While I seem to have lost my copy of The [Insert # Here] Signs of the Apocalypse by Anonymous*, I’m pretty sure that Steven Spielberg not having any directorial gigs lined up ready-to-go is one of the more important omens. By Cthulhu, low and behold, it has come to pass! The current guardians in place to prevent this monstrous catastrophe have all fallen by the Yog-Sothoth’s blade…
- Robopocalyse, which was set to star Chris Hemsworth & Anne Hathaway (among others) and begin production next month, is on indefinite hold.
- Tintin 2 is Peter Jackson’s bag, baby. While The Beard will have just as heavy an amount on input on it as PJ did on the first, he’s merely in the producer’s chair this time ’round.
- Indiana Jones 5, if it ever even happens (probably won’t), is entirely in the hands of Grand Moff Lucas.
- Interstellar, long on his “to do” list, recently became a Chris Nolan joint.
- Jurassic Park 4, while never officially on deck as a directorial possibility, just attached itself a Dino Rider.
- Mr. Spielberg has now forfeited the Battle of Helmer’s Deep in reference to Warner Bros.’ biblical epic, Gods & Kings. Ang Lee is currently circling the project.
That’s all, folks! While there are still some projects lying around that he could seemingly blow the dust off of and get going again or assume command for**, Spielberg seems to officially be in the market for a new cinematic project to woo. Lock up your daughters and wives! Wash your genitals! THE BEARD IS ON THE PROWL!
Source | Deadline
* – Ghost written by Dr. Worm Miller
** – MGM has a remake of The Magnificent Seven that Tom Cruise is attached to and they are aching to make. Given that Steven has both mused about working with The Cruiser a third time AND a desire to make a western, perhaps this is a possibility? If not, there’s a multitude of projects he is merely producing right now that could easily become something more: The Trial of the Chicago 7, Harvey, Matt Helm, When Worlds Collide, a George Gerswhin biopic, etc. Perhaps he’ll finally direct a musical? Or maybe he wants to really piss off misguided Kubrick fans and direct that Napoleon miniseries himself? Personally I’m hoping for a musical western. I’ll settle for a remake of Flash Gordon starring Channing Tatum though.
12 comments
Daniel W. Baldwin, How about…Flash Gordon The Musical?
I have locked up my daughter and my wife whilst the beard is on the prowl. But I refuse to wash my genitals. I have servants to do that for me. *Rings bell*
Isn’t Bond 24 looking for a Director?
Bond. yup. Flash Tatum Gordon. yup and…Old Habits Die Hard!
I have locked up my wife and daughters for many years. In Austria, it’s just what we do!
Nothing Spielberg has on his rota excites me.
Come on. The man will figure it out. And then when he gets going, he’ll release another set of 2 directed films in the same year. Just as he did in 1993, 1997, 2002, 2005, and 2011. Even prior to that he released 2 directed efforts in 1989. Think about that. In the 18 year period between 1993 and 2011, Steven Spielberg directed 14 films. 14 films in 18 years. That’s a lot of movies, man! And then Lincoln makes the 15th since Jurassic Park. Just give him some time.
Stop toying with my emotions, Mr. Fleed.
Fear not! All kidding aside, he has a knack for scooping up great projects at the last minute. I’m sure something he’ll make soon will be up your alley.
I know he will. Chances are he will have at least three projects lined up to direct one after another by the end of this year. I’m just having a bit of fun at his expense, given his reputation of constantly working and juggling multiple projects at a time. A lull like there where there is nothing for him to do has been a rarity in his career.
It won’t be because he can’t find something. It will be because he wants to pack it in and hang up his director’s riding crop. Then we truly will see the end of days.
I don’t think he ever will stop. Spielberg will die mid-production on a film someday, mark my words. Ridley Scott will was well.
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