What if I told you you’re about to see a trailer for a $130 million blockbuster starring Monica Bellucci (Brotherhood of the Wolf), produced by Irwin Kershner (The Empire Strikes Back, dead), and directed by Pitof (Catwoman)? Well, none of that ever came to pass. Except for the $130 million part, somebody totally had to write that check. Perhaps a better question is, “What if Birdemic had $130 million budget to piss away?”
Such is the behind-the-scenes story of Empires of the Deep, a production that saw its principal talent (and Pitof) leave the project early, yet managed to limp to the finish like some sort of undead monstrosity in a shave under three years. A joint venture between Chinese and American interests, Pitof was replaced by Jonathan Lawrence who went on to be replaced by Michael French who hunkered down and got this fucker made. Bellucci was replaced by Bond Girl Olga Kurylenko while filling in for the deceased Kershner was… well… nobody. Despite enduring three directors, the loss of its star, and the lack of the producer, we now are graced with this epically bad trailer:
Source: A big thanks to Twitch for getting the ball rolling on this one.
13 comments
With that kind of budget, you’d think they could spring for trailer titles that look better than a Saturday morning cartoon promo.
We have finally reached Video Game Cutscene: The Movie. I am so cynically stoked.
OH MY! It’s like a fucking cartoon. In a bad way. Or DELGO, the sequel!
This…it…this thing cost a hundred and thirty million?
I’m speechless. It’s like a sick joke. No wonder we can’t get out of the recession.
This insult to cinema and common sense should have been stopped at the concept drawing stage. When the first producer walked in and saw the first drawing of a Merman riding a giant fish or even the first screen test of the main female character wearing the tentacle head dress he should have just pulled the plug and sent everyone home. Tax write offs for everyone! Now i’ts too late. IT’S TOO LATE!!!
There are bad movies and there are goodbad movies. This, my friends, looks too goodbad to miss. I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for this to premiere on SyFy.
Well!! Somebody sure enjoyed boning seashells at the beach. And this is the bastard child.
“…saw its principal talent (and Pitof) leave…” I see what you did there.
So they piled 129 million dollars and lit it on fire, and then spent the rest on the movie?
The CGI was better in the Specials, made for a dollar ninety three in 1998. And the CGI in the Specials was awful.
I will pay money, REAL money, to see this movie, and I will pay money, REAL money, to buy a few beers that I will drink before I pay real money to see this movie.
UWE BOLL! Are you paying attention?! This is the reason I’m rooting for you, buddy. It’s time to stop losing money for German investors so they can pull a “The Producers.” Chinese money is where it’s at buddy. Having said that, I can now imagine him using Chinese Money to make the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon version of “Springtime for Hitler” and have it be the biggest thing since single child households.
An open letter to George Lucas:
Dear Mr. Lucas,
I will never, ever take Phantom Menace for granted again. It at least had Liam Neesan. And the pod race was pretty cool too.
With regards,
Stiglets
It’s joint projects like this that will cause China to quit lending us money.
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