Once Upon a Time in the West. The Shining. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Ganja and Hess.

What do all these films have in common (besides being great, that is)? They are all classic films that I finally got to see on the big screen thanks to the Danish Film Institute.

Being a lifelong movie nerd hailing from Green Bay, WI, a small town with delusions of grandeur, I’ve often felt thwarted in my desire to see great films in the manner they were intended to be seen. It’s rare that the great films of today make it to our neck of the woods, much less the great films of the past, seeing as how we don’t really have a repertory cinema to speak of (though the Meyer Theater occasionally fills that void, though it’s far from a regular occurrence).

Thus, it was like a breath of fresh air when I was exploring Copenhagen for the first time, and I literally stumbled on the Danish Film Institute. It was pretty much the first thing I saw when I stepped off the train, and just like something out of some great romance film, it was love at first sight.

A little context; I moved to Roskilde, Denmark in February of this year, both for personal and professional reasons. It was initially supposed to be a six month stay, but then that turned into 10 months.  I was hoping to live in Copenhagen, but seeing as how the university I where I was going to work was closer to Roskilde, it made more sense to settle down there.  Thankfully, Roskilde proved to be a lovely little city, and it’s not far from Copenhagen, only half an hour away by train. Thus, I am able to go into the Big City pretty much whenever I want, which is good, since the Filmhuset offers a wealth of great entertainment every month.

Funded by the Danish Ministry of Culture Affairs, the Danish Film Institute is dedicated to the cultivation of film and cinema culture. It is one part cinema, one part film archive, one part library, and all parts awesome. It is a nirvana for film geeks, and if I could move in there, I would.

Every month, the Filmhuset focuses on a particular area of cinema history, whether it be a particular genre, movement, or notable person. For instance, the month I arrived was dedicated to Akira Kurosawa, and they were showing several of his films, including a restored print of Seven Samurai (I would have gone, but the subtitles were in Danish, and I wasn’t strong enough in the language at that time to be able to read them). Since then, they’ve done retrospectives for Kubrick, Eastwood, Hitchcock, and Westerns. Currently, they are in the middle of celebrating the career of Marilyn Monroe.

The first movie I saw at the Filmhuset was a restored 35 mm print of Once Upon a Time in the West, which is one of my top five films. Even though I wasn’t seeing the film in its full 70 mm glory, it was nonetheless a transcendent experience, and made me wish I’d had access to a place like this sooner. It was simply glorious, and was topped only by the restored print of 2001: A Space Odyssey, which was stunning, due in large part to the impressive sound system in the theater. I have never heard that film sound better, and there were moments that sent chills up and down my spine.

But it was seeing Gentlemen Prefer Blondes in a packed house with my partner and our friends from Turkey, neither of whom had seen the film prior to that night, that proved to be the most fun, and one of the most satisfying movie-going experiences of my entire life. The crowd was really into the movie, and our Turkish friends laughed harder than anyone, which in turn made my partner and I laugh harder, even though we had seen the movie several times before between us. It was a wonderful experience, and a memory that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

They are also host to a club dedicated to cult cinema, which is how I got to see Ganja and Hess. They meet at the Filmhuset once a month, and screen grindhouse classics, weird horror films, and experimental cinema, all of which are preceded by an introduction (in Danish, of course) from someone who has knowledge of that area of cinema history.  Even better, they have the backing of the Ministry of Culture, which means that the films they screen are in top notch condition, as was the case with Ganja and Hess, which was a beautifully restored print. It made seeing it for the first time an even more magical experience.

Of course, in addition to classic films, they also play host to newer movies as well. In April, the Filmhuset participated in an international film festival, and they held screenings for films such as Hump Day, The Human Centipede, and The Good, the Bad, and the Weird, just to name a few.

I haven’t even mentioned the restaurant yet, or the gift shop. They offer a pretty great array of posters (their advertising one-sheets are absolutely gorgeous, and I now own three of them), tee-shirts, DVDs, and books about film from all over the world. Every time I go there, I lament the fact that I’m not independently wealthy, because I just want to buy everything I see.

Overall, I’m sure this sort of thing is old hat for Chewers who live in big cities that are home to great repertory theatres, but for someone like me, who hails from a small town that doesn’t have much of a film culture to speak of, this was a revelation. To know that I could simply hop on a train, and in less than an hour, I would find myself seated in a theater watching some of the greatest films in cinematic history play out before my eyes…well, that was sort of a big deal.

I’m going home in less than two months, but I will be bringing back lots of great memories with me. Some of them are about the places I’ve been in the last year. Others are filled with the amazing people I’ve spent this time with. But some of them will be reserved for the Danish Film Institute, and it’s one place I will always be thankful for.


Frankenstein’s Monster. Dracula. Freddy Krueger. Leatherface. Godzilla. Henry Kissinger. These are some of the monsters whose names get evoked every year at Halloween, the monsters with the highest Q ratings and maybe their own personal publicists. But there are many more monsters out there, monsters who kill, terrorize and stalk their prey far outside of the limelight. For the next few weeks, we’re going to be paying tribute to these Forgotten Monsters of Filmland.

Some of these monsters are just a successful film away from making the mainstream. Some were more popular years ago and have fallen out of favor. Some are just sort of utterly bizarre. Some of these monsters will be familiar to the loyal readers of CHUD.com, while others will make just about everybody scratch their head. All of them deserve more love. That’s where we come in.


“I don’t know where the gruel ends and the drool starts.”

Name: Cute Dog

AKA: Brundlemutt. Gene Scramble. Drooping Dog. S.L.O.U.G.H.S. Oops.

Appearances: The Fly II (1989)

Monster Type: Molded Retriever.

Its Place in the Film: Poor Martin Brundle. Being the bastard offspring of the inventor who messily perfected man/housefly mutation (as well as the Borans Limb Melt Technique), life is already a struggle. And it’s going to be short, too, given that you’re aging faster than Greg Oden. Pretty much the only joy you’ve got in this fleeting life – before you hit puberty and, soon thereafter, Daphne Zuniga – is your obnoxiously cute and perky Golden Retriever. And when those gene-muddling jackasses at Bartok Industries decide to send the pooch through the same transporter that turned your father into a champion arm wrestler, “cute and perky” comes out on the other side as “mottled and awful”. It ain’t easy being a Brundle – nor is it a party being “mottled and awful”, ‘cuz the fiends at Bartok are steadfastly anti-euthanasia when their mistakes are this gloriously hideous (as young Martin discovers much to his horror). So when an older Martin discovers not only what remains of his once-adorable hound, but that it remains, it’s time to enact the Old Yeller rite-of-passage. Swiftness, however, is not the order of the day.

Distinguishing Characteristics: Contorted. Lethargic. Dim-eyed and mushy-tailed. Better at “dead” than “fetch”. Not vain. Eager to die.

Why It Is Forgotten: The Fly II is a better movie than you might remember, but it is not David Cronenberg’s The Fly, and that is its enduring misfortune. As an unpretentious monster movie, it has lots to offer: gore, ghoulishness and Goetz. And, aside from the Goetz, it’s all epitomized in this labored little fucker seen above. And, yet, it continues to languish in disrepute because it’s a huge tonal departure from Cronenberg’s masterpiece.

Why It Shouldn’t Be Forgotten: Film history is riddled with monster dogs (including the Monster Dog), but very few of them were crafted under the aegis of Chris Walas. This is one very special beast. It’s genetically-enhanced man’s best friend… and worst nightmare.

– Jeremy Smith




Never let anything grow on you that can’t be cut off in 30 seconds flat.

Name: Leviathan

AKA: Chulutu’s Arm Joint. The Supinator. The Shiherlis One. Pain Nipple. Pop Secret. Michael Eisner.

Appearances: Heat (1995)

Monster Type: The Thing Which Should Not Be

Its Place in the Film: The situation seems so mundane. Chris wakes up hungover from a bender, crashed out on the floor of Neil’s place. He’s had an argument with his wife. They talk of various matters, personal and business, and come to various forms of arrangement about how to proceed. The ocean is in the window behind them. No music plays.

But something is growing, trying to get out- of Chris’ left elbow. The deep resentment he feels towards Neil, despite their long-standing friendship, threatens to burst out from a spot right next to his annular ligament. All of our common fears of inadequacy and failure are contained in the throbbing, bruise-colored knot that juts like a gunner’s turret from this most important joint.

But it’s time is not yet come. The beast waits, this Belial without a basket. Like a displaced Puppet Master slug, it protrudes just enough that we can see it’s influence, and fear it, as it puppets Chris to the fate that we know waits for all of us.

Distinguishing Characteristics: Purplish. Tumor-like. Malevolent. Patient. Prone to extreme pain when hit. Utterly evil.

Why It Is Forgotten: Most audiences lack the force of will to perceive Leviathan and stay sane, much less continue to draw oxygen without excreting from their eyeballs. Leviathan does not want to be seen or remembered. It works in secret, in the dark, and under long-sleeve shirts.

Why It Shouldn’t Be Forgotten: It’s a wound from Batman Forever. We’ve all got those…

Jeremy’s Comments About #1: That’s a bursal cyst.

Nick’s Comments About #1:

Pronunciation:
li-ˈvī-ə-thən
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Late Latin, from Hebrew liwyāthān
Date:
14th century
1 a often capitalized : a sea monster defeated by Yahweh in various scriptural accounts b: a large sea animal
2 capitalized : the political state; especially : a totalitarian state having a vast bureaucracy
3: something large or formidable


My jaw hitting the floor in awe is common in Michael Mann films, and Heat is in my top ten of all time, but when I saw this the first time no moment fucked my face harder than the image of Val Kilmer’s distended wing pulsating with promise and unspent fluid. This is Leviathan, cold and opressive. The denier of life. The taker of truth. The never tennis againder. Val Kilmer’s joint died for your sins. Never forget.

Devin’s Comments About #1: Is that some kind of optical illusion? I’ve seen Heat a couple of time but I have never noticed that Val Kilmer has the elbows of a Xenomorph. It’s yet another of the revelations that come to you daily courtesy of CHUD.com.

Alex’s Comments About #1: I have to admit I never noticed that either. It took me a little bit to realize what the holy hell was going on there, but now my brain is scarred forever. Thanks, guys. Now I’m all looking forward to in life is to see Kilmer one day bust that elbow on someone’s head, Tony Jaa style.

– Russ Fischer & Friends


EPILOGUE

Nick’s Closer: This has been a great list. A lot of fun and we have so many we didn’t use that I almost considered doing this as a list of 100. I personally considered using Pearl from Blade, the half a dog from Return of the Living Dead, the penis from Street Trash, the penis from The Fly, the pussy from Chatterbox, Six-Shooter from Puppet Master, and many more. As it turns out I really like the balance of weird oddities and somewhat expected choices on this list of fifty. A lot of fun. A tremendous amount of work, but a lot of fun.

Devin’s Closer: Thanks to this list I now own Blackenstein on DVD. I tell you that to illustrate the sacrifices that we, the men of CHUD, have made for you. When Nick and I hatched this list it was supposed to be for the month of October, but things happened and it ended up running later. I’m glad. As St. Patrick’s Day is amateur hour for drinkers, Halloween is amateur hour for monsters. I love that these forgotten monster got their days in the sun outside of the shadow of their better known brethren.
Jeremy’s Closer: The trouble with “Forgotten Monsters” is that they’re often forgotten by distributors. The Twonky, the Homunculus, the Boogen… these guys aren’t readily available on DVD; and if they are, the transfers generally range from “murky” to “shapes and colors signifying not much of anything”. I like to think we’ve performed a service here. And if we haven’t, at least we’ve entertained you. And if we’ve failed to accomplish that, then may you contract a bursal cyst.

Russ’s Closer: I’m still a bit sad that I didn’t get to honor the Red Lectroids with a spot on the list, not that they’re terribly forgotten*, but I’m perfectly OK with the fact that the baby from It’s Alive didn’t make the cut. Killer babies got more than a fair shake this time. A note to nannies: it’s OK to shake toddlers if they’re teething on your fleshy bits. And at the end of the list, all I’m left with is an unspeakable fantasy of seeing Kilmer’s elbow be drawn into The Shunting.

*Some of you may have noticed that, despite the title, ‘forgotten’ was more of a guideline than an actual rule.

Alex’s Closer: This was the first Chud list I helped out with, and I’m just honored to have been included, as lame as that sounds. I had a few goofy favorites that didn’t make it, like The Stuff or the absorbed twin eye from The Dark Half, but fact is, this is a great list, one you’ll never see the likes of anywhere else. I’m just impressed that these guys pulled out a couple that I’d never even heard of before.

Just don’t blame us if the movies suck… we only like the monsters.