.), Jason Eisner (Hobo With A Shotgun), Eduardo Sanchez (Altered, The Blair Witch Project), a gent named Timo Tjahjanto. They will be joining the returning Adam Wingard who did the wraparound segment for V/H/S, and Simon Barret who wrote and produced the first film.

Obviously the one I’m most curious to see is Gareth Evans’ segment. His is being filmed in Indonesia, and I’m hoping for crazy martial arts vs. the undead or something else uninspired, but really awesome. If he goes full on horror, then that will be just as fine. It’s cool seeing him branch out and try something else.

I’ve been a big fan of Eduardo Sanchez since I saw Altered back in 2007, and after revisiting The Blair Witch Project around that same time, I came to really like it, after not caring much for it when I saw it during its theatrical release. Jason Eisner’s fun film Hobo With a Shotgun makes me hope that his will be a fun entry filled with over the top gore, and who knows? Maybe THE PLAGUE will make an appearance.

The wraparound segment I found to be cool (watch the “dead” person in the chair) even if it didn’t make a single bit of sense. Kind of bummed Radio Silence isn’t returning as their segment was the most “showiest” of the bunch, but I do like how they’re essentially going with an all new group of directors.

Here’s to hoping they fix some of the mistakes they had with the first one, and V/H/S 2 comes out as a really fun and scary horror film.

Source: Bloody-Disgusting

First, this. Up to speed? Excellent.

Some of you might be surprised to read that official Star Wars canon didn’t officially end with Return of the Jedi. While the past 30 years have seen no shortage of supplemental material in the form of books, games and holiday specials, not all of them were viewed as canonical in the eyes of Lucasfilm, never a company willing to shun a licensing opportunity.

But this Thrawn Trilogy, written by Timothy Zahn and debuting in 1991 with Heir to the Empire, is another matter entirely. Those books, taking place five years after the fall of the Empire in Jedi and chronicling the New Republic’s efforts to quell the remaining Imperial forces, actually were confirmed canon by Lucasfilm. Except wait, now they’re not. Via eOnline:

So is that the basis for Episode 7 or not? I’ve heard directly from LucasFilm and other sources close to the picture, and they say: Definitely not.

“It’s an original story,” a LucasFilm source tells me.

The piece goes on to reveal this much ballyhooed treatment for the newly announced Episodes VII-IX was actually written by Lucas himself, so it appears that consultant position he took at Disney involves slightly more than originally thought, at least in the early going.

I expect this news to rile a lot of nerds; the Thrawn Trilogy has some devoted fans as far as expanded universe Wars is concerned. Personally, I never put much stock into Mara Jade or Grand Admiral Thrawn, but invested fans might be upset to find out they’re not a part of continuity after all.  Some will try to make the argument that the new trilogy can still take place after Zahn’s books, but I doubt Lucas or Disney care much about pleasing this one, very segmented part of the fanbase. Not with all these Star Wars / CARS mash-up toys to sell, which I personally view as 100% canon.

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MSRP $35.99
RATED PG-13
STUDIO Warner Home Video
RUNNING TIME 110 Min
SPECIAL FEATURES
– Zac and Taylor’s Amazing Chemistry

The Pitch

Yet another Nicholas Sparks adaptation starring a hunky guy.

The Humans

Zac Effron, Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner,

The Nutshell

Zac Effron comes home from war determined to find the woman he believes to be his lucky charm. The two begin to fall in love, but are given trouble by her ex-husband who wants custody of his son.

Wait….what do you mean I have no emotion?

The Lowdown

Lets get this out of the way: I enjoyed The Notebook. Sure, it was a paint-by-numbers drama that was marketed as every woman’s fantasy, but it was carried by some truly great performances from its leads and an above average script for that sort of thing. Not having any experience with any other Nicholas Sparks adaptations, I went into The Lucky One with reasonably high expectations. Boy, was I let down.

The Lucky One stars Zac Effron as Logan, a marine who has reached the end of his three full terms in Iraq. After surviving a number of near-death experiences, Logan comes home in search of Beth, played by Taylor Schilling, whom he believes was his lucky charm during the war due to a picture he found on a battlefield. Of course, Beth isn’t hard to find, and after a few scenes Logan and Beth are working together at a dog kennel owned by her mother, played by Blythe Danner. Romance blossoms as it tends to do in these kinds of movies, and Logan even wins over Beth’s shy musician son, Ben. Of course, Beth has an asshole of an ex-husband, who also happens to be a cop, making life difficult for Logan every chance he gets.

If all of that sounds awfully familiar, that’s because it is. The Lucky One doesn’t have an original frame in its running time, relying on the usual dramedy beats to draw the audience in. While this may sound like a knock against the film, I can’t fault it for knowing its target audience and aiming right for them. What I can fault it for, however, is doing so in such a lackluster fashion.

Yep. This is his angry face.

The Notebook was successful mostly because Ryan Gosling knows how to carry a movie. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Zac Effron. The man has one facial expression for the majority of the film and has no idea how to convey any sort of emotion without simply telling the audience how he feels. In fact, this is the main problem throughout. I was once told that cinema should be about “show, not tell”, and I agree 100%. The Lucky Ones doesn’t seem to understand that, as almost every plot point and emotional beat is explained to the audience through overlong scenes of exposition and dialogue. Why tell me that Ben is shy about playing his violin? Why not simply show him practicing and then suddenly put everything away when someone enters the room? It’d be a much more effective way of getting the point across, and it wouldn’t make the film seem dumbed down for its audience.

The rest of the cast fares a bit better than Effron, although they really aren’t given much to do. A lot of The Lucky One consists of supporting characters either talking about or crying over the same emotional beats over and over again until Effron shows up again to make it all better. It’s clear that the filmmakers really wanted to bank on Effrons marketability, but its unfortunate that almost everyone else in the film is exponentially more talented than he is. In fact, the only supporting actor who truly shines is Blythe Danner. She’s given the only scenes in the film that are worth watching, and most of these are due to her delivery and charisma rather than anything actually going on in the film.

“Why are we working on this?” “Paycheck, mostly…”

The film was directed by Scott Hicks, and for the most part all of the proceedings are fairly competent. The majority of the movie is filmed much like a soap opera, which suits this sort of thing. However, the movie is book ended by a pair of action scenes, one in Iraq and one over a roaring river as a bridge begins to collapse. Both of these are filmed so chaotically that I could barely tell what was going on most of the time. Hicks seems to think that shaky cam and blur effects are an effective way to show “action”, when in reality they just frustrate the audience, especially when the rest of the film is so calm. These scenes end up feeling out of place rather than thrilling.

It is possible to effectively convey a Nicholas Sparks novel on the big screen. Sure, it’ll still pander to a very specific audience, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a “bad film”. However, The Lucky One is not one of these effective translations, as it relies entirely on the attractiveness of its lead to keep people in their seats. A few good performances aren’t enough to recommend this one to anyone but the most diehard fans of the book. Everyone else, save yourself some time.

The Package

The film looks fine on blu-ray, with a clean transfer that almost seems too good for a film like this. It’ll look nice on a high def setup, but nothing happens in the film that you’ll want to show off to your friends.

The only extra is a short fluff piece about the chemistry between Effron and Schilling. Apparently, the two got along amazingly well on and off camera, making the movie a joy to be a part of. It’s too bad none of that came across in the final product, huh?

Rating:

Out of a Possible 5 Stars

Thousands of feet beneath the Disney headquarters in LA, CEO Bob Iger keeps a cavernous bunker. In that bunker is a safe that houses a checklist of every single memory from your childhood and every day he travels below and visits the list. After saying a prayer to the Dark Lord Cthullu, he checks another box.

That can be the only explanation for Disney slowly but surely bringing beloved geek properties like Star Wars or the Marvel Universe under their vast umbrella: Disney feeds off the dreams of children. That, or they’re simply practicing smart business. My money’s on cavernous dream-sucking layer though, for the record.

Which brings us to the revisiting of another childhood favorite, director Sam Raimi’s Oz: The Great & Powerful. This return to Emerald City is a prequel, one where James Franco’s titular wizard happens upon the kingdom and cruises down the yellow brick road. We know that Glinda (Michelle Williams) will eventually become the good witch, but the film’s mystery is whether Theodora (Mila Kunis) or Evanora (Rachel Weisz) go green with evil. Judging from the trailer you’d have thought it was Weisz that’d be donning the iconic make-up. Looking at this new poster, I’m not as confident in that assessment:

Source: Yahoo!

Not that long ago the video store was a mundane and sometimes obnoxious part of life; driving over to some lonesome strip mall with your friends or family to comb through the all-too-often disorganized shelves of your local shop, argue over a selection, and then be stuck with it, for good or ill. Yet, it was also sublime. And for those who lived during the true video boom, video stores also equate to another bygone commodity: VHS. When JVC’s Video Home System won the early-80’s format war, the motion picture market changed forever. The genre and B-movies that had previously filled drive-ins across the country now often went straight to VHS. Then DVD took the world by storm in the late-90’s. It was a brave new world, and sadly, many films never made the leap, trapped now on a dead format. These often aren’t “good” films, but goddammit, they were what made video stores great. For we here at CHUD are the kind of people who tended to skip over the main stream titles, our eyes settling on some bizarre, tantalizing cover for a film we’d never even heard of, entranced. These films are what VHS was all about. Some people are still keeping the VHS flame burning. People like me, whose Facebook page Collecting VHS is a showcase for the lost charms of VHS box artwork. With this column it is my intention to highlight these “lost” films and the only rule I have for myself is that they cannot be available on DVD. 

Title: Rocktober Blood
Year: 1984
Genre: Slasher/Heavy Metal Horror
Tagline: Billy’s back from the dead… with a message from Hell!.
Released by: Vestron Video
Director: Beverly Sebastian

click to embiggen

Plot: Billy “Eye” Harper is an arrogant rock star that totally loses his mind one evening and murders his colleagues at a recording studio after completing a session for his latest album. His ex-girlfriend Lynn Starling, an up-and-coming singer, fingers Billy for the slayings. He is tried, found guilty and executed. Several years later Billy’s old flame has replaced him as lead singer of his former band Rocktober Blood and they’re poised to perform a big concert that will be taped live by MVTV. But the terror returns when someone who looks a lot like Billy starts to terrorize her and kill all of her friends. Is Billy back?

Thoughts: The cinematic fusion of the horror genre and heavy metal music was a pairing about as perfect as peanut butter and jelly. Metal always dabbled in satanic imagery and appealed to an alienated, predominantly male audience. And so does horror. Boom! The eighties gave us such head-banging classics as Black Roses, Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare, Slaughterhouse Rock and the seminal Trick or Treat.

Rocktober Blood is a slasher film that happens to take place in the crazy metal scene of nineteen eighties Los Angeles. It begins with a narcissistic rock singer named Billy Eye lying down an incredibly Rob Halford-ish high octave vocal track for his latest record. He smokes some dope, tells his girlfriend Lynn Starling he’s going to bang a groupie, and splits. But for some inexplicable reason Billy returns and kills all of the workers and sound technicians in the building. He stalks Lynn, but is captured off-screen and we awkwardly cut to two years later and learn via narrative text that Billy was executed for his killing of over twenty-five rockers.

Lynn Starling has replaced Billy as lead singer of the band Rocktober Blood, who is primed to begin their new tour. She starts seeing Billy everywhere, so her pompous British manager sends her to relax before the big MVTV concert at a remote home located in the middle of the woods. Billy shows up and strangles one of her friends in a jaccuzi. He kills another with a hot iron. Lynn heads back to the city pronto.

The show simply must go on, so Billy abducts Lynn and sticks her in a coffin on stage, while he performs his reunion concert wearing a terrifying lizard mask. He uses a mic stand fashioned with a sharp sword on the bottom to slice up the various dancing girls scattered around the stage and toss their organs and one unlucky young ladies’ head into the crowd. Now that’s metal! Finally, Billy releases Lynn from the coffin and hand cuffs her to him while the drummer leads them in a rendition of their old song, “I’m Back!” During the performance a roadie smashes Billy over the head with an electric guitar causing his eyes to bleed as he hits the trademark high note of his classic jam!

The rock music is pretty great and this is due to the fact that the legendary band Sorcery, whom Ozploitation nerds know from the mind-roastingly awesome concert/stunt movie Stunt Rock, performed it. The soundtrack was released on vinyl back in ’84 and is now a very rare collector’s item that I really wish I owned. The songs “Rainbow Eyes”, “Killer on the Loose”, “Watching You” and “I’m Back” are some pretty sweet tunes.

This is by no means a great film at all, but I do like it a lot. It’s the All About Eve of heavy metal slasher films. The acting is across the boards terrible. The plot is filled with holes, including a twist at the end where we discover that Billy had a twin brother, whom he framed for the earlier murders, but seriously, who cares? It concludes with a brain-smashing still frame shot that suggests this story could continue. It didn’t. It’s a cheesy 80’s slasher mind-snack that’s all about partying hard, rocking out and killing as many superfluous characters as it can. Lots of good cheap gore, tons of nudity, heavy metal music, casual cocaine use and hot chicks doing aerobics. What else could you possibly ask for?

CHECK OUT THIS INSANE CLIP OF THE BAND SORCERY PERFORMING “KILLER ON THE LOOSE” FROM THE FILM:

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The tail end of this year has really kicked things up a notch for 2012, and while I’ve seen a few like Lincoln that are still on their way to class up this joint, Tarantino’s next film still remains a much anticipated Christmas miracle to look forward to.

Today a new batch of still images have hit the Tarantino Archives, and include new looks at Don. Don. Don, I say, Don Don- Don Johnson and Walton Goggins. There are also some great action shots of dudes getting bloodied up, and that badass shadow frame above.

Django Unchained hits on Christmas. Be ready.

As you’ll be the opposite of shocked to find out, Air New Zealand has a Middle Earth-style flight safety video in celebration of The Hobbit showing in planes these days, and it’s not online for us all to enjoy. It’s adorable, sports a fun cameo, and is especially hilarious as it will move from a guy in a shitty rubber Gollum mask to an actual WETA rendering of Gollum in the plane. I also like that there are something like three Gandalfs on the plane, and the business Gandalf smokes pipe weed.

Oh, and apparently that’s Royd Tolkien (great-grandson) about 30 seconds in.

Flight from Atlanta to New Zealand start somewhere around $1800, so if you’ve absolutely got to see this on an actual plane it might be the most expensive movie ticket you’ve ever bought.

As for The Hobbit, it’s a mere month and a half away and already showing up on TV.

NOTE: I’m reposting this introduction to the world of Miami Connection and Y.K. Kim as the film finally starts hitting theaters this coming weekend. You can see exactly where it will be playing over the next few weeks right here– if there’s anyplace near you, I highly suggest you get a group together and make this happen for yourself…

Violence and gore by the buckets?
Check.

Enthrallingly shitty acting?
Check.

Quotably absurd dialogue?
Check.

Catchy musical component?
Check.

Compelling movie-out-of-its-time Cinderella comeback story?
Check.

Charming, megalomaniacal and vaguely delusional central creative figure?
Oh man, check.

Those are many of the key characteristics that have set apart the very limited collection of films that have at different points in the last few decades managed to escaped the realm of mere forgotten badness and find a sustained life as midnight oddities and cult obsessions. Films like The Room, Troll 2, Birdemic and, to a lesser degree, Pink Flamingoes, The Evil Dead, and Donnie Darko have all scraped to find life in theaters week after week, year after year. Obviously the crowning Midnight Movie is The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is as much a cinematic institution at this point as any Sight & Sound recognized classic. Their paths have all been different, be it the organic growth of Troll 2 showings that culminated with the charming documentary Best Worst Movie, or the more forced marketing triumphs of, say, a Birdemic.

Well I’m here to tell you that there’s a new Midnight Movie with its own compelling history and brewing cult following in town, the only difference being that it’s way goddamn better and badder than all of that I’ve mentioned so far.

That film is Miami Connection and, if you haven’t already, check out the film’s trailer.

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The Movie

Imagine the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, except most of the guys are much older than teenagers, they’re all normal humans, they absolutely hateninjas, and Splinter still likes to hang out and be cool with the young guys. This is the dynamic of Dragon Sound, a group of martial artists and musicians who live a life of homework, pizza, Friday night club performances, and general do-gooding. They are led by Mike (Grandmaster Y.K. Kim) who is the moral compass and guiding trainer of this band. There is also John, who happens to be dating a girl whose brother is wrapped up tight with a Ninja syndicate that is wreaking havoc on the cocaine trafficking in Central Florida. Eventually the leader of the Ninja clan decides to eliminate Dragon Sound to simplify his partner’s life, which wraps the group up in an adventure that will save Orlando from the scourge of cocaine and ninjutsu.

All of this paves the way for much martial arts action, 80s rock jamming, and some light romantic and family drama, all revolving around the friendship of these four guys and their strangely aged leader. Relatively speaking, the plot is much more coherent than a number of midnight movies, though it’s not without its share of absurd distractions. What’s refreshing here is that the balance between goofy tangents and a brisk potboiler crime movie are perfect for keeping the film entertaining and watchable without losing the sense of amateurism that makes it an oddity.

You’ve probably had the experience of getting excited about showing a so-bad-it’s-good film to your friend or at a party, and as everyone gets a few drinks in them and gets excited you turn it on. Usually it only takes 20 minutes or so to realize that the shouts of “what the fuck?!” and “No way!” have turned into a group of bored people talking, while a shitty movie plays as background noise. That’s not likely to happen with Miami Connection, as the very legitimate martial arts action, catchy tunes, and quotability will get most through the brisk 83 minutes.

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The Context

For this one I think it’s best to point to Drafthouse Films telling of the tale of Miami Connection’s resurrection…

Following Miami Connection’s very limited theatrical and scarce VHS release in 1987, the film vanished into obscurity. Over two decades later, Alamo Drafthouse programmer Zack Carlson blindly purchased a rare 35mm print from a reluctant eBay seller for $50. A small test screening of the film’s first reel unveiled a relentless fury of ninjas, rock ‘n’ roll, lawless bikers and brutal knife fights. The crowd lost their minds. “We have multiple weekly 35mm exploitation series at the Drafthouse, and Miami Connection has repeatedly destroyed our audience in a more powerful way than anything else in the 15 years of our theater’s existence,” says Carlson. The film has since screened across the country at select festivals and repertory.

How great is that? The film was lost and is now found, which is a narrative midnight movie fans love to be a part of, and yet its rise from exploitation-series afterthought to full on Drafthouse release is purely the result of fervent enthusiasm from peopling seeing the film and loving it!

Now the film has made it’s debut at Fantastic Fest in preparation for a VOD and Blu-ray release, and you’ll be seeing blogs covering it heavily. The FF showing was truly nuts, as was the two-song Dragon Sound concert that followed. It’s been a film geek zeitgeisty event that you’ll definitely be hearing about for a while.

Here’s some of that video:

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The Good

The only two filmmaking professionals involved with Miami Connection were the D.P. and the co-director, which is a great combination with the amateur everything else. While in no way spectacular in either sense, the film is shot and lit competently enough that it goes down smooth. And where there were almost no film pros involved, there’s almost nothing but martial arts professionals in the film, so whereas the drama of The Room is all delusional incompetence, and the gore of Troll 2 is anti-budget primitivism, there’s no laughing at the fury of Miami Connection. While there are plenty of silly beats and moments woven into fights, there is some serious ass kicking going on. Y.K. Kim filled the film with his students, and proceeded to beat the shit out of them in his homage to the work of Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. Obviously it never reaches those levels- but ironically exhilarating the film is not.

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The So Bad It’s Good

It’s an earnest amateurism in the acting that so often fuels the ironic love for Midnight Movies, and this is where Miami Connection definitely follows the path. While villain Si Y Jo and ostensible lead Vincent Hirsch come the closest to giving genuine performances, most of the dialogue is stilted, and gracelessly delivered. Thankfully the film isn’t too thick with dialogue, so the film doesn’t require an ironic fixation on the cheesiness to function. That said, when it goes bad, it does it hard. One monologue from Maurice Smith about losing his parents is so profoundly over-emoted that it trumps Tommy Wiseau on his cheesiest day, and is destined to be a memorized and recited favorite among cult fans. The rest shakes out as over done “Nooooooo!” moments and the like scattered through the fights, along with a few hilarious phrasings like “stupid cocaine.”

Beyond the performances there are a few hilarious choices in the script, including an extended scene of Y.K. Kim training with his team by way of a clunky exhibition of Taekwando tactics. That said, even here the film is at least setting up a bit of foreshadowing that it pays off later. Y.K. Kim partly made the film to promote the more spiritual, lifestyle teachings of the martial arts, so be ready for some fabulous tangents in that direction.

Here is where it’s time to mention the two-song soudntrack of the film, as “performed” by Dragon Sound (few of the actors actually played instruments). The songs “Against The Ninja” and “Friends” make for astoundingly catchy and upbeat backdrops for the film’s action, and they’re tracks (which you can download for free) you’re sure to have a blast with and drop at parties often.

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The Man

To enjoy Miami Connection is to enter the world of Y.K. Kim, who could not only kick Tommy Wiseau’s ass, but also rivals even The Room‘s infamous creator in his dedication to self-promotion. That said, Kim is also imbued with a healthy spirit of sweentness, a la George Hardy, and though he’s definitely all about selling the path of Kim, he’s also devoted to making people’s lives better along with his own.

This introductory video is all you really need to see to get it.

As the coverage and travels of the film continue, you’ll see that like Wiseau and Hardy, Kim (and his bandmates in Dragon Sound) are an essential part of the new cult of Miami Connection. The Grandmaster and his disciples moved on from this film 25 years ago, so the amount of humility and genuine joy they’re getting from the film’s new life is a delightful thing to witness. Some band members even thought the initial calls about reunions and new screenings were practical jokes, until they saw the roaring fans with their own eyes.

I ‘ll have an extensive interview with Grandmaster Kim on the site closer to release, but I think it’s enough now to describe entering the interview room to discover a massive stack of coffee table books sitting in front of Kim. These were his own Taekwando books from the mid-80s and after our interview he dedicated one to “My Best Friend Renn Brown,” something he did for many of the press folks he spent time with that day. Though it tripled the load in my bookbag for the rest of the day, it was a lovely gesture for a man who is still clearly shocked by all that’s happening.

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The Future

So where it goes from here is anybody’s guess. Even with the Fantastic Fest glow on it, I’m absolutely sure Miami Connection deserves to have the kind of response and following of The Room and Troll 2, but whether the world has changed too much –even in the last couple of years– to allow such a thing to develop is still to be determined. The Blu-ray from Drafthouse Films will be great, I have no doubt, but it will be the VOD and theatrical response that really matters. I would assume theater distribution will be limited to the Alamo network, but this is where a service like TUGG could come in. Could Miami Connection be the first TUGG mega-hit, where fans across the country build the midnight momentum of the film? That’s not a path that’s been fully traveled yet or even proven to be viable, but maybe Y.K. Kim and crew will be trailblazers once again…

I’m not sure I’ve fully captured the magic and portent of Miami Connection, as it can be difficult to describe what has become an event at a film festival with a very cultivated, insular audience and expect anyone outside of the bubble to give a shit. That said, I really do think this is one you’re going to be hearing more about in the next few months, and something you’re going to have a great time discovering and sharing with others.

The rollout begins with screenings through November (check the site for dates/places) and then the Blu-ray/VOD drop on December 11th.

Remember: always be against the goddamn ninja…

This news is simple: Bryan Singer has officially signed on to replace Matthew Vaughn as the director of X-Men: Days of Future Past, following the latter’s reboot of the franchise with First Class.

Singer will return to the X directing chair a decade after abandoning the franchise to go make the Man Of Steel soar right into the earth. As the prodigal director returns, there’s no word on if Tom Rothman will make him kneel in front of the crew and scream, “I ABANDONED MY FRANCHISE!” while being slapped in the face.

I hope this is good news, but honestly Singer’s been out of the tentpole game for a while, and his last action outing is a great big pile of ZZZZZZZ. Hopefully he hasn’t lost his chops, as at one time he was shepherding some pretty sharp, unique spectacle to the big screen. Jack The Giant Slayer hasn’t been treated in a manner that belies studio confidence, but that one’s still a big question mark.

This is about like Jackson going back to Middle Earth- yeah he belongs there, but does he still have “it” when he’s effectively crawling back to it?

Source | Deadline