Somewhere, Robert Englund is getting off a treadmill.
He’s wondering if he really needs to make an effort to stay in shape so
as to be able to be affixed with plentiful latex appliances and a
shoddy monochromatic sweater, knowing that his onetime ace in the hole is
officially being taken away from him by New Line, the studio his 1984
maiden voyage as Freddy Krueger helped put on the map.
Of course, in the “What Have You Done For Me Lately?” sweepstakes, Mr.
Englund doesn’t have a lot to stand on in terms of swaying the studios
desires about rebooting their once signature franchise [now narrowly edged out
of the way by something involving hobbits] with him reprising his role
as Sir. Frederick Aristotle Krueger, III, Esq.
I’m not saying he’s not been acting in horror films. I’m saying he’s not been acting in horror films that a movie studio like New Line gives an ugnaught’s dick about.
What does all this chaff mean? It means that Variety is reporting that Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes has taken their remaking prowess and given A Nightmare on Elm St. the same treatment they gave The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, The Birds, and possibly Friday the 13th. No word on whether their scaly claws have reached out to Humungous yet…
They’re relaunching Wes Craven’s franchise, one which wore out its welcome so long enough ago that many of this site’s readers were moving about rapidly in their dad’s balls.
I don’t look at these films as replacements for the originals. They’re covers. Unfortunately, they’re not like Faith No More’s covers of Spanish Eyes or Easy but rather Alien Ant Farm’s opportunistic Smooth Criminal cover or when Sixpence None the Richer chestraped the immortal Crowded House tune Don’t Dream It’s Over, officially my favorite pop song from my lifetime.
I wonder what the heck a new Nightmare can bring us? Freddy Krueger was scary for exactly one movie and then became that horrible 80’s staple of the wisecracking bad guy. Will they return him to being scary or lay the groundwork for some more BORING?
Like it matters. They’ll make a mint and most of the people who remember when the franchise was relevant will be too busy staving off old age to care.
But Bob, get back on the treadmill. Just in case you bump into Robert Shaye in a dark alley.
15 comments
No mention of Odette Yustman?
OK, so there were only 3 "great" films in the original series – part one, Dream Warriors and New Nightmare (I'm sure most of you will discount the latter), but I can't deny the sheer entertainment value of the franchise; for starters it was a step-above the Friday the 13th series in creativity and production value*.
In most respects, the only downright awful instalment was Freddy's Revenge (even Freddy's Dead was halfway tolerable).
Still, much of what made the films fun was Englund. He IS the character, and I honestly couldn't picture anyone else playing him. It would be…well, weird.
Not that Englund cared when his pal Kane Hodder got the boot, though!
Odette Yustman has nothing to do with the new "Nightmare," James, nor does she have anything to do with the new "Friday." Variety f'ed up – she's in Platinum Dunes' new possession flick Goyer is directing.
Diva is a fat bitch
When did we get Talkbacks? As we see from the above comment, they're an amazingly bad idea!
Ryan Rotten is a splendid gentleman.
Chip misspelled 'Devin.'
What ever happened to that novel idea of making something new, or dare i say creative, to scare people? The sad thing is shit like this would probably still happen even if there was no strike. Here's a title for the new flick; Nightmare at the Box Office: Freddy's Irrelevant. brought to you by the good people at Ambien.
This series already had it's remimagining, it was called New Nightmare, and it is still great.
A part of my soul just died. I was really looking forward to a prequel. Even another FvJ would have been better than an overhaul … unless, of course, they bring Rob back to play Fred.
I like every Elm Street movie except Freddy´s Dead. I´ve got all the movies on DVD, so no remake is needed. Damn you, Michael Bay.
No surprise here. The whores at Platinum Dunes would remake 'Citizen Kane' if they had the rights. The Nightmare franchise is a dead-fuck franchise. I could only hope that if they start-over, they try and keep it frightening. Probably won't happen.
I'm right there with you Jette… a prequel. I see a pre-burned Fred Kreuger killing, not teenagers, but actual children. Make it realistic, more like Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.
We all know it would end with the parents burning him alive, but knowing the ending didn't stop Titanic from making a billion dollars. Hell, make that happen at the end of the first act, then the second act could jump forward 10 or 15 years and Freddy would be getting to the next group of kids as they hit their teen years.
I knew I should've been writing my version and maybe I could have been on the receiving end of a big pay day. Oh, yeah, that's right… I'm not a very good writer.
Can they make a *serious* one?
"New Nightmare" doesn't hold up. Well, maybe it does in some respects, but lord, the acting is ass. A "Henry"-style prequel would be a jilt and unimaginative. Nothing different than the serial killer bio pics we get today: Killer is born, killer kills kids, killer is burned by parents. It was sort've covered in "Freddy's Nightmares" anyways. So, as someone here said: Try to make a "serious" and "scary" Nightmare film – that's the challenge.
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